It Started With A One Night Stand

What is marriage? Is it all about marrying the person that you love? Is it only for legalities so you can legally f**k? Is it an assurance from your love one? Or is it sacred, by which you must keep your vows. Then, what if your marriage fails? But, why would marriages do fail, anyway? Some people says that, if you're meant for each other then you're meant to be together. It's all for fate now, because fate works for it to happen. But for me, it's not. Marriage will be a failure if you stop working for it. It will be a failure once you chose to be free from your responsibilities as a husband and a father. No, I guess it will be a failure if you won't choose your family every day. Because choosing them, means you're choosing to fight. As a husband and a father, it is your responsibility to guide your family, you keep your family intact. And what's more painful than watching your family fall apart, huh? I thought I had the perfect one. Hindi mayaman pero masaya, hindi marangya pero kompleto at payapa. Hindi ko lang inakalang darating ang araw na 'to, na masisira ang pamilyang gusto kong tularan pagdating ng panahon. And it hurts so much. Like a sharp blade cutting slowly in my skin. "Walanghiya ka, Rumuel! Ikaw pa may ganang magalit at magdabog? Ikaw pa may ganang sumbatan ako e ikaw nga nambabae! Ang kapal ng mukha mo, hindi ka na nahiya! Hindi ka na naawa sa mga anak natin!" Pumikit ako at sinubukang ikalma ang sarili, pakiramdam ko sasabog ang dibdib ko habang nakikinig kina mama at papa na nag-aaway. Sa lahat ng away nila, ito yata ang pinakamalala. Nagsisigawan sila, si papa kinukuha na ang mga damit niya sa kabinet. He wants to leave us, and my mother is trying to stop him. Even when he cheated at her. At first, I got mad at her for keeping him. He is unfaithful, why keep him, huh? But then I realized, he's the one keeping us together. He's our anchor, our compass in the middle of our voyage. But now he's fading too fast. "Tama na, Amelia! Let me go now, you can't keep me here," I heard my father's roar. "Alam mo ang dahilan bakit ko ginawa 'to, pagod na ako, pagod na pagod na ako sa'yo at sa mga paratang mo—" "Kaya tinutoo mo!?" Si mama sa galit na galit na boses. "Ako rin naman, napagod. E sumuko ba ako!? Ha!? Hindi, ni-hindi ko sinubukang manlalaki!" "Hindi mo naman kaya—" "Kaya nga! Ang gago mo, paano na ang mga anak natin!? Si Niara nag-aaral pa! Tapos binuntis mo na ang kabit mo! Ang kapal ng mukha niyo! Ang kapal ng mukha ng babae mo! Alam ng pamilyado ka pumatol naman! Kapag iyan nakita ko, papatayin ko 'yan!" "H'wag na h'wag mong susubukan, Amelia, at baka ikaw ang mapatay ko!" Agad kong pinunasan ang mukha nang bumagsak ang mga luha ko, nasa sala kaming tatlo ng mga kapatid ko. Si Kuya Gail, nakatungo habang nakatukod sa tuhod ang mga siko. Si Amper nakapikit at nakasandal sa backrest ng sofa habang hinihilot ang sentido. Sa aming tatlo ako lang yata ang sobrang apektado kung titignan kami. I can't help but shed tears, our family is falling apart and I feel like, I'm the only one affected. Let's say that they are, too, but they don't even try to stop papa. Napalakas ang hikbi ko kaya mabagal na tumingin sa'kin si kuya. Sampok ang kilay niya, nakakunot-nuo at malamig tumingin. Wala along mabakas na emosyon sa mukha niya maliban sa mukha siyang galit at suplado. "Kuya..." my voice trembled, my throat hurts. "Kuya..." "Don't cry, Niara. This is long overdue. This should end now," malamig niyang sabi. And I don't get it, bakit parang ayos lang? Bakit parang...mas iniisip niyang mas mabuti na 'to kaysa magtiis kami at makinig sa walang katapusang away nina mama? Bakit parang wala na lang? "Stop crying, Niara," Amper said, she's my elder sister next to Gail. "This is inevitable. Marriage don't really last, it's just an illusion." Illusion? If it is then, why do we exist? Why am I here, feeling that all of these are real? If this is an illusion then why does it hurts so much? Bumara ang lalamunan ko dahil sa tahimik na pag-iyak, wala akong masabi. Gusto kong ipaliwanag sa kanila na hindi ito wala lang, hindi ito ilusyon. We are living in reality, and I feel like the past years are the illusions. Lumabas si papa sa kwarto nila mama hila-hila ang malaki niyang maleta. Sa laki nito parang dala niya yata lahat ng gamit niya. Agad na sumunod sa kaniya si mama at hinawakan siya nito sa braso para...para magmakaawang hindi kami iwan. Hindi ako nakakibo nang agad siyang lumuhod at umiiyak na tumingala sa ama ko para...para magmakaawa. Sobrang sakit, na sa sobrang sakit natulala ako at naiwang nakanganga, hindi makapaniwalang nasasaksihan ko 'yon. "Rumuel, please...maawa ka sa'kin. Maawa ka sa mga anak mo!" "Mama!" Nabuhayan ako ng loob nang tumayo si kuya at umambang lalapitan sila, pero hindi niya tinuloy at para bang...kahit masakit... hahayaan niya na lang. Papa has no mercy to my kneeling mother, he forced her hand to let him go. She chased him, crying and begging. I can't believe she's doing that, stooping so low for her unfaithful husband. Is it worth it? If it is then, why does it seems so wrong? Nanginginig ang binting tumayo ako at umambang lalapit para awatin si mama, hindi ko kayang ganiyan siya. Mahal ko si papa, pero mas mahal ko siya. My loyalty will always be on her side. Pero pinigilan ako ni kuya at inilingan, nagalit ako at tinulak siya pero hindi niya ako binitawan. I'd like to tell him he's doing it wrong. For him to stop me, he should know the right words to say. Tell me why I should let our my mother beg for a man who did so many wrong things. Will it make papa stay? If it will, then I won't stop her. But I'd figured out in split seconds that it won't. My mother's pride was remarkably high...she lowered it too low for her man. Is it worth it? Is it worth begging for? Or is it not enough for my father for him to stay? Or, does he has to stay after what he did? He impregnated his mistress, I don't think he should stay. Maybe...maybe that's why my siblings are acting this way. Because it'll be better if this family would fall than it continues but internally wrecked.