What We Are

Chapter 5: At This Moment

As there was always some matter in the village that needed tending to, or meetings and events he was requested to attend, Dean rarely stayed at home. The constant hustle and bustle of his role bode well with Dean. He identified as the opposite of a homebody.

Today, Dean's in the Patrol Building beside Village Square where he's to meet with Opal Young, a beta Village Elder. Opal was fifty years old yet she had the strength of someone who just turned thirty. She was observant, clever, and refused to take crap from anyone. It made sense for Dean to appoint her as Head of the Village Patrol.

Opal's office was modest, the only personal touch being a framed picture of her family on top of her desk. There was the Village Patrol seal painted right onto the front of her wooden desk—an eye with a hand holding up all fingers shown inside the large pupil. Opal was sitting behind the desk wearing a white polo shirt, her graying hair slicked back into a neat, low ponytail. Pride shown in her eyes as she handed Dean the reports.

"The new routine's working well so far. I've got them in pairs instead of groups of three or four, so they cover much more ground. Nothing out of the ordinary to report. Well, unless you count the amount of teenagers we've caught getting frisky behind bushes."

Dean laughed lightly at that. He's been looking through the logs for the past hour. "There's more of us heading down the river recently to swim or to fish. Will it be possible for you to increase patrols there? Give the shifts to those who can swim."

Opal nodded once. "Not a problem. I've gotten five more volunteers this month. Some schools are even making their students participate in community organizations for extra points."

"Thank you," Dean smiled appreciatively, handing back the folders.

Opal aligned the stack of reports, setting them aside and leaning back on her desk. She raked her eyes over Dean's body with sharp focus. "You getting enough sleep? Not straining yourself too much?"

Like all Village Elders, Dean's known Opal since he was a baby. She always looked out for Dean, but in a more tough love kind of way. If he was lacking in some manner, Opal was always the first to tell him directly. Not even his parents had been that tough on him as a kid, but with Opal it all came from a good place.

"Do I look that bad already?" Dean got a full seven hours of sleep last night and was wearing loose, lightweight clothing to beat the heat. In his mind, Dean looked well-rested and put-together.

"Roland might have mentioned that he was worried about you." Opal tilted her head, considering. "You do seem fine though."

Dean sighed, sinking into his own chair and putting the reports aside for now. "Roland's made it his mission to see that I find a mate. Keeping the farms here thriving is the only other thing otherwise keeping him occupied."

Opal cracked a smile. She had crooked teeth which also translated to her werewolf form. "Roland's only got a niece from his sister's side. He probably looks at you like you're his own."

"I think he's been trying to get Ace to talk to me."

"Oh no, not Ace. Roland and Ace together just..." Opal waved her hand wildly in front of her, making a face that Dean agreed on a hundred percent. "They're like actual hounds those two, sniffing at everything everywhere like it's nobody's business."

Dean couldn't have said it better himself. "Is figuring out my future mate really that big of a deal?"

"We're not called the Axel Pack for no reason." The words were said unkindly, Opal evidently finding that a stupid question to come from Dean. The edges of her eyes softened before she continued. "Other Village Elders are just concerned about who will help you raise our future Head Alpha."

"And you?" Dean asked. "You're not concerned?"

Opal was only five-foot-two with a pinched looking face and a slight build, but that didn't mean the Village Elder couldn't be intimidating. She gave Dean a look which bordered on a glare. "I helped raise you as a boy. I was part of your training as Head Alpha. I'm not concerned, because I know you'll do yourself a favor and choose a mate who matches your capabilities and understands what your position means for them and your future family."

The amount of faith Opal had in Dean was always nice to remember.

Too bad he'll have to test that faith. "What if I don't have a family? I mean... What if I don't choose a mate, and I don't have kids of my own?" Dean's been itching to ask this, and he trusted no other Village Elder other than Opal.

The woman was understandably taken aback, her mouth forming the beginning of a sentence she did not continue. She looked at the framed picture of her family, then back at Dean. Her voice, like always, was steady even after an unforeseen question. "We have laws for electing the next Head Alpha if you won't have kids. But... as you know, we haven't had to implement those rules. Ever. This Pack has always had an Axel looking out for its people."

Not for the first time, Dean felt the weight of a whole Pack's history on his shoulders. He slumped further with the phantom heaviness. Predictably, Opal tutted at him. "Dean, you still have plenty of time. If in the end you decide not to have a mate or a child, then you stand by your decisions." Opal jabbed her finger in Dean's direction. "And don't let Roland or Ace or any other werewolf push you around or give you a hard time about it, you hear me?"

It was rare for statements like that to make Dean feel better, but when they came from Opal—a woman who so clearly lived by her words—it wasn't too hard to gain some courage.

Knowing Dean had Opal on his side whatever he decided in the future was more uplifting than he'd admit, and he left the Patrol Building with one worry off his mind.

There's a convenience store within the village that Dean began making his way to. During the walk, his phone buzzed. His footsteps slowed down at the side of the dirt road upon reading the message's content, a tree providing him shade against the blazing sun.

-----

From: C

I need to tell you something.

Will you be busy this evening?

Sent 12:38 p.m.

-----

His typing was cut short when his whole screen changed, revealing only Claude's caller I.D. above green and red buttons.

The thing was, Claude and Dean never called each other's phones. It was always texts or iMessage between them (they don't use social media much). Messaging each other was their normal. They didn't even set their first names as each other's contact I.D., only their initials.

It was just easier that way (and maybe they didn't want to risk other people finding out about their friendship—not even through texts or calls).

Dean didn't have time to ponder about it, accepting the call in a worried haste.

He didn't make the mistake of saying Claude's name out loud even though he was currently alone. "Hey, what's going on?"

"I, uh... I'm currently hiding in a restroom at uni. I know we don't call, but I—wait, are you busy?" Dean could faintly hear the slight echo of Claude's voice due to the restroom walls. He hadn't even spoken before Claude began to apologize. "I'm so sorry, this was so careless of me I didn't even—"

"We're good. I'm under a tree, just got out of the Patrol Building." Dean realized what Claude had said. "You're hiding in a restroom?"

He heard a long intake of breath. "I got back yesterday evening."

Dean figured as much. "You didn't text me when you got home."

"I didn't," Claude said. "Because I needed the night to process all the things going on in my brain."

"Uh-oh. What happened back at home?" Usually, Claude came back from Tempest Grounds with a relieved energy. Hearing that his family and his Clan were doing okay wasn't enough, the future Head Vampire needed the couple of days back at home to feel completely reassured.

A distressed sound and another puff of breath came from Claude. Then, like a bomb dropping, "My parents told me they want me to become Head Vampire the moment I finish college."

Dean felt his eyes bulge out of their sockets. "Oh, shit."

"Oh, s**t is right. And, it gets better. Lottie informed me during first period that word about this bit of information has already spread. The vampires here are staring at me like they've never seen me before," Claude said this all in a single breath. He only got this way whenever he felt anxious. "Even the professors seem to know. I tried asking Mr. Lasern a question, he couldn't even look me in the eye for longer than five seconds, as if I was already Head Vampire!"

Dean winced in sympathy. "There hasn't been an official announcement but already so many people know?"

"Honestly, this—the whole thing really only sunk in last night, and I couldn't sleep because of it. Now, it's sinking in again, and I'm pathetically hiding in the bathroom so I don't risk a panic attack in the hallway and Dean how am I supposed to—"

"Okay, stop. Breathe." Dean felt his chest clench at the way Claude said his name. He knew that, despite the vampire's nature of keeping to himself, Claude had some close friends in I.I.U. Dean wasn't so sure if any of them were aware that Claude suffered from panic attacks sometimes. They were rare, but they happened. "Are you still with me?"

Claude was breathing harshly, fast puffs of air that had Dean envisioning his best friend's eyes screwed shut and his fists clenched, chest heaving like he'd been running. "I'm—I'm fine just... give me a minute." The reply came shakily.

"I'm right here, not going anywhere," Dean's seen Claude have mild panic attacks only a couple of times. Witnessing someone experience something like that and feeling absolutely clueless about it had pushed Dean to do the necessary research so he could try and help the next time it happened.

Grounding techniques. "Hey, are you wearing your school I.D.?"

Claude only hummed in reply.

"It still has that keychain on it, right? That really tiny rubik's cube Lottie got you?" It was an easy bit of information to recall. Claude had been so in awe at the gift when he showed it to Dean through iMessage, the vampire finding its size cute and the fact that it was a real rubik's cube too amusing. "Can you try moving it around in your hand?"

Claude made a sound, letting Dean know he was listening and following but not finding the strength to answer verbally.

"Remember when you found out where you can buy those tiny rubik's cubes and you wanted to buy a lot? I had to stop you from buying ten more." Dean made himself chuckle, hoping he could bring Claude back with a familiar memory. "Seriously, what did you think you were going to do with eleven rubik's cubes half the size of your pinky finger?"

There was silence from the other line filled only with the smallest clicks from the small rubik's cube. A minute or two passed before Claude audibly sighed. "I have the tendency to buy useless crap as long as they entertain me." There was still some shakiness in his voice, but it didn't sound like he was crying, or about to cry any second. That was a win in Dean's book.

Dean let the sound of Claude taking deep, even breaths calm him down as well (he hadn't even realized that he was holding his own breath). "Will you be able to pull yourself through today? If not, please take yourself back home. I'll come over, then you and I can talk about this."

"You don't have to. I don't want to inconvenience you."

It annoyed Dean how genuine Claude was about that. He wanted to tell Claude that the future Head Vampire was never an inconvenience to Dean, that he wouldn't have been driving all the way to the city to meet him these past four years if he had seen Claude as nothing but an inconvenience.

Frankly it was better to say, "Me offering means it's not a bother."

Another sigh from Claude. "You don't have to rearrange your schedule. I didn't mean to divert you from your duties, I just didn't know who else to talk to about this."

The fact that Claude still believed he couldn't ask for help unsettled Dean more than he'd like to admit. "You're not a bother, Claude. I need you to promise you'll be okay until I'm right beside you, can you do that?"

Dean could feel the slight hesitation before Claude relented. "Yes."

"Good. Text me, alright? Don't even think about not texting me, I'll still storm over to your place I swear."

"Alright, alright. I'd rather not spend my second class sobbing in a corner. I'll just text Lottie and head home."

"Take care. Wait for me." The call ended with that.

Unlike when Dean was in werewolf form and he could pick up every little sound and scent without focusing on it too much, being in human form was probably the only time another person could have snuck up so close behind him.

"Was that the mystery person you keep sneaking off to?" Finn seemed to appear out of nowhere. With a raised brow, the beta observed how Dean startled and protectively slid his phone back into his pocket. "I've never heard you sound so... concerned."

Dean bared his teeth, definitely less effective while he was in human form, but he couldn't keep himself from doing it. "What makes you think you're allowed to eavesdrop on my conversations?!"

Instantaneously, Finn's eyes widened in surprise, slightly raising both hands in surrender. He had clearly not expected the outburst. "Okay, my bad. Sorry, Dean. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, just happened to overhear s'all."

Dean blinked away the sudden vexation that had bubbled inside him. "s**t, Finn. I'm sorry." As Head Alpha, Dean didn't make it a habit to be snappy like that. 

It only happened because he'd been talking to Claude, and if Finn had found out—

"No, no. I deserved that. I crossed a line there." Finn offered a smile that said he didn't take the outburst to heart, alleviating most of the guilt Dean felt. "I saw you heading this way and figured you were just going to buy packaged lunch again. You want to head over to my house instead?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I need to be somewhere. Think you can hold down the fort while I'm gone?" Dean wasn't lying when he told Claude that he's got nothing else planned for the day. Nothing drastically important, anyway.

Finn nodded. "I'll call if anything needs your immediate attention."

Dean hadn't even taken five steps before Finn was saying to him, "Iman brought sheperd's pie this morning. For my parents. Then he left, just like that." The beta's bright eyes were narrowing suspiciously. "You don't happen to have anything to do with that, right?"

"Nope." Dean replied, knowing Finn could see his lips twitching upwards at the sides.

-----

Claude had texted Dean that he'd arrived home nearly an hour ago.

The paper bags filled with food had filled Dean's car with a delicious aroma, his stomach grumbling the whole way to Claude's apartment.

Claude opened the door, already in house shorts and a threadbare, oversized shirt. There were dark bags under his eyes, apparent because of his fair complexion. Claude had his fill of animal blood this weekend, yet the light looked like it was leaking out of him already. 

"I feel bad for cutting classes." 

Dean placed the take-out bags on top of the dining table, turning around to lightly flick Claude's forehead. Claude didn't even move out of reach. "How terrible for you to spend a day home and miss boring hours of lecture."

"They're important lectures," Claude retorted without heat.

The familiar scent of things that made up Claude's apartment encompassed Dean's senses—the fresh linen scented candle (Claude's favorite), the furniture spray used on the couch, and of course the innate scent of Claude.

Claude wasn't a werewolf (obviously), but everyone had their own natural scent. Werewolves picked up on these scents unlike any other, and they could still do so even in human form, though the distinguishable scents diminished a lot. Dean only memorized Claude's scent after weeks of being within close range to the vampire. His best friend's scent was something that Dean couldn't accurately describe.

All he can say with certainty was that Claude's scent was a comfort, and Dean was delighted to be so familiar with it.

The vampire proceeded to set the table while Dean spread out the food he got from Right At Home, a Thai restaurant not far from here. He got enough pad thai, chicken in coconut soup, and fried basil and pork to feed four people. It's unlikely, however, that they'll have leftovers. Claude was prone to stress eating and Dean had a naturally large appetite.

They sat across each other like normal. "I didn't think they'd want me to take over so soon," Claude mumbled, eyes downcast, watching the noodles twirl onto his fork again and again.

"Eat and talk, don't just play with your food."

Claude pouted at him but complied. They shared a few minutes of quiet. The food was delectable, and the tiny, appreciative smile on Claude's face after his first bite made Dean's waiting time for the order absolutely worth it.  

"Did they say why they want you to take over being Head Vampire so soon?" Dean asked after demolishing his first serving.

Claude swallowed the food in his mouth, wiping at the non-existent food stains. He did so every single time they ate together. "They think it's in my best interest to get used to the position as soon as possible. The Old Families think so too."

Dean piled up his food again, adding pieces of pork and more pad thai onto Claude's plate though the vampire was only halfway done. "You expected to have more time before that. You think your training's not enough yet?"

Claude poked at a chicken leg with his fork. "My parents have been diligent with my training. Honestly, the problem is with me. I'm not... not too sure if I'm ready for this."

"Why do you say that?"

"You should see how my parents lead Gratia Clan, Dean. They started nearly the same age as I am now, sure, except they had each other and probably didn't feel so insecure about themselves." Claude loosened his grip on his utensils, biting at his paling lips. "I think the party was what got to me. I felt like I couldn't breathe without someone looking at me like I just did something that was out of the ordinary."

"Are members of your Clan really that judgmental?" Dean had never gotten close to any other vampire under Gratia Clan besides Claude.

"It's out of the ordinary for a future Head Vampire to finish their education in the city. Both my parents had undergone home-schooling so they could still be within Tempest Grounds. That's one reason why our Clan loves them so much. Everyone has known both my parents their whole lives."

Dean rounded towards the kitchen area to grab drinks from the refrigerator. "If you know what you're supposed to do and what's expected of you, what's making you so nervous?" He took out two cans of diet Dr. Pepper's, placing one next to Claude's plate. The vampire was still picking at his food.

Claude's face crumpled, his hands going still; the exact moment another worry appeared in Claude's mind. Dean tried not to frown when Claude looked up at him. 

"I probably sound pathetic taking on such responsibilities at my age when you didn't even have a choice at thirteen. I'm sorry."

Dean let out a surprised exhale. "None of that, Claude. My situation should not invalidate your feelings. I lost my parents when I was thirteen, but the Village Elders at the time took over my role until I felt more confident to lead." He cracked open the cold can in his hand and took a sip of the drink, letting the coldness distract him from the still-there ache of mentioning his dead parents.

"I'm sorry."

Dean took the seat next to Claude instead of returning to his previous one. They met each other's gaze. In the kitchen lighting, Claude's eye color took on a sort of grayish tone. It reminded Dean of rain clouds trying to cover up the blue sky. "Talk to me, Claude. What triggered the panic attack?"

Being raised as an only child with such expectations, Claude probably felt constipated trying to organize his emotions into logical sentences. Dean saw it though, the way his best friend fought through the jumbles in order to say, "I never liked having people look at me, scrutinizing my every move. I already get that because of my grades at I.I.U., but even that won't compare to what being Head Vampire has in store for me. I won't have a second to myself once I'm Head Vampire. Everything I decide will hold consequences, not only to me but also to my family."

"Do your parents know about your concerns?"

"Obviously not. They'll only wonder why I'm delaying the inescapable." Claude looked away and huffed in hollow amusement. "I don't know why I'm acting this way, Dean. I've known since the beginning that this isn't something I can bow out of—and I don't think I want to give this up, not entirely, not at all. I just really, really, really don't want to disappoint anyone."

The vampire has all but forgotten about his food, fists clenching so tight his knuckles were turning white. It wasn't a hard decision to hold Claude's hand. Plus, Dean really, really, really did not want Claude to experience another panic attack today. Or ever. "For what it's worth, I'm sure you'll be a great Head Vampire."

Claude's throat visibly bobbed, eyes on their hands but making no move to pull away. "You're biased. Just because I get good grades doesn't mean I'll be a good Clan leader."

It's no secret to either of them that Claude's comfort and wellbeing meant a lot to Dean, just as Dean's reassurance meant a lot to Claude. He could give that to Claude now. For Claude, anything. 

"I said you'll be a great Head Vampire. That's regardless of whether you graduate top of your class or not. I'm sure you'll do both anyway, just to rub it in all our faces." 

Claude smiled in gratitude. His eyes landed once again on their clasped hands. "You're good at this."

Dean squeezed Claude's hand, slightly smaller than his own. Other than that, the rest of Dean's visit went by just like any other.

Nothing was out of the ordinary, and yet deep inside, Dean knew that this was the exact moment he promised himself that he'd be willing to do anything to keep Claude from feeling so helpless ever again.