The drive towards the hospital was quiet and awkward. Damon held my hand while his other hand was on the steering wheel. I tried to ignore the way my heart raced with his simple gestures. Hindi dapat ako masanay na ganito siya sa akin, dahil sa oras na gumaling si Tatay ay matatapos na rin kung ano man ang naging ugnayan namin. I am only here because I need him for my father's treatment. I am his s*x slave, nothing else. Hindi ko dapat bigyan ng kakaibang kulay ang mva pinapakita niya sa akin.
"Is there a problem?" he asked. He brought my hand into his lips, kissing it gently. Para akong nakuryente sa nang dumampi ang labi niya sa balat ko.
"W-Wala..." I reluctantly replied.
"Hmmm... Are you thinking about what happened last night? Don't worry, it won't be the last," he said in a teasing voice. Agad akong pinamulahan ng mukha sa sinabi niya.
"H-hindi... I was just thinking about Tatay," I lied. Ngunit sa isang bahagi ng isipan ko ay totoo iyon. I kept on thinking about my father, and I'm so worried. It's been a month, but he's still not awake. According to the doctor, he may or may no longer wake up. Pero hindi ko kayang isipin na hindi na siya magigising. Hindi ko kayang isipin na hindi ko na siya makikitang nakangiti, o maririnig ang boses niyang puno ng pag-aalala. If that happens, I might as well die with him. Walang kwenta ang mga pangarap ko kung mawawala ang tanging tao na pinag-alayan ko nito.
My father was my everything. Siya lang ang nakagisnan kong magulang dahil namatay ang aking ina noong pinanganak niya ako. Wala na rin akong kilala pa na iba naming kamag-anak. Mahirap lang ang buhay namin, at sa murang edad ay tinatak ko na sa isipan ko na gagawin ko ang lahat para mabigyan ng magandang buhay si Tatay. My dreams were all for him. Kaya rin ako nagsusumikap sa pag-aaral dahil gusto kong maging proud siya sa akin. Gusto kong maibigay sa kanya ang buhay na deserve niya. Simula nang bata pa ako ay ginawa niya ang lahat para mabigyan ako ng maayos na buhay, kahit pa madalas kaming kapos sa pera.
I never heard of him complaining about how tired he was, or if he's lonely. Palagi siyang nakangiti sa akin. Despite the smile on his face, the thin lines on his forehead told me he was weary. He never showed it to me, but I felt how tired he was. Sa kabila ng mainit na sikat ng araw, o lamig ng ulan, hindi siya nagreklamo. Kahit na minsan ay masama ang pakiramdam niya, hindi niya iyon pinakita sa akin dahil ayaw niyang nag-aalala ako. He may be poor, but his heart was rich. And I love him so much, that I was so afraid of losing him.
Kapag nawala si Tatay, magiging pilay ako. Mawawalan ng liwanag at kulay ang buhay ko. Mawawalan ng saysay ang lahat ng paghihirap at pagsasakripisyo ko sa pag-aaral.
"Hey... Stop crying. He will survive. The doctor said he's fighting, right?" Damon wiped the tears that I didn't know was falling. Noon ko rin natanto na nakahinto na pala ang sasakyan sa parking area ng ospital. Ngumiti ako kay Damon kahit na sumasakit ang puso ko.
He held my hand, squeezing it gently. His eyes held my gaze, and ge gave me an encouraging smile. Siguro nga, kailangan ko lang maniwala na mabubuhay si Tatay. After all, he's got the best doctor. "Thank you, Damon. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko kung wala ka. Thank you for giving me strength and making me believe, even when I'm almost losing my faith. Thank you for caring about my father." I held his hand, and squeezed it too. Words will never be enough to describe how thankful I am that I met him. Kahit pa iba ang kailangan niya sa akin.
"You don't have to thank me, Cassie. I'm doing this in exchange of your services," he replied. Natahimik naman ako dahil tama siya. Tinutulungan niya ako kapalit ako. We had an agreement that I will stay in his house, so he can 'f**k' me whenever he wants to. I looked away from him. "Kahit na, Damon. It doesn't really matter, I'd always do everything for my father. Kahit ano pa ang kapalit."
He tensed and looked away. I ignored his reaction even though it created confusion in me. He's always been kind to me. Simula nang dinala niya rito si Tatay, sa pagkupkop sa akin at sa pagtulong para maipagamot si Tatay. I don't mind if I have to repay him with my body.
"Let's go inside," aniya. Nauna siyang bumaba at pinagbuksan niya ako ng pintuan. He held my hand as we walked inside the hospital, and for a moment, I thought that maybe what we have could become real someday. Pinilig ko ang ulo ko, at winaksi ang ideyang iyon sa isipan ko. Hindi ko dapat pinapaasa ang sarili ko dahil baka sa huli ay masaktan lang din ako. Dapat ay makontento na lang ako sa kung ano'ng mayroon kami ngayon.
Habang naglalakad sa lobby ng hospital ay hindi ko maiwasang malungkot. Gabi-gabing laman ng mga dasal ko ang tuluyang paggaling ni Tatay.
We stopped in front of a private room. Damon knocked twice before he opened the door. Sumalubong sa amin ang Doctor na kinuha ni Damon para mag-monitor kay Tatay. Hindi ko maiwasang maluha kapag nakikita ko ang iba't ibang aparato na nakakabit sa kanyang katawan. His eyes wer closed, and he looked like he was only sleeping. Payapa ang kanyang mukha at kahit na isang buwan na siyang natutulog ay maayos pa rin ang pangangatawan ni Tatay.
"Doc. Garcia, how is he?" Damon asked. The doctor looked at us with hopeful eyes. "He's still in coma, but we're thankful that his vitals are stable. His body is also positively responding to medication," Doctor Garcia replied.
I felt a glint of hope rising in my chest. Lumapit ako sa kama ni Tatay at hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay. "Kailan kaya siya magigising, Doc?" tanong ko habang pinagmamasdan ang mukha ni Tatay.
The doctor sighed, and looked at me. "That, I still have no answer for now, Ms. Mondreal. The only thing we can do for now, is to patiently wait until he wakes up. I suggest you keep on talking to him. Coma patients can hear us, so we have to keep on talking to him and encourage him." He explained.
Tumango ako at hindi na nagsalita. Nanatili lang ako sa tabi ni Tatay. Nagpaalam si Doc Garcia sa amin at naiwan kaming dalawa ni Damon sa kwarto ni Tatay. Umupo si Damon sa maliit na couch, habang ako naman ay nagsimulang kausapin si Tatay. I'm happy that there's progress in his condition. His lab tests were normal, and even his CT scan did not reveal anything that I should be worried about, the doctor assured us. Iyon lang ang tanging pinanghahawakan ko na magigising pa talaga si Tatay. Alam ko na naman na matapang siya. Kung tutuusin, marami na kaming pinagdaanan, pero hindi siya sumuko kailanman. I know this is only part of the trials we must face.
"Damon, pwede mo naman akong iwan muna rito. I don't want you to be bored here," saad ko. Tiningnan niya lang ako at umiling. "Pero, Damon-"
"I'm not going anywhere, Cassie. I won't be bored here," he replied, cutting me off. Tumango na lang ako at muling bumaling kay Tatay.
Hinigpitan ko ang paghawak sa kanyang kamay. Habang hindi siya nagigising ay hindi mawawala ang takot sa puso ko na bawat pagbisita ko sa kanya ay baka maging huli na. I kissed his knuckles. "Tay..." I called, "Alam ko po na matapang ka. Gusto ko lang pong malaman mo, na nandito lang ako. I'm waiting for you to come back, Tay. Malapit na akong makatapos ng pag-aaral. Aakyat ka pa sa stage, 'di ba? Kaya please... gumising ka na, Tay."
Tumulo ang luha ko. Ang hirap, ang bigat sa dibdib. Gusto kong marinig ulit ang boses niya. "Tay... Alam mo naman na lahat ng pagsisikap ko ay para sa'yo. Hinding-hindi kita, susukuan, Tay. Kaya sana, huwag ka rin pong sumuko. Lumaban ka, Tay. Sasamahan kitang lumaban. Nandito lang ako..."
Hindi ko na napigilan ang damdamin ko. Humikbi ako sa sobrang bigat ng nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko pa rin kayang tingnan si Tatay na nahihirapan. He may look like he's just sleeping peacefully, but the machines attached to him are a reminder of what he's going through.
Naramdaman ko ang presensya ni Damon sa likuran ko. Hinagod niya ang likod ko, at sinuklay-suklay gamit ng kanyang kamay ang buhok ko. Hinilig ko ang sarili ko sa kanya at hinayaan siya na damayan ako. Maswerte na rin siguro ako na narito siya. I have no one else in my life. At kung wala si Damon, baka nasiraan na ako ng bait. He kept me sane, and he comforted me when all my emotions are too heavy to handle.
Lumayo lang kami sa isa't isa nang pumasok ang nurse na naka-assign kay Tatay. May dala siyang mga vials na naglalaman ng gamot ni Tatay. I watched as she injected the medicines into his IV.
Damon and I stayed in the hospital the whole day. Maya't maya ring tinitingnan ng nurse ang vitals ni Tatay, at ganoon din si Doc Garcia. Damon ordered food for our lunch. Nakatulog siya habang nakaupo sa couch, samantalang ako naman ay hindi umalis sa tabi ni Tatay, umaasa na sana ay ngayon na ang araw na gigising siya.
It was getting dark outside. Bumuntong hininga ako. Tama si Doc, I should patiently wait. Hindi rin ako titigil sa pagdarasal na sana ay magising na siya. Para bumalik na rin sa ayos ang lahat.
Damon and I decided to go home. Panatag ako na iiwan ko si Tatay dito sa ospital dahil may kinuhang mga tao si Damon para bantayan siya at i-monitor. Panatag din ang kalooban ko dahil alam kong mapagkakatiwalaan si Damon, kaya ganoon din ang mga taong kinuha niya. Alam kong nasa mabuting kamay si Tatay.
When we reached his home, Damon pulled me beside him and rested his arm on my waist as we walk inside. It made me feel better. Parang nawala ang pagod na nararamdaman ko kanina. We didn't talk, but his presence was enough for me. I stopped and held his hand. I know he hates it whenever I say thank you, but I still want to. He's done so much for me, and I'll forever be grateful for that. I leaned in, and kissed him on the cheek.
"Thank you for today, Damon." I smiled at him.