Excuse Me, I Quit!

Let's Get Back Together

Evan

Okay, I know what you are thinking. I must be a s******c jerk to t*****e this poor innocent girl. Well, I am, but I am not completely heartless. I don't just sit here and t*****e her relentlessly. It's not like that. I try to help her out when I feel like it. Without making it obvious, of course.

Like, for example, I bring extra food for lunch sometimes and make her eat it. Yes, make her, because otherwise, she would just try to make up some excuse and starve herself.

I don't think she has an eating disorder or anything, but there was this one time she slipped and told me that her mom portion-controlled her food. She wasn't allowed to have more than one chicken wing or some s**t like that. I thought that was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard.

The girl was skin and bones already. Why the f**k would she need to control her diet for? So I took it upon myself to fatten her up. She protested in the beginning but ended up giving in because she was too scared to say no to me.

Today, I brought her some chicken salad sandwich and sweet potato fries, her favorite.

My phone buzzed so I looked at it.

I can't have lunch with you today. Annie texted me.

Who said you could make that decision? Get your a*s over here, I replied furiously.

No. I won't let you control me! she said.

Ah, did the little hamster grow some balls? I smirked. She did stand up to me and tried to quit, so I guess she is finally tired of my bullshit. But I am not letting her go that easily.

Little hamster, if you don't bring your tiny self over here right now, I will come find you, then drag you out of the school in front of everyone else, I wrote.

I waited for her reply. I looked up when I heard footsteps, thinking it was her. It was just Portia. Portia and I dated in 9th grade but we broke up because she thought I was an asshole. She is not wrong.

"Evan, hi," she said and smiled.

"What's up, Portia?" I asked casually and looked at my phone. Still no answer from Annie.

"I just wanted to talk to you. You are hardly alone. That little dweeb with glasses is always with you," Portia complained.

"Annie? She is not a dweeb. She wears those glasses because she can't see without them," I said dismissively. Portia was starting to annoy me already.

"Whatever, I just came here to tell you that I've missed you. We should get back together," Portia said sweetly.

"Huh? But Why? I thought you said I was too mean," I raised my eyebrows. "Besides, aren't you dating James?"

"No, I am breaking up with him. You were mean to me sometimes, but you had your moments too. Like how you looked out for me and sometimes you'd pay attention to what I wanted and get it for me," she said and gave me the googly eyes.

Oh, I see what's going on. Portia misses all the expensive things I used to buy for her. I guess James isn't doing it for her. Materialistic b***h.

"Well, I am sorry Portia, but Evan's charity service is closed. You don't interest me anymore," I said.

"You don't have to say it like that!" she whined.

"Excuse me," I said and walked away from her. I have to find Annie.

I saw her sitting on the table outside of the cafeteria with that squirrel face Brent. Since when did they become so close.

Brent was talking to her about something while she shyly twirled one of her braids. Her cheeks were pink like she was blushing.

Oh, I see what's going on, the little hamster is in love. But how dare she ignore me!

I thought about interrupting their little date but decided against it. She is coming over to my house after school to clean my room anyway, so I am going to give her the third degree then.