Cruelty is the birth of disobedience

She was asleep, and felt that all her organs were paralyzed, and she was not shocked, nor did she even try; to move any of its limbs; To make sure that she was already paralyzed or not? As if she welcomes it, or maybe she is used to it. In fact, her condition meant the two cases. She hoped that this was a real paralysis, and not a nightmare that came to her, and at the same time she had gotten used to that condition from the paralysis of her organs, and the stiffness of her limbs. Why don't you get used to it and the same thing is repeated every night; Until the morning reveals its light? This situation has become accompanying her in her dream; Since her grandfather's death, the first time she panicked and screamed; But once I found out it was just a nightmare; I even wished it was real. everything is repeated; However, what was new was that she was striving to prevent screaming, to prevent her body from stiffening, and to prevent her jerks, which was the only way for her to wake up. This was not her slander; out of the desire to get rid of the effect of the nightmare, but it was so that her grandmother would not panic every day at her screams, and she could only do this because she was accustomed to that nightmare; Until it became like a friend lying in bed. Her night is missing if she does not come to her. She woke herself up, forcing her, as if she knew, while she was sleeping, what she was doing. It was as if her subconscious mind had absorbed the lesson and saved it from repeating it. As soon as she regained consciousness, and the nightmare ended, when she woke up frightened, she began to ask God's forgiveness while coughing; Trying to suppress even the sound of her coughing for the same reasons. Oh my God, every night the same nightmare comes to me; Although I pray to God before I sleep that he does not come to me. But as soon as I fall asleep I pray to God to come to me. My God, how long will I wake up from my sleep for fear of my dreams? I fell in love with this nightmare; Because every night he sees me the picture of my grandfather in the last scene that caught my eye, which is his picture in his shroud before his burial. _ Oh my God, it How can I forget this scene? Has my life stopped there? I have not forgotten his picture of him with his eyes closed, surrendering to death with open arms. What a beautiful picture of him, as if he was smiling. _My grandfather and grandmother were pomegranates of the scales of my life, and I would never have imagined that the scales might be disturbed! The march in the presence of death! I did not imagine my life in the first place without them until I was devastated. I will never forget that day in my life. How can I forget it, and it was a turning point in my life? Point generated by that girl; that do not understand life; Only a life full of love and that I am a pampered girl. the captain, the cat, the little girl; Which does not understand the meaning of the world. _It was only that day that I began to understand that this good life would not remain the same, only that day I began to think about how to build my life, as if I had amputated one of my limbs. _My grandfather was like one party, and my grandfather was the other party. And now I have lost him, how am I going to live my life without him? I felt that something had bombed my life, and turned it to ruin, and in order for me to live, I had to struggle to rebuild within me. _In fact, I did not succeed; Except with the presence of my grandmother in my life, she is the only one who made me understand the reality of how a person can live a full life, with one end amputated. _I was clever about my grandmother's effort, which she tried so hard not to show, so I could feel her and how she tried so hard not to make me feel that the pomegranate of the scales of our house had gone, and there was no longer between us what she and I used to lean on. I could hear it; as you feel it; When she was holding me until I fell asleep, then she began her nightly journey with herself. _I could hear her whispers to herself; It was as if she had separated herself from her to become the last person to talk to, so that she might find advice and guidance from him. She spent most of her nights calculating, arranging, and arranging our priorities, she and I, and how she could manage my grandfather's pension to suffice us. she became old; However, I never felt this one day and did not know the reason or feel it; Because basically what came to my mind, but today, with a flicker of an eye, I saw with my own eyes the number of wrinkles that spread on the features of her face until I covered it, the wrinkles managed to remove them in an instant, as if it had taken forever to form. I no longer needed to ask about the reason, for the answer was known, for it was my grandfather and his love for her that was the reason for her youth. _Since his death, I have learned the literal meaning of a man in whose hand the happiness of his wife is, or the extinguishing of her soul while she is alive. _My grandmother is no longer that girl despite her old age. Rather, she became old despite her youth. I became not afflicted with the nightmare, as much as I afflicted it so as not to frighten her. My grandmother didn't know that her mere whispers hurt me, so I was tormented in the form of the pampered one who counted her a thousand. _ My grandmother did not know, that her whispers made me grow every night, a thousand nights, so I decided that I would be her other side on which she should lean. I felt like I needed to take my place seriously. _And on one of those absurd nights, I decided to take the place of my grandfather in everything, so that she would not feel his loss; Perhaps its freshness will return to it, and I suppose I have succeeded; but not that I filled the stature of my grandfather; but because my mere attempts made her stronger over the days; As soon as she felt what she was trying to do, it made her stronger. _This morning I decided to live as if my grandfather among us was alive; To feel this, I went to his books, read them, and discussed what I had read with my grandmother, as he did. _After months of research and planning, my grandmother was able to find a new source of livelihood that helps us to live, which is making sweets and casseroles and selling them to our neighbors. Then our range expanded a little and we got our customers from all Places. _I heard her tandy, and her voice was distinguished by the tone of his relief; Finish it she just showed up. its place in its new place; But I found her on the balcony watering the pots with a wide and cheerful face, and I caught her eyes, without needing to ask about him, so I remembered my grandfather, may God have mercy on her, and watched her in silence, and I forgave her; So that Ghali and children do not notice her moments of solitude with her memories with my grandfather. _I stood, too, remembering that my grandfather liked to occupy himself by watering the various pots, tending and watching over them, and whenever a bud grew; It is as if he had heralded a new child from his own loins. But this is what my grandmother once liked; She saw that those pots were her home, because she was the only one who succeeded in keeping my grandfather busy with her, and because she felt that she had crowded the place, and she shared her house! She was upset and told him a lie, that these pots bring us only insects and mosquitoes, and this harms her, so my grandfather was laughing and saying to her, as if he understood her jealousy: _Know that what troubles you is that law; As much as it annoys you that they keep me away from you. _She represented the indifference of his words, and was determined to her opinion. As if she was ashamed of being exposed.  _Oh my God, it's as if my grandmother is now living death times without a grave or shrouds! As if the tents of the soul erect its stakes in the outskirts of the soul and tell its pain! I took a bitter breath and began to repeat the word of my grandmother, which has not left her lips, since my grandfather's death, "Not every soul we can separate, so separation from the heart of the heart is dead." _ Now I admit that my grandfather has left and his looks that made me happy, the grandfather who embraced me with an excess of tenderness left for his first granddaughter, and with his departure he left our house empty, deserted, empty, we hear the echo of our voices in him as if he was empty of his reel, since my grandfather left, all gone with him what I saw beautiful; As if he left and took with him the key to my happiness and my grandmother. _ I admit that he is gone; Although I still see him in my dreams.  _He left while I was fully grown, but he left a question in me, why, with his death, the grain of his praises had shriveled, and the buds of his flowers that he had been planting had fallen off; As if the roots had stopped pumping water to the flowers; As our hearts stopped pumping the blood of life in us! _I went back to my grandmother. Oh my God she almost cried! So I approached the door, listening to what he whispered, and I watched her closely _Oh my God, she's calling him, "Oh, my life's lover, you left me, and this was never our covenant. Oh my God, how long will my cries tear my guts? How long will my tears burn my eyelids? By God, I am not vengeful and cynical of fates; but I ask for death to have mercy on my suffering."  _I said to myself more than I can: _ As long as I decided to take my grandfather's place, how can I leave her like this to mourn her condition? By God, my grandfather would not calm his heart if he felt her sadness, even for a moment, as for me, I stand like idiots, I can do nothing! I wiped the anguish from my face, painted the glare, and then pretended to run towards her from my room; So you don't feel like I'm watching her. And I called her Grandma, where are you? She replied in a voice that I knew from his tone that she too had striven not to make me feel what she was suffering; I smiled at myself, sarcastic, and said:  Each of us represents happiness of the other; Until the bitterness of loss goes away from her, and each of us knows that the other represents happiness, but she cannot tell the truth. _I told her while I tickled her: _ Have you finished with your customers' requests? Or are you lazy and wasted the morning on us because of those pots? _When did you think your grandmother was lazy? And if you were lazy, you would have become like me, and I woke you up early is the best proof of my condition. I embraced her and kissed her, and I gave her the morning greeting. she said to me: _ Let's finish our breakfast so we can deliver the customers their orders, and enjoy the rest of the day in comfort. _I said as I drew sadness on my face: _You are the one who will be comfortable alone, my grandmother, as for me, I will be on the computer looking for jobs, so that I may succeed today in finding an opportunity.