Becoming Macy

“Hey, Wyatt,” I called softly from under the twinkling lights of the tree fort. “Yeah?” I fought the urge to smile at my best friend. “Promise me that you will always be my best friend no matter what.” I waited to hear hesitation or anything that would tell me I would lose my only friend, but it never came. “Macy, I am not going anywhere. We will always be best friends.” He turned to face me. Something in the twinkling of his blue eyes told me that the families we were out here hiding from wouldn’t be an issue one day, and we could be best friends outside the tree fort we spent all summer building. He makes me wish we could disappear. Just him and I on the beach together forever. The memory of the little boy who stole my heart at age nine faded into reality, and that same little boy turned into a man with icy eyes and flaring nostrils peering down at me from where I sat splattered on the floor. “I mean it, Mousey. Keep your paws off, Gabriella. The next time there will be no warning.” His tone was calm, but I knew he was serious from the look in his eyes. You don’t mess with the Whitlocks in this town, and to him, I had just challenged his girl, and he couldn't let that slide. With my nod, he walked away, leaving me on my a.s.s. His fingers were intertwined with Gabriella Barlow’s, and those memories from eight years ago seemed to burn out like lighting a match to paper. That little boy was long gone, and so was the little girl who thought she needed him to survive. I gathered my bag from the floor and straightened my uniform skirt. I wish I could tell you I felt rage, sadness, hell… even loneliness. I wish I could feel any of it, but I can’t. So, instead of pretending to feel sorry for myself, I went to the music room for my thirty-minute study hall since my homework was done for the next month. I let my fingers glide across the Jackson, sitting neatly in the corner. I picked it up and began playing in the darkness of my heart. I just want to feel something… anything. So, I strummed the cords of the electric guitar until I lost myself in the sound. The alarm on my phone went off, telling me study hall would end in ten minutes, and as badly as I hated returning to reality, I wrapped up my playing and put the guitar neatly back on its stand. Despite everything, I must keep up the facade. In just a few more months, I will be free to flee to an apartment next to an ocean I can admire from a balcony. I will never have to leave home again. Just a few more months… Slowly, I left the music room and went through the sea of teens and teachers who were completely unaware of me… of my misery. I made my way to my next class. This is one of the few I have with Wyatt, and it never gets easier knowing he is my lab partner. “Today is a nothing day. We are doing nothing. You may talk with your lab partner, read a book, or have your classmates sign your yearbooks, but this is the last week of your high school career, and I have no intention of filling it with work.” Mrs. Crowley flopped behind her desk, opening her own book, and I sat back in my chair, digging through my bag for a book to read as everyone started pulling out their yearbooks. These people have treated me like I was invisible for so many years that I didn’t even buy a yearbook, nor do I have any interest in having anyone here sign anything. “What is one thing you wish I knew about you, Macy?” I was surprised to hear Wyatt’s voice so close to me. I looked at him for a moment, knowing exactly what the answer to that question was, but I wasn’t sure if I could trust my voice to tell him. I haven’t spoken in so long. I have almost forgotten what I sound like, but Gabriella is walking this way, and this may be the only chance I will ever get to tell him anything without him being a c**k sucker about it. “You make me wish I could disappear.” My vocal cords didn’t choke out on me, but my throat felt tight the moment his hard eyes softened for me. I have always wished the two of us could just… leave. Now he contributes to me wanting to be alone more than I am. “Beat it. You are in my new seat.” Gabriella Barlow has been a f.u.c.k.i.n.g virus in my life since my mother rekindled her old love affair with a high school sweetheart named Sonny Barlow eleven years ago. After my father died of cancer, she moved us here after she wiggled her w.h.o.r.e a.s.s into cahoots with the man who is h.e.l.l-bent on controlling every move I make. “She said to move Mousey,” Wyatt’s eyes had turned cold again. I shook my head at him, then stood, walking to Mrs. Crowley to pretend I was sick. I would just spend today roaming the halls and be content in my lonely endeavors as I wait for this week and summer to be over. Wyatt: My knuckles were ready to burst open from how many times I had punched this damn bag. Knocking Macy on her ass was the last thing I wanted to do today. When she told Gabs off, I wanted to tell her how proud I was of her for standing up for herself. But, if I upset Gabby, my father would have my ass. Mine and Gabriella’s marriage is the key to The Whitlocks getting the entire run of the city. My father and her father have been at war for years. They have spent all their time and millions of dollars buying up every bit of property they could. Now they are ready to put their differences aside and marry us off to one another to combine their kingdoms. But marrying her… it’s the last thing I want. I wrapped my arms around the bag to steady it. My mind kept slipping back to the defiant look in Macy’s eyes when I shoved her to the ground. I stepped in the shower hoping the cold water could wash away the look in those green eyes that were still burning my skin. Her voice returned just as I thought I had washed away my sins. I fell over onto my bed. This will haunt me until sleep takes me… if it takes me. “You make me wish I could disappear.” Her broken voice had stayed in my head since she spoke those words. Even now, lying across my bed, her voice is the only sound in my room. I wanted her to ask me the same question so badly, and I am sure she would have had it not been for Gabby. I had thought about that question for years. I wanted so badly, so many times to ask her that question, and when I finally did, her answer shattered me. Her being free of me is better for her, though. Because of the future my father had designed for me, I had turned myself into a poison so potent that no one could be near me for long. Logically speaking, it was brilliant; I didn’t have to control my anger if no one was around to witness me losing my cool. I had worked for years to learn to school my features to a calm expression. Only when I am alone will I free the monster that dwells within me. My phone vibrating caught my attention. I turned it over and over in my hand as an idea formed. Her not knowing my answer made me want to cause mayhem. So, I texted her. “You were the only good thing to ever happen to me. I miss the person I was with you, while now that person is long gone, I hate who I have become. I need you to know that you made me better.” “I’m sorry, but you have the wrong number.” With that message, my number was blocked, but at least I told her how I felt, even if she didn’t know it was me making the confession to her. I sat looking at her reply for some time. Waiting… hoping that if I looked at it long enough, a door would open so that I could apologize for my hurtful actions. I just want to make it better. A knock on my door had me chucking my phone across my bed like I had been caught fraternizing with the enemy or something. I stood to open the door, but Gabriella barged in instead. My parents or her father have never cared about what we have done behind closed doors. I could get her pregnant right now if I wanted to, and they would all see it as a blessing. “Hello, lover boy. I wanted to stop by so we could talk more about university. We will be leaving in three short months and need to be prepared. Have you decided if we are renting a house off campus, or are we doing the dorm thing, and we just see each other all the time?” I ran my fingers through my hair, pretending it was hard to make this decision. “I think it would be better for our studies if we stuck to dorms.” She smiled very sweetly at my answer. But I already knew she was f.u.c.k.i.n.g half of the football team and would likely make her runs through the college teams before we were forced into an arranged marriage, and I don’t blame her. I have had my fair share of p***y on the side since this arrangement was made, and our parents made it clear the end game was our marriage; until then, it was whatever. “I think you are right, lover.” She kissed my forehead and sauntered back through my bedroom door. I fell back against the bed again with a sigh. I wanted to call Macy. Days like this, where I have to be a prick to her, weigh heavy on me. I just want to apologize for making her hate me. Too bad this is the destiny mapped out for us. It could’ve been different…