The Fallback (Sample Chapters)

Welcome to A&S Chatroom!   Tatiana: Hello?  Ashes2Ashes: Hi, Tatiana! I see you got Freya's invite through her email. Tatiana: I did. Will I now be riddled with worms and viruses since I downloaded some strange app onto my computer? I want to back up any important files before that happens. Ashes2Ashes: LOL! Not at all! I made the app for a school project. Need the credits to pass. Now you are all my little guinea pigs… Tatiana: Oh... So where is everyone else? Or am I the only dumb one that downloaded this thing? Should I be expecting the blue screen of death soon? Ashes2Ashes: They should be along soon. Probably still in class. I never attend classes, so I'm free to do as I please. Tatiana: Fantastic—I'm stuck in a dubious chatroom with an underachiever tech geek. Ashes2Ashes: Don't knock it 'til you tried it! Anyway, tell me about yourself. Tatiana is a Russian name, isn't it? Are you from the country previously dubbed the USSR? And should we call you Tatiana or is Ana okay? Tatiana: Ana is fine, though my mother would cringe if she heard me say that. My mother is from Russia, father is from Chicago. I was born in Seattle. Ashes2Ashes: Sweet. My name is Asher, but everyone calls me Ash. Hence the screen name. Incidentally, you should change yours too, Ana. Ana??? You still there? Ana: Yeah—is this better? Ashes2Ashes: Meh...so-so. You should come up with a cool name like I did. Ana: Ashes2Ashes? I guess the tech geek's definition of cool varies greatly in Colorado. Ashes2Ashes: Greyhound: Is this thing f*****g on? Ana: Anyway, besides school what do you do? Ashes2Ashes: Grey! Sup, bro? Greyhound: Nada. Just sitting here in some lame ass chat room from 1995 apparently. ☹ Ana: LOL! Greyhound: Who's the chick? And why can't we have our own icons—like real ones. I don't wanna hide this pretty face behind a computer screen. I need to share it with the world. Ashes2Ashes: Working on it, bro. Perfection takes time. This here is Ana. Greyhound: Hey, babe—ASL? Ashes2Ashes: Jeez, you don't even know the chick, fool. She could be a hermaphrodite for all you know. Greyhound: Meh… She'd still have a hole I could f**k. Ana: Ew… And I'm not a hermaphrodite. Only the appropriate holes here, tyvm. Greyhound: So...answer the question. ASL? Ana: Ugh, fine. 21/female (obviously we've got that cleared up by now—at least hopefully)/Seattle. Greyhound: Dammit. Ashes2AShes: Still hoping for that hermaphrodite, huh? Greyhound: Yeah, no...too far away. Ana: You all are in Boulder, CO? Ashes2Ashes: Denver Ana: Nice. Greyhound: What do you do? Ana: Nothing, I'm in school for now. Getting my degree in physical therapy. Ashes2Ashes: Grey... Greyhound: I could get physical with you. AShes2Ashes: I need to make a facepalm emoji for this room ASAP Ana: Ashes2Ashes: Don't let Grey scare you, Ana. He's already in love with someone else. He just doesn't know when to turn the flirt off. Greyhound: f**k off, bro. Don't be spreading s**t. Ashes2Ashes: What? It's only you, me, and Ana here. Nobody else can see it....yet. Greyhound: Is there a private message function in here in case I want to sext someone? Ashes2Ashes: Uhm…next week, bro. I'm fine-tuning. This is chatroom 1.0 Greyhound: Who the f**k talks in chatroom anymore? I'll tell you—old men who want to perv on little boys and girls. This is f*****g weak. Ana: So, what do you do, Grey? Greyhound: I study business. Going to open my own chain of gyms. Ana: Another ruse to bring young women in to flirt and hopefully f**k? Ashes2Ashes: Hahaha! Busted! Greyhound: ... Possibly... Ashes2Ashes: You're going to fit in just fine here, Ana. Greyhound: So, is Ana short for something? Anabelle? Anastasia? Or is it just Ana? Ana: Short for Tatiana. Greyhound: Hmmm…I don't like it. I'm giving you a new name. Ana: It's fine, Grey. Greyhound: Hold on...still thinking Ashes2AShes: BRB, gotta drain the lizard Greyhound: TMI dude. Just admit you're actually pinching a loaf or manhandling yourself. Ana: Wow So...your name is Grey, or is it short for something as well? Greyhound: Greyson—but don't call me that. I f*****g hate my full name. I sound like some English p***y who drinks tea and talks about cricket or whatever. Like that s**t's a real man's sport. Ana: And what is a real man's sport? Football? Greyhound: Hell yeah! Or ice hockey. Anything where severe bodily injury is a daily possibility. What's the worst that could happen in cricket? The wide end of that bat thing gets shoved up your ass? Ana: I think it's called the blade. Greyhound: Semantics, baby. That games for p*****s. Ana: Right. Greyhound: So...what do you look like, Tati? Pics are appreciated—bikini or less gets you a photo of my d**k. Ana: Oh, brother. So...who are you in love with? Greyhound: Nuh-huh—this is about you. So...photo? Ana: You remember Carmen Elektra? Greyhound: Yeah? ❤ Ana: Yeah…nothing like her. Greyhound: You're no f*****g fun. Ana: I have my moments. Greyhound: So, if you did look like a celebrity—who would it be? Ana: Dudley Moore Greyhound: Isn't that a dude? Ana: Hey—you were the one looking for some hermaphrodite loving. Greyhound: I'll tell you who I'm in love with next week if you send me a photo today. Ana: Nope. First of all, I’m not sure I care enough to know, and second, I don't have any photos of myself half-naked. Not that I would share them with you at any rate. Greyhound: It can be a clothed photo. Ana: Hmmm...maybe then. Ashes2Ashes: If you send him that photo, I'm sure he'll just use it to jack off to. Greyhound: The fuck... Ana: It doesn't have to be my photo. I could send him any random photo and claim it's me. Ashes2Ashes: Ah, true... Greyhound: Only Freya would be able to tell me whether or not it was you or not. Ana: You're not helping your cause. Ash...who's loverboy head over heels for? The fucker won't tell me. Greyhound: Don't you dare! You know I can beat your ass so that even your own mama won't recognize your dead body in the morgue. Ashes2Ashes: Sorry, Ana. The man will do it, and this face is too pretty to ruin on account of your curiosity. Greyhound: Hell yeah...well, except for the bit about your pretty face. You look like a frog that got its face smashed in by the flat end of one of those cricket bats. Ana: Blade Greyhound: Whatever, baby Ana: Ugh… Ashes2Ashes: Should I leave you two alone in here to flirt, or will Grey need to use his spank bank fodder of “she who shall not be named” again this evening? Ana: Don't leave me here with him!!! Greyhound: Ouch… Ana: Sorry not sorry Kaybae: Hey, baby! Ashes2Ashes: Hey, baby. Ana, this is Kaylie, my girl. Ana: Omg. A tech geek with a girlfriend...alert the presses! Greyhound: Ha ha, turd! Ashes2Ashes: And all this time I thought we were friends. Ana: You wouldn't spill the beans, so all bets are off. Ashes2Ashes: Can’t f*****g win. Anyway, Kaylie, this is Tatiana or Ana. She's friends with Freya. Greyhound: Her name's Tati. I thus proclaim it, and so it shall be. Ashes2Ashes: Insert that non-existent eye roll emoji right… Here. Kaybae: Hey, Ana! Freya mentioned meeting you at the convention this past winter! Nice to meet you! What didn't you spill, hon? Greyhound: Shut it, Ash. Ashes2Ashes: Who Grey's been in love with for like a year. Ooops! Kaybae: Oh, that's an easy one. Ana: Yeah? Greyhound: Kaylie, I'm not afraid to hit a woman… Kaybae: Bullshit. You wouldn't hit me if your life depended on it. I'm adorable. Ana...Grey may act like a tough asshole, but he's a warm cuddly teddy bear inside. Ana: A horny teddy bear maybe... Kaybae: It's an act. He flirts with anything with a v****a, but it’s all about Freya for him. Greyhound: f**k, Kay. What the hell? Kaybae: We all know it... I think Freya even does, but she's too busy hopping from one d**k to the next to notice you. Ana: s**t got awkward all of the sudden. So...Freya. She's gorgeous. I don't blame you. If I swung for that team I'd be on her. Greyhound: I hate you all. Ana: What? I would. So, are you all friends living in Boulder? Ashes2Ashes: Denver Ana: Oh yeah—right. Kaybae: Yeah, we've all known each other for years. You're the only newb around here. We should all share pics! Greyhound: An outstanding idea! Ana: I decline. Kaybae: What? Why? Ashes2Ashes: Grey's already tried to get her to give him a bikini pic... Or a nude Kaybae: Dude... Greyhound: What? She could be hot! I'm single...wait, are you single, Tati? Kaybae: Tati? Ashes2Ashes: Grey had to be different and call her his own little pet name. Kaybae: Typical… Ana: I'm single and soooo not ready to mingle! Greyhound: Why? Ana: Well, for starters, my asshole ex slept with a friend of mine, so men suck in general right now. Plus—why would it matter if I was or wasn't? I don't know you, and you're way too far away at any rate. Or you could have two heads for all I know. Greyhound: Oh baby, I do have two heads. Wanna see? Ana: God no! Ashes2Ashes: d**k-on-a-stick here is gonna scare the fresh fish off before he even gets her to bite. Kaybae: Grey get your head out of your ass. Greyhound: f**k, this place is lame. No damned way there isn't some option to share a photo up in here. Ashes2Ashes: Uhm, yeah—I'll get on that “d**k pic photo share option” right away.  Greyhound: What's your full name, Tati? Ana: ...why? Greyhound: Just curious Ana: Ugh. Tatiana Wheeler Greyhound: Excellent, Tatiana Wheeler. f*******: here I come. Ashes2Ashes: I thought you got rid of f*******: after that stalker last year. Greyhound: I'm going incognito. Fake profile. Ana: And I'm making my profile private as we speak. Kaybae: Why you so interested in getting into Ana's pants? Freya not bossing you around as much as you like anymore? Ana: ? Greyhound: Shut it, Kay. And it's Tati. Leave me alone...I'm Facebooking or whatever. Ana: No, you're not. Greyhound: Ooooh, Tati...brunette living in Seattle, Washington? wavy hair...Are those hazel or green eyes you got, baby girl? Ana: Hazel No—wait! FML Greyhound: Nice bod, baby. Care to let me take it for a test drive? Ana: Kaybae: Grey, send me the link in here. I wanna see what she looks like. Greyhound: Back off, Kay. Ashes2Ashes: Oooooh, I see her! Very, very nice. Kay: Ash... Ashes2Ashes: I mean not as good as my girl, but definitely hot. Kay: I'm so out of here. Ana: Bye? Ashes2Ashes: I think I have a situation to address now. Bye, guys. Greyhound: Babe, you still there? Ana: Would it matter if I said no? Greyhound: Give me your digits… Ana: Do you ever ask, or does demanding everything actually work for you? Greyhound: With a face and body like mine, I don't have to demand. Chicks come freely. Ten extra inches below the belt doesn't hurt either Digits...please. Ana: Ten??? TMI, dude—seriously! Greyhound: Come on, I said please. Ana: ...why? Greyhound: So we can talk. Ana: Isn't that what we're doing now? Greyhound: Tati... Ana: Greyson... Greyhound: Seriously, you asked about Freya, but do you really want to know? Ana: Well, sort of, but not if it comes with you hitting on me every other sentence. I mean honestly, why do it if you're madly in love with one of your friends? Greyhound: It's a good way to blow off some steam, especially with a beautiful woman. Ana: If I give them to you, do you promise to keep the flirting to a minimum? Greyhound: I promise to do my best. It's the best I can do. Flirting is like the art of laying pipe. I've mastered it. Ana: You aren't helping your cause. Greyhound: Please? Ana: Fine, but if I hear any heavy breathing, I'm hanging up the phone and blocking your number. Greyhound: I'm ready for you to give it to me. The number that is… Ana: I'm going to regret this, aren't I? Greyhound: I'm a catch, baby. No one's ever regretted knowing me. Ana: In the literal or biblical sense? Greyhound: Both, baby—both.