AVEL
Fia and I exchanged a look, her eyes full of concern, but I couldn’t hold her gaze for long. My attention drifted to the girl standing behind us, and I still couldn’t find words to respond to her.
I knew I didn't want her sitting next to us, but what would be my reason for chasing her away? I wasn’t a confrontational person, plus, as far as she knew, I had no reason to dislike her.
She didn’t know I was gay or that something had happened between Kai and me, so she wasn’t aware that she did anything wrong. Regarding the kiss in the bathroom, I didn't know the whole story, and as I looked at her, my mind raced, desperately trying to piece together fragments of a memory that didn't exist.
I pictured everything Fia had described to me, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember the incident.
Instead, I was left with this hollow, sick feeling in my chest. I felt violated in a way I couldn’t fully articulate. I wasn’t even a tiny bit attracted to women. I was gay, straight out, and that fact made the entire situation even more cringe-inducing.
Before Fia could get a word out, the girl broke the silence. Her voice was soft and apologetic as she looked directly at me. “I’m sorry about what happened last night in the bathroom,” she said, and I swallowed hard, my gaze still locked with hers.
“I had a bit to drink, too,” she continued, “and when you… well, when I ran into you upset… and you kissed me, I couldn’t pull away. I should have, and I’m sorry.”
I froze upon hearing that I initiated the kiss and that I was upset. I wondered if I had told her what or who I was upset with, but I was too afraid to ask. Before I could respond, she turned to Fia and assured her that there was no malice in her actions.
She swore before turning back to me, her expression softening. "I know you," she continued. “We’re from the same place—Evermoore.”
My eyes widened at that. Evermoore was my hometown. "My name is Olivia Riddell," she said, extending a hand toward me, her voice warming as she spoke. "My parents are William and Celeste Riddell of CodeCraft. You and I attended the same high school."
I recognized the name immediately. The Riddells were not just anyone back home; they were a well-known family who had recently entered into a business partnership with my family. But her? I didn’t recognize her face.
Knowing her family, I reached out and shook her hand, but my grip was weak. I couldn't decide whether I should be relieved that we had a connection, or if this just made matters worse.
What I knew, however, was that I needed to be careful with this Kai situation. If I thought my closeted fears were bad before, this whole incident had pushed me back into my shell.
Every insecurity, every reason I had ever had to hide who I was, returned with a vengeance. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of an invisible cliff, too scared to take a step forward or back. I was a hot mess.
Fia's response to Olivia was sharper than I expected, with a polite dismissal wrapped in a thin layer of cruelty. "I appreciate you explaining yourself, but could you please find another place to sit? Avel and I were having an important conversation."
I stiffened, looking at her in disbelief. We weren't in a classroom where seating might have been an issue. We were outside, in the middle of the quad, and Olivia didn’t need permission to sit anywhere. Besides, she looked just as awkward about last night's incident. Fia’s reply felt harsh.
Olivia hesitated, obviously taken aback by Fia's tone, and I was about to say something when it happened. The unmistakable sensation of someone watching me crept across my skin. I instinctively turned my head and met his gaze. Kai.
Everything around us, students buzzing with chatter, footsteps on concrete, laughter in the distance, muted as if someone had paused reality. My heart began to race, a traitorous thump that felt like it would tear through my ribs.
He stood with his brother and two girls, looking like he had just stepped out of a catalog. His chinos framed his long legs and the faint outline of muscle, as if they were tailor-made for him, while his polo shirt hugged his chest and shoulders just right. He exuded ease, composure, and damn him, he knew it.
Last night's images bombarded me without warning. The sensation of his hands on my body, the rough edge of his voice as desperate grunts tore through his chest—the heat between us. Everything came flooding back—the fire in his touch, the way his weight pressed me into the moment, the way my mind could not tell where I ended and he began—and my throat tightened as I clenched my fists.
I didn't even notice when he walked away until Fia's touch on my arm returned me to the present moment. Her voice broke through the haze. "Avel? Are you okay?" she asked quietly the second time, and I blinked, returning my gaze to where he had stood.
The knot in my chest tightened, and I couldn't tell whether I was feeling relieved or disappointed that he was gone; perhaps both. Fia spoke again. “Do you want to leave? I think we are done now, and we can go,” she said, watching me carefully like she thought I might break at any second, but I said no, though my pulse was still erratic.
I recalled my previous decision, made amid anger and heartbreak, to not let Kai affect me. He didn’t get to have that kind of power over me; not again.
Before I could fully process what I was doing, I looked back and saw Olivia, still standing near us, looking awkward and unsure, as if she did not know where to go. "Olivia!" I called out to her, and she quickly turned around.
“We are done with what we were discussing. If you are still interested, you are welcome to sit with us." Her eyes widened slightly, and I was unsure whether she would accept the offer, but she did.
She came over and sat next to me, and Fia leaned in closer, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial sing-song whisper as she asked, "What are you doing?" but I didn't respond. I didn’t know how to.
I didn’t know what I was doing. The only thing on my mind was the image of Kai with those girls, and if he was going to be busy, so was I.
Olivia was a chatterbox; that much became clear within minutes of her sitting down. She jumped from topic to topic, recalling people and events from our high school as if they had happened yesterday; names I had not thought of in weeks spilled from her mouth, and I found myself nodding along more than contributing, overcome with nostalgia.
However, halfway through our conversation, I realized Fia had not said much at all. She was still sitting beside me, arms crossed, her eyes lingering on Olivia with an unmistakable air of suspicion.
I took out my phone and typed a quick message to her.
“You okay?”
She picked up her phone, read my message, and then her fingers started moving. A response came almost immediately.
“I don’t trust her.”
Before I could type a response, Olivia’s phone rang. She looked at the screen, muttered a quick "Sorry, I'll be right back," and stood up, walking a few steps away to take the call. The moment she was out of earshot, I turned to Fia. “Why don’t you trust her?” I added, keeping my voice low. “She explained herself and apologized.”
“Exactly,” Fia said, raising a brow. “She explained what happened by throwing you under the bus. She straight up said you initiated what happened between you two. She doesn’t even know if that will cause problems for you, if we aren't dating. That’s suspicious, Avel.”
I blinked at her. I hadn’t thought of it like that, but honestly, I didn’t think it was a big deal. “Maybe she knows we’re not dating,” I offered, but Fia scoffed. “How? Everyone who doesn’t know us assumes we are. I didn’t go to your high school, so she doesn’t know me. How would she know you’re not my boyfriend? Something’s up with her. I don’t trust her.”
Before I could respond, Olivia returned, sitting down, and I needed to take a leak. “I’ll be back,” I said, standing up, and as I walked toward the restroom, I couldn’t help but replay Fia’s words. Could Olivia know that I was gay? Could that be the reason she knows I’m not with Fia?
There was this incident at school with this one guy, but nothing happened, so she wouldn’t know about that. I shook my head, attempting to clear my mind as I pushed open the bathroom door.
Inside, the urinals were all busy, so I headed for one of the stalls. Closing the door behind me, I let out a sigh of relief as I unzipped. “Finally,” I muttered, the contented sound escaping my throat as I relieved myself. I hadn’t realized how long I’d been holding it.
My eyes closed briefly as the tension in my body dissipated, but the sharp sound of a door closing and locking behind me snapped them wide open, and my head whipped back toward the stall door with a speed that almost threw me off.
“You? What are you doing?”