Lagoon of Dreams

Chapter 2-1

Chapter 2

My latest s*x partner—tall, dark, and blue-eyed, by the name of Frederick—had done what they all did, even after I’d told him not to—he’d fallen in love with me. I told him we were through, but as I’d feared, he had no intention of taking no for an answer. However, I’d dealt with others like him before—all so certain what they had in their shorts was enough to overcome my…reluctance…to maintain a romantic relationship. I knew full well they saw me as simply a conquest. It was the only reason they approached me.

It only took a rebuff or two…or three, before he got the message and left me alone. I knew it was a tossup as to whether he’d try to shred my reputation or skulk away with his tail tucked between his legs, but to my surprise, this one had simply shrugged and said, “It’s your loss, Knight,” before he sauntered off with a modicum of his dignity intact.

Hardly my loss, but it was too bad; I’d warned him.

The thought of Justin, my first boyfriend, slipped under my guard before I could prevent it from doing so.

He was a year my senior—nineteen to my eighteen—and while he was in his last year of college, I was working on my master’s degree. More than good looks, I’d always been excited by intelligence, and he was a fellow child prodigy. One of the reasons I’d never become involved with any of my classmates aside from their cocksure attitudes was their inability to match my intellect. But Justin…I’d been his from the first moment he’d spoken of integers and algorithms in the sole class we had together—optional for both of us. Afterward, his shy smile had drawn me in even deeper. He’d courted me, wooed me, and won me, and it wasn’t too long into that semester that I’d let him take me in his arms and sink himself into my willing body.

And although some slight thing seemed to be missing, I was happy, happier than I could recall being in my entire life, because even as he declared his love for me, I wholeheartedly loved him in return.

Although sometimes it felt if I just tried a little harder, dug a little deeper, I’d remember…something…

The school year wound to a close, and while Justin waited impatiently for his acceptance letter to law school, I planned our lives together. He’d go to Yale, and I’d go to Coombe University in Delaware, complete my master’s, and go on for my doctorate. The two universities were within driving distance…I’d obtained a driver’s license at sixteen and my parents had bought me a car as a graduation gift, so I could go up to see him every weekend. After he had his law degree and I had my doctorate, the future would be ours. Of course we couldn’t marry, but we could pursue our careers, contented bachelors, sharing our lives and our home, and even though I’d be out of the country at times doing research, Justin would always have my heart.

But then he came to me one day, his eyes red and his shoulders slumped.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“My parents are sending me to an out-of-state university.” His voice shook.

“Which one?”

He named a college that wasn’t as prestigious as Yale, and I wondered why his parents would do something like that.

“I’ll talk with my counselor and go there, too.” It made no difference to my parents if I went farther away from Connecticut than Delaware. I was disappointed I wouldn’t be going to Coombe, which had excellent programs in both ichthyology and herpetology, subjects that came very easily to me, but being with Justin meant more. Not that I’d be throwing away my future; I’d simply be getting my degrees in California. I imagined how things would be with Justin and me. We’d find an apartment, just the two of us, something we couldn’t do at this point, and we’d spend our nights—after we’d done our course assignments, of course—making love…

“You can’t!” He sounded panicked, and I blinked at him, bringing myself back to the present.

“Why not? My father and mother wouldn’t care. We don’t see much of each other as it is…”

“You don’t understand, David. I’m not homosexual like you.”

“Excuse me?” I couldn’t have heard that right. Justin loved burying his c**k deep in my ass or having me ride him or sucking him, and what could be more homosexual than that?

“My parents are sending me away because of us.”

“Wait. How could they know we’re anything except friends?” We were always so careful.

“My brat of a sister. She spotted us holding hands. Thank God she didn’t see me f*****g you.”

Since when had he referred to what we did as f*****g rather than making love? I was about to question him as to this, when his earlier words caught up with me. Holding hands? That was such an innocuous action. Couldn’t he have simply said he was steadying me, giving me a…well…a hand? “Well…well…they wouldn’t have to know.”

“They’d find out. They have someone spying on me all the time now.”

“Really? Now?” I looked around with interest. No one had ever spied on me—no one had ever thought I was interesting enough to do so.

Justin frowned at me and snapped, “Yes, now. Father will want me to join the firm after I pass the bar—”

“We’ve always known that.” I had no doubt my love would be a top-notch lawyer. He was a brilliant student who’d be graduating three years earlier than any other member of his class, and he’d have no problem passing the bar.

“Yes, well, just because my father is a senior partner, that won’t matter. In order for me to eventually become a partner, I’ll have to have a wife.”

I frowned at him. “How does the one involve the other?”

“It just does.” He gave a huff of impatience. “There will be functions I’m required to attend.”

“I’ll go with you.”

This time he scowled. “You’re being obtuse. I can’t attend with a man. One day I’ll marry a woman.”

“But you love me.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said again, and it felt as if he’d struck me. “Look, David. I’m not like you. I can’t live without my parents’ approval.”

“So you’re leaving me.” I didn’t shy away from the pain. Early on in my life, I’d learned not to. I stood there as all my lovely plans went up in smoke. I wouldn’t beg, however. I refused to beg.

His blue eyes flooded with tears, and he hugged me. “I’m sorry. I’ll never love anyone the way I love you.”

“No, you’ll love them more.” I stood stiffly, and he stared into my eyes.

“Listen to me. Once we’re out of school, we could see each other on the side. It won’t be important if I’m married.”

“I’d be your backstreet piece of ass?”

“Don’t put it like that, love.”

I frowned at the endearment that had always caused my heart to beat a little faster. “How would you like me to put it?”

He turned white and dropped his arms. “David? Don’t be unreasonable.”

“I’m being unreasonable? I’m not the one who’s throwing aside what we have for a future that would make three people miserable.”

“Would you be miserable if we no longer saw each other?” he had the nerve to ask wistfully.

“Are you determined to go this route?”

“I am. I have no choice…”

“Then whether or not I’m miserable is no concern of yours.” I stepped away from him. “Goodbye, Justin.”

He bit back a sob and rushed away, and I gave a massive shudder. I’d been abandoned again.

I frowned. Where had that thought come from? This was the first time—I shook my head. Most likely it was because the man I loved was willing to turn his back on me. Well, no more. I’d never again commit to a monogamous relationship…to any kind of relationship at all.