10. What am I feeling?

3197 Words
Kaylin’s POV            I really don’t know what’s wrong with me. One day I hate William with all my soul; the next, I have s*x with him and make the damn stupid choice to bite him. Thanks to me, we’re connected for all eternity! William handles it better than I do though, while I pace around the room, he sits on my bed and watches me with an amused expression. “You must think this is damn funny,” I quietly mutter to myself. “Actually, I do,” he replies laughingly and walks up to me. “It’s not the whole world, Kaylin. Even if I wasn’t especially excited about the idea of having a beloved at first, you’ve grown on me, and I’ve gotten used to the idea. It was never about me not wanting you specifically as my beloved, but rather about me not wanting anyone at all.”     I already know these things; Ozzandra has repeatedly explained it to me while not fully understanding it. Considering how many humans out there in the world are searching for their soul mate, even though that race has no predetermined fate that other races have. It’s also not very common for people to find their soul mate, especially if the partner is human. Vampires and werewolves have predetermined life partners in the form of beloveds and mates. Apparently, the “moon goddess” decides who becomes the werewolves’ partner, but no one knows for sure who chooses partners for the vampires, but there are theories about Nyx, the goddess of darkness...     In all honesty, I think the whole thing sounds weird and ridiculous as if there would be a higher power deciding such things, hardly. Instead, I think it’s about random situations with a scale of attraction that determines which partners get together and not. It’s an incredibly cynical mindset, but it’s the only thing that makes sense at the moment. Besides, it isn’t directly a secret that people move toward good-looking people, hence the attraction scale. If you’re allowed to choose, ignore everything that has to do with personality; between someone who’s a one on the attraction scale and one who’s a ten, you probably choose the prettier individual.     It doesn’t matter whether the person has a good personality because we first look with our eyes before getting to know someone. Then it goes without saying that someone who’s eye-catching for a person may be the exact opposite for someone else; it’s individual. “I didn’t mean to mark you,” I quietly say. “Above all, not without your permission.” “Kaylin, look at me,” he says, gently lifting my face. “If you had marked me without my permission, I would’ve screamed in pain, my heart is yours, and hence it’s okay that you bit me. Someone who becomes marked against their will feels an indescribable pain. You mean a lot to me, and even if I’m not prepared to say the L-word yet, I know that at some point, I will be able to say it.” “I’m so confused,” I whisper and look down to the floor. “I understand that, my dear,” he whispers back and hugs me. “All the emotions you feel are amplifying as a vampire, and it’s very confusing at first, especially when you’ve only had a short time to deal with what’s happened. But take one thing at a time, and with each passing day, you’ll feel better; I’m sure of that.”     Accidentally, I hug him harder and bury my face in his muscular chest. His masculine scent, a mixture of sweat and aftershave, always comforts me when I feel down. By the way, he’s right when it comes to my problem; the confusion is complete, and it changes my focus on my surroundings. I know that everything will become easier over time, but at present, I’m not so sure that it’ll ever be more leisurely. “What are you thinking about?” William suddenly asks and gently caresses my cheek. “I miss my dad,” I answer with a sigh. “We can visit him if you want?” he asks, and I look confusedly at him. “What did you say now?” “Kaylin, you aren’t locked in the house and not allowed to go out, although it may feel that way. If you want us to go to your dad’s and see him, then we can do it.” “Right now?” I ask with eyes wide open, and he nods. “Yes, right now.” “Thank you!” I happily exclaim and kiss him on the mouth without thinking. “I’m so sorry!”     William chuckles at me and takes me downstairs. He picks up his car keys from a small table at the entrance and is about to open the door when his mother stops him. “Will and Kay, where do you think you’re going at this time?” she asks with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow. “Kaylin wants to visit her dad,” William replies, and Ozzandra gasps in response. “Finally!” she exclaims and hugs me hard. “I’m so proud of you, Kaylin, that you finally take courage to you.”     I hug her back, chuckling, and she interrupts the hug to smile at me. She caresses my cheek tenderly before turning to William. “Be careful around her and if anything happens, contact us right away!” she says, pointing at him.     He nods and takes my hand before we walk out the door. I know my old house isn’t far from here, but my dad would probably think it was weird if we showed up without a vehicle. We sit down, and William begins to drive away from the house that has become my new home. Even though I’m happy to meet my dad, I can’t keep away the nervousness that’s spreading inside me like wildfire. I’ve been away from home for two weeks at least now, and he’s certainly been looking for me. How am I supposed to explain to him that I’m safe and that I’m not going to come back to the house again?     Telling him the truth is out of the question; he’ll call the psych ward and have me hospitalized within an hour. I wouldn’t say I like lying to my father, but the truth is simply not an option. When we finally park outside my old home, it’s dark in the house. Dad’s car is gone, but the door is ajar; something is wrong. I throw myself out of the car and hurry up to the door. A pale man stands over Britney’s motionless body and drinks from her throat. The anger inside me makes me attack the vampire without having the slightest remorse in my body; I smash my hand into his chest and break his heart in my hand.     He screams from the pain and quickly falls to the floor, dead. Two more come down upstairs with blood around their mouths, and I repeat my procedure; this is what happens when you f**k with my family. Everything has gone so fast that William hasn’t even had time to enter the house until the floor is full of dark red blood. I listen for other sounds in the house before turning to Britney. What I see makes me fall to my knees, and quiet tears fall from my eyes. She’s pale, and her T-shirt is full of spilled blood. I hold her in my arms and desperately try to connect with her. “Britney? Britney, please wake up,” I say desperately with tears trailing down my cheeks. “Kay-Kaylin?” she whispers and opens her eyes slightly. “It’s really you.” “Bri, I’m so sorry! Everything’s going to be okay, I promise you!” “I’m sorry I left you alone at the club, Kay,” she whispers and smiles faintly with her dry lips. “It’s okay, Bri. Don’t think about it anymore; you’ll be okay,” I say, putting my hand over her big wound on her neck. “I’m freezing,” she mumbles, tired, and closes her eyes. “I love you, Kaylin.”     She slightly lifts her shaking arm to pat my cheek, but it doesn’t have time to touch me before it falls back down, and she stops moving altogether. Her last breath leaves her body, and I scream desperately that she has to wake up, that I can protect her, and that everything will be okay again. I put my head against her forehead and let my tears fall on her pale face. William is in the room; I can hear him. Gratefully he let me be and understands that I need this little moment with the only friend I’ve ever had. Britney wasn’t just my cousin and friend; she’s been like the sister I never got. “Where is she?” I hear a voice outside that I don’t acknowledge.     No one else but Britney matters now, and even though it hurts, I know I have to let go of her stiff body soon. I hear several footsteps that stop right behind me, the only thing that echoes in the house is my loud cries, and I don’t give a s**t who hears me. “Kay, you have to let go,” Elijah says softly.     I nod but make no attempt to move. One more minute with my best friend before we never see each other again, I deserve; even though it’s my fault, she got involved at all. If I had been friendlier to her and not made her worried about me, she might have gone back home to Virginia unharmed. My hand caresses Britney’s pale soft skin gently, and even though my cries are quiet now, they’re much more painful when I know it’s time to say goodbye. “I’m so sorry, Bri...” I whisper when I calm down. “You’re my everything.”     I kiss her on the forehead and stand up with her still in my arms. She deserves a burial, and I know exactly where. There’s a little clearing by a river in the woods behind my house. We were always there when we were little, and she loved to be there. I kick the back door open and walk into the woods; I have no plans to stop until I arrive with her body at the scene. William comes up next to me with a sad look and a big shovel in his hand. Luckily someone thinks, given that I’m obviously unable to do so at the moment. We walk in silence for ten minutes before reaching the place; I look down at the site my best friend will get her eternal rest in, and William puts a hand on my shoulder. “Where do you want to bury her?” he asks softly. “Under the oak next to the white musk-mallow flowers,” I answer in a broken voice.     He nods, and the other men help him dig. Vivienne and Ozzandra walk around the meadow with flowers in their hands. When they feel ready, they come up to me to reveal their work. Ozzandra has made a flower wreath that she puts on Britney’s head. The guys finish, and I gently lay Britney down in the moist hole. Vivienne gives me the bouquet, and I put it between Bri’s hands. In the position she lies in now, it looks like she’s sleeping, with her beautiful wreath on her head and a flower bouquet tightly pressed to the body.     I caress her cheek again, kiss her forehead and wipe away my tears dripping on her before throwing myself up again. Should I say something? I feel like I should, but I don’t know what... Instead of saying anything, I do the most respectful thing a vampire can do; get down on my knees, bite my wrist and let my blood drip down on her body. It may seem strange to you, but for a vampire, this is the height of respect; you leave behind a part of yourself to that person who has once been your whole world. Ozzandra and Benjamin gasp when they see me; no one’s done this for thousands of years.     But I want other supernatural beings to be able to smell and realize that she’s forever protected no matter what happens. I look at my blood dripping faster down my arm and leaving behind a shining light, causing Ozzandra to gasp again. “What’s going on!?” William asks with panic in his voice. “She leaves behind her grace to Britney; that’s ancient vampirism,” she replies just as I get up and walk away without looking back.     The only thing circulating inside my head is that I have to find out what happened before we got here. I run upstairs and walk into my dad’s room to look for clues about where he might possibly be. He usually works late, but not this late. I look in his closet and see that all his clothes are gone, including his suitcase. To the untrained eye, this may seem like he’s traveled away, but I know better. Mom’s and dad’s wedding photo remains on the nightstand; he never leaves it behind, even when he travels away over a weekend.     I take the picture with me and walk out into the corridor where I meet the others who don’t really know where to go. It’s been a long time since I was in my room, which is why I’m going to the other end of the path until I reach my bedroom. A giant painted “X” is on the door, and I know right away what that means because the same thing is on my parents’ old bedroom door; dad thinks I’m gone forever. He told me he changed the bedroom when she passed away because it was too hard to sleep in there every night without her close.     A tear falls from my eye, and I open the door. Everything looks as usual, except all the photos from my childhood nailed to the walls now, like a museum. “Oh, mini Kaylin!” Vivienne exclaims and flies into the room to examine all the photos.     The others quickly follow her, and I smile weakly at them while leaning against the door frame. I find it hard to understand how they can be happy when we just buried my cousin and best friend. But on the other hand, it isn’t their loss but mine. Why should they be sorry? I look at the room that dad always called “Mom’s room” and slowly walk that way. Curiosity is what draws me forward most because I’ve never been allowed to go into her room, yet another sign of my father’s quiet contempt. I open the door, and it slides open with a whining sound; I gasp when I see the giant portrait above the double bed.     My mother and I share a lot of appearance parts, but not all! I wondered what she looked like all the years, and now I have the answer in front of me. It was enough to look in the mirror to see the similarities. My mother smiles in the painting, and my father stands behind her with his hand on her shoulder. Her hand rests softly on her big pregnant belly, and dad looks down at her with pride written all over his face. Ozzandra gasp when they enter the room, and I turn around, confused. “Kaylin, why do you have a picture of the vampire Queen in one of your bedrooms?” Benjamin asks confusedly. “What are you talking about? That’s my mom, Miranda,” I answer, confused.     It gets quiet in the room while the others look at me with open mouths, and I don’t understand what’s going on inside their brains. I light the lamp on the ceiling and see my mother’s wedding dress sitting on a mannequin by the side of the bed; it’s beautiful. It’s such a wedding dress that every little girl dreams of getting married in when they’re kids, an actual princess dress with an illusion top, long sleeves, and silky embroidered lace. A delicate tiara that’s extremely luxurious with beautiful accents, an instant heirloom piece with classic romantic style and elegance, is lying on the dresser. Fitting for the Goddess, as my dad always said she was, with rhinestones and pearls adorning this royal silver plated, which probably made a regal statement on her special day with the dazzling tiara. I understand why dad wants all mom’s things placed in a room where he doesn’t have to see them; he doesn’t want to remember that she’s no longer here. That’s also why my room contains everything that has to do with me, even what doesn’t belong there. “William, can I see your shoulder blade?” Ozzandra asks, and he looks confusedly at her. “What? Why?” he asks. “Let me just look!”     She looks under his shirt and smiles big when she finds what she’s obviously looking for. The rest of us look at her as if she’s lost her mind. Who knows, maybe she has? “Mom, what is it?” he asks. “Go look in the mirror.”     He walks to the full-body mirror and pulls the sweater over his head to be able to see. On his right shoulder blade sits a mark that looks like a tattoo, a large crown with red drops underneath. When he and the others see it, they fall to their knees, leaving me even more confused. “What the hell are you doing?” I ask. “You’re the daughter of Miranda Henderson,” Ozzandra replies. “I don’t know why that matters, but for God’s sake, stand up. Are you crazy!?” “Miranda was a good friend of mine for many years until she met a man she fell in love with and disappeared; no one saw her again after that. Years later, it surfaced that Miranda had given birth to a child, a beautiful little princess who would take over her place as queen and rule over our people to bring us onto the right paths,” Ozzandra replies smiling. “Okay? What does that have to do with me?” I ask. “The little half-vampire princess who was born was you, Kaylin; you are by tradition and law our superior. You’re our queen.”         A/N: Hello everyone! This was indeed a tragic and teary-eyed chapter to write; I guess that it made you a little tear-eyed too? ❀ Who do you think attacked Britney and why? ✿ Where do you think Kaylin’s dad Carl is, and why is he gone? ❀ Do you think she has had enough time to grasp all that has happened? Please let me know your thoughts since they help me develop in my creative process! Thank you for reading, lots of love.<3
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