Book of Earth

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Bradamante stared at Manat, not quite certain she had heard what she thought.

“You’re ... my teacher?”

“Yes.”

“Since I was twelve? But I am twelve.”

“Yes,” Manat said. “Which is why you have to decide now if this is what you want.”

Bradamante’s lips broke into a grin. “Of course I want it! Why wouldn’t I? When can we start? Right now?”

But then her smile faded. It was only a dream, after all. Why was she allowing herself to get so excited?

“This isn’t a dream,” Manat answered, even though Bradamante had kept her thoughts to herself. “It’s a vision. Do you know the difference?”

“No.”

“Dreams come from your mind. A vision comes from your soul. Tonight I called to your soul and it answered me. I sent my soul to be with you here, and you sent yours. We’re both asleep, far from each other, but we can meet here in the white house as easily as if we were in the same room.”

“How? I don’t know how to do that.”

Manat pointed to the young woman standing in front of her. “She does.”

“But you said she is me.”

“Not yet. Perhaps not ever. That is for you to decide.”

“I don’t understand,” Bradamante said. “If this is really true, then why do I have to decide anything? If I can already see myself this way, then isn’t it going to happen?”

“No,” Manat said. “Not for certainty.”

She began walking again down the warm white beach. Bradamante strode beside her.

“I know this might be difficult to understand,” Manat said, “but all I can do tonight is show you a glimpse of how your life can be. None of this will come to pass unless you accept it and work hard to achieve it.”

“Of course I accept it,” Bradamante said. “Why wouldn’t I want to be like this?”

Manat glanced at her from the side. “Like what? All you can see is how you might look as a young woman. You don’t know anything else about her.”

“But I do know,” Bradamante insisted. “I know how she feels inside. I know how she thinks.”

“How does she think?”

Bradamante paused and closed her eyes. She watched herself from above—saw her hand press against her forehead—while at the same time she examined herself from inside. “I can hear her mind moving. It feels like ... like she’s found extra room in her head. Like she’s filled it up to the top. I can feel how much she knows. It’s so much more than I do.”

“That’s true,” Manat said, “but perhaps that comes to everyone over time, no matter what life they choose. Perhaps what you’re sensing is simply age and experience.”

“No,” Bradamante said. “It’s different than that. There’s something … stronger. It’s like the way this body feels—like I could jump over that house if I wanted to.”

The strain of seeing from above and from inside her body at the same time made Bradamante’s head ache. She pinched her fingers against her eyes. “Please, Manat, I want this. I want to be her. Please tell me what I have to do.”

“You’re too impatient,” Manat said. “Your head hurts. This isn’t a decision to make impulsively. You need time to calm your thoughts.”

Manat resumed walking. Bradamante strode silently beside her, trying her best to seem patient and serene.

After a time, Manat stopped and stared out over the water. Sunlight glinted off the waves.

“Few people are courageous enough to live as full of a life as they can,” she said. “Do you feel you are that courageous?”

“I am,” Bradamante said with confidence.

“You must commit yourself completely to this life. Commit to it without reservation. Do you understand?”

“I will,” Bradamante said, trying not to show her excitement. “I promise.”

“Don’t be misled, Bradamante. What your soul asks of you is not easy. Tonight you’ve seen only a small part of your life, but there is so much more, and so much of it may be difficult. At times you may suffer greatly.”

I’ve already suffered, Bradamante thought. “I don’t care how hard it is,” she said. “I want this.”

“How much do you want it? Enough to put aside your own desires to do what is best for others? The warrior’s life is one of service. At times you will feel what a burden that is. Are you willing to give up your own comfort and safety—even your happiness—to protect those who will depend on you?”

“I will,” Bradamante said. “I swear.”

Manat paused. “Understand me: this is not an easy way. You may lose people you love.”

A coldness attacked Bradamante’s skin. Her nerves tingled. “Who? Not Naldo.”

“Perhaps. I can’t tell you that.”

Whatever joy Bradamante felt now fled. She shook her head. “I won’t do anything to hurt my brother. You should have told me that from the beginning.”

“Nothing is certain,” Manat answered. “No one but your god knows the future. I can only tell you what is possible if you choose to accept this life.”

“But what will happen to Naldo?”

“I can only tell you that he has one life, you have another.”

“But we can still be together, right? You’ll train him, too.”

“No,” Manat said. “You can teach your brother what you learn, but the white house is only for you.”

“Why?”

“Because Rinaldo has his own possibilities to explore. He can’t choose for you, and you can’t choose for him. You must go your own way.”

“You make it sound like I have to leave him. I won’t ever do that.”

“Won’t you?” Manat asked. “Well, then, you’ve made your choice.”

Without further comment, she turned and walked away.

“Wait!” Bradamante wished she could talk to Rinaldo. How could she make this decision without talking to him? “Please, can I have more time? I have to think about it.”

Manat turned and faced her with a wry smile. “How unlike you. I’m sorry, but the answer is no. Now is the time—this moment—when you must make your choice.”

“But why? Why now?”

“Sometimes moments arrive, whether we want them to or not, when we have to decide for ourselves what course our lives will take. Can a mother watching her child drown ask for more time? Can the warrior when a sword is at his throat?”

“That's different,” Bradamante argued. “That’s not me. Why do I have to decide right now?”

“Because what happened today has already changed you,” Manat said. “Tonight when you stood in that field and made a decision to protect yourself, you changed. You understood something you hadn’t before. You took control where before you thought you had none.

“Now you are standing where two roads part. You can take the one that leads you back to the life you were living before. You can try to pretend nothing has changed, but you will always know you could have had a different life if you had simply been brave enough to claim it.”

“Or you can take the other road,” Manat said. “The one that carries you forward toward the life you’ve seen is possible. But you can’t stay where you are—too much has changed. Your soul won’t allow it. The moment has arrived when you must choose one life or the other.”

“Why can’t I have both?” Bradamante asked. “Why can’t Naldo and I stay together no matter what I’m doing?”

“Can you walk down two roads at the same time? Your brother may follow you or he may not. He may take another path that will intersect with yours one day—that is not for you to consider. The truth remains that you cannot stand where you are. You must choose a road and take it.”

Bradamante had been so sure of her choice before, but now her confidence wavered. She couldn’t imagine giving up her life with Rinaldo any more than she could imagine turning her back on this young woman she might become.

Bradamante closed her eyes and breathed slowly, deeply, trying to calm herself and think clearly. She listened to the waves foam over the shore. She caught the cry of a hawk hunting somewhere over the meadow behind her.

Then she heard something else: the young woman’s heart pulsating inside her like flames whipped by the wind. She heard an echo of the young woman’s thoughts, of the ideas and wisdom Bradamante could only begin to grasp. Was it wrong to risk Naldo to have this? And was she really risking him? Manat had only warned of the possibility. In fact, choosing a new life could benefit them both. If Naldo were here, what would he choose? Bradamante felt sure he would seize the opportunity, and that he would use his training to help his sister in whatever way he could.

But what did Manat say? Nothing was certain. She only knew the possibilities.

Bradamante opened her eyes. “I want to feel like this. I want to think like this. I choose this life, Manat. With all of my heart.”

“And you will accept whatever it brings?”

“I will.”

Manat’s gaze was almost too intense for Bradamante, but she forced herself to bear it while Manat seemed to examine her very soul.

Finally Manat nodded. “Yes, I believe you are ready. We will begin your training tomorrow. We must work quickly now. Matters are already in motion.”

“What matters? What’s going to happen?”

“It’s not always good to know your future,” Manat said. “Trust that if you have faith and work hard, you’ll be prepared for whatever is to come.”

“But—”

“Either you have faith in yourself and me or you don’t, Bradamante. Decide.”

Bradamante took a deep breath. Maybe this was part of her new life, she thought—this willingness to accept what she didn’t fully understand. “All right,” she told her teacher. “I do.”

Manat squinted toward the sun. “Our time tonight is almost over. You’ll be waking soon.”

Bradamante’s heart sank. “I have to go?”

“For now. You’ll be back tomorrow, when you sleep.”

“But how will I—”

Manat held up her hand. “No more questions. You’re almost awake. We’ll talk tomorrow night.”

She drew a small vial from the pouch tucked into her belt and poured oil from it into her hand.

“Remember who you are, Bradamante. You are a warrior. You’re already stronger than you know.”

Manat dipped her finger into the oil and painted a line down each of Bradamante’s cheeks. “Be strong in body.” She drew a line across Bradamante’s forehead. “Strong in mind.” Then she opened her oily palm and pressed it hard against Bradamante’s chest, saying, “Above all, be strong in heart.”

Bradamante felt a shock of heat as the spirit of something forceful, as dangerous as what she sensed lay within Manat, penetrated her chest and lodged somewhere deep inside. The sudden weight of it dropped her to her knees.

“Manat,” Bradamante gasped, clutching at her chest. “Are you sure? Are you sure this is me?”

“This has always been you, Bradamante. I’ve been waiting for you to remember.”