Denying the Alpha

Two.

I ran from the room as fast as my legs would carry me. People are staring, unaware of what's just happened, but I don't care. Let them stare.

I make it down the two flights of stairs to my room and slam the door shut behind me. I slid down the door and brought my knees up to my chest. I drop my head down, and I just let my emotions take over. My whole body trembles with the force of the sobs wracking my body. I just kept thinking the same thing, how could they? I have never felt so alone.

Samantha and I loved each other, at least I thought we had. Our relationship had always been a little strained because we were such different people, but we were still sisters.

Samantha was two years older than I was. She had a lot of friends and was often out partying. She was always happiest when she was out with her friends and just having a good time. A social butterfly.

I had my friends, and I loved to spend time with them splashing in the river banks or the occasional shopping trip, but what I loved most was curling up in my bed with a good book. Often when I found a book, I liked, I just wouldn't put it down until I was finished with it, even if that meant I stayed up all night. I also loved to bake, and cook, I wasn't a fan of it, but I did really love to bake. I made cakes mostly. I was obsessive when it came to decorating. I always had to get it just right.

I was a real homebody. I didn't know she had such little regard for me.

“FAITH, open the door, FAITH, what's happened?” Sammie begs through the door as her fists try to beat it open. I ignore her. I can’t believe she’s going to act like she wasn’t just screwing my mate. They both must think that I'm such a joke. He didn’t even come after me; I wonder if she asked him not to or if he didn’t believe that I was worth it.

Shut up, faith. I tell myself, he doesn’t deserve your wallowing. He didn't deserve anything, not from me, but I couldn't stop the tears from falling or my heartbreaking. I was devastated. She could tell me how much better she was for my mate and that I should let him go so that they could be happy together some other time.

Fifteen long minutes go by before the banging finally stops, and she gets the message. I had desperately wanted her to leave the entire time, and yet now that she had, I felt more alone than ever. It only took her fifteen measly minutes to give up on me. I lost both my sister and my mate all in one morning. This has to be the worst birthday ever. I let the weight of it all wash over me, and I broke down all over again.

It takes me hours before I finally manage to stop crying. I didn’t know one person could feel so much before today. My parents wanted to have a big birthday dinner with my sister and me to celebrate my coming of age, but I wasn't up for it.

I wasn't sure I could control myself right now, not with my emotions running at an all-time high thanks to my impending shift tonight. I just might rip her damn slutty head off, so I sent them a quick text letting them know I wouldn’t be able to make it. They were disappointed, of course, and tried to talk me into coming, but they would get over it.

I forced myself into the shower and turned on the water as hot as I could stand it. I relished the feeling of the warm water as it trickled down over my body. I could feel my tense, tired and sore muscles relaxing as it seeped its way deep into my pores.

I may not be able to stand the thought of my traitorous mate right now, but I still had a lot to look forward to. I still had my wolf, and she would never betray me the way that he had. She would never leave me, and I would have the most special bond with her that would truly last me the rest of my life. A bond that I could truly treasure forever. I couldn't wait to meet her; I just hoped she wasn't too disappointed with me. If she were here with me she would beg me to forgive Declan for what he did, she would be hurt like I was, but for her, it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

I might have even understood him entertaining other women before I came of age, but with my sister? And he didn't even care that I had seen it. It's been hours, and hasn't checked on me, not once. It makes me wonder, does he even want my forgiveness?

Mates are meant to be everything to each other, and they are each other halves, the sun, the moon and the stars, the very thing that you live for, your soul mate and more, sorry I should say that way for normal wolves, it wasn't like that in my case.

All of those things were just how the human half of us feels. It was more than that for our wolf halves. For them their love was kismet; they didn't question it, they didn't reject it, they simply loved each other with everything they had. That was the way it was supposed to be, but Declan went and spat all over that.

My wolf was going to suffer when I fought the mate bond, her wolf hadn't cheated on her and yet she was going to pay the price for a mistake Declan and Samantha had made. It was unfair to say the least, and I sent a silent prayer to the moon goddess that my wolf understood why I had to stay away from him. For now at least, maybe one day it could be different. All I knew now was that if I accepted his cheating, he wouldn't change and I wasn't about to spend my life questioning why I wasn't good enough for him or writhing in excruciating pain every time he decided he was going to step out on me. I deserved better than that. My wolf deserved better than that. I was doing this for her too.

I lost track of time basking in the gentle warmth the shower provided me, I didn't particularly want to get out, but I knew that I needed a rest before tonight. I was exhausted already from the emotional distress that I was enduring and knew I would need all the energy that I could get for my first shift tonight. It's said that the pain you experience during that first shift is almost enough to kill you. It was supposedly a little easier with the help of your mate, but I couldn't rely on that. Declan couldn’t have made how he felt about me any clearer than he already had. I would be doing this alone, It’s not like I would be the first or even the last wolf to shift by themselves the first time.

If I asked my parents to come with me they would, I know that, but it’s something I wanted to do by myself. I had dreamed for years about shifting with my mate and even if I couldn’t have that, I still didn’t want to share it with anybody else.

I quickly patted myself dry slipped on my underwear and padded my way over to my large bed, and it didn't take me more than a few moments to fall asleep. I really was exhausted.

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

My alarm sounds, it takes me a few minutes to stir, but when I do, I look at the big bright red letters. 11:30 pm, half an hour until my first shift.

I’m only wearing matching red panties set ( reds are my favourite colour). I slip a robe on over the top not bothering to get dressed. I would only rip anything I put on when I shifted. No point in wasting a perfectly good outfit and it wasn’t like anyone was going to see anything anyway.

I creep as quickly and as quietly as I can down the stairs. The reserve was in the center of a truly beautiful forest. Past the forest was a vast mountain area and a river that ran down the middle. If I hurried, I might be able to make it to the river bed before I shifted.

As soon as I made it to the tree line, I began to sprint as fast as I could. My feet were tearing bit by bit as I pushed myself as hard as I possibly could, the sharp sticks and rocks cutting and scraping at the tender flesh, I really should have worn shoes, but if I turned back now I would never make it to the river before midnight.

I don’t know why it was so important for me to shift at the edge of the water, but I had always been drawn to it. The way it glimmered under the moonlight, with mountains on one side and surrounded by trees on the other, I couldn’t think of a spot more magical and I wanted magical. It was my favourite in the winter when the snow covered the mountain peaks, I had never seen anything more breathtaking than that. I loved everything about nature.

I pause for only a moment to catch my breath and check my phone at 11:55, I only have five minutes before I shift. I’m about four minutes from the edge of the forest at my fastest.

My feet are tremendously sore at this point and it’s hard to imagine that they will ever heal, but they will. Wolves naturally had faster healing and I was only a few minutes from getting mine. I push myself harder and harder.

I crumple to the rocky shore as I burst through the edge of the trees. It can only mean one thing, it’s midnight, and I’m about to shift.

My body starts to convulse and I can hear my bones start to snap. I swear I’m not going to survive, and I know that it’s me screaming because I’m the only one here and yet it doesn't sound anything like me. I can hear things pop, tear and snap.

Through my burning tears, I can see claws start to protrude from my nail beds. My back arches violently and my limbs fail to support my weight any longer. I drop and roll onto my back, so I'm staring up at the night sky panting hard. I feel like giving up the pain is just too much and then suddenly it's gone.

I can feel my consciousness slipping away fast, but I’m desperate to see my wolf before I black out. I use my front paws to drag my weary body to the reflective surface of the river.

‘Hello, faith.’ a beautiful sing-song voice floats around my head as clear as my own. I know it’s her, my wolf, and even tho I was expecting it, I still felt a little startled to hear someone else voice in my head like that. It was going to take some getting used too. I just want to see her.

I'm almost at the edge of the water, but before I can get a good look my body collapses once again the jagged rocks digging into my now naked human side, colours dance across my vision and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open, the last thing I see before I pass out is a grey head poking out of the trees, I hope it's friendly.