Georgina
I pulled over.
I combed my hair using my fingers. I am currently inside my car after running away from the hotel’s parking lot. My head is terribly aching. There’s a pulsating feeling on my temples because of a hangover. I drank a lot last night, but no, I only had a few shots of tequila, but because I wasn’t used to drinking alcohol, it had hit me too easily.
But I knew what I did. I knew what I said. I knew all my actions and my actions spoke louder than my words last night…last night with a boy…no…a man.
I shut my eyes and repeatedly shook my head on the headrest of my seat. I am trying to feel the numbness in between my inner thighs. I feel so used, merely exhausted from the inside. There’s still a glint of pain in my core, and it’s so unfamiliar to me. I had reached the age of twenty-one, yet I never felt pain like what I have right now. And that’s all because I slept with a man.
What did you just do, Georgina? My mind asked.
What did I just do? Well, I just had s*x with a stranger for the very first time! I answered my inner self.
Isn’t it amazing? I spent a night with a man who’s as gorgeous as hell. At least it wasn’t a bad first experience.
I was saying those words in my mind because I wanted to calm herself. No matter how rebellious I wanted to be and show my father that I am more hard-headed than my elder sister, I’m still being attacked by my conscience. I just gave up my virginity to a stranger. Yes, I heard myself right, and now that I am sober enough to remember and understand, I still doesn’t know if I’m regretting or not. Perhaps yes, partly yes, of course, for myself and my dignity but partly no, because I will never ever give Nico the satisfaction, getting my innocence.
Shit! What is so damn wrong for being a virgin? Why did I become the target of Nico and his friends way back long ago? I was not doing anything inappropriate things to those people. I became their was their subject to their filthy game. Ten thousand pesos was my virginity’s worth. Those guys were laughing at me. I looked so foolish, and I taught that Nico really loves me, finding out in the end that his circle of friends were only making me their toy. Nico had a girlfriend, and all of them were mocking me. I am pretty, and there’s no question with that, but Nico had Valence, who was the cheerleader and the campus sweetheart, while I was just an ordinary student with a beautiful face. I am not famous, a bit perhaps because I am wealthy, too, but not as famous as Valence Claveria inside the campus. My story was a typical story of one of Taylor Swift’s songs.
Valence was mocking me when I found out that I was just being played by her boyfriend. I looked so damn stupid. I felt like I was the dumbest person on the entire planet when I saw how Nico smirked with sarcasm when I confronted him, instead of saying sorry. He had that kind of smile that meant I was so stupid, and he’d never ever take me seriously.
“And now my virginity is still worthless,” sabi ko.
I shut my eyes once more. I don’t remember every detail of my first experience, but I remember a bit. I could barely feel how that man's fingers moved inside me and made me turn wild and out of control. He had a delicate touch, so caring. They say drunken people don’t remember anything when they’re intoxicated, but in my case, I remembered everything until morning.
I immediately jumped out of the bed after opening my eyes and saw a man lying next to me.
Shit!
I was mesmerized by his stubble, his prominent and well-defined jaws. This man has a cute nose and beautiful eyes.
I hugged the dress while standing at the edge of the cabinet.
I saw blood stains on the bed. My breath seemed to run out, but I felt no remorse. Bakit ako magsisisi kung pinagplanuhan ko lahat? Binuo ko na ang kumpyansa ko bago ako pumasok sa bar na iyon.
The man barely moved and yet remained his eyes unopened. I almost stopped breathing while biting my finger.
I blinked like a stupid doll, unable to find a single word at that moment. It seems like I had lost my tongue and vocal chords.
The stranger moaned, so my breathing got even harder. I didn't want him to wake up. I didn't want him to see me. I should be the only one who knows about it, about what happened to us. Hindi niya dapat makita ang mukha ko, pusang gala! I just terribly hope that he’s one of those people who forgot certain things that happened when they’re drunk.
After a couple of minutes, the man’s breathing is deep again. Diyos ko. Agad kong nakapa ang sariling dibdib. Salamat po. I released my breath, which I was holding for a minute, I guess.
I took the bag right away after slipping into my dress, watching him from time to time. I walked straight towards the door but paused and looked back.
Baka nakamulat na ito nang hindi ko nalalaman.
"Thank you for...never mind,” I barely whispered.
I opened my eyes and composed myself. Enough for remembering one night of half stupidity. I started the car again, and I am heading straight home. I am about to face the nightmare that my parents, especially my Daddy, gave me.
I saw my smartphone lit up on the dashboard. I saw that it was my friend, Mira, who was calling, so I immediately answered it without hesitation. Ito ang kaisa-isang taong gusto kong makausap.
"My god!" Mira exclaimed, "finally you answered. I don't know what to say to your Mommy. I couldn’t count how many times she called me and asked where you are. Where are you anyway?"
"In the car," I answered stubbornly.
"Georgina Lagdameo, prepare a nice answer for me."
I chuckled, "I was from the hotel, Miss Heather. I slept with a… man."
"Huh? Are you on drugs?”
"It is true. The man was asleep when I left. I am lucky he was.”
"God," Mira said, "What is going on in your life? In your desire to defy your parents, you just gave yourself to a man, a stranger."
Ipinagdiinan niya ang salitang stranger, at naintindihan ko ang point niya.
I raised my face bravely. I don’t and will never regret it. In my mind, I am happy that I'll never give my soon to be husband satisfaction. It's just so much fun to waste my innocence to a complete stranger than an asshole like Nico. I am not crazy yet.
“Don't worry about me. I’m okay. I'll be fine."
"Say that when you get pregnant."
My God.
I immediately swallowed. It didn’t come up to my mind. I never thought of that thing, and getting pregnant was not on the list. Hindi naman siguro. Mas lalong hindi naman papipikot ang lalaking yun na nakakuha sa virginity ko.
"What? Now you’re speechless. How can you be sure you will never get pregnant? You don't know anything about sex."
“He had a condom…I found it on the table. I know he used one."
Mira laughed on the other line, "What do you even know about condoms? Have you seen that thing anyway, Miss Virgin?”
Not yet.
It just is. I am sure that the man used protection. That man is old, so he knows about certain things like protection during s*x. If I'll get pregnant, then so be it. I will take care of the child. It's good that I will have a reason to divorce Nico. That man will throw up anything on me about the baby. We will annul and I will be free. The only thing I wondered about was why my parents were so reluctant for me to marry Nico. I even looked like a p*****t for an unpaid debt.
“Okay now. I'm going to hang up because your mother might pass out waiting for you to answer her call."
I didn't answer. If I decide, I will never drop the call. I don’t want to talk to anyone, even my mother. My mother was a great martyr, and I was amazed by her behavior. My sister couldn't even be defended by our own mother.
I swore to hell I'd never be like my mom. I will always stand for my children because I will not go to make children just to make them suffer and offer them to marry that and marry this. I’ll just help them look for a better man who will love them. I will fight to death for the rights of my future children, even from the man I love or anyone else.
After the call ended, an incoming call abruptly flashed across my screen. It's my mother again, and this time, I answered it with a deep and heavy sigh. My sigh was accompanied by tears.
I feel so miserable. All that I knew was that I was afraid to be like my sister. I can't afford it if I never get a job because of what my father is capable of doing. How will I live? I'm just twenty-one, and all that I could do for now is become a rebel secretly.
"Mom," I said lifelessly.
"Georgina, where have you been? Nico is here and your Daddy Hector. Your Daddy is upset," She told me gently but emphatically.
"When is he not annoyed?" I answered sarcastically.
It's better if they just go to become a prostitute because they fail the same way. It's like they're being sold to rich families. Maybe it's not enough for her Daddy to be a millionaire. Maybe her Dad wants to surpass Elon Musk's wealth.
"Don't speak. This is for your own good, too."
I rolled my eyes. For my good or my Daddy's good? My father is a politician, and Hector Araneta is a known businessman. The two are partners in everything and even in children. I really wanted to ask. Am I and my sister are adopted that’s is why our father treat us this way? He favors agreements more than his own children. We are treated like prostitutes because, like those girls, we are being given to men we don't know. Will they even love us, or are they even capable of loving a woman, be respectful?
In Nico's case, I am sure that he is not like that. Love has no room in Nico's heart. All that man knows is to play and hurt a woman's feelings. I had opened it to my mother, hoping that my father would see and protect me, but they never believed me, since Nico is a great pretender! Polite words and endearments are used in front of my parents, like a Saint, that is worse than being a douchebag.
I will not have s*x with that animal no matter what happens. I’ll bet my life to die, but I will not give my body to that bastard. If it's disgusting that I gave it to someone I do not know, it's even more disgusting if I'm going to sleep with a guy like Nico.
"My goodness? In what aspect, Mom?” I couldn't stop herself from saying.
"Stop questioning. You are the only one who will be in trouble. You know your father's capabilities, Inah."
"Capabilities to manipulate my life and if I disobey he has the capability to contact every company or establishment where I will work in?" I said bitterly.
My father was very deceitful. That is not fair when he showed that merciless behavior towards my sister.
"No matter what you say, he won't change his mind. It's good that Nico agreed to the settlement."
"Well then, I hope not," I hung up in a bad mood.
Even my mommy is very unfair. Should I be lucky and must be thankful because that crazy Nico Araneta agreed for us to get married?
Well, I'd be happier if that guy protested and said no! Akala naman nila tuwang-tuwa ako?
…
Arriving at the mansion, I saw the row of cars that belonged to the Araneta's and their bodyguards. I jumped out of the car and just walked inside. How could I even drive my car to our own garage with those lineup of cars parked in our driveway?
Daig pa namin ang nasa Presidential lane.
I was marching, and there was nothing as ugly as my face. Nothing as ugly, but I am still very beautiful.
"Here she is," said my Mommy.
I just wanted to make an eye roll, but I didn't. Baka wala sa panahon na masabunutan ako ng nanay ko kapag ginawa ko yun.
"You should’ve never come!" That's my father, sounding like a thunder as always.
I pretended I had never heard it. I bent down to kiss Hector Araneta, who was smiling but seems so plastic, so fake.
Kaya ko rin naman ng plastikan.
"Darling, you should be very conscious about the time. Don't keep your visitors waiting," he said.
"Sorry. I slept late last night. I will go upstairs and change so we can start," I said flatly, and I never looked at any of them, not even to my parents.
"My relatives are also coming. Well, there is only one waiting because it has not been contacted until now. I'm trying to be patient because he's still mourning, but Brando never changed his style. He's still a headache since then and now. His wife's death six months ago is just a lame excuse,” Hector still said.
I turned my head from the foot of the stairs, "Isn't it forbidden to marry when a family member has died?"
My Daddy gave me a bad look, but Hector laughed. Umiiling ang matandang impakto.
“Superstitious beliefs will never make you rich. We don't believe that, iha," said the man.
Iha, iha mo mukha mo, plastikado.
I mentally mimicked Hector's words, and I mentally did an eye roll.
I didn't say a word. I continued to go upstairs because I saw the way Nico eyes me. What does that demon think, that I can't wear daring clothes? Well, that's a wrong idea. I can do everything, and I can be a rebel against our marriage and also be to our union as husband and wife,as much as I can.