Her Unwanted Husband

|6|

MARIA

Shock. That's what I am in.

I know marriage is important. It might not be obligatory but it is definitely a Sunnah (actions performed by the Prophet p.b.u.h.). And I would follow him till the end of my life. He (SAW) described a righteous spouse to be the best thing one can have in this life. 

 But Emad seems far from righteous and that's what throws me off the most. It's so hard to mentally prepare myself for whatever is to come.

Although, I know that I'm physically ready. I have been ready for years now but my mind is just running to draw conclusions.

And so far my mind hasn't thought anything good. It's all about the what-ifs. What if he wants to be physical with me and I don't want to? It's a Hadith (sayings of the Prophet p.b.u.h.) that I can't deny my husband if he wants to be physical, but he can't force me either. I doubt Emad knows anything about the teachings of our religion, though. 

If he did, I wouldn't be so apprehensive.

Lord, marriage really looks good from afar.

It's like all your life you're trying to control your desires and thoughts and dying to get married (whether you admit it or not) but then at the end of the day, it's a mirage.

It's nothing.

I'm not even married yet and I know for sure that I will be disappointed.

I toss and turn in bed hoping to get some sleep for I have to get up early and study all day and night tomorrow because of my last and final exam.

I barely get to sleep for five hours before the alarm rings. I groan and whine, somehow angry at myself.

I wanted to sleep more!

Protesting to God-knows-what, I jump out of bed and take my books, notes and past papers out.

Yes, I didn't even go to the bathroom. I don't have time!

Paper 3 is the hardest and contains half the marks. If I don't score well in this I'm literally dead and done for.

—

When it's around eight at night, there's a knock on my door.

"Who is it?" I shout loud enough to be heard.

"Emad!"

I jump out of the position I was in, which was me lying on my tummy with my feet in the air.

"Wait!" I shout and get ahold of my large black shawl.

Wrapping it loosely around myself I run to the door while the shawl mops the floor.

"Come in," I say, breathless after opening the door.

He looks at me, his eyes widening as he takes in my appearance.

"Well, don't you look like a peach," He says, his mouth turning up at one side.

"Don't make fun of me. What do you want anyway?" I ask, annoyed.

His face contorts, his eyes darkening. 

"Don't talk to me like that,"

I roll my eyes, 

"Do you have anything useful to say? I'm studying."

"We're having a function downstairs. Everyone's here. Come with me.” His eyes travel down the length of me. “Dressed in something nice." He adds.

"I have an exam tomorrow! And I told pa that I would only get married if there are no useless functions." I say, the annoyance clear in my voice. 

He eyes perform a 360.

"What will everyone say? The bride isn't going to come?" He mocks.

"Please go away. Don't distract me. Have fun. Bye." As I'm about to close the door in his face, he stops it with the palm of his hand.

"I really will have fun. And it's going to be with all the girls downstairs." He raises his eyebrows as if this will make me change my decision.

"Good. Please do that." I say in a fruity voice.

His whole body shakes with anger. 

"Oh, yes, I will."

I shut the door in his face.