As You Like It

Act 1, Scene II

Enter CELIA and ROSALIND

CELIA

I pray thee, Rosalind, sweet my coz, be merry.

ROSALIND

Dear Celia, I show more mirth than I am mistress of;

and would you yet I were merrier? Unless you could

teach me to forget a banished father, you must not

learn me how to remember any extraordinary pleasure.

CELIA

Herein I see thou lovest me not with the full weight

that I love thee. If my uncle, thy banished father,

had banished thy uncle, the duke my father, so thou

hadst been still with me, I could have taught my

love to take thy father for mine: so wouldst thou,

if the truth of thy love to me were so righteously

tempered as mine is to thee.

ROSALIND

Well, I will forget the condition of my estate, to

rejoice in yours.

CELIA

You know my father hath no child but I, nor none is

like to have: and, truly, when he dies, thou shalt

be his heir, for what he hath taken away from thy

father perforce, I will render thee again in

affection; by mine honour, I will; and when I break

that oath, let me turn monster: therefore, my

sweet Rose, my dear Rose, be merry.

ROSALIND

From henceforth I will, coz, and devise sports. Let

me see; what think you of falling in love?

CELIA

Marry, I prithee, do, to make sport withal: but

love no man in good earnest; nor no further in sport

neither than with safety of a pure blush thou mayst

in honour come off again.

ROSALIND

What shall be our sport, then?

CELIA

Let us sit and mock the good housewife Fortune from

her wheel, that her gifts may henceforth be bestowed equally.

ROSALIND

I would we could do so, for her benefits are

mightily misplaced, and the bountiful blind woman

doth most mistake in her gifts to women.

CELIA

'Tis true; for those that she makes fair she scarce

makes honest, and those that she makes honest she

makes very ill-favouredly.

ROSALIND

Nay, now thou goest from Fortune's office to

Nature's: Fortune reigns in gifts of the world,

not in the lineaments of Nature.

Enter TOUCHSTONE

CELIA

No? when Nature hath made a fair creature, may she

not by Fortune fall into the fire? Though Nature

hath given us wit to flout at Fortune, hath not

Fortune sent in this fool to cut off the argument?

ROSALIND

Indeed, there is Fortune too hard for Nature, when

Fortune makes Nature's natural the cutter-off of

Nature's wit.

CELIA

Peradventure this is not Fortune's work neither, but

Nature's; who perceiveth our natural wits too dull

to reason of such goddesses and hath sent this

natural for our whetstone; for always the dulness of

the fool is the whetstone of the wits. How now,

wit! whither wander you?

TOUCHSTONE

Mistress, you must come away to your father.

CELIA

Were you made the messenger?

TOUCHSTONE

No, by mine honour, but I was bid to come for you.

ROSALIND

Where learned you that oath, fool?

TOUCHSTONE

Of a certain knight that swore by his honour they

were good pancakes and swore by his honour the

mustard was naught: now I'll stand to it, the

pancakes were naught and the mustard was good, and

yet was not the knight forsworn.

CELIA

How prove you that, in the great heap of your

knowledge?

ROSALIND

Ay, marry, now unmuzzle your wisdom.

TOUCHSTONE

Stand you both forth now: stroke your chins, and

swear by your beards that I am a knave.

CELIA

By our beards, if we had them, thou art.

TOUCHSTONE

By my knavery, if I had it, then I were; but if you

swear by that that is not, you are not forsworn: no

more was this knight swearing by his honour, for he

never had any; or if he had, he had sworn it away

before ever he saw those pancakes or that mustard.

CELIA

Prithee, who is't that thou meanest?

TOUCHSTONE

One that old Frederick, your father, loves.

CELIA

My father's love is enough to honour him: enough!

speak no more of him; you'll be whipped for taxation

one of these days.

TOUCHSTONE

The more pity, that fools may not speak wisely what

wise men do foolishly.

CELIA

By my troth, thou sayest true; for since the little

wit that fools have was silenced, the little foolery

that wise men have makes a great show. Here comes

Monsieur Le Beau.

ROSALIND

With his mouth full of news.

CELIA

Which he will put on us, as pigeons feed their young.

ROSALIND

Then shall we be news-crammed.

CELIA

All the better; we shall be the more marketable.

Enter LE BEAU

Bon jour, Monsieur Le Beau: what's the news?

LE BEAU

Fair princess, you have lost much good sport.

CELIA

Sport! of what colour?

LE BEAU

What colour, madam! how shall I answer you?

ROSALIND

As wit and fortune will.

TOUCHSTONE

Or as the Destinies decree.

CELIA

Well said: that was laid on with a trowel.

TOUCHSTONE

Nay, if I keep not my rank,--

ROSALIND

Thou losest thy old smell.

LE BEAU

You amaze me, ladies: I would have told you of good

wrestling, which you have lost the sight of.

ROSALIND

You tell us the manner of the wrestling.

LE BEAU

I will tell you the beginning; and, if it please

your ladyships, you may see the end; for the best is

yet to do; and here, where you are, they are coming

to perform it.

CELIA

Well, the beginning, that is dead and buried.

LE BEAU

There comes an old man and his three sons,--

CELIA

I could match this beginning with an old tale.

LE BEAU

Three proper young men, of excellent growth and presence.

ROSALIND

With bills on their necks, 'Be it known unto all men

by these presents.'

LE BEAU

The eldest of the three wrestled with Charles, the

duke's wrestler; which Charles in a moment threw him

and broke three of his ribs, that there is little

hope of life in him: so he served the second, and

so the third. Yonder they lie; the poor old man,

their father, making such pitiful dole over them

that all the beholders take his part with weeping.

ROSALIND

Alas!

TOUCHSTONE

But what is the sport, monsieur, that the ladies

have lost?

LE BEAU

Why, this that I speak of.

TOUCHSTONE

Thus men may grow wiser every day: it is the first

time that ever I heard breaking of ribs was sport

for ladies.

CELIA

Or I, I promise thee.

ROSALIND

But is there any else longs to see this broken music

in his sides? is there yet another dotes upon

rib-breaking? Shall we see this wrestling, cousin?

LE BEAU

You must, if you stay here; for here is the place

appointed for the wrestling, and they are ready to

perform it.

CELIA

Yonder, sure, they are coming: let us now stay and see it.

Flourish. Enter DUKE FREDERICK, Lords, ORLANDO, CHARLES, and Attendants

DUKE FREDERICK

Come on: since the youth will not be entreated, his

own peril on his forwardness.

ROSALIND

Is yonder the man?

LE BEAU

Even he, madam.

CELIA

Alas, he is too young! yet he looks successfully.

DUKE FREDERICK

How now, daughter and cousin! are you crept hither

to see the wrestling?

ROSALIND

Ay, my liege, so please you give us leave.

DUKE FREDERICK

You will take little delight in it, I can tell you;

there is such odds in the man. In pity of the

challenger's youth I would fain dissuade him, but he

will not be entreated. Speak to him, ladies; see if

you can move him.

CELIA

Call him hither, good Monsieur Le Beau.

DUKE FREDERICK

Do so: I'll not be by.

LE BEAU

Monsieur the challenger, the princesses call for you.

ORLANDO

I attend them with all respect and duty.

ROSALIND

Young man, have you challenged Charles the wrestler?

ORLANDO

No, fair princess; he is the general challenger: I

come but in, as others do, to try with him the

strength of my youth.

CELIA

Young gentleman, your spirits are too bold for your

years. You have seen cruel proof of this man's

strength: if you saw yourself with your eyes or

knew yourself with your judgment, the fear of your

adventure would counsel you to a more equal

enterprise. We pray you, for your own sake, to

embrace your own safety and give over this attempt.

ROSALIND

Do, young sir; your reputation shall not therefore

be misprised: we will make it our suit to the duke

that the wrestling might not go forward.

ORLANDO

I beseech you, punish me not with your hard

thoughts; wherein I confess me much guilty, to deny

so fair and excellent ladies any thing. But let

your fair eyes and gentle wishes go with me to my

trial: wherein if I be foiled, there is but one

shamed that was never gracious; if killed, but one

dead that was willing to be so: I shall do my

friends no wrong, for I have none to lament me, the

world no injury, for in it I have nothing; only in

the world I fill up a place, which may be better

supplied when I have made it empty.

ROSALIND

The little strength that I have, I would it were with you.

CELIA

And mine, to eke out hers.

ROSALIND

Fare you well: pray heaven I be deceived in you!

CELIA

Your heart's desires be with you!

CHARLES

Come, where is this young gallant that is so

desirous to lie with his mother earth?

ORLANDO

Ready, sir; but his will hath in it a more modest working.

DUKE FREDERICK

You shall try but one fall.

CHARLES

No, I warrant your grace, you shall not entreat him

to a second, that have so mightily persuaded him

from a first.

ORLANDO

An you mean to mock me after, you should not have

mocked me before: but come your ways.

ROSALIND

Now Hercules be thy speed, young man!

CELIA

I would I were invisible, to catch the strong

fellow by the leg.

They wrestle

ROSALIND

O excellent young man!

CELIA

If I had a thunderbolt in mine eye, I can tell who

should down.

Shout. CHARLES is thrown

DUKE FREDERICK

No more, no more.

ORLANDO

Yes, I beseech your grace: I am not yet well breathed.

DUKE FREDERICK

How dost thou, Charles?

LE BEAU

He cannot speak, my lord.

DUKE FREDERICK

Bear him away. What is thy name, young man?

ORLANDO

Orlando, my liege; the youngest son of Sir Rowland de Boys.

DUKE FREDERICK

I would thou hadst been son to some man else:

The world esteem'd thy father honourable,

But I did find him still mine enemy:

Thou shouldst have better pleased me with this deed,

Hadst thou descended from another house.

But fare thee well; thou art a gallant youth:

I would thou hadst told me of another father.

Exeunt DUKE FREDERICK, train, and LE BEAU

CELIA

Were I my father, coz, would I do this?

ORLANDO

I am more proud to be Sir Rowland's son,

His youngest son; and would not change that calling,

To be adopted heir to Frederick.

ROSALIND

My father loved Sir Rowland as his soul,

And all the world was of my father's mind:

Had I before known this young man his son,

I should have given him tears unto entreaties,

Ere he should thus have ventured.

CELIA

Gentle cousin,

Let us go thank him and encourage him:

My father's rough and envious disposition

Sticks me at heart. Sir, you have well deserved:

If you do keep your promises in love

But justly, as you have exceeded all promise,

Your mistress shall be happy.

ROSALIND

Gentleman,

Giving him a chain from her neck

Wear this for me, one out of suits with fortune,

That could give more, but that her hand lacks means.

Shall we go, coz?

CELIA

Ay. Fare you well, fair gentleman.

ORLANDO

Can I not say, I thank you? My better parts

Are all thrown down, and that which here stands up

Is but a quintain, a mere lifeless block.

ROSALIND

He calls us back: my pride fell with my fortunes;

I'll ask him what he would. Did you call, sir?

Sir, you have wrestled well and overthrown

More than your enemies.

CELIA

Will you go, coz?

ROSALIND

Have with you. Fare you well.

Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA

ORLANDO

What passion hangs these weights upon my tongue?

I cannot speak to her, yet she urged conference.

O poor Orlando, thou art overthrown!

Or Charles or something weaker masters thee.

Re-enter LE BEAU

LE BEAU

Good sir, I do in friendship counsel you

To leave this place. Albeit you have deserved

High commendation, true applause and love,

Yet such is now the duke's condition

That he misconstrues all that you have done.

The duke is humorous; what he is indeed,

More suits you to conceive than I to speak of.

ORLANDO

I thank you, sir: and, pray you, tell me this:

Which of the two was daughter of the duke

That here was at the wrestling?

LE BEAU

Neither his daughter, if we judge by manners;

But yet indeed the lesser is his daughter

The other is daughter to the banish'd duke,

And here detain'd by her usurping uncle,

To keep his daughter company; whose loves

Are dearer than the natural bond of sisters.

But I can tell you that of late this duke

Hath ta'en displeasure 'gainst his gentle niece,

Grounded upon no other argument

But that the people praise her for her virtues

And pity her for her good father's sake;

And, on my life, his malice 'gainst the lady

Will suddenly break forth. Sir, fare you well:

Hereafter, in a better world than this,

I shall desire more love and knowledge of you.

ORLANDO

I rest much bounden to you: fare you well.

Exit LE BEAU

Thus must I from the smoke into the smother;

From tyrant duke unto a tyrant brother:

But heavenly Rosalind!

Exit