Redemption

2. Lindsey

Lindsey

I sat in the perfectness of the morning, and I felt the rush of air run past my face. It was a picture-perfect day in gorgeous Colorado. I got to experience it with loads of different women who came to my day camps and were focused on outdoor therapy. They were doing abstract art as I sat and watched the trees moving.

“I want you to place your mind into this moment. What are your feelings doing? Do you feel anything right now? Do you want to let anything from the past go? Be in the moment. Let yourself be. Forget about mopping that floor or picking up the kids. I want you to be free at this very moment. Close your eyes and feel the beautiful breeze. Connect with who you are and then begin to paint the scenery you see around you.” I smiled at the twelve women who were starting to relax a little more now.

“If your mind moves back into the past or the future, I want you to stop, then close your eyes again and center yourself. This painting is a painting of your present moment. You can't live in the past or the future. We are going to learn how to be in the now.”

I became silent and watched the women drift into themselves. They were more at ease, and I noticed a couple of the women smiling as they began to paint. They got what I was trying to tell them. They instinctively understood that all that really mattered was right now. Many of these women had suffered marriage breakups, and some had lost faith in life for one reason or another. It was hard for them to realize that all they needed to do was shift their perspective to the right now. And as long as they felt good, they could keep creating moments of safety, or warmth, or connection. The biggest understanding that they would eventually grasp by the end of the day was that they were in control. Their perception of things was just that. It could be changed in a heartbeat, and so could their entire life. By the end of the day, I hoped all of them would come to know this truth. It was the whole reason I started the camp in the first place. This profound knowing that I had always enjoyed.

I had been super-lucky, living in Colorado and growing up with loving parents and great friends. Moment to moment my life had mostly gone from strength to strength, and joy to joy. I had always expected the best too, and positivity was a mainstay in my life. Coming from that space was the most intrinsic, successful viewpoint you could ever take. I needed to get the women there, to show them the feeling of being okay, or better than okay. That was why I did the work I did. I loved my self-created job, and my heart was open for these women who were desperate to find some normality or joy in their lives.

My eyes moved to Christine and Sienna, their faces lit up as they looked at the majestic trees that sat high up in the mountains above us. My heart practically burst to know they were connecting to the present moment. The experience of the natural setting was truly breathtaking. But if you were stuck in your head about a certain thing or filled with worry for the future events which may or may not occur, then you would miss it. You could be in the wilderness in Scandinavia in the most breathtaking, picturesque place you'd ever seen. With mountains, mist, streams, wild animals, and the most beautiful sunrise you'd ever laid your eyes upon. But you could easily miss it. I wanted all of these women to experience and understand living in the now. A day camp wasn't a great deal of time to get them to be present in the moment, but they would go home in the evening and have the experience to draw from.

My ultimate hope was that they would recreate these experiences every day. You could be present in the moment when you brushed your teeth, drove home, picked up your kids from school, or when you cooked dinner. You didn't need the most beautiful place in the world to connect to. I was teaching them this. By the end of the day, it would be the message that they took with them on a placemat. The one that said, “Be present right now, you can't live without it.” On the placemat was a peaceful picture of a woman staring at some mountains. It was my gift to all of them in a gift pack they would take home when they left. Phone numbers, websites, a book of poetry, and a big fluffy pink robe so they could be on holiday every day after they left here.

My thoughts were interrupted as Nicole came to greet us. The ladies had finished their paintings and were about to get ready for the short hike they'd take.

Nicole smiled at the women. “We'll eat a picnic lunch before you take the group therapy session.”

Nicole looked wonderful in her pink sneakers and her Adidas gear. She loved taking the women on their hike. It was nothing grueling in a fitness kind of way, but it was an effective method for them to experience the beauty and essence of the nature that surrounded us. Sometimes I’d go on the hike, but I had some paperwork to get done before the afternoon session.

“Okay ladies, you have fifteen minutes to change before the hike with me,” Nicole said. “Just bring your backpacks and grab a bottle of water in the foyer outside of the changing rooms. We'll be gone for forty-five minutes, and we'll enjoy the gourmet lunch that's been specially prepared by Joanne.”

I watched as the ladies walked back to the community building. They were eager to enjoy the day and were already getting along very well. I was happy to see my best friend, Nicole.

“Hey, bestie. I need to finish the admin stuff today; will you be cool with this group?”

“Yes, it's fine. I feel so good today. I think it's the perfect weather that's doing it. I couldn't ask for a nicer day.”

We both walked around the lawn and looked at the paintings they'd done. There were no real standouts, but they’d all used beautiful colors to capture the surrounding scenery. Their new-found positivity was shining through in the art, and that was a great sign. There was no wrong or right in artwork, although, a dark picture that used blacks and reds or grays might signify the darker past of an individual. The unexamined emotions of trauma or abuse. None of these did. There were pinks, and yellows, and lots of greens used to paint the trees. They were all beautiful. Joanne would work to frame each one by the day's end. She was one of my “miracle worker” staff members.

“God, they're all beautiful.”

I smiled at Nicole's words. “Yes, they are, most definitely.”

“We're so lucky to be able to do this work, Lindsey,” she said, beaming me a smile as the women walked back in their hiking clothes.

“I know. It's such a privilege to watch them open up and realize that they make their minds up to choose.”

“I'll see you in an hour. Group therapy should be awesome. These women all seem so ready.”

“Yes, they do. Don't eat too much of that honey cake. I'm hoping there will be a slice left for me!”

“You already have some inside. I told Joanne to set a piece aside for you,” she said.

“Oh, you really are my best and worst friend, ever.”

“Worst?” she asked, folding her arms in front of her chest.

“Calorie-wise.”

She laughed. “You are in control of your own diet, missy. You just have to choose and be in the present moment.”

“Well, it's a bit hard when all my present moments seem to involve Joanne's gourmet cooking.”

“I know, right? Imagine how fat we could get here!”

I watched as she addressed the women. They were super-excited about going on the hike. Many of them worked in office jobs or stayed at home looking after young children. This day was all about them. There was no laundry to do, no sales meeting to run to, no time constraints to abide by. They all looked great. Relaxed. Probably more relaxed than they'd been in years.

The group therapy session had been excellent. The women had been supportive to one another and had easily shared some moments they'd lived through. None of it was traumatic, just the business of life getting them down, in most cases. One of the women had worked crazily from six am to ten pm, making sure her house was perfect in every way. Her ex-husband had made her do it, and she was stuck in the cycle of trying to conform, even though their marriage had ended five years ago. Her face lit up as the other women supported her to not do it anymore. Comments like “no way—let the dust build up,” and “stuff doing the dishes, leave them for a few hours and put your feet up,” were voiced. She hadn't thought of trying it her way. I think she was going to, though. Her face brightened as the women became her friends, exchanging phone numbers and business cards. It had been a wonderful, uplifting day. A memorable day.

I watched out the window as the women left. “Hey Lindsey, is everything ready for sunrise yoga tomorrow?” Nicole asked.

“Yep. I had the mats cleaned, and Spirita is coming in especially for it.”

“God, I love that name. Imagine your parents having the insight to call you something that beautiful.”

“I know,” I agreed. It was like a name from a Disney princess movie.

“Oh hey, did you hear about the new camp opening up at the rec center?” she asked.

“No, I haven't heard.”

“Opens tomorrow, right up the road from us. It’s some sort of self-defense and survivalist training.”

“Oh wow. It sounds kinda cool.”

“I reckon we should check it out one day, drive past and take a sneak peek.”

I laughed. “That might look a little obvious, don't you think?”

“Yep, it's a great idea!”

Nicole laughed at her words, and I raised a brow. She really didn't care about what other people thought of her and, in reality, it was one of her best qualities. It was the thing that made her more motivated than anyone I'd ever known. She was an awesome best friend. She could be shocking, but she was definitely not boring.

I looked at her as we packed up the tables and chairs. “I wonder who runs that camp?” I said.

“Beats me, but I bet they're hot!”

“You crack me up.”

“I know I do. Actually, it's what I live for.”