Demon in Love (Book 3)

Chapter 7

“Guilt upon the conscience, like rust upon iron, both defiles and consumes it, gnawing and creeping into it, as that does which at last eats out the very heart and substance of the metal.”-Robert South

Chapter 7

-Karen-

“I won’t do it,” I whispered.

Nate and Zayasu’s heads turned immediately.

“What?” Nate arched his eyebrow.

“I won’t kill him,” I said loudly. “I can’t hurt Victor, let alone kill him.”

“Karen,” Nate shook his head. He raised his hand to touch my arm but I retracted it. Was he actually going to convince me to kill his brother? “You’ll not have to do that. We’re going to save him.”

“Save him, how?” I stepped ahead, looking him in the eyes. I got my answer as soon as he broke the eye contact to look down at his feet. “We don’t even know where he is. How are we gonna save him?”

When Nate didn’t reply, I looked at Crane.

“I—I can’t kill him,” I stuttered. “I don’t care whatever made him write that stupid note. Victor is a person who does give importance to his life. He won’t throw it away. What if someone else wrote that note and gave it to you?”

“He gave the note to me, Karen,” Crane sighed. “It wasn’t anyone else; unless my eyes aren’t working fine.”

“If they’re working so fine, why the hell don’t you go and find him instead of sitting here?” I screamed. “You all are suspecting him, blaming him and waiting for him to turn himself in, so that we can kill him. What’s the difference between you and VES?”

“Karen, calm down,” Nate looked up and I saw the glimmer in his eyes. He grabbed my shoulders, staring right into my eyes. His face hardened. “We’re not going to kill him, okay? We’ll do anything to save him from the VES.”

I clenched my jaw. “What makes you think I’d believe you, Nate?”

“What do you mean?” He tilted his head.

“You know what I mean,” I said, throwing him a glare. “You still keep secrets that can affect your brother’s life. Do you think I’m dumb enough to trust you?”

He pressed his lips into a thin line and blinked slowly.

“I’ll tell you everything,” He softly said. “When we get out of here, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

“I’m sorry for what I said, Karen. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” Crane quickly said as Nate let his hands drop. “We’ve to be practical and consider the options that are lying in front of us. Victor is my friend. Do you think I want him to die?”

I didn’t answer him.

“What I’m saying is; killing him is our last option,” He said, and I began to object. He moved his hand dismissively and continued talking, “no, wait, listen first. Victor doesn’t deserve to be tortured to death. Would you prefer that? Do you even know how vampires are executed by VES?” His voice went up a notch. “They expose them to direct sunlight, Karen. You’ve no idea how much pain it causes.”

Tears formed in my eyes.

“Stop it,” Nate said to him.

“No, she has to know,” Crane’s eyes burned with anger. “For three centuries I had been there, watching them execute countless vampires. VES doesn’t care to look into a matter. They are all about control and false preaching of peace, but they don’t follow their own rules. VES doesn’t give anyone a second chance. Imagine acid being poured on your skin. Yes, that’s how much pain a vampire goes through when the sunlight washes over them.”

My heart hammered against my chest. I tried my best to force back the tears which threatened to slide down my cheeks.

“Crane, she is sad,” Zayasu spoke up. “You can’t lash out on her. Can’t you see how much she cares for Victor? You can’t ask someone to kill their loved ones.”

“Do you think I want to kill him?” He asked him. “I was the one who cleared his name from Lord Valentino’s murder. If it were in my power, I’d never let the VES touch him.”

“If you care for him, you should learn to care for Karen too. Victor would never want you to treat her this way,” Zayasu said. His voice was painfully sincere. And I had been distrusting him the whole time.

“How can you ignore the fact of her being so weak?” Crane gave him a stern displeased look.

I wanted to reply but instead, Zayasu spoke up. “She is not weak. Give her some credit for God’s sake! She saved Victor’s life once.”

“Karen is not weak,” Nate agreed with him instantly.

“All of us have our moments of grief,” Zayasu said. “It doesn’t make her weak.”

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. My mind was elsewhere. It was back to the night when Victor told me about his past life. He had cried in front of me. He had cried, letting me see how vulnerable he really was.

If only I had known that it was the last time I was going to see the real him, I would have frozen the time. Chanting ‘I hate him’ thousand times daily to convince myself wasn’t working. I could never hate him.

Because I loved him.

I couldn’t deny it anymore.

Crane took a long breath before speaking. “Consider two options: first, if the order passes, we’ll have to find Victor before they do. And we’ll have to fix whatever is wrong with him,” He continued. “Second, if the order doesn’t pass, we’ll still have to find him within a short period because these deaths and kidnappings will lead them to create another order soon.”

“So in both situations, we’ve to find him first,” Nate nodded his head.

“Yes, and if you,” Crane pointed at us. I flinched, “won’t be able to fix him, the VES will eventually get him.”

“Let’s not go there,” Zayasu ran a hand through his dark hair. “A little optimism won’t hurt you, Crane. Karen will be ready to face anything, I promise.”

I looked at him aghast.

“I really hope so,” Crane replied, avoiding looking in my direction.

I couldn’t blame him. He cared for his friend too. He knew Victor better than I did. Why had I lost my temper this easily? Crane had a very friendly personality. Whenever we had come here, he was calm and he had never acted like a scary elder vampire. He was distressed now right now, and I had provoked him to lose his temper too.

Why couldn’t I see this earlier?

I wanted to apologize to him but I couldn’t. You know the times when you feel so guilty that you can’t even say a single word to the person you’ve wronged.

***

Through the portal, we ended up at Zayasu’s house again. I called Jon and told him everything. He silently listened to me until I finished. He asked me if I wanted him to pick me up from Zayasu’s house but I carefully declined the offer.

Zayasu waved at Nate and me when we got out of his house. We hadn’t talked much after coming back from Crane’s. I didn’t ask Zayasu to train me. Neither did he say anything. He knew I would finally come around. I would have to. But before, there was something I had to do.

I had to talk to Nate.

“I’ve to talk, Karen,” Nate said as if he had read my mind.

I nodded.

He followed me silently to my house.

“You’ll have to enter through the window,” I said.

“I understand,” He replied, disappearing.

Mom opened the door and greeted me with a smile. But her smile dropped when she saw my face. I didn’t want to look sad but I couldn’t help it. How was I supposed to be all smiles and laughs when I was dying inside?

“What happened?” She asked, looking at me strangely.  “Where’s Jon?”

“Nothing. He just left,” I lied efficiently.

“Are you alright?”

Was I alright?

“Yep,” I answered, making my way up the stairs. “Mom, I need some time alone. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t,” She said concerned. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Could the day get any worse?

I stopped on my track. I hated making everyone angry or sad around me. Even though I didn’t have much of a choice, I had to fix the circumstances that I could. Running away from problems would only cause them to grow into an avalanche.

I bit my bottom lip and nodded. The unsatisfactory look on her face hadn’t gone unnoticed by me.   She studied me in a scrutinizing manner, making me feel transparent. She just wanted to help me and I wasn’t letting her.

 “Mom, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” I tilted my head. “You’d be happy to know how excited I’m for the graduation dance and all.” I faked a smile. “It’s gonna be so much fun.”

Her eyebrows peaked. “Finally you found someone to go with you?”

“Yeah,” I lied. “His name is Lukas, and he is such a nice guy.”

“Okay,” She didn’t sound convinced. “I’ve never heard you speak of him.”

“That’s because he was my secret crush,” I blurted out. What the hell was I saying? Whatever, it didn’t matter now. What mattered was seeing my mom smile and her face brighten up. “I made sure he was available, and I’m gonna ask him to be my dance date.”

“Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor?” Mom chuckled.

I couldn’t tell if she was being serious or not.

“I’ll just go up in my room,” I rolled my eyes. “I’m kind of tired right now.”

“Okay, go.” Mom smiled.

Feeling content with her smile, I smiled back. I hurriedly walked up the stairs and entered my room. Closing the door behind me, I jumped at the sight of Nate standing in front of me. He wasn’t even there when I had walked in.

He raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

“What if my mom had walked in with me?” I asked. My heart was still beating faster than what I considered normal. “You’ve to be more careful around here.”

“I’m a vampire,” He shrugged.

I restrained myself from commenting on his reply, which was undeniably close to Batman saying ‘I’m Batman’ for whatever he did. I, as well, could make a meme on Nate with his words on it.

“Is it about Victor?” I asked finally.

“Yes,” He answered. “Do you mind?”

Déjà vu was the only feeling I could feel. The place was the same, the people were the same and the topic was definitely the same. I couldn’t help but tremble, reminiscing about the past I’d shared here with Victor. He had accepted every claim, every accusation Nate had made on him. He had proved me wrong and had broken my trust.

Still, I was pining for him.

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “What does your secret have to do with him?”

Nate kept his eyes on the floor of my room, probably not wanting to face me. His jaw was clenched tight, and his face showed the rational battle of making a decision whether to tell me or not. This scared me even more.

“I have been keeping it in me for a long time, Karen. Now, I feel like I might burst with guilt,” He started. “I know you’re having these trust issues lately, and I’m only going to make them worse.”

Okay, this didn’t sound nice. I had to mentally prepare myself for the upcoming information. This was the vivid replay of the last time. 

“Victor cared about you the most. That day when he returned from the portal, he looked devastated. Even though I wanted to enjoy the moment of seeing him hurt, I felt bad for him. After all, we were brothers before he messed up the relation,” The corners of his mouth lifted up for the sake of what I think; their old times. “I asked him what the matter was, half-expecting him to tell me, and for the first time, he opened up to me.”

“What day are you talking about?” I asked confused.

“The day before I came to meet you here, to reveal his plans,” He replied.

It was obvious that they had talked and had a fight, resulting in Victor injecting Nate with Holy Basil. That day I didn’t ask them questions regarding their fight before, mainly because of the emotional turmoil Victor’s real face had caused in me. I had never given it a thought until now.

“He told you what?” I asked.

“He told me how much you meant to him. Victor was never open about the deep feelings he had towards you. I believed he was casually flirting with you until I realised it wasn’t what I thought,” Nate continued. “That kiss meant him the world, Karen.” My eyes went wide. He had told him. “I couldn’t understand the reason behind his pain when he certainly had you closer than he ever had. And it was what he had always wanted. So, I asked him what was bothering him.”

I listened calmly while my heart was aching. If Victor had been so good to him, why did they fight?

“I never expected him to tell me everything! He told me everything,” Nate raised his head from the floor and looked at me. I had never seen him this delirious. “I couldn’t see straight. I had learned not to trust him but he had played with us. He had made me imagine a future where I could see him as my brother again.”

I took a step back. “What did you do?”

The possible answer made me fear him.

“I tried to kill him,” he replied. “I was furious, Karen. I wanted nothing but to kill him at that moment.”

“Wasn’t he the one who had injected you with the Holy Basil?” I asked. “You showed me the marks.”

“He had kept the sample Crane had given him in the refrigerator. I took it out, tried to aim straight at his heart…but he didn’t let me, and took away the injection. I lunged at him, and in his defence, he stabbed me instead,” He explained. So Victor wasn’t lying. “He only did that to make me weak enough to not hurt him. He told me he wanted to tell you everything himself and he would do so when the time was right.”

I remained silent.

“He told me that he was on our side now,” Nate held his head in his hands. “So I acted calm in front of him, making him trust me with his secrets. The anger inside me was killing me. I wasn’t affected by the burning sensation of the Holy Basil but my own rage. I was afraid of your reaction if I’d let him tell you.”

I was taken aback by the last sentence.

“So you decided to tell me instead of letting him,” My voice quivered.

He was afraid that if Victor had told me, I’d have forgiven him. He wouldn’t have gotten the reaction he wanted. Hearing the truth about someone else’s lies from another person, of course, led to the disintegration of trust and relationships.

“Why did you do this?” I asked even though I surely knew the answer.

“He had you,” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I didn’t have Kaitlin.”

“For once, Nate, you could’ve stopped being selfish!” I said through gritted teeth. I didn’t want to scream when my mom was downstairs. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I know,” He moved forward. “It was late when I realised my mistake. I want to help you find him.”

“Why? So you can kill him?” I asked. “No, you want to find him for Kaitlin.”

“I want both of them safe and sound,” He insisted.

“I doubt that,”

“Karen, trust me,”

“Trust you?” I spat. “Are you kidding me? What’s wrong with you two? Because of your drama, I’m unable to sleep at nights, I’m unable to eat or even focus on things around me. First, your brother dragged me into the supernatural world and then you dragged me into the maddening hatred. I can’t live my entire life guessing who is trustable between you two.”

“I’m sorry,” He apologized. “I should’ve let him speak.”

“You should have. But you didn’t. Nothing can change that,” I said crossly.

“I told you the truth,” He said.

“You’re still defending yourself?” I felt my cheeks burn. “Look where the truth has landed us, Nate. I’m not angry at you for telling me the truth. I’m angry because of the real reason that made you do it. You wanted Victor and me to end up just like you and Kaitlin, right? Well, congratulations because you’ve succeeded.”

Hurt crossed against his features.

“You think the world revolves around you, Nate. News flash: It. Does. Not.” My hands trembled along with my words. “We could’ve brought back Kaitlin together.”

“We still can,” He claimed.

“I don’t need your help,” A laugh escaped my throat.

“What?”

“This help you’re offering me is for your own redemption, Nate. You want to help me so that you can lessen your guilt,” I said pointedly. “But guess what? I don’t need your help in finding Victor. He’ll never be forgiven for what he did to us and the same is for you too. I can understand how much you love Kaitlin, but that doesn’t give you the right to spoil others’ life. You think you’re better than Victor. You’re not.”

“I know I’m not,” He nodded his head. “I’ve been a terrible and selfish person. I’ve ruined every chance we had to stay together as a team but I can assure you that I’ll do anything to save him.”

“It’ll be better if we don’t see each other for a while. I need time to think,” I pointed at the window. “You can leave.”

Had it been Victor, he’d have protested. Nate walked away from me, towards the window. The vampire in front of me turned his head and glanced at me for the last time, lowering his head he looked down the window for a while before jumping out of it.