Soldiers in Love

Chapter 3: The Real You-3

“My dad’s.” My eyes misted a little as I remembered buying these for Daddy. But he never got to wear them. “They’re brand new. He never wore them. You can keep them if you want to.”

Daniel moved slowly into the room. Kneeling beside me, he put his hands over mine on the material. “I would be honored to wear them.” He leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “Your dad must have been someone really special. I know he’d be super proud of you.”

“Yeah. I guess,” I answered.

As I felt his hand brush along my hair, the sad thoughts about my dad suddenly seemed to lessen in their intensity. I became aware of Daniel kneeling so close to me that I could feel his chest brush my arm with each breath he took. I turned my head to look at him and he returned it, his eyes searching my face. But for what?

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.

“I think you’re beautiful as well,” I whispered back.

“Not me,” he murmured. Sitting down next to me on the floor, he leaned closer to whisper, “You make me feel beautiful. It’s been so long since I’ve felt like this and I don’t want to do anything to ruin it.”

I turned to face him. “So don’t.”

“I won’t. At least I hope not.” He gently brushed the hair from my shoulder. “We’d better go and check on the meat. Before it burns.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, not making a move to get up.

Daniel drew a deep shaky breath and pulled me close. “Screw the meat. Let it burn,” he murmured.

“Yeah,” I agreed scant seconds before his mouth closed over mine. His kiss was almost blinding in its intensity and I curled my fingers in the front of his shirt to hold him close.

Daniels lips burned a path along my cheekbone, heading towards my neck. I moaned softly as he kissed the column of my throat. My hand sank into his hair as his tongue traced small circles along my skin, sending shivers through my body. I turned my head, catching his lips to kiss him. I couldn’t seem to get enough of his kisses.

He pulled back first, running his hands up and down my arms. The swim trunks were a forgotten pile on the floor as he pulled me to sit on the bed. Pressing me back, he lowered his chest over me. In the back of my mind, I could hear Flo’s warnings that I shouldn’t be getting involved with this man. But it didn’t occur to me to stop him. Instead, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down to me for another kiss. Daniel’s right hand slid down over my chest to cup my breast. I gasped against his mouth.

“It’s okay?” he whispered. “Am I hurting you?”

“No,” I murmured. “I like it.”

A small smile played on the corners of his lips. “Me too.” For a moment, his gaze followed the movement of his hand as he caressed me through the material of my t-shirt. His eyes met mine. “You are so beautiful,” He murmured. “Will you let me touch you?”

I gave him a confused look. “You are touching me.”

Daniel shook his head. “That’s not what I meant.” His fingers slid down my chest and over my stomach and lower down. “There,” he said, brushing his fingers over me. “And-” His fingers traveled back up until he lay his palm over my chest where my heart beat steadily. “Here.”

I looked up at him. “Don’t play with me,” I whispered. “I don’t want to be hurt anymore.”

Daniel shook his head. “I’m too old for games.”

I nodded and sat up under him. “I’d better check the meat for real. I can smell it.”

He moved over to let me get up. “Yeah, don’t burn our dinner,” he teased me. “We’ll need that energy later.”

I grabbed a pillow and swung it at him. “Have you been talking to Quanna?” He merely gave me an innocent look. “I’m going to check the food. Change if you want to. I’ll be outside.”

I went out and checked the meat. They were cooking nicely. I figured I had a little bit of time to take a quick dip. I stripped off my shorts and t-shirt and jumped into the pool. The water was cool against my skin and I broke the surface to see Daniel striding towards me .My dad’s swim trunks fit him like they’d been made just for him.

And he still wore his long sleeved shirt. I folded my arms over the edge of the pool and squinted up at him as he sat down on the edge.

“Come on in,” I said to him. “The water feels good.” I ducked under for a moment, then floated on my back. I noticed that his eyes were fastened on me and had darkened with desire. He licked his lips as if they were suddenly dry and looked away. I swam back to the edge where he dangled his bare feet in the water. “You do swim, don’t you?”

He gave me a crooked grin. “Of course. The Marines made sure of that.”

I rested an elbow over his knee, the hairs on his leg brushing against my sensitive skin.

“Would you rather do something else? We don’t have to go swimming, you know.” Now that was a loaded question if I’d ever heard one. My face turned red and I looked away as he grinned at me. “I meant like watch a movie or something.”

“No. I’m happy here,” he answered. He shifted, sliding his left hand underneath his thigh. “It’s just- I don’t- I guess I have body issues is all.”

I squinted up at him. “You don’t have to worry about that here, you know. It’s just us. And besides, you’re talking to the queen of body issues.”

Daniel gave me another once over, a look so hot it could have heated the water around me. “I think you have a lovely body.”

“And I bet that you do too.” I moved between his knees, my hands resting on his thighs. He watched me from underneath lowered lids. He was looking for something and waiting. But for what? I wasn’t sure.

Gently, I reached for the buttons at his wrist and opened it. He watched silently, not making a move to stop me. I stroked his right hand, sliding my hand under the open sleeve to caress his wrist. The skin was unblemished on this side of his body, which was why he allowed people to see it.

I grasped his other arm and tugged his hand from underneath his thigh where he was hiding it, releasing the button at that wrist as well. Instantly, he reached to cover his deformed hand as he always did. But I stopped him.

“Don’t,” I murmured. “Don’t hide from me. Please.”

“I hate it,” he whispered.

I closed his wounded hand in between mine. “I know. But it’s a part of who you are.” I stroked the back of his hand where I knew he could feel the contact. “But it isn’t all of you. You survived. You save them. You’re here.” I pushed the sleeve up to reveal more discolored skin on his arm. “This is a reminder of what you had to do.”

He didn’t say anything. He merely watched me touching his flesh.

“This doesn’t make me want you any less,” I said, hoping that I wasn’t being too forward with him.

Daniel still didn’t speak, but his eyes said plainly that he didn’t believe me. “How can you say that this,” he held up his scarred hand. “Doesn’t matter to you? That you want to be around me? When people see me, they move away. They choose another seat. They stare. Women can’t even look at me.” He shook his head, staring at his hand as if it were a snake ready to bite him. “Sometimes, I can’t even stand to look at myself. So how can you say that it doesn’t bother you?”

“But I do want to be around you. This isn’t all of who you are. Only a part.”

“Sure.”

I reached up and caught his chin, forcing him to look at me. “You are so much more than your scars. That’s what I want to learn, Daniel. I want to know your favorite color, food. Movie. What you like to do, what pisses you off. Your memories of the past and your dreams for the future. Everything.”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Of course I do. Why do you think I invited you on my cigarette break that day?”

He shrugged. “You don’t ask for much, do you?”

I lifted a shoulder. “I don’t think it’s much. It’s nothing more than anyone would ask from the person they care about.”

“I guess, but you don’t care for me.”

“How do you know? You’re here aren’t you?”

Daniel nodded slowly.

I reached for the buttons at his chest but stopped before releasing the first one. “Is it okay?”

I waited for him to answer. I could tell he was warring with himself whether to let me expose him completely or to continue to hide himself from me. I knew that he figured hiding was easier and that he was afraid of being humiliated again. So I let go of him.

“It’s okay, Daniel,” I said quietly. “You can do it when you’re ready. I’ll be here.” I pushed off the side. Part of me wished that he wouldn’t hide from me, but I understand why he did it.

“Regan.”

I turned back to look at him. He slowly unbuttoned the buttons, stopping just before the material would open completely. I moved back towards him. His hands rested on his thighs an invitation for me to finish what he’d started.

I was surprised to find that my hands trembled as I reached to undo the last two buttons. I slowly pushed the material aside. A gasp lodged in my throat as I looked at his skin for the first time.

His chest was well defined though not bulky, his belly flat and ridged with muscle. A handful of dark hairs dusted his lower chest. His n*****s were dark and tight in the cool air. Then I saw what he was so afraid of me seeing. HIs otherwise perfect body was riddled with scars.

“What happened to you?” I whispered. “It looks like you’ve been in a knife fight.”

“Razor blades,” he said softly, not looking at me. “They’re not just for shaving.”

I gently trailed over one short, raised white line. “I’m so sorry, Daniel.”

He didn’t answer at first, but instead shrugged out of the shirt. He dropped it next to him and held his arms out. “While you’re looking, maybe you should see all of them.”

“What do you mean?”

Daniel merely turned his back to me. Scars similar to the ones on his chest crisscrossed his back. Only these were longer, like the lashes of a whip.

“Oh my God,” I breathed. “They don’t whip people anymore.”

Daniel snorted. “Tell that to Dalia.”

Slowly, I leaned forward to press my lips against his back. He jumped startled but didn’t pull away. Gently, I turned him back to face me and pressed my lips against the scar that ran diagonally across his heart. “I’m so sorry, Daniel,” I whispered again.

He didn’t answer me. Instead, he pushed me away and slid into the water.

“Daniel?”

“What?”

I swallowed hard at the sudden anger in his voice.

“What did they do to you?”

His jaw set, he wadded his shirt between his wet hands. “You can probably figure it out.”

“Why did they do it?”

“I thought you wanted to swim,” he said tersely. “So let’s swim.” He dove under the surface and swam the length of the pool and back several times. He cut through the water with strong, even strokes. He swam over to the edge of the pool and folded his arms over the edge and buried his head in them. He hadn’t looked at me once.

“Do you feel better?”

“What do you mean?”

I held up my hands. “You can be yourself with me,” I explained. “You can relax. No one is going to ridicule or judge you. Especially not me. I won’t hurt you.” I reached out to touch his shoulder, fully expecting him to pull away from me. Surprisingly, he didn’t. I gazed at his back, not even being able to imagine the pain that he’d suffered to get those scars. I couldn’t understand how someone could hurt him this way. “No one has the right to do this to another human being,” I whispered.

Daniel kept his head buried in his arms. “Dalia thought she did. And she did.”

I gently trailed my fingers along his shoulder to the nape of his neck. His hair still clung wetly to his skin. “Will you tell me what happened?”

Daniel drew a deep breath and straightened, squaring his shoulders. “I’ll tell you later.” He finally glanced at me then away. “Maybe I should go. ”He gripped the edge of the pool and pushed himself out of the water.

A wave of sadness washed over me. He wanted, no needed, so desperately for someone to understand and love him for who he was and see past the scars that marred his skin. If he left now, I would lose him.