The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

Chapter 61

SCENE IV. The forestEnter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, and CELIA

DUKE SENIOR. Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy

Can do all this that he hath promised?

ORLANDO. I sometimes do believe and sometimes do not:

As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.

Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE

ROSALIND. Patience once more, whiles our compact is urg'd:

You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,

You will bestow her on Orlando here?

DUKE SENIOR. That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.

ROSALIND. And you say you will have her when I bring her?

ORLANDO. That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.

ROSALIND. You say you'll marry me, if I be willing?

PHEBE. That will I, should I die the hour after.

ROSALIND. But if you do refuse to marry me,

You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?

PHEBE. So is the bargain.

ROSALIND. You say that you'll have Phebe, if she will?

SILVIUS. Though to have her and death were both one thing.

ROSALIND. I have promis'd to make all this matter even.

Keep you your word, O Duke, to give your daughter;

You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter;

Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me,

Or else, refusing me, to wed this shepherd;

Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her

If she refuse me; and from hence I go,

To make these doubts all even.

Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA

DUKE SENIOR. I do remember in this shepherd boy

Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.

ORLANDO. My lord, the first time that I ever saw him

Methought he was a brother to your daughter.

But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,

And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments

Of many desperate studies by his uncle,

Whom he reports to be a great magician,

Obscured in the circle of this forest.

Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY

JAQUES. There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are

coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts which

in all tongues are call'd fools.

TOUCHSTONE. Salutation and greeting to you all!

JAQUES. Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded

gentleman that I have so often met in the forest. He hath been a

courtier, he swears.

TOUCHSTONE. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation.

I have trod a measure; I have flatt'red a lady; I have been

politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone

three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought

one.

JAQUES. And how was that ta'en up?

TOUCHSTONE. Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the

seventh cause.

JAQUES. How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this fellow.

DUKE SENIOR. I like him very well.

TOUCHSTONE. God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in

here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear

and to forswear, according as marriage binds and blood breaks. A

poor virgin, sir, an ill-favour'd thing, sir, but mine own; a

poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that man else will. Rich

honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house; as your pearl

in your foul oyster.

DUKE SENIOR. By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.

TOUCHSTONE. According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet

diseases.

JAQUES. But, for the seventh cause: how did you find the quarrel on

the seventh cause?

TOUCHSTONE. Upon a lie seven times removed- bear your body more

seeming, Audrey- as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain

courtier's beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not

cut well, he was in the mind it was. This is call'd the Retort

Courteous. If I sent him word again it was not well cut, he would

send me word he cut it to please himself. This is call'd the Quip

Modest. If again it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment.

This is call'd the Reply Churlish. If again it was not well cut,

he would answer I spake not true. This is call'd the Reproof

Valiant. If again it was not well cut, he would say I lie. This

is call'd the Countercheck Quarrelsome. And so to the Lie

Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.

JAQUES. And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?

TOUCHSTONE. I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial, nor

he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we measur'd swords

and parted.

JAQUES. Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?

TOUCHSTONE. O, sir, we quarrel in print by the book, as you have

books for good manners. I will name you the degrees. The first,

the Retort Courteous; the second, the Quip Modest; the third, the

Reply Churlish; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the

Countercheck Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with Circumstance;

the seventh, the Lie Direct. All these you may avoid but the Lie

Direct; and you may avoid that too with an If. I knew when seven

justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were

met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as: 'If you

said so, then I said so.' And they shook hands, and swore

brothers. Your If is the only peace-maker; much virtue in If.

JAQUES. Is not this a rare fellow, my lord?

He's as good at any thing, and yet a fool.

DUKE SENIOR. He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the

presentation of that he shoots his wit:

Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA. Still MUSIC

HYMEN. Then is there mirth in heaven,

When earthly things made even

Atone together.

Good Duke, receive thy daughter;

Hymen from heaven brought her,

Yea, brought her hither,

That thou mightst join her hand with his,

Whose heart within his bosom is.

ROSALIND. [To DUKE] To you I give myself, for I am yours.

[To ORLANDO] To you I give myself, for I am yours.

DUKE SENIOR. If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

ORLANDO. If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

PHEBE. If sight and shape be true,

Why then, my love adieu!

ROSALIND. I'll have no father, if you be not he;

I'll have no husband, if you be not he;

Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.

HYMEN. Peace, ho! I bar confusion;

'Tis I must make conclusion

Of these most strange events.

Here's eight that must take hands

To join in Hymen's bands,

If truth holds true contents.

You and you no cross shall part;

You and you are heart in heart;

You to his love must accord,

Or have a woman to your lord;

You and you are sure together,

As the winter to foul weather.

Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,

Feed yourselves with questioning,

That reason wonder may diminish,

How thus we met, and these things finish.

SONG

Wedding is great Juno's crown;

O blessed bond of board and bed!

'Tis Hymen peoples every town;

High wedlock then be honoured.

Honour, high honour, and renown,

To Hymen, god of every town!

DUKE SENIOR. O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!

Even daughter, welcome in no less degree.

PHEBE. I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;

Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.

Enter JAQUES de BOYS

JAQUES de BOYS. Let me have audience for a word or two.

I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,

That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.

Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day

Men of great worth resorted to this forest,

Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot,

In his own conduct, purposely to take

His brother here, and put him to the sword;

And to the skirts of this wild wood he came,

Where, meeting with an old religious man,

After some question with him, was converted

Both from his enterprise and from the world;

His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother,

And all their lands restor'd to them again

That were with him exil'd. This to be true

I do engage my life.

DUKE SENIOR. Welcome, young man.

Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding:

To one, his lands withheld; and to the other,

A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.

First, in this forest let us do those ends

That here were well begun and well begot;

And after, every of this happy number,

That have endur'd shrewd days and nights with us,

Shall share the good of our returned fortune,

According to the measure of their states.

Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity,

And fall into our rustic revelry.

Play, music; and you brides and bridegrooms all,

With measure heap'd in joy, to th' measures fall.

JAQUES. Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,

The Duke hath put on a religious life,

And thrown into neglect the pompous court.

JAQUES DE BOYS. He hath.

JAQUES. To him will I. Out of these convertites

There is much matter to be heard and learn'd.

[To DUKE] You to your former honour I bequeath;

Your patience and your virtue well deserves it.

[To ORLANDO] You to a love that your true faith doth merit;

[To OLIVER] You to your land, and love, and great allies

[To SILVIUS] You to a long and well-deserved bed;

[To TOUCHSTONE] And you to wrangling; for thy loving voyage

Is but for two months victuall'd.- So to your pleasures;

I am for other than for dancing measures.

DUKE SENIOR. Stay, Jaques, stay.

JAQUES. To see no pastime I. What you would have

I'll stay to know at your abandon'd cave. Exit

DUKE SENIOR. Proceed, proceed. We will begin these rites,

As we do trust they'll end, in true delights. [A dance] Exeunt

EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE.

ROSALIND. It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue; but

it is no more unhandsome than to see the lord the prologue. If it

be true that good wine needs no bush, 'tis true that a good play

needs no epilogue. Yet to good wine they do use good bushes; and

good plays prove the better by the help of good epilogues. What a

case am I in then, that am neither a good epilogue, nor cannot

insinuate with you in the behalf of a good play! I am not

furnish'd like a beggar; therefore to beg will not become me. My

way is to conjure you; and I'll begin with the women. I charge

you, O women, for the love you bear to men, to like as much of

this play as please you; and I charge you, O men, for the love

you bear to women- as I perceive by your simp'ring none of you

hates them- that between you and the women the play may please.

If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of you as had beards that

pleas'd me, complexions that lik'd me, and breaths that I defied

not; and, I am sure, as many as have good beards, or good faces,

or sweet breaths, will, for my kind offer, when I make curtsy,

bid me farewell.

THE END1593

THE COMEDY OF ERRORSby William Shakespeare

DRAMATIS PERSONAESOLINUS, Duke of Ephesus

AEGEON, a merchant of Syracuse

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS twin brothers and sons to

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Aegion and Aemelia

DROMIO OF EPHESUS twin brothers, and attendants on

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE the two Antipholuses

BALTHAZAR, a merchant

ANGELO, a goldsmith

FIRST MERCHANT, friend to Antipholus of Syracuse

SECOND MERCHANT, to whom Angelo is a debtor

PINCH, a schoolmaster

AEMILIA, wife to AEgeon; an abbess at Ephesus

ADRIANA, wife to Antipholus of Ephesus

LUCIANA, her sister

LUCE, servant to Adriana

A COURTEZANGaoler, Officers, Attendants

SCENE: Ephesus