Bound by Shadows

Chapter 8

“Damn it!” Jocelyn cried out when her toe met the leg of the table. s**t, that hurt. She clenched her teeth and swallowed the rest of her curses as she waited for the pain to subside.

The pain pulsed continuously, as though threatening not to end. But she knew it would and after a moment, she sighed in relief and dropped onto the bench. She was exhausted; she realized reluctantly. That’s why she was knocking into things like a blind old woman.

Jocelyn ripped the wet gloves off her hands and threw them into the bucket of soapy water she had been using to scrub the kitchen floor. Only then realizing that her limbs were aching and trembling from exhaustion. All because of a task she had started over three hours ago and it was only seven in the morning.

It wasn’t even that the kitchen was dirty. Their little kitchen, although simple, was always kept spotless, even with two very active small boys in the house. Perhaps it was because of the boys that they made sure the house was always spotless. The last thing they wanted was for one of them to fall sick.

The kitchen was next to the living room and dining. A glass wall separated the kitchen from the living room, while two doors had to be crossed to enter the dining. That probably explained why they had most of their meals in the kitchen and it helped that the kitchen had a wooden table at the center with a long bench on one side and four chairs on the other.

Red bricks covered one wall, and the others were painted white to match the counters and units. It was cozy and always felt like home. And on any other normal day, just being in the kitchen, catching the familiar scents of baked bread and beef stew would have calmed her. Any other day except today.

Not on a day when the ugliest memories fought to consume her whole. That was why she hadn’t slept all night and why she found herself scrubbing the kitchen floor as though it had personally offended her.

“You look terrible,” a voice suddenly said, snapping Jocelyn out of her thoughts.

Her eyes shot up from the clean floor to look at her younger sister. The twins both had a similar voice, so it was hard to know who she was talking to unless she looked at them. Thank goodness Daphne and Diane had decided on different hairstyles, so Jocelyn could quickly identify the long bronze curls and knew she was talking to Daphne.

“Oh, thank you. I decided to go for the ‘zombie chic’ look today. Exhaustion is the latest fashion.”

Daphne paused on her way to the electric kettle and arched a brow. “Didn’t sleep I take it?”

Jocelyn sighed and rubbed at her eyes as though chasing away the weariness. “I’m fine.”

“Uh-huh.”

A beat passed in silence. Of course, she wasn’t fooling anyone. She was so far from fine; it was a wonder she could still function. But as long as no one was calling her on it, she would gratefully keep saying she was fine, and maybe soon she would start believing it.

For several minutes, her sister moved about the kitchen, boiling water and preparing her cup of morning tea. Absent-minded and staring at the sunlight trickling through the tree leaves outside the kitchen window without really seeing it, it took Jocelyn a while to notice that her sister was dressed as though ready to leave the house.

Jocelyn frowned at the ankle boots and tight jeans Daphne wore. “Is there a hot doctor at the hospital you are all dressed up for and going early to see?”

“I’m not going to the hospital,” Daphne responded without looking up from her tea as she leaned against the counter and took a sip.

“What the hell do you mean you are not going to the hospital? Mom is in the hospital and we promised to take turns and see her. It’s your turn!” Jocelyn couldn’t help but raise her voice as she reminded her sister.

To her shock, Daphne set the mug down on the counter with enough force to cause some of the hot tea to spill over the edge and wet the white surface, but Daphne wasn’t paying attention. She was glaring at Jocelyn.

“Well, today I can’t!” She waved her hand in the air in a show of aggression. “Not today! I can’t deal with the tears and the memories!”

Sadness immediately punched Jocelyn’s chest. “I know it’s not easy…”

“Don’t!” Daphne snapped. She bit her lip and shook her head as though trying to shake off all the terrible memories. Unshed tears glazed her eyes, but the younger woman didn’t let them fall. After a beat, her voice seemed to calm down a little. “You lost more than anyone.”

The ache in Jocelyn’s chest grew and burned. She shook her head and cleared her throat before attempting to talk. “That’s not true.” Jocelyn didn’t know what else to say.

Today was hard for everyone. It was the second anniversary of the incident, but the pain still felt so raw. Time didn’t heal anything, regardless of what everyone said. No amount of time could fill the hole left in their hearts and the emptiness left in their lives.

Afraid to go down the abyss of pain and darkness, Jocelyn stood up and faced her sister. “You still need to go and see Mom. She hasn’t seen you this week.”

Daphne glared. “You are not listening,” she bit out between her clenched teeth. “I am going to see Bud and I won’t be back until tomorrow.” She didn’t wait for Jocelyn to object. She grabbed a backpack she had dropped by the back door and walked out.

Jocelyn remained standing, lost for words. As much as she wanted to be upset, she also understood her sister’s decision. Even though it bordered a little on the selfish side.

“Don’t worry about it,” a voice identically similar to Daphne’s startled her.

Jocelyn turned and saw Diane standing at the other door that led to the dining room. It was almost strange to see the same face that had been glaring at her seconds ago now looking at her with sorrow and understanding.

“I’ll go and see Mom.”

Exhaustion made the room spin, and Jocelyn returned to her seat with a heavy sigh. “No. I will go and see her.”

“You look like you are about to fall,” Diane argued and came to sit next to her. “You need to sleep.”

Jocelyn scoffed. “Yeah. I don’t think I want to close my eyes right now.”

Silence filled the room for a moment, and then Diane grabbed Jocelyn into a hug. Jocelyn allowed it for a minute but then pulled away when she felt as though the gate to her emotions was about to burst open.

She forced a smile on her face and said, “Fine. You go and see Mom. You don’t have to bribe me with hugs to go and see her.”

Diane chuckled, even though she knew Jocelyn was just trying to break the tense moment. “I think it should be the other way around. You bribing me. You know Mom is going to be a handful. She wants to come home already.”

“The doctors said another few days. She nearly had a stroke, for heaven’s sake. She should take it easy and she won’t do that here.”

Diane stood and walked over to the fridge. “Try telling her that,” she threw over her shoulder.

Jocelyn hummed in agreement. Their mother had worked ‘stubborn’ down to an art by now and there was nothing they could do about it. She was glad though, even though it had been a stroke scare that had taken Priscilla to the hospital. At least the woman wasn’t home on this day when all they could do was remember everything they had lost.

“Do you want me to check out the number Zan gave you?” Diane suddenly asked.

The mention of that phone number effectively snapped Jocelyn out of the numb sorrow she had been wallowing in and ignited the fire once again. Subconsciously, she straightened her back as though finally seeing a purpose to go on with the day. “I’ll take care of it. Then I will stop by the hospital and see Mom.”

Diane turned with a frown etched on her forehead. “We should be doing this together.”

Jocelyn shook her head. “I won’t do anything major. I will just gather some information. But first I need to call the detective. Find out if anything came off our last lead.”

Whatever argument Diane was about to give was unfortunately cut off when two sleepy boys shuffled into the kitchen at that very moment. Jocelyn couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her sons.

At four years old, Liam and Gavin were the light in her dark world. Two identical little angels, so much alike and yet so much different, just like her sisters.

Gavin was her ball of fire. If he went missing for a minute, she knew there would be a mess to clean up. But Liam was the calm, sweet boy who always sought her out. So it was no surprise that he walked over and climbed onto her lap for a morning hug while holding his stuffed toy to his chest. A cute, brown sloth he had since birth. The adorable act also made it very easy to tell the boys apart.

Because, unlike his brother, Gavin sat down next to her like he was too big for hugs, but with his own stuffed bear pressed against his body, it destroyed the image and just made him look that much hungry for a hug as well.

Jocelyn chuckled softly and kissed her boys, wrapping an arm around both. The feel of both her precious angels in her arms was almost enough to take away all the pain and fatigue she had been fighting just moments ago.

“Did you sleep well?”

Gavin nodded, finally giving up the act and pressing into her side. “I’m hungry,” he grumbled, as though it offended him to even have to mention he needed food.

Another chuckle burst out of Jocelyn. “Well, why don’t you go give Aunt Diane a hug and maybe she will make you some food?”

He took a second to consider it. Obviously, the prospect of food was good enough for him to move because he finally pulled away from her and dragged his feet over to Diane.

Jocelyn heard Diane chuckle softly, but didn’t look up. She fixed her eyes on the boy on her lap that hadn’t answered her question. “Liam? How was your night?”

Liam shifted a little, as though seeking more of her warmth. Jocelyn instinctively wrapped both arms around him. “Everything okay?” she asked, quickly growing concerned.

Thankfully, Liam answered. His voice was low in a whisper. “I had a dream.”

“Oh?” That wasn’t what she had been expecting. “A good dream or a bad one?” she asked carefully.

Liam made a face like he was really considering it. Then he looked at his mother. “I think it was bad, mama. The man was hurt.”

Alarm bells went off in her head, but Jocelyn was certain she was overreacting. The boys had been only two years old when the incident happened. Moreover, they hadn’t seen anything. So it wasn’t possible her son was having a flashback.

“What man?” she asked around the lump quickly forming in her throat.

“The man that fell from the sky. He needs your help, mama.”

Liam sounded so serious, but it made no sense. Jocelyn shook her head and kissed his cheek. “It was just a dream, sweetie. Forget about it. Let me make you some breakfast. Are you hungry?”

The little boy’s lips pursed, the frown never lifting from his little forehead. Jocelyn didn’t like it. She hoped he would soon forget whatever had crept into his little mind. It was nothing but a dream.