Between Brothers

The Price You Pay

Christopher

“This is all my fault” I whisper into the emptiness of my car. 

The ride home was short but felt like an eternity due to the nagging feeling that her demise is my fault. I know I shouldn’t have told him I f****d her, I knew about his past and yet I played that card anyway. Maybe her life was better off without me in it? Maybe I should quite literally go die? It’s not like the thought has never crossed my mind.

The dread of not knowing if she’ll be ok or not pangs in my chest, a feeling I never wanted to feel again. Similar to the feelings I had when I left the last time, part of why it took me so long to return. How can I face her after this? Will she hate me? Will she still love me the same way?

I pace my living room, waiting for Julian to bring my beloved brother to me. Sending Kayleigh to the hotel so she can spa was easy enough, she’s still pissed and will take this as a consolation prize. I’m so lost in my own thoughts, I don’t hear the initial knock on the door. 

I swing the door open, finding Julian and Daniel standing there, waiting to be brought inside. All I can see is red and it’s spelling out his name, this moron is too stupid to be my brother. 

“Danny boy, welcome back!” I say, clasping my hands onto his shoulders. He jumps as if he’s scared of me and that’s the perfect response. I’ve always hated this little twit, he was a spoiled brat then and he’s a dickhead now. I wonder how many times he’s done something stupid and the family covered it up? I wonder how many times he’s hurt her and no one said a word? Is that the price she pays for dealing with me? For loving me? 

I sit on the couch across from him, the swell of anger in my chest. I cannot pretend to be okay with him, when I know the damage he’s caused. 

“Daniel, what the f**k is your problem?” There I said it, I can’t bite my tongue any longer. 

“You” he mutters under his breath, the hostility in the way he said it proving why he’s here.

“Me? What have I done to you?” I ask, almost laughing because I know exactly what I did. Can I really blame him? When I wanted to do the same to him.

“Yes, you! You’ve always been in the f*****g way. When it was Her and Julian, you came and tore them apart, Her and I and you not only ripped us to pieces but you’ve ruined any chances of my being with her” He says, standing up and walking to the kitchen. 

My eyes dart to Julian, I never knew they were together. He nor she mentioned it, he looks uncomfortable as if the heat is starting to rise. I turn my focus back to Daniel, making a mental note to deal with Julian later. 

“I’m not in the way, that’s the alcohol speaking. Common sense would be if you were doing your DAMN JOB AS HER MAN! I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE! But no, like a hurt little boy you turn to alcohol and violence to make yourself feel better. Do you feel better Danny?” I ask, getting up to cross the room to him. What am I going to do? I can’t kill him, though every part of me wants to. I will beat him within an inch of it and that should be satisfying enough, I hope it is.

I hesitate before rearing back and punching him in the face, he sees it coming but doesn’t block. He doesn’t try to defend himself, he just takes the hit like he knows this is the end. The hard crack under my fist as it connects to his jaw brings a sudden joy to my soul. I've wanted to do this for a long time. The hatred I’ve felt for Daniel is finally boiling to the surface. He’s always been the perfect son, he did everything so-so and our parents raved over it. 

If I sneeze the wrong way and I’m causing trouble, they blamed me when the kitchen went up in flames but not the one who I saw do it. Our Parents seemed to only have eyes for the one who was perfect and left me to the wind, but to mention it they don’t remember any of it. The agony I felt when they turned me in for beating the s**t out of Remy McIntosh, my own parents turned against me. They didn’t even hear the full story, just the parts that made me the problem. 

I hear screaming ringing in my ears like an alarm clock, waking me from a bad dream. 

I’m back in reality, the moment set before me and my hands are slick with blood. My brother lies there face badly beaten, Julian is pulling me off him so he can check his pulse. 

I turn to see Kayleigh, she’s shell shocked. I’ve done things like this before but I’ve never brought it home. She’s never seen the damage I cause in person, just stories of it from others around us. I wash my hands in the sink, there’s so much blood and hardly any of it is mine.

I watch Julian sit the asshole up and wipe his face off, not as bad as we all thought. A few cuts and bruises but he’ll live to see another day. 

“You got off easier then you should’ve” I say, stepping over to the freezer and grabbing a steak to put on his face.

“I know, you should’ve killed me.”

“I know but how would you suffer knowing you hurt her AGAIN! If you’re dead. No, this is exactly how it should’ve been. Stay the f**k away from her”

“I love her Chris”

“Seems like a trait we all have in common” I say looking at Julian, who acts like nothing has happened. 

Daniel is slumped over still sitting on the floor, Kayleigh is stuck as if she’s not sure what she just saw, Julian is nervous as if I would kill him and I am still waiting for the doctor to call me back, to give me an update.

“What the hell Chris?” Kayleigh must’ve finally found her voice, she’s furious. 

“Mind your damn business and go back to the hotel”

“What the f**k is this? Explain”

“I don’t have to explain s**t to you or anyone for that matter, get the f**k out and go to the hotel. DAMN!” I say, leaving them all on their own I head back to the hospital to wait for a result. I’d rather be there and wait than be here with any of them.

***

Hours have passed and not a peep from anyone, just a random pang in my heart everytime my thoughts wander back to Tara. She didn’t deserve this, She didn’t deserve this, I didn’t deserve her and as much as I fought the urge, the call to be with her was louder. I don’t regret any of it, at least I thought I didn’t.

“Mr. Blane?” The doctor says looking around the room for someone to respond, I rush over hoping for the best. 

“Yes, Doc.”

“Mr. Blane, there’s been a development in her health. There’s mild cerebral edema and we will need to watch her for a little bit to make sure it’s going down, she was awake but it’s better if she sleeps this off. So we’ve placed her into a medical coma, so she can heal. When she’s officially awake, she may need some reminders of things.”

“Reminders? Like she lost her memory?”

“Yes, she will have her long term but short term may be gone for the time being. You’ll have to take it easy on new information”

“Ok”

He pats my shoulder and smiles, trying to reassure me it's going to be ok. But it’s not, she won’t remember my promise to make her mine again, just the hurt I gave her when I left. I finally call my mom to let her know what’s going on, the sheer anger in her voice is rightly placed. I feel myself shrink down, I feel small like a kid again. 

Until she wakes up, I can be found with my head in my hands in the waiting room of the hospital.