The Way Back to You

Nearly a month had passed.  In his nervousness, as he stood by the residence’s still-open gate, Bai Ruyi’s stomach felt so hollow that he thought he might faint.  With sudden urgency, he clutched a folded piece of paper preciously against his chest while closing the gate so he could lean against it for support. Then, his hands shaking a little, he unfolded the piece of paper and began to roam his eyes over its contents. “To my honored brother,” the salutation read. Bai Ruyi stopped there, allowing his gaze to trail over each stroke of the words. Despite that kind of greeting, Bai Ruyi knew from the familiar handwriting—this letter could only have come from Qing Xue. This was the first letter that he had written and sent after being sent off to the battlefield, more than two weeks ago.  It should have made Bai Ruyi feel reassured, finally holding it in his hands, but it didn’t. This had likely been written as soon as Qing Xue arrived at their encampment. He might have been fine then, but so many days had already passed… What about now?  At this very moment, was he still doing well…? The now-familiar pain of not knowing returned to Bai Ruyi in the form of that hollow stomach.  Actually, the feeling wasn’t entirely imaginary. This entire time, he had barely eaten anything. He had almost no appetite at all, and when he did remember to eat despite not feeling hungry, he could tolerate only a few bites before he simply couldn’t swallow anything more. He felt so weak, and not just in the physical sense. He had felt this way every single day after the order came for Qing Xue to march. Bai Ruyi had known that this order would come eventually, but he hadn’t expected that Qing Xue’s turn to be sent off would be so soon. Qing Xue later confessed that this was no mere chance. Eager to begin his career in the military and build a reputation for himself, he had voluntarily put his name forth and insisted on being included among the next batch of soldiers and officers to be deployed.  And this time around, when the Emperor heard of it, he didn’t stop his son. Instead, he promoted Colonel Zhou and made him a field general.  It was thus under General Zhou that Qing Xue continued to serve. As he knew that the General would do everything in his power to ensure the survival of the Emperor’s son, this gave some measure of relief to Bai Ruyi. However, it didn’t offset how heartbroken he was when he learned of Qing Xue’s plans only after it was too late to stop him. No one could truly know what the future holds. Even if Bai Ruyi had had the chance to surround Qing Xue with people willing to give their lives in exchange for his, a single stray arrow could still end it all. Everything came far too abruptly. Bai Ruyi had wanted more time with him, at least to prepare himself for their new separation.  And yet, all he had was this letter, telling him that sometime in the recent past, Qing Xue continued to be alive and well. But what about now…? The wooden gate suddenly rattled. Overcome with excruciating worry, Bai Ruyi had lost whatever strength had been left and his legs couldn’t support him anymore. His entire weight pulled him down as he slid against the gate until he was sprawled weakly on the ground. All the while, he also couldn’t stop tears of sorrow from overflowing as a single thought echoed in his mind.  ‘Come back…  ‘Please…  ‘Please…  ‘Xue, come back to me…’ … … … They were not supposed to see battle so soon. No matter how well-trained, they were still just a bunch of greenhorns who might sooner trip and stab themselves with their own swords than be of much help on the battlefield. During the first few months at least, they were supposed to be mere reserves, to be deployed only on the off chance that the main army needed the boost to win, or even just turn the tide. At most, the more capable ones among them had simply been called to serve as scouts as well.  While on the march through a dense forest, on their way to the next battlefront, they would often branch off from the main column in order to scour the nearby areas for any potential threat. They were in the company of more experienced soldiers, and everything had been peaceful thus far. They’d never needed to report back anything of much concern. But today…  Qing Xue heard the strange rustle from the trees almost at the same time as the scout captain shouted, “Shields! Form up!” Automatically obeying, Qing Xue raised the shield in his left arm while closing in on the archers among their small band.  Sure enough, before the captain’s voice had even finished echoing, there was a loud thunk from somewhere as an arrow buried itself in someone else’s raised shield. It was followed soon after by more arrows. They seemed to be coming from at least three different directions.  One of the arrows slipped through a gap in the protective shell made up of eight shields, but luckily, it only glanced off someone’s armor. “Captain, should we blow the horn?” one of the real scouts, a senior lieutenant, asked. Just as the Captain decided to err on the side of caution and give the order… they heard the distant sound of another horn. Only a second later, at least two more sounds of distant horns followed. The experienced scouts knew what that meant. “It’s an ambush,” said the Captain with admirable calmness. The arrows were still raining down on them, but no enemy was coming out of their covers as yet to directly attack. “The ones here are probably decoys and we outnumber them,” he continued. Then, in the shadows within their shield shell, he turned to Qing Xue and asked, “In a situation like this, Lieutenant Qing, do we risk arrows in our backs and make a run for it? Or do we blow the horn and fight it out here, hoping reinforcements would come?” Aside from the senior lieutenant, Qing Xue was the only other officer in this small band. Being the junior one, he knew his place and hadn’t overstepped all this while.  But this captain seemed to think that this was an appropriate time to give him a field lesson. Thus, he could only give his honest answer. “The attacks came simultaneously from multiple fronts, Captain,” Qing Xue said, emulating the older man’s display of calmness. “The aim is likely to scatter the main column by making it respond to all the scout bands’ distress calls. I would rather not contribute any more to the success of their plan. I therefore recommend rejoining the main column.” He paused as something else occurred to him. “We might prove to be of some help down at the supply line, Captain.” Though he couldn’t detect much change in the older man’s expression, Qing Xue saw him give a single nod. “I’m sure it’s now become even more well-protected,” he replied in a light tone. “But a few extra swords shouldn’t hurt, right?” After that, the Captain’s voice took on the sharp sound of command again as he said, “Scatter and run at my signal. If you can, head for the supply line.” Unable to shout “Sir!” lest they alerted the enemy of their plan, everyone just silently nodded in acknowledgment. The Captain gave a few more instructions to coordinate their retreat, then: “Go!”  The small band immediately broke away into even smaller groups. Each accompanied by someone with a shield, two archers stayed behind to return fire, giving the rest a higher chance of getting away successfully. Qing Xue was one of their shield-bearers. He felt reasonably certain that there were at most only three enemy archers among the trees. If not for that, he wouldn’t have volunteered to stay and would have just accepted any order given to him. He was completely correct in his guess. What’s more, one of the archers had skillfully shot one of the three. A second one had probably gone to check on the state of his comrade, leaving only a single enemy archer firing at them for the moment. Qing Xue and the other three tacitly took this as their signal to also retreat. Spacing themselves well and not running in a straight line, nearly all of them had gotten away. But…  Coming to join his comrades from another ambush spot, a fourth enemy archer chanced upon Qing Xue’s group, who didn’t notice him in their haste.  Unlike the three behind, he was close enough to shoot at them fatally.  He nocked an arrow and pulled his bow. After taking a moment to aim, the enemy archer released. The arrow flew straight at someone who was currently running diagonally between trees. He was right on the path to meet that arrow. It was just as well that Qing Xue never noticed that archer or the arrow he’d aimed at his head. If he had turned by even an inch in that direction, the arrowhead would have embedded itself straight in his eye, possibly killing him. Instead, it landed with a sharp, forceful blow at his helmet, right at his temple. Before he even knew it, his body had already stopped moving mid-run and he was falling sideways. In the truest sense of the word, Qing Xue had been blindsided. He felt nothing for himself. As his vision darkened at the edges and he began to lose consciousness, all he could worry about was what Bai Ruyi’s reaction would be if he found out what had happened to him. ‘He’d be so angry with me,’ he thought, feeling his lips tugging at the fishwife version of Bai Ruyi that his slipping mind had managed to conjure. ‘And then… then he’d laugh and laugh. He would tease me mercilessly for my overconfidence and stupidity…’ With a thud, Qing Xue finally landed on the forest ground. He was unable to stop his vision from becoming even darker, much less move his body to continue his escape.  If that archer decided to check if he was dead, he’d really be finished. ‘No…’ Qing Xue thought in weak defiance. ‘No, I need to get back home… I have to return to him…’ Alas, after the blow he’d suffered, there was only so much that his willpower alone could do.  His mind slipped further and further until—at the end—all that remained amid the encroaching blackness was that one beloved face. ‘Ruyi…’ His eyes closed. ‘Ruyi, I’m sorry…’ … … … He thought everything was over. He really did. But just as gradually, he felt himself surfacing from that thick blackness where no light got through.  His ears recovered their function first.  However, he couldn’t seem to make sense of the strange, high-pitched sound that came from nearby in short succession. And why was his skin suddenly feeling so cool? With all that activity earlier, he had been sweating profusely inside his armor from how hot he’d felt. Did someone take most of his clothes off for him? At this point, it finally occurred to him to check if he had also recovered his vision.  He slowly opened his eyes and found that while his view was still blurry, it seemed he could indeed see again. He breathed out a small sigh through his nose. Immediately in response, there came a short gasp. This sound, too, was strange. Unlike the short series of high-pitched sounds, this one was someone’s voice. That voice was very familiar to him—achingly so. And yet, why did it sound as if it came from the other side of a thick wall? ‘Is he somewhere far away?’ he thought. Not only was his vision still blurry, but his mind was still clouded as well. All he could think of doing was to turn his throbbing head towards the direction he thought the voice had come from. Then, he parted his dry lips to try to call out, “Ruyi…” But his throat seemed too parched to make a sound.  Just as he worked his mouth to swallow so he could moisten his throat, a blurry figure moved from the side and hovered over where he lay. He didn’t need his eyes to work properly to know who it was. He broke into a smile that he reserved only for his beloved, then opened his mouth again.  In a voice that was not his own, using a language that few who were living still knew how to speak, Qing Xue said, “Ruyi, I have come back to you.”