Rise

Chapter 9

9

I think I passed out. I must have for a little while at least because when I opened my eyes the vomit under my cheek was cold and Spin had stopped crying. I sat up and pawed at the black sludge that was smeared across my cheek. Spin had covered Anth and Karn with clean white sheets. They looked like two little dolls hiding under the blankets.

“Good, you’re awake.”

I turned where I was on the floor, careful to not get what was left of my vomit on my silver jumpsuit, which seemed stupid and garish now. I wanted to rip it from my body and put on a rough canvas sack. I wanted a hair shirt or chains or whatever people wear when they want their outside pain to match their insides. Spin was slumped on a stool at the end of his friend’s bed.

“Spin, I’m so sorry.” Black vomit dribbled down my chin. “I can’t believe I did that.”

“It’s alright, Phoenix.”

“No, it’s not alright. Not at all. You told me not to do it, Royal told me not to do it, but I ignored you both and tried to play god. I’m so sorry.” I looked at the two still forms. “What have I done?”

That’s when I lost my s**t. Big time. You know when you’re so upset that you lose track of time? That you kind of blackout in the shame of it all? I’m not sure what I did, all I know is that when I finally calmed down, Spin was holding me in a dark corner of the tent and the clean white sheets were streaked with black.

“Easy, Phoenix, easy,” Spin whispered. Somehow, even with our size difference and my huge wings, he was holding my head in his lap. “Neither was long for this earth, they both would have died today.”

“But I made it worse, so much worse,” I coughed out the words.

“Yes,” Spin put his hand under my chin and lifted me up to face him. “Yes, you did. You must own that mistake and learn from it. Did you do a bad thing? Yes. Are you a bad person? No. You will learn from this. It is a mistake you will not make again.” He smiled. “I love you, and I forgive you.”

“Thank you, Spin.” I hugged him. “Thank you. I won’t make this mistake again. I can promise you that.”

“But you will make mistakes again.” He chuckled. “We can count on you for that.”

I smiled weakly.

“Now, I must see to a proper burial for these two.” I opened my mouth, and he held up his hand. “I will tell no one of what has happened here. That would serve no purpose.”

“Thank you.”

“You need to talk to Royal.”

“Yep, and beg for forgiveness.”

Spin sighed.

“I don’t think you will have much begging to do. What Royal did today was an act of love. For you and for Karn. He is a great creature.” Spin got to his feet; he wasn’t much taller than me sitting on the floor. “Off you go.”

I kissed him on the cheek and left the tent.

I stepped out into the sunlight. It was warm and welcoming, two things I felt I didn’t deserve. I looked out across the grounds. Everything was exactly the same as it had been before I entered the tent. No one was running around screaming I was a monster, the few minions that saw me smiled and waved. I tried to smile back but my lips didn’t really want to do that yet, so I settled for a nod. Benyst was helping a group of minions with their cooking fire, and he looked at me for a long time. I tried nodding again, and although he returned it, I could tell he wasn’t buying whatever it was I was trying to sell. He jogged over to me. Damnit, why did he have to look so much like Fabio? Nineties flashbacks everywhere.

“Royal is in the shed.” No hello, right to the point, that’s my Benyst. Well, Noiryn’s Benyst.

“Thanks,” I mumbled. “You okay? You look a bit tired?”

Actually, he looked like crap. Up close I could now see the roughness of his skin and the slight thinness of his hair. Fine lines clustered around his eyes and his lips were dry and cracked. He visibly bristled at my question.

“I’m fine. Thank you. There has been a lot to do, and I have been doing it.”

Man, I was screwing up all over the place today.

“I’m sorry, Benyst, truly. I should be helping more. I’ll go talk to Royal and then get stuck in.”

“No, Phoenix, I am sorry. Yes, I am tired. And you have done a great thing today.”

“What are you talking about?” Had Royal told him what had happened in the tent?

“The healing of the minions, what else?” Benyst let out a hearty laugh, and suddenly his lips weren’t so dry.

“Oh, right.”

“Phoenix you are too modest,” he looked down at the metallic monstrosity I was wearing, “Maybe not?” he said with a wink. “After you talk to Royal, head into the kitchen. Noiryn and the gargoyles have been making some fabulous sandwiches.” He smiled like the cover of a romance novel and trotted back to the minions. I watched his ass as he ran.

“Almost as good as Archer’s,” I said to myself.

Archer. It suddenly occurred to me that he hadn’t seen me healed. He didn’t even know. The last time he saw me I was sinew and bone. I missed him so much right now, I had to cram my feelings down and pretend they didn’t exist or risk losing it all over again. One day we would be able to parade our union around to the whole Void, but until then it was something only my inner circle could know.

I turned my attention to the shed. The front door was open. The little cottage in the woods I had no idea existed until today was going to be the setting for a conversation I didn’t want to have. What if Royal was disgusted with me? What if he decided to leave? Royal wasn’t quite a father figure but had quickly become one of my best friends. He was my right-hand-winged-man. I needed to do whatever it took to get him to stay.

I shook out my wings and headed towards the shed.