Denying the Alpha

Eight.

Faith's point of view

The early morning sun begins to break through the tree tops, and the orange and purple streaked sky was as beautiful as it was every morning. I enjoyed spending the night in my wolf form, but I could feel how tired poor Sapphire was and I could do with some food myself before settling in for a nap.

It took me a while to sniff out my clothes, the tree line was long and it wasn't the easiest to pinpoint the exact spot I came in. My raggedy shorts and faded t-shirt were in the same spot I left them, I grabbed my shorts and slipped them straight on, it wasn't until I was pulling my shirt down over my head that I realised I had shifted, and I had done it all by myself, Sapphire didn't need to help me at all, it was so natural I didn't even have to stop and think about it, I couldn't help myself and busted out into a little victory dance on the spot.

I probably looked ridiculous swirling my hips in the same rythym I was swirling my arm sky high, but I was all alone out here so who really cares, I could feel a sapphire giggle in the back of my mind, I loved that my wolf was as carefree as I was, the poor girl was exhausted but still amused with her silly human.

'Don't laugh.' I fake scold her which only makes her laugh at me even harder.

'Your goofy.' she giggles.

I jog happily back in through the mud room, I am so happy that I'm practically skipping really. For the first time in two days, I genuinely feel good about myself, great actually.

Running all night really helped me face a lot of my pent up anxiety. I might even go see Declan today, I won't be begging him to take me as his mate or anything, but maybe we could talk, he might have a good reason for being an asshole. I wouldn't know unless I asked. There was no other for me to know, maybe he saw Sammie before he found out that we were mates and maybe they felt like I was the home wrecker, the possibility tore at my heart, but I have to ask.

I want to change before breakfast, I look like a slob in this outfit, I usually didn't care this much about my clothes, but I never had a reason to before. I dressed nice of course, but if the odd grunge day slipped through who cared, except if I let that happen now, Declan would think I was pining for him to the point I couldn't even care for myself anymore and Samantha would use it to justify being a slut, I mean she would use it to justify in her mind why she would make a better luna than I would, I didn't even care about being luna, I really didn't, power has never been a big goal of mine, all I wanted was the mate bond that everyone else got. I wanted happily ever after with the love of my life, it may be a pretty basic ambition, but it was mine. I have so many mixed feelings I wish I could pick a state of my mind and stick to it, I was a slave to my emotions sometimes. One minute I wanted to understand them, to find out why this was happening and the next I desperately hated them both with every fiber of my being for hurting me. I hated that I felt like I was the only of us who was at mercy, they held all the cards.

I stomp my way up the stairs, my feet feel heavier the further I climb, just like my heart.

“Hello, Faith.” a beautiful melody tickles my ears and my damn heart flutters hard in my chest, I turn to face him but only after I manage to school my face, I didn't want him to see the smile his simple hello could bring to my lips, all the heaviness was gone, how could he have such an effect on me?

Still he smirks at me knowingly, his tall handsome figure looms at the bottom top of the stairs like he's been waiting for me. That was a stupid thought. Why would he be waiting for me when he didn't want me? I shouldn't let myself think we have a chance because we probably don't, but still I hoped foolishly.

“Hello.” I whisper.

“Hello.” I repeat louder and prouder. My palms were sweating and my mouth had gone dry, my knees were weak with need, but I stood firm. At least I wasn't aroused, yet. He was absolute physical perfection. I wanted to trace the muscles on his chest with my tongue.

Damn it sapphire doesn't push images like that in my head, I'm trying to focus, get your head in the game.

Silly horny wolf trying to break down my resolve, I was doing this for the both of us, we had to be strong. Did she not feel my struggle? Why would she make it harder?

“What do you need?” I ask him bluntly, I wanted to fist pump the air for maintaining my composure but at the same time I wanted to break down and cry, it really hurt seeing him so unaffected by me.

“Not you.” he was so snarky, why did he even stop me if he didn't want to talk to me?

“Okay.” I shrugged as I shoved past him. I probably shouldn't have, his delicious scent infiltrated each of my senses, and I wanted to shove myself into his strong arms, walking away was like walking through quicksand, every step was harder and harder to take. Why did it have to be like this?

He growls at me as I pass him, and although I'm a little frightened, I'm also extremely turned on, well Sapphire was, she thought he was being possessive and she liked it, I knew better, he was threatening me.

It seemed like all I did anymore was fling myself into my room and hide.

'I'm sorry, Sapphire.'

However I can't reach her, she's shut me out. I know how much she wants me to try but I'm scared, what if I beg him to take me and he still rejects me? It will only be worse, besides I have always been strong women, one who is fair but firm. I didn't take anything from anyone but I always try my best to be kind and although my heart was a mess I wasn't willing to change who I am or lay down my pride for anyone... Not even for my world despite how much I loved her and certainly not for Declan who did not love me.