Divorcing Her Mafia Family

Retail Therapy

The smell of the sweaty man standing next to her was nauseating and yet she continued to let him drone on and on about the benefits of the bed. It was serving a purpose because she was really learning something.

She played dumb, “you’re telling me I can control both sides of the bed with this teeny tiny little control?”

“Yes, ma’am,” the man was positively gleeful to be selling his products. Usually, the uber wealthy people did not shop in his store, preferring the high-end shops near Rodeo Drive. “And if you don’t want the bed to seem like two separate pieces of bed, you just put this foam piece between them under the mattress protector.”

“My husband was adamant though that everything must be in place in his bedroom by five thirty.” She blinked rapidly. “Mr. Laskaris was very blunt with me today when he said I had to get it done today. I don’t want to disappoint him. You know how men like him get.” She made a pretence of swallowing hard and making big eyes.

“We can make it happen for you Mrs. Laskaris. Anything for you.”

Magda rolled her eyes and Darya scoffed behind the man where they were squeezing pillows.

Once she had told the salesman the name of her husband his eyes had grown wide with delight and then fear. She was using both of those emotions to get what she wanted from him. He was putty in her hands.

“Now, you said this kind of bed, needs the special frame but you can’t put a headboard on it.”

“Right, but you can affix a headboard to the wall. It looks similar to a framed headboard, but it just gets bolted to the wall.”

“Excellent, I want that headboard. Can it be bolted to a wall?” She pointed across the room to the children’s section where a bright pink fuzzy headboard stood out like a sore thumb. “Do you have it in king sized?”

The man stammered in disbelief. “Ma’am are you sure Mr. Laskaris would like something so pink?”

“His motto is happy wife, happy life, and I love it!” she clapped her hands and batted her eyelashes cooing at him dramatically. “He will be so pleased.”

“Well usually we don’t sell kids beds in king size, so I’ll have to look in the system.”

“Could you? Would you have your guys install everything by five thirty this afternoon?”

She watched as the man plugged numbers into the computer nearby and he made a face of disbelief.

“Well wouldn’t you know it? We have one out back. A customer ordered it and then never picked it up. Yeah, yeah, we can get it all out for you in an hour. Installed in two hours. You said you needed the old mattress taken away?”

“Yes. My husband is in his thirties now and his back isn’t what it used to be. We need this new mattress and frame.”

“Let’s go ring you up and we’ll get everything sorted.”

“Excellent.”

Magda and Darya were holding onto each other in silent laughter.

“I can’t believe you’re spending eight thousand dollars alone on the mattress old people use.”

“I can’t wait to stand in the hall while he’s sleeping on it and hit the remote control and bend him in half like a pretzel.” Her cheeks ached from the joy she was feeling. “Motherfucker won’t know what hit him.”

“You are so devious,” Darya twisted a blonde tendril around her finger and then twisted it over her upper lip like a fake mustache. “I cannot wait to see his reaction to our bonfire.”

“Speaking of, I don’t want to burn the house down, so we need to pick up a few fire extinguishers. We can get them at the hardware store.”

Magda was looking out the window, “hey, there’s one of those linen shops a few doors down. We should go pick out a bunch of décor to match the new headboard. They have a giant zebra patterned duvet in the window.”

Dimi raced to the window and looked out with unbridled glee and shrieked, “best day ever!”

After she settled the bill and arranged delivery of her products in exactly two hours from now, paying extra for the rush delivery, she and the girls raced to the shop Magda had pointed out and then came to a screeching halt inside. It was everything a pre-teen girl could have potentially dreamed of. If a rainbow-colored unicorn had babies with hello-kitty, the offspring could have been any of the thousands of patterned pillows strewn about the shop.

“This is awful.”

“It’s like a box of confetti exploded everywhere.”

“My skin feels like it’s starting to itch again.”

It was horrifyingly beautiful.

Dimi pointed to a giant watercolor print of dancing daisies. It was easily five feet wide. “They’re sexy right? The way the daisies bend and twist around each other?”

“In no way are they sexy,” Magda stared her in confusion.

“But way prettier than say, a sixty-inch television mounted on a masculine bedroom, though, right?”

“No, you’re not going to dismount his television,” Darya clutched her chest in disbelief. “Is nothing sacred?”

“I fear he may have watched porn on it with her,” she sniffed exaggeratedly. “It needs to go.”

“How will we get it back to the house?”

“When we go for the fire extinguishers, we’ll grab those bungee cord things and strap it to the roof of my car?”

“You’ve lost your mind. This is too far.”

“Can I help you ladies?” A middle-aged woman approached blinking rapidly at them.

“Yes, we’re redecorating a room for a friend who has gone through a lot, and she loves the color pink, lots of sparkles and glitter. The thing is, she’s out this afternoon and we’re trying to surprise her with by having everything done by five-thirty this evening when she comes home from her medical appointments. We can load up our car with stuff, but I know she would love the print and she does have the perfect wall for it. I wish I could get it in the car.”

“We have a delivery service. Cost is a hundred bucks for same day, but we can have it there in ninety minutes. It’s a flat rate so you could just throw everything on the truck and not have to worry about stuffing your car. It’s so kind of you to do something like this for your friend.”

“You know, she’s just had such a bad time. Her husband cheated on her and so we’re redoing the bedroom all over for her. Out with the old and all that,” Dimi said with a smile and the woman gripped her hands.

“Oh, the poor dear. Men are such dogs.” The woman immediately began leading the trio down an aisle. “If your friend likes things which are pink, I might suggest this aisle.”

Dimi’s heart was racing as she took in the putrid pink antacid colored lane. The sound of Magda’s cough of alarm echoed in her chest. “The store is organized by color?” her voice was slightly high-pitched as she examined the room.

“Yes, it makes it easier for people to find what they want.”

“What about rugs,” Darya tossed out. “I saw a throw rug in the window which looked like it was covered in bright candy sprinkles.”

“Oh yes, but it’s not only pink. It’s white with all the colors of the rainbow in the shape of candy sprinkles. We have it in various sizes.”

“What’s the biggest size you have?” Dimi was all in grinning as Magda and Darya slapped their hands together over their heads. “She’s gonna love it!”

They quickly filled the shopping trolley the salesclerk had provided with king sized sheets, which Magda had whispered would be a great way to hide the new mattress with the split down the middle, in a glorious shade of bubble gum pink. Pillow shams with rainbows all over them and as Darya exclaimed, the piece de resistance, hot pink curtains with daisies all over them to match the print. A few pillows shaped like donuts with sprinkles and a giant daisy pillow rounded out the basket.

Dimi looked at her watch, “s**t, we need to get to the house to get the bed out of the way so they can install the new one.”

“What’s wrong?” Magda immediately saw the concern on her friend’s face. “We can make it in time.”

“I know but there’s still easily thirty grand left on the card. I really wanted to max it.”

Darya leaned over her shoulder. “How much have you spent so far?”

“I spent fifteen hundred in the drugstore on fireworks, fifteen thousand in the furniture store on the bed frame, mattresses and the headboard and about three thousand here.”

“So not quite twenty,” Darya grunted.

“Remember when we first moved to LA, and I showed you where their offices are? Laskaris Corp?”

“Yes.” Darya turned her head slightly, so they were almost nose to nose. “I love how they call them offices when clearly, it’s a shipping depot.”’

“And the head office for their hundred or so night clubs in America,” Dimi pulled out her phone and scrolled through an internet search and tapped her fingers. “I could arrange for this to be delivered on,” she looked for the next available date, “Tuesday. Cost is five grand for a full day for two of them.”

“Do it.” Darya’s eyes blinked rapidly. She ripped the phone and showed Magda who was helping the cashier ring stuff through. “Look.”

“Oh my god it’s brilliant.”

“He’s going to s**t giant bricks.”

“I can’t wait.”

She finished paying for everything and then had another idea. “The pool.”

“What about the pool?”

She pointed to a party store across the street. “When I was a kid, my parents took me to a birthday party at an acquaintance’s house and the kid was a little b***h and had moaned and complained the dye in her pool was the wrong color.”

“You’re going to dye the pool?”

“He swims every single morning.”

“Do you think they sell pool dye here?”

“If not, I’ll stop at the shop we go to buy our stuff for when we make cupcakes.”

“Ooh,” Magda grinned, “just don’t forget what you’ve done and dive into the pool.”

“I won’t. I prefer the ocean.” She stopped in her tracks. “Just thought of how to use the rest of the money.”

“How?” they were following her at a quick pace into the party shop.

She flagged a guy down, “I’m looking for dye for a pool for a kids party.”

“What color?”

The girls squealed.

“Blue.”

“Sure, just be careful with it though. A buddy of mine did red last year for fourth of July and put too much in and everyone was a weird shade of pink for days.”

“I want every single bottle of blue you have. All of it. Purple too if you have it. Son of a b***h is going to look like Sexy Smurf when he gets out of the pool tomorrow.”

“Um, I don’t think,” the man started to protest.

She reached out and pulled his nametag, “listen, Chuck, my husband was f*****g a random girl in our bed all night and into this morning while I was making him pancakes in the kitchen.” She was really getting into her story now and was almost strangely angry. “If I want to turn him into a blue Smurf instead of divorcing his ass and taking half of what is rightfully mine, are you really going to argue with me?”

“No ma’am.” He blinked rapidly and walked in the direction of the dye.

“Uh, Dimi, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just got a little too into it and channelled my pops for a second, I’m good.” She whispered back and loaded up the cart with the three cases of the blue dye and two of the purple.

Magda pulled one out. “One bottle is good for twenty-thousand gallons.”

“His pool is huge. Maybe fifty thousand gallons?”

“Well then two bottles should be plenty.”

“I have sixty bottles.” She whispered. “Do you think it’s enough?”

“More than enough,” Magda whispered, “what if he has an allergic reaction?”

“Sucks to be him.”

“Girl, this isn’t itching powder in the socks. What if his,” Darya waved her hands around her crotch area, “turns blue and gets infected.”

“Then he’ll have the first true documented case of blue balls in scientific history. He does swim naked you know. I got the full eyeful this morning as he dove off the diving board.”

“Did you have to rub one out?”

“Yup.” She wasn’t ashamed to admit it. “He’s a stunning man. Too bad he’s vovoi.”

“You would make beautiful babies.”

“We would but then my babies would grow up the way I did, cutting off people’s fingers and shooting a man for the first time at thirteen,” she met the gaze of the man behind the counter who was staring wide-eyed, “hypothetically.”

Her girlfriends chuckled as the man gave her the total and she smacked a pack of gum on top. He told her to just take it. She winked and walked out with the five cases of product in her arms.

“This is insane.”

“Meet you both at the house in thirty minutes. We have lots to do. Don’t dawdle.”

“We were supposed to stop for fire extinguishers.”

“You didn’t tell us how you were going to spend the rest of the cash!”

“I’ll tell you after. I’ll stop at the hardware store myself,” Dimi said with a grunt as she tossed the dye into the trunk of her car. “I’ll be five minutes behind you.” She jogged in the direction of the shop feeling grateful her friends had found this little strip mall area with everything all bunched together. This was significantly more convenient than strolling down the boutiques and shops in the Grove or down Rodeo.

She looked to a man in brightly colored shirt and smiled. “I need fire extinguishers.”

“What do you need them for?”

“What?”

“Kitchen and grease fires, chemical fires, just plain old wood fires,” the older man looked ready to continue but she cut him off.

“Bonfire. I’m having girls over and we’re going to build the bonfire of all bonfires, but I want to be sure my house doesn’t burn down with it.” She followed him as he led her to the right section of the store and passed her a small cylinder. “No, I’m going to need more than just one. If they’re this small, at least ten or twenty.”

“How big is this fire going to be?”

“I’m burning a bed,” she met his gaze head on. “A marital one. Maybe our marital sheets have been soiled too.”

“Oh, in this case, I’ll get ten in a crate for you. I’ll um, meet you up front,” the man swallowed with embarrassment and started loading up a plastic bin with the canisters.

She made her way to the front of the store and studied the different items in the little bins. She picked up a tiny sewing kit and studied the tiny scissors. They were so cute. A wonderful idea popped into her head, and she grabbed the kit and then as she stared at a nearby bin containing replacement parts for a toilet tank she almost jumped up and down with excitement.

She looked around for something to use as part of her plan and at the checkout counter. Where they displayed all the things known to frustrate a parent with their kids whining and begging for the cheap-ass crap while they had to stand there and wait to be rung in, she found exactly what she needed.

The salesperson approached her, and she put the five packs of toys on the counter.

“You have a kid, ma’am?” something in his eyes appeared sad as he considered her earlier words about burning a marital bed.

“Nope. Thank God. This is to remind him of what we’ll never have.”

“What’s the sewing kit for?”

“Mending my broken heart,” she responded dryly. At his raised eyebrows she shrugged one shoulder, “actually, it’s a special project. Nothing too crazy. Just something to keep me busy on my lonely nights.”

She passed him her credit card and watched as another five hundred dollars was added to the total. She was close.

The man offered to help carry the heavy items to her car and she allowed him to. She was late. She needed to get a move on. After he successfully placed the items in the trunk, she thanked him and then jumped in her car and sped off.

She was driving home when her phone rang. She saw the name associated to the number and sighed.

“What do you want, Miklos?”

“Just checking in on my wife. I wanted to let you know I have to be at the club tonight, but I’ll leave early to come to you. We have much to talk about.”

“How early is early? I want to make sure I take a handful of motion sickness meds before you get there.”

“You think we’ll be rocking the house?” his laugh was diabolical.

“No. It’s to keep my stomach from emptying its contents from the motion of your ego inflating every time you pass a mirror. Why do you have so many mirrors in the house?”

“You are a sassy one, Dimitra. I will be home around eleven. I had hoped for earlier, but friends of the family’s are in town and your father insists we show them a good time.”

She rolled her eyes. It meant they had enemies in town, and he was likely going to put a bullet in someone’s head. She wondered what it would be like to live in a family where such things were not commonly considered.

“Enjoy yourself. Do not rush on my account. I am sure my father would like to make sure everyone’s pleasure is long and fulfilling.”

“Are you thinking of something long and fulfilling my little wife?”

“Yes, but I promise it’s not the dirty thoughts you’re having. I missed lunch because we shopped. I’d kill for a footlong sub.”

“I have a footlong but it’s not a sub, it’s more a dominant.”

She lay on the horn as someone cut her off and then shook her head at, he clearly was expecting her to respond, “I’m not into being dominated. Equal rights and all that.”

“Ah but you are my princess, Mrs. Laskaris and I am your king. You will submit.”

“Wrong.”

“Wrong? How so?”

“On two counts. One, I’m not your anything, princess or otherwise. Two, I’m a queen not a princess and I won’t be ruled by some half-stack joker who can’t keep his d**k in his pants. I deserve to be treated with reverence and respect by a man who loves and adores me and won’t put me at risk from every disease known to man. I will not follow my mother’s footsteps. Find another princess, Mr. Laskaris. This queen is ready to knock you off your throne.” She ended the call and shook her head.

Dominant footlong. She couldn’t help but smile at his words. He had always had a funny streak and when they were kids, he could make her laugh with his witty comebacks and smart mouth. He might be as ruthless and forceful as her father, but he was brilliant like his father and had his mother’s funny sense of humour. He was, in reality, a blend of both families and, she reminded herself, for this reason, they had no need of her. He could satisfy all of their needs. He could go have babies with someone else and use his progeny whatever way he saw fit.

She needed to stop smiling at his jokes, she reminded herself. He was enemy number one and laughing with him would put her at a disadvantage. She needed her game face on.