SCARS OF BETRAYAL

Betraying myself

TOMAS’S POV

I left her room very upset and I felt like I needed a bath right after that. Miranda was so filthy and I felt better when she was because that kept me from being anymore attracted to her. The reason I never gave her food was so that she wouldn’t get back that sexy figure she once had because that would make it harder for me to resent her. Her voice was the only thing I couldn’t change so she made sure she never spoke unless spoken to but even then her voice always gave me a painful hard on that I often had to hide.

I got into my room and headed straight for the shower, I needed to wash her stains off me. I ran the shower water and walked inside sighing as the hot water burnt my skin just the way I liked it. After I was done I put on my pyjamas and then I was disturbed by my father calling me.

“Yes father,” I said as I entered his office

“Tom, have you found your mate?” he asked, my father had been pestering me about finding my mate as if my life was not going to go anywhere without a mate.

 I wanted a mate of my own choosing because I knew that the one that the moon goddess had chosen for me was going to only bring me weaknesses and nothing more.  I imagined accepting Miranda as my mate would mean that I would have to constantly fight off wolves that would be attracted to her. Even if I didn’t want her as my mate, I had to admit that she was the most beautiful she-wolf in the whole kingdom.

“No I haven’t,” I said as I took a seat opposite him

“Well you know that it’s all up to you and I know you don’t want your brother taking your place on the throne and becoming Alpha,” he said and I felt my anger boil

“Father, William is not even here” I pointed out

“Yes that is true but we both know that he loves this family more than anything and he would do anything for us,” he said

“He doesn’t even want to be Alpha and that is why he is not here, besides the fact that he is not even next in line to be Alpha,” I said

“Just find her Tomas,” he said in his Alpha voice and I knew that this was no time for me to talk back.

I stood up and headed to my room to see if I could call Cindy and get her to visit me. I needed her hot body to be next to me if I had any hope of forgetting my depressing conversation with my father.

“Baby, can you come over? I am stressed out” I asked her as soon as she picked up her phone

“No my love I cannot, I am not even in town I escorted my father for a business meeting,” she said and although I was disappointed I understood what it meant to have duties in your family and to have things expected of you. That was what I loved the most about Cindy, she was very family orientated.

“Fine I will see you when you get back,” I said and then hung up.

I paced around my room trying to think of a way to get the edge off, I had quick smoking and taking drugs a few months ago and Cindy was the only one who helped me in stressful situations. The only other person that was around was my mate, whom I was trying my very best not to allow myself to want.

The reason why I refused to have anyone clean her room was that I never wanted to give myself a slight chance to find her desirable. The room was a pigsty and she was still wearing the clothes that i had taken her in the day I took her. I thought that was enough for me to keep my feelings for her at bay and avoid falling deeper in love with her but I was wrong. Every time I looked into those innocent blue eyes I fell deeper and I covered my love for her with hatred and constant anger.

I couldn’t afford to be mated with a low life like her who would bring nothing to the marriage except her misery and poverty. Cindy was my perfect mate and all I wanted was a chance to show everyone that she was as perfect as I saw her.

I poured myself a stiff drink and drunk it all at once, I felt like I needed a fix but I had to be strong and resist the temptation.  I went into the kitchen and fixed myself a sandwich with hopes that keeping my mouth bust would maybe help me forget about the cravings. But when I couldn’t get the sandwich down my throat I decided to give it to Miranda. She was right, she hadn’t eaten in days and not giving her food for an extra weak was not going to do her skinny body any good. I was keeping her alive because I wasn’t sure if I wanted her dead at all.

When I got into her room she was fast asleep I placed the food on her pedestal and then woke her up harshly, I didn’t want her thinking I was softening up to her. One good thing with wolves from our pack was our ability to heal very fast and I was counting on her healing fast, one meal was definitely not going to undo all the damage I had done to her for the past couple of months but it was going to help her get a little more energy and that was what I wanted from her.

“Eat, and then after you are done take a bath I will come and get you,” I said and stormed off before she said anything or asked any questions. For someone who was constantly mistreated Miranda sure couldn’t learn, she knew I hated it when she asked questions and yet she never stopped asking them.

MIRANDA'S POV

The sandwich he had made for me tasted so good, it wasn’t enough to fill my empty stomach but it helped me a little bit. After I finished eating I went into the bathroom to take a bath, ever since I had come here I had only taken a bath once and I got severely punished for it because apparently I wasn’t allowed to groom myself, I couldn’t help but wonder what my mate’s sudden change of heart was caused by. Tomas was cruel and I doubted he would ever change and that was the reason I was so worried about his intentions. I ran the hot water in the bathtub and sunk in, I loved the way the hot water burned into my skin because the stinging pain reminded me that I was still alive and he hadn’t killed me yet. As much as I wanted to stay in the bathtub longer and enjoy this once in my lifetime luxury I knew that in doing so I would risk punishment and ruin Tomas’ seemingly good mood.

After I was done bathing I found a freshly washed mini dress set for me on the bed, and the bed was surprisingly made and the dirty sheets were changed. I applied the lavender-scented lotion on my body slowly as I enjoyed the way the lotion felt on my skin and made me smell. After I was done I put on the dress and it fit me like a glove, if I wasn’t so skinny  I would actually allow myself to feel pretty but I felt like a skeleton or a scarecrow in a cornfield. But even scarecrows looked better than me. as I stood there contemplating what I looked more like between the scarecrow and a mummy I was startled by the opening and Tomas budging in.

“Are you done?” he asked avoiding looking at me

“Y...Yes” I said in fear of what his next move might be

“Good then come with me,” he said as he led me to his bedroom.

The palace still looked the same as the last time I had seen it, I hadn’t been out of my room in a while and when I was out this morning I was standing by the balcony. It felt refreshing to be walking on the palace corridors once more and I loved the taste of this little freedom. Maybe Tomas had finally realized how much he loved me and had decided to accept me as his mate. As much as I wanted that to be true I decided not to dwell on the thought because I knew I was going to be disappointed if I did.

When we finally arrived in his room, he looked around to see if anyone had seen us and then opened the door and let me in. He was still being secretive about my presence and who I was to him, this meant that he was still ashamed of me and he hadn’t accepted me as his mate. I walked into the beautifully decorated bedroom in amazement; the room was so big and spacious with muscular color making it clear that it was a man’s room. There was a sleigh bed right in the middle of the room and there was a mirror on the ceiling and I assumed that was because he loved watching himself as he made love to Cindy. The thought of Cindy left a bitter taste in my mouth and I wanted to vomit.

When we got to Tomas's room his stance seemed to change a little bit, he was no longer as harsh as he had been when I first got here. Instead, he was showing me a softer side of him, it was almost as if he actually cared about what happened to me.

“sit down,” he said pointing to the bed which was very comfortable, unlike the one I was given in my room. I had never been in this room because despite how filthy my room was when Tomas wanted to punish me he would bring Cindy there and they would have s*x on my bed and then after they were done they would brag about how dirty they felt and then go and bath.

I sat on the bed anxiously and waited for my monster mate who was now acting not so monstrous to tell me what I was doing here. he came and sat next to me and looked me deep in my eyes, I could see he wanted to say something to me and he looked as if he was about to beg me but he didn't.

instead, he started kissing me and at first, I tried to push him off me but it was like fighting against myself. My wolf wanted him so badly and as much as I hated to admit it so did I, but not after the way he had treated me. I started slapping him in an attempt to get him off me but that only made him deepen the kiss and made me want him even more. I finally found myself giving in and kissing him back with twice the passion.

I hated the fact that I loved Tomas and I hated the fact that I was so weak to his advances, I wished I was stronger and I wished I could resist him because right now I felt like a weakling. the next thing I knew he was undressing me and I knew where this was going.

Yet despite knowing the reason why Tomas was being so nice to me, I I still couldn't stop myself for falling for his deceit but I knew this was not going to last. the next think I knew Tomas was breathing heavily on top of me and I was holding on to him for dear life. how could someone that I thought I hated make me feel so good? how could I allow him to make me a woman even when he didn't want me? I felt like I was betraying by giving into Tomas' and enjoying it.

After we were done having s*x he lay on the bed next to me and smiled, he had clearly enjoyed what we had just done and I was embarrassed to say this but so did I. I suddenly felt the need to crawl beneath his arm and cuddle with him, but when I did this he got up as quick as he could and stood further away from me.

"I think I should take you back to your room before anyone sees you" was the only thing he said as he stood far from me.It was in this moment that it sunk into my thick skull that I had just been used and this was him disposing of me. I wished I had never given into his advances and listened to my gut instead, Tomas was incapable of changing his mind and loving me. in fact I was now sure that Tomas would never love me, he wanted what he wanted and when he got it he would always get rid of me like I meant nothing to him.

“Put that on” he instructed me and I simply looked at the shirt in disgust, I would rather walk around naked than wear his clothes, after he having s*x with me under false pretense I knew that I was going to be marinated by his scent and how he wanted to make it worse by making me wear his clothes.

“I said put that on or did I not make myself clear enough?” he asked moving closer to me in an intimidating manner. it was amazing how Tomas had changed in an instant, from being nice and gentle to being rough and cruel.

“You better put this on and stop acting like a child, you know you wanted this as much as I did” he whispered in my ear and I reached for the shirt and quickly put it on. I realised the big stain of blood that I had left behind on his bed and it suddenly sunk in that I had consciously decided to give my virginity to Tomas with hopes that he would change and accept me as his mate and I was wrong and naive for thinking that.

He led me to my bedroom and I slowly followed him feeling ashamed of what I had just done with him and feeling like everyone could see what I had just done although there was no one insight. When we got to the door of my room he pushed me in and then locked the door as I stumbled into my now clean room. I heard the lock go off as he locked me inside, I crawled to my bed and pulled the clean sheets to cover my aching body and closed my eyes. I hoped that when I woke up the next morning this would all turn out to be a terrible dream and I hadn't handed myself on a silver platter to Tomas only to be disposed of.

This was the worst kind of betrayal performed by my own mate.