Finding Avie's body

Chapter 6

They say everything happens for a reason and that God sometimes wreck things to build you, to make you even stronger and better.

I never believed that though, because for me you didn’t have to be broken or wreck to become better, you can do it yourself you just need a little push and passion to become better version of yourself. I believe in God, of course I do! Who wouldn’t right?

It’s just that siguro for me, nothing is pre-written haha it was actually contrast on what was written in the bibble but I really believe that your destiny depends on your choice in life and that you are the master of your life and that fate really belongs to you. Your life was yours to conquer.

But now… as the saying goes what you reap is what you sow…

Maybe this is God telling me that I was wrong.

I opened my eyes slowly as I felt the ray of sunlight flashing through my eyes.

I thought I was still in my room.

And I thought everything that happened last night was nothing but a nightmare. But I thought wrong.

“Mr. Gomez isa po ito sa mga bagay na narecover malapit sa scene of the incident. Na-confirm na din po ng SOCO na dalawang bangkay po ang laman ng sasakyan bago po ito sumabog. At isa po sa natagpuang bangkay ay may suot po ng bracelet na ito”

I really thought that I was still sleeping. I had to slap myself real hard hoping that this is all just a dream. But still reality must be kidding me, showing me that this is real.

My dad look sturdy, he look like he didn’t have a sleep. His eyes were swollen and he looks terrible.

I look at the bracelet the police officer is showing my Dad and realized that the bracelet is mine.

What the hell is happening?!

Anong bangkay? Oh God! This is not happening!

“I don’t think that this bracelet will be an enough evidence to confirm that my daughter is already dead. I want you to track all the CCTV footage that can be used to know if there is any conspiracy in this. I can feel it, my daughter is still alive. I don’t believe in this bullshit! We were just talking last night for Christ’s sake!”

My dad’s voice sounded like a thunder. Parang any moment now sasabog na sya. Ngayon ko lang sya nakitang ganito. Parang hirap na hirap sya.

What the hell is this? Bakit hindi nila ako makita? Am I really dead?!

Patay na ba talaga ako?! Pero kung patay na ako bakit ako nandito?

While paving away my tears, I slowly walk closer to him.

“Dad I’m here, can you hear me? Andito po ako Dad”

I tried to hold his hand pero hindi nya ako naramdaman. At mukang hindi nya rin ako naririnig.

I looked around and saw a lot of police officers and fire officers dito sa incident site. Pinipilit kong alalahanin lahat ng nangyari kagabi pero wala talaga akong maalala.

Habang lalo kong iniisip lalong gumugulo yung isipan ko.

“I want to have a DNA test, with the two victims. Parehas na natin silang itest. There is no room for error in this officer. Do you understand?” Dad was still talking to Police officer.

“yes senator gagawin po naming ang lahat para malaman kung ano ang nangyari. We will keep you updated in lead that we get”

After talking to the Policeman Dad decided to walk towards the burnt car.

Looking at this burned and trampled car, I realized na kung talagang ako yung isa sa laman ng kotse bago ang aksidente hindi talaga ako mabubuhay.

Sabi ng mga pulis sa imbestigasyon na ginawa nila, yung kotse daw na sinasakyan ko kagabi ay bumangga pa sa isang abandonadong building bago tuluyang sumabog.

I can’t even imagine kung talagang sakay ako ng sasakyan na yan I am dead for sure.

Ganito lang pala kabilis ang buhay.

My dad finally decided to go. Hindi nya din siguro kinayang tingnan yung sasakyan. Actually even I can’t stomach the picture of the burnt car in my head.

He decided to go to the laboratory where the burned bodies were transferred.

Bago sumakay sa sasakyan, tinignan ulit ni Dad yung lugar ng aksidente and for the first time in my life… I saw a tear fell from his eyes.

I have never seen my Dad cry even once in my entire life. This breaks my heart so much, I guess kahit mabigat ang loob sakin ni Dad siguro itinuring nya pa din talaga akong isang anak. Maybe my Nana Gina is right all along, na walang magulang na hindi nagmahal sa kanyang anak.

I decided to ride with my dad on the way to the lab.

All throughout the entire trip he didn’t utter any word. He was just silently looking outside the window.

When we arrived the officer in charge was already waiting for my Dad, sino ba naman ang hindi mag aasikaso sa leading Senator of the country. There are some rumors na si Dad ang isa sa napili ng partido nila na tumakbo bilang president sa susunod na eleksyon kaya talaga namang lahat ng dinadaanan nya yumuyuko sa kanya.

Well, kahit naman siguro hindi sya maging president magiging authoritative pa din ang aura nya since isa lang naman sya sa pinakaya mayaman na tao dito sa Pilipinas.

Dad followed the officer until we reached the room. Outside the room I saw my Nana Gina and Vanie and Mang Ernesto’s family.

Halatang halata sa pamilya ni Mang Ernesto ang pighati habang patuloy na umiiyak si Aling Greta, ang asawa ni Mang Ernesto, kasama nya si Clarisse and Jossana sa tabi nya kaparehas nilang umiiyak.

I looked at my Nana Gina and she was staring blankly at the air. As in parang nakatingin lang sya sa kawalan. She looks devasted. Hindi man sya umiiyak pero mugtong mugto ang mata nya. Sa tabi naman nya ay si Vanie na may hawak na rosary at patuloy na nagdadasal. I actually didn’t expect Vanie to be here.

“Sir ano ho ang sabi ng mga pulis?” agad na bungad ni Nana Gina ng mapagtanto nya na dumating na si Dad.

“Naghahanap pa din sila ng lead, para malaman kung ano ba ang talagang nangyare. Nagdesisyon na din ako na ipa DNA parehas yung nakuhang bangkay sa kotse.” He simply answered to Nana.

“Eh sir ano ho ang sabi nila? Sigurado po ba sila na talagang si Avrielle ang sakay ng kotse? Baka naman ho nagkakamali lang sila” her eyes started watering… I couldn’t help but also cry.

Seeing my Nana Gina like this really breaks my heart.

Her eyes were full of hope. Sana pwede ko syang yakapin. Sana pwede kong sabihin sa kaniya na andito lang ako.

“sa impormasyon na binigay nila nakita sa cctv ng bella towers na sumakay talaga si Avrielle ng sasakyan. Pero lahat ng Cctv na maaring daanan papunta sa lugar ng aksidente ay pinapahanap ko na. Ayoko ding maniwala na isa si Avrielle sa mga bangkay sa loob ng malamig na kwarto na to”

He said while sadly looking at the room where the dead bodies are located.

“Sir hindi ho ako naniniwala na kasama si Avrielle na nasunog ng sasakyan na iyon Sir, baka hindi ko kayanin Sir” Humihikbi na sinasabi ni Nana Gina kay Dad.

Pain, hope and desperation are written all over her face.

Ang sakit. Napaka sakit na makitang nasasaktan yung mga tao na importante sa iyo. Nakakalungkot, parang hinahati ang puso ko. This is worse than my greatest heartbreak. Really really worse.

“ Sir baka po nag iba ang isip ni Maam Avie, baka po Sir napagdesisyonan nya na hindi na po tumuloy sa New york at nagpahinga lang po sya sa isa sa mga rest house niyo?” Vanie suddenly ask my dad.

Vanie looks terrible. Her bloodshot eyes and pale face says that she’s deeply affected by what happened to me. Despite of this situation I felt really glad to see Vanie her, I didn’t expect her to be here but yeah here she is praying and hoping for me. If I can only turn back the time I hope that I can tell how much I appreciate her.

“Sana nga Ms. Alcaraz. I am also hoping for the best. Nga pala may pinakita na bracelet kanina ang mga police. This is actually prohibited since isa ito sa mga ebidensya sa insidente but I badly want answers, Do you think one of you can recognize this bracelet?”

Dad showed Nana and Vanie the bracelet that the policemen found in the incident area.

Nana Gina cried. Her cries were full agony…

I knew it. She knows it was mine.

Vanie started trembling. Nailaglag nya pa yung rosary na hawak nya dahil sa panginginig nya. Yung luha na kanina nya pa pinipigilan ay tuluyan nang pumatak.

“What? Stop crying please. Tell me. Do you recognize this bracelet?!” Dad’s voice echoed in the hallway

“Binigay ko iyan kay Avrielle Sir Achilles, ako ho mismo ang gumawa ng bracelet na iyan” pagak na sagot ni Nana Gina. She continued crying like her tears will somehow ease her pain.

“Sir, suot ho yan ni Maam Avie nong huling meeting ninyo. Sigurado ho ako dahil nagpatulong ho sya na ikabit iyang bracelet na iyan sa akin”

Umiiyak na sagot ni Vanie.

My Dad suddenly broke down. Napaupo nalang sya na parang lahat ng lakas nya sa katawan ay nawala.

He started shaking. Walang boses na maririnig pero yung luha na pumapatak sa mga mata nya parang walang katapusan. I saw a tear fell from his eye earlier but now… It looks like a river…

My dad who never acknowledges me or my achievements is now crying because he lost me.

My dad who never really cared about me is now breaking because of losing me.

Is this the irony of life? Yung kasabihan na marerealize mo lang ang halaga ng isang tao pag wala na ito?

Na marerealize mo lang na mahal po pala kapag wala na lalo na pag alam mong hindi na sila makakabalik.

“If I had known that this would happen, last night… last night I should have held her in my arms… I should have told her that I didn’t want her to go not because of the company but because I was afraid to lose her”

My Dad suddenly said… His tears are continuously flowing…

“Gina if I had known that she would be gone too soon sana hindi ko ipinagkait sa kanya yung panahon at atensyon ko. Sana nung nagpadala ako sa kanya ng regalo nung 7th birthday nya sana nung tinawagan nya ako sana naamin kong saakin galing yung regalo na yon, at sana natanong ko manlang sya kung nagustohan nya ba”

I couldn’t help but cover my lips to prevent myself from crying as if someone would hear my cries.

Akala ko talaga galing kay Nana yung regalo…

Sabi nya sa akin hindi yun sa kanya nanggaling…

Why?

Why say this now Dad? Why when it’s too late?

“I should have greeted her in her birthday every year. Sana yung mga regalo na ipinapadala ko sa kanya sana nalaman manlang nya na nanggaling sa akin. I wish I had shown her how much I love her. I know that I have been unfair to her, but it’s not because I was blaming her for the death of her mom. I was unfair to her because I want to protect her. I didn’t look in her achievements but I have always looked after her. I was always there she just doesn’t see me but I was there.”

Nana Gina can’t help her cries. Lumapit sya kay Dad at hinawakan ang kamay nito.

“Alam ko Sir Achilles na mag mula palang sa pagka panganak kay Avrielle na minahal mo na sya. Nakuha mong ipagpalit yung panahon mo para protektahan sya pero yung pagmamahal mo kahit kalian ay hindi nawala.” Nana Gina eventually hugged my dad.

Bakit ngayon pa ito nangyayari?

Bakit ngayon ko lang to naririnig?

Bakit ngayon ko lang to nalaman?

“No Gina. I have failed as a father. I have failed. I failed her. I failed her mom. I promise Catleya that I will give Avie everything. I promised her that I will protect our daughter. But then again I failed. I have always been a failure.” He said while crying.

 “Alam mo ba na ang huling pag-uusap naming dalawa ang nag away pa kami? This is all my fault! Kung siguro sinabi ko nalang sa kanya na kaya ko talaga sya ayaw papuntahin ng new york ay dahil natatakot akong hindi na sya bumalik at hindi ko sya makasama, baka sakali nagbago ang isip nya. Baka sakali hindi ito nangyari.”

I couldn’t help but hold my Dad’s face. Alam ko hindi nya naman mararamdaman yung hawak ko but I still chose to do so.

“Dad, Dad I forgive you. If I will have to go to the after life… And God will grant me my ultimate wish before I go I would wish to visit you in your dream. I will tell you everything be it small or big that is memorable for me. I will let you know me. And lastly, I will tell you Dad that I forgive you.”

The more that I stay in that room I feel like I couldn’t breathe, I really couldn’t handle this.

I couldn’t handle the pain that’s why I decided to have a walk… I have to clear my mind…

I didn’t know where to go in this moment, I just let my feet take me whenever it may lead me. Maybe this time I should stop thinking for a moment and just slowly let everything sink in me…

I walk and and walk and walked until I felt tired…