Soldiers in Love

Chapter 2: Trust Me-3

Too late. He’d already seen it. His eyes darkened and he trailed a finger down my jaw. “Would you like to come in for a little bit? We could talk or whatever.”

I hesitated. “I don’t know, Daniel. It’s late and I’ve got an early class tomorrow.”

He met my gaze. “It’s alright. You don’t have to. I understand.”

“Daniel-”

The corner of his mouth lifted. “I wasn’t going to try anything. I just like being around you and didn’t want you to go just yet.” He sighed and sat back in the seat. “Some other time maybe.”

His words sent a shiver of pleasure through me. I felt the same for him. I had fun tonight and liked being with him as well. And I didn’t want the evening to end as well. So I relented. “Ok. But only for a little while. I really do have class early tomorrow.”

This time he grinned. It was like lightning, far off in the distance. It caught me off guard and though I know it seemed silly, I held my breath, waiting for the thunder. “You’ll be home before midnight, Princess.”

I followed him to his studio on the second floor. He fumbled for a moment with the key, seeming suddenly nervous as if he thought that I wouldn’t think his place was good enough.

“This is home for right now,” he said. “Let me give you the grand tour.” He spread his arms, indicating the room. “It begins and ends right here. This is what I call the living room.” he winked at me over his shoulder. “I live here.”

I grinned at him as I glanced around. It was small, cramped even. Hell, it was a hotel room after all. There was a full sized bed on the far side against the wall. The dresser had also been left when they renovated, along with the big table that served as TV stand and dining room table. Daniel had a futon by the window and not much else. A TV sat on the table and a hot plate next to it. A small fridge sat on the floor beside it. I saw his personal items lined up neatly beside the sink. I knew the bathroom was behind the wall. The aroma of his soap and shampoo still lingered in the air. I even saw a portable grill on the other corner of the sink.

“It’s nice,” I said.

He shrugged. “It does the job.”

“Daniel, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

I chewed at my lip. “I don’t want to get in your business or anything, but if you’re an officer in the Marines, why don’t you have a house, an apartment or something? Or at least live on the base?” I gestured at the hotel room turned studio apartment. “This is small. Too small.”

He shrugged, looking around. “I don’t have much.”

“I guess. But all I’m saying is that the military could put you up in a house or-”

“I had a house. I had the white picket fence. I had the two car garage. I even had the 1.5 kids and a dog. And she took it all when she left. So forgive me if this tiny little place doesn’t matter to me.”

I suddenly felt horrible. I hadn’t meat to make him feel bad. “I’m sorry, Daniel. I only meant-”

He nodded. “I know what you meant,” he said, his voice softer now. He reached out and took my hand in his. “Don’t worry, okay? I have money. It’s just- I just don’t want to own anything that anyone can take away from me because they are mad at me.”

“She did that to you?”

He sighed heavily. “She did that and more.”

I squeezed his hand to make him feel better. He returned it with a squeeze of his own.

He seemed to want to change the subject. “I want to show you something.”

“What?”

Daniel didn’t answer but pulled me towards the bed. I hesitated as he gestured for me to sit down. I wasn’t sure what he had in mind. This wasn’t what I’d come up here for. I hoped he wouldn’t try to force me into anything. Unbidden came the memories of Conrad holding me down. I closed my eyes against the images.

I watched as he pulled a small wooden box from inside a bigger one. Daniel’s thigh brushed mine as he sat down next to me on the bed. I tensed a bit, waiting for him to pounce.

But he didn’t. Instead, he sat with the box in his lap. His fingers gently traced the carving on the lid of the box. He shifted to face me and I jumped.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Then his eyes widened in understanding. “Relax,” he said quietly. “I told you that I wouldn’t do anything unless you wanted me to.” He held up the box. “I wanted to show you this. I don’t ever really show this to anybody,” he said, cradling the box in his hands before passing it to me.

I took it carefully from him and held it reverently. It had to be something really important to him and something very sacred and special. It made me feel good that he’d chosen to share it with me, especially this being our first date and all. Perhaps he felt like I did, that we had a connection between us that neither of us had ever felt with anyone else.

Gently, I ran my fingers over the carving. Someone had taken great care to make this box. I looked over at Daniel. “What does it say?”

He too traced the character with a finger. “Soldier,” he said softly.

Fitting, I thought. “Where did you get this? It’s beautiful.”

His eyes glowed with the memory though he wasn’t smiling. “It was a gift,” he said softly. “I’d been deployed and was patrolling in a city where many Americans were living. There was a man named Hakim who had a fruit stand in one of the markets. He was an old man, and he and his wife Nafissa would get to the market early in the mornings so they could get their spot.” Daniel shook his head, his lips curving at the memory. “They didn’t need to worry about it. No one ever took their spot. Everyone knew it was theirs. This one day, they had their cart loaded down with fruits for their stand. These two men came over and started arguing with Hakim about something. They knocked their cart over, spilling all the fruit into the street. I went over to help them gather up the spilled fruit and right their cart. My friend refused to help. Hakim and his wife were grateful for the help and from then on, they’d not let me pay for the fruit I got from them. They’d invited me to their home for dinner one night. I wasn’t supposed to go but I went anyway. They lived in a one room shack and Nafissa cooked the meal over a fire pit. It was the best food I’d ever eaten. That’s when they gave me this box.” He stroked the top of the box gently. “It’s a simple gift really. Probably not worth anything. But it’s worth everything to me.”

I glanced at him. “You sound sad, Daniel. What happened to them?”

He kept his gaze on the box, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “Two weeks later, the market was bombed. We helped with the rescue attempt. I found them. They were laying side by side, arms around each other.” He shook his head. “They died together, just like they lived. Sometimes I wish for a love like that. And then I think about her and I know what they had was a one in a million shot. A crap shoot.”

I listened to him, my heart aching at the bitterness in his voice. Flo had been right about one thing. Daniel had definitely seen a lot and a lot had happened to him. And I honestly didn’t know if he’d ever be alright again.

“I’m sorry if I’m boring you. Or scaring you,” he said after a seemingly endless silence. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’ll understand.”

I covered his hand with mine on the lid of the box. “Do you want me to go?” I asked softly.

Slowly, he shook his head “No,” he said quietly. “I’d like for you to stay.”

I pushed the box towards him. He frowned, pushing it back.

“Are you sure you want me to open it?” I asked. I was half afraid that he might not be able to control himself if memories flooded his mind and he lost it.

“I want you to get to know me,” he said. “Everything that I am is in this box. Look in it and decide if you want to be with me. “

I glanced at him as I slowly lifted the lid from the box. I don’t know why I was so hesitant. I knew there was nothing in there that would hurt me. But I found myself wondering what I would uncover about him. And would I feel the same way after he explained the items inside the box?

I lifted the lid and laid it aside. Inside the box, there was small blue box nestled amongst newspaper clippings and pictures. I picked up the box, turning it over in my hands. There was nothing spectacular about it.

“What’s this?” I asked him, holding it up.

“Open it.”

I flicked the clasp and lifted the lid. There nestled on a bed of navy blue velvet was a medal. The Medal of Valor to be exact. Reverently, I touched the satin sash the medal was attached to. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“This is beautiful,” I said in awe. I’d seen pictures of medals issued to men and women in the Service. But until now, I’d never touched one.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“You must have been proud when the President pinned it on you.”

“Why?”

I held up the box, showing him the medal in its velvet bed. “This proves you’re brave.”

“It only proves I was lucky,” he said softly. “It just means I was lucky enough to make it back.”

I didn’t understand how he could be so blasé about his medal. But I didn’t press him. I lay the box aside and looked at the clippings. There were several pictures of him in his uniform. I examined each one closely. God he was handsome in that uniform.

Daniel’s lips twitched though he didn’t smile. “You can have that one,” he said.

“Oh no, I couldn’t,” I protested. “These are yours.”

He took the picture and handed it to me. “I want you to have it,” he insisted.

I cradled the picture in my hands. It was a full body shot of him in his uniform. He was so serious, so proud. I glanced at the man sitting next to me.

“Where is this man?” I whispered.

“He’s gone,” Daniel whispered back.

“Won’t you tell me what happened?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You read the articles.”

“I’d rather hear the truth. From you.”

He merely stared at me.

I continued. “You were there, Daniel. You know what happened. I won’t judge you.”

Daniel’s jaw tightened and that muscle began its rhythmic ticking. “The tank caught fire. I managed to pull the two men out before it exploded.” he shrugged. “They pinned a medal on my chest.” His voice trailed off and I felt the wall go up. “I don’t really remember much else.”

“Can’t or don’t want to?” I asked him.

He looked at me, his eyes boring into mine. “Can’t,” he answered, his voice hard and flat.

I closed the lid on the box and handed it back to him. “I’d better go,” I said, standing. “I have class at 8:00 tomorrow.”

Daniel stood as well, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m sorry, Regan,” he said quietly. “I’ll tell you everything one day.”

“When will that be?”

He looked unhappy again. “When I know I can stop being a selfish bastard and can take it when you walk away.”

“And why would I do that? Tell me since you seem to know me so well.”

He shrugged. “Why not? Everyone else has. They all think I’m crazy. So why shouldn’t you?”

“Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Crazy?”

This time, he met my gaze. “Maybe.” He sighed. “Sometimes I think I am. I just don’t like to remember. Too many things happened before and after the accident. And sometimes, I just can’t deal.”

“That doesn’t make you crazy,” I said quietly.

“You’d be surprised.” For a moment, he looked as if he wanted to say something more, then he looked away. “Would you- would you, if I asked, would you touch me softly like you did that hunk of metal?”

I moved towards him slowly and took his face between my hands. “Anytime you want me to,” I answered softly.

“How about now?”

Instantly, I slipped my arms around him, pulling him close. He hesitated briefly before putting his arms around me. Deep inside, I knew what it cost him to ask for so simple a gesture. While it touched me that he’d asked me, it also made me sad that he felt that he needed to.

“You don’t let many people this close to you, do you?” I asked pulling back enough to look into his pretty eyes.

“No,” he murmured, shaking his head. “If you let people this close to you, you’re dead. Or you could be. And besides, I know what I look like to others.”

“So why me?”

He shrugged again. “I feel different with you. Like I don’t have to run so hard.” His hands gently stroked my back. “I get so tired of running,” he whispered. “I knew you were different from the rest when I first went into the coffee shop and you smiled at me and didn’t cringe away like everyone else does. That’s why I came back. And I was surprised when you talked to me on your break. And even more surprised that you agreed to go out with me and that you’re here right now. In my arms.”

“Why?”

“Look at me, Regan. No, I mean really look at me.”

I looked at him, not sure what he wanted me to see. All I saw was a handsome man, scarred from life inside and out. A man looking for something that he felt he lost long ago. A man who had as much love to give as he needed to get in return.

“I think you’re beautiful,” I murmured. I ran my fingers through his dark hair, noticing for the first time the flecks of gray mixed in. As I stroked his cheek, I noticed the lines around his mouth and eyes that signaled the tension that he always carried. He needed peace and I wanted to be the one to give it to him. “Then don’t run anymore,” I murmured. “You know that one day, you’re going to have to face the past and what happened “

“I know,” he said quietly.

“And,” I continued. “If I’m around, I’ll listen. And I’ll be there for you.”

“I hope that you’ll be around for a while. A long while.”

“Why do you say it like that?”

“Because people don’t tend to hang around me too long.”

I slipped my arms around his neck again. “Well just so you know, I tend to hang around as long as I’m wanted.”

His gaze dropped to my lips then back up. “I want you,” he whispered. “I mean, I want you around.”

He leaned forward as if to kiss me but stopped himself. I caught his chin, turning him to face me. “Don’t pull away from me, Daniel,” I whispered. “Don’t hide. I won’t hurt you.”

This time, he didn’t stop and our lips met in another fiery kiss. I gasped at the intensity of it and my hand involuntarily clenched in his hair. He grunted and freed his hair from my grasp, pulling my arms around his neck again.

We kissed as if we had all the time in the world. Maybe we did. I don’t know. And right then, I didn’t care. I was caught up in the taste of him and the feel of his kiss. His arms were loose about my waist if I wanted to back away. But the opposite was true. I wanted to be closer to him. HIs hands slid to my hips and he pulled me even closer against his body.

Something didn’t feel quite right. His kiss was fire, his body warm against mine. The soft sound of his breathing and the feel of his heartbeat sounded right. That wasn’t it. Then with a start it hit me. I couldn’t feel him pressing into me. Not that I’d had that much experience in the love department, but I was pretty sure I was supposed to notice that one detail. I tried to shake it off. Perhaps he just wasn’t as into it as I was. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t enjoying the kiss, right?

Daniel pulled away, looking at me. “Am I being to rough? Did I hurt you?”

I shook my head. “No. I liked it.”

His lips curved just slightly. “Yeah. Me too.”

“Really?”

He gave me a strange look. “Yes. Really.”

I decided not to press the issue. I rested my forehead against his. “I gotta go,” I murmured.

Daniel sighed, his warm breath brushing my lips in the softest of caresses. “I know. I wish you didn’t have to.”

“Yeah, but this is only the first date. It’s not proper for me to stay over yet.”

A soft burst of air whooshed from him. It was the closest thing to a chuckle I’d ever heard from him. “I know. Can I see you again?”

I grinned at him. “I take a cigarette break every day.”

“That’s good,” he said. He kissed me once then twice more before taking me by the hand and walking with me to my car.

“Thanks again for tonight,” I said again. “I hope there will be more like it.”

“Me too,” he answered.

I glanced back to see him standing, watching me with his hands in his pockets as I drove away.

God, he was beautiful.