CHAPTER TWO
976 Words
ESTRELLA'S POV
I toss and turn uncomfortable on the tiny mattress that was assigned to me in the shelter that I found myself in three days after I left Dominic.
I remember that day vividly. I got down at the last stop of the bus I got into. It was a small town tucked along the major highway. As I trekked along the road that led me into town, I kept looking over my back before I even realized that he wouldn't know about my disappearance yet.
The workers and volunteers didn't ask me any questions when I collapsed in gratitude. They simply held me by my arms and took me inside. No questions asked.
The first ten days, I would jump at the slightest bang of the door. I couldn't bring myself to back the wall.
“If he comes looking for you, we will protect you.“ One of the volunteers said reassuringly, but I still didn't feel at ease.
Nothing could stop Dominic. Not me, not the old security guards here. Except he didn't even come looking. I don't know how that made me feel.
I tried to sit up as my pain intensified, but it resulted in a deep moan. Two nurses came rushing in.
“Your water just broke.“ I suddenly felt unprepared.
Three hours later, after a relatively easy birth. At least that was what the nurse said, I gave birth to my daughter.
I named her Rose. Just Rose.
***
Three months later, I get called into the matron's office. I knew instantly that it was bad news. It reminded me of when the old matron at the orphanage informed me I could no longer stay in the home after my eighteenth birthday.
That memory reminded me of Dominic, and I was determined not to think about him again. Ever.
“Estrella, I'm sorry we can no longer have you on. With the child, it's just too much, and we have no donors.“
I don't argue. I knew it was coming. I thank her for her assistance all this while.
“Where would you go?“
“Don't worry about me.“
“You know, you could give Rose up. Until you're ready to stand on your own.“
She was right. I needed to find my own way. Stand on my two feet.
“What are you talking about?“
“Sometimes, we get a bunch of couples, childless couples, who are looking for adoption. If you're lucky, you could give Rose, and if you're even luckier, they might allow you to see her during weekends.“
“But she would never be mine again?“
“I'm afraid not.“
That night, as I watched as my baby slept. I know deep down that I couldn't give her the lifestyle she deserves.
So the next morning I do what I should have done the minute I give birth to my baby. What I should have done before I got attached to my baby. I give her up.
The couple I chose were from the nearest city. Only an hour away from the shelter.
“We are going to give your baby all the love she deserves.“ Mrs. Earl smiles warmly, and I believe them. It is a genuine smile, full of warmth, as she peers down at my baby.
“We're even going to keep her original name.“ The husband adds. “So she can have a piece of you with her.“
“Thank you.“ I kept my eyes closed down, seeing her coo would hurt.
“I understand you want to visit.“ Mrs. Earl asks.
“No,” I say quickly. I decided against seeing her at all. I'm afraid one day I'm going to snatch her up and run with her. “I want her to get used to you. I trust you'll take care of her.“
“You have our word.“ The husband assures. “We're going to love her like our own.“
I leave the shelter that same day.
“Where will you go?“
“I'll be fine.“ I tell the matron, refusing to accept any help from them. They've done so much in the short three months I used there.
She pressed a small envelope in my hand stubbornly. In it was a small paper containing an address and enough money to take me there.
*****
“Table 3 would like to swap the fry for bread.“ I slipped into the kitchen of the diner where I now work. When the cab I took dropped me in front of the address five months ago, it turned out to be a diner.
My best bet was that the matron already explained my situation to the owner because I was hired on the spot and was allowed to sleep in the back room until I got my first paycheck.
“Gotcha, darlin'” Rob, the big cook smiles at me, and I grin back tiredly.
We are both on shift today, and while it was a swamped shift, it was a peaceful one. Peaceful because no one tries to harass me or ask for my number.
After my shift, I drag my tired self back to my studio apartment, two blocks away from the diner.
I kept the tips I get in a jar. I've refused to get a phone or anything that could link me to the world I left.
Except for my Rose, I left the diner's contact information so they could reach me.
The jar was becoming gradually full, but not enough for what I wanted it for. Rose would be a year old in only two months.
Like every night since I gave my baby up, I cry myself to sleep and wake up with a nightmare.
- Writer
