Protect Me From Myself

Chapter 2

Sarah

“He sounds like a dream.”

“Don’t be sarcastic. I’ve never met a man like him before. He literally had my body thudding with want before I’d so much as looked at him. How is that normal?”

“His voice turned you on?”

I don’t know why I bothered staying up and speaking to Jenna, my best friend; she’s impossible. I came home, took a shower, and decided to sit having coffee with my best friend before going to bed. I’m too wound up to sleep. He wound me up! Se.xually, at least. But Jenna has done nothing but be sarcastic about this whole thing since the second I opened my mouth.

“Yes, a lot. I don’t know, Jen,” I sigh to myself.

“He’s just a guy,” She laughs.

It might be funny to Jenna, the woman who doesn’t date because she’s got such a busy life, but not to me. I’m going to have to ma.sturbate tonight before I can sleep. Not that; that’s unusual, but what is unusual is that I’ll be ma.sturbating over a man other than Johnny Depp! My body is aching for Benton’s touch.

How is that normal?

How is any of this normal?

Why am I even bothered?

It’s not like anything would ever happen between Benton and me. It’s just a fantasy, and I’m allowed one of those - or ten.

“I’m going to bed.” I kiss Jenna’s cheek and walk away.

I love Jenna; she’s been good to me in the time we’ve known each other. I don’t know where I’d be now without her, but she’s rubbish when it comes to talking about men and feelings for them, se.xual or otherwise.

I met Jenna seven months ago in a coffee shop. I’d just moved here. I needed to get away from the hell I had lived for so long. I had everything set up, but my apartment fell through. I was mortified and upset.

I was sitting nursing a coffee. Two women were sitting at the table in front of me near the window. One with light brown hair, the other with raven black hair. Both were stunningly beautiful. One dressed like she belonged on Broadway, the other dressed in scrubs. I could tell she was a nurse, and I instantly knew they’d met up during her lunch break.

I envied them. They were laughing, and I caught a little of their conversation. The dark-haired one had been hit on at work by a guy in his eighties. I remember how amusing they both found that.

The one with light brown hair caught me watching them; she smiled slightly before I averted my eyes to my coffee cup. They were hugging the next thing I knew, and the dark-haired one left.

That’s when Jenna approached my table and asked if she could join me. I smiled and nodded. She somehow knew I was new in town, and something wasn’t right. I told her how my apartment had fallen through, and I didn’t know where to go.

We talked for a while, and she befriended me quickly and offered me a place to stay. She said that she had lived alone since the dark-haired girl Jenna was with earlier, her best friend Raine, had moved out to live with her fiancé, and she now had room to spare. I took her up on the offer then and there, and we have been firm friends ever since. Best friends within days.

My best friend is working her way up to Broadway. She’s an outstanding actress, and I know it won’t be long before we see her name up in lights.

But somewhere inside of me, I get the feeling Broadway isn’t where Jenna wants to be at all. Raine often says that Jenna lives to please her mother and that her mother is who wants Jenna on Broadway. I don’t know what hold Jenna’s mother has over her, but I get the feeling Raine does. Neither of them will tell me anything, but then, I’m the new one in the group.

I just wish Jenna would let me in. I hate that her mother is such a bi.tch half the time, and I hate more that Jenna falls into line with whatever she wants. One day, Jenna will confide in me, and when that day comes, I’ll be there to help her make things right.

Ma.sturbating twice in the space of five minutes and still feeling unfulfilled is not what I’m used to. God, I feel sick with want for a man I don’t even know!

There must be something seriously wrong with me. After everything I have been through before moving here. After all the promises I made to myself about steering clear of men, and here I am, thinking about what it might be like to be in that Godlike man’s arms.

Unknown: It was nice to meet you tonight, Sarah.

I know you’re thinking about me right now.

I’ve been thinking about you, too.

Want one night of pure, unadulterated pleasure?

Meet me tomorrow at Le Vide. 8 pm, Benton...

What the fu.ck?

How did he get my number?

I feel a bit sick.

Can I really meet up with a man I don’t know, a man who has so obviously been digging around to find out my number?

I don’t understand how Benton could have gotten it shy of asking my boss, and she wouldn’t give out personal details like that.

But then, it’s the only thing that makes sense because how else would he know tomorrow is my night off?

I can’t go around making myself known. I have tried too hard to keep my presence here on the down-low; I cannot risk being found. Even though I know it’s only a matter of time before it happens. My ex won’t give up that easily. If I’m honest, I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long.

I can’t deny that the prospect of one night with Benton is a little more than just appealing, though. This dry spell is driving me to distraction.

I can do one night, right?

***

Little black dress, silk pumps, hair French braided to the right side and hanging over my shoulder. Makeup light and classy. My matching clutch bag, holding my smartphone, lipgloss, compact mirror, and money. And... I feel as sick as a dog.

Why am I doing this?

Why am I meeting up with a man I don’t even know?

This is ridiculous. I have never done this once in my life before. But the promise of one night with Benton, in his bed, one night of pleasure, has me captivated.

If I do this, it will rid me of the need to feel him inside of me. No man has ever had me so desperately wanting him like this before.

It’s a strange feeling inside of me. Not even my ex had me this desperate before, and I thought I loved him. But then I know love and desire aren’t the same things.

I didn’t know a person could be so arou.sed, to the point you could just cu.m from closing your eyes and imagining a man’s eyes on your body, burning into your skin so profoundly you orgas.m harder than you ever have before.

But that’s precisely what happened to me this morning. I lay on my bed, closed my eyes, and all I could see was Benton looking at me with those perfect blue eyes, his smile so amazing that I came without any stimulation at all. I was so shocked I couldn’t stop laughing to myself.

It was then I took myself into the shower and fingered myself to the thought of Benton deep inside of me. I couldn’t stop. All I could think about was the way he might take me with his mouth. The way he might taste should I suck his coc.k until he burst down my throat. Then the thought of Benton’s coc.k and how big it might be overtook my filthy mind. I had to literally slap myself to wake myself up from the lust-enthused dream.

How is this normal?

I wish somebody would tell me because I feel like I’m stuck in a daydream, a fantasy about one of my movie stars who I grew up pretending would be my lover one day.

I made myself cu.m so many times this morning my head was spinning. It took me an additional hour to pull myself together and get dressed.

By the time I made it to the kitchen for breakfast, Jenna had given me a knowing look. Bitc.h probably heard me fuc.king myself stupid; it’s not like I was quiet.

It should have embarrassed me, but it didn’t, strangely.

Of course, the moment I told Jenna about my date, she was practically livid. God, she sat giving me advice on being careful and not to jump in bed with Benton too soon. Jenna then went on to warn me what might happen should I meet with a stranger, as if I’m a child!

I know all the dangers, and I’m prepared for each one. My brother taught me well and to always expect the unexpected—Mace in my bag, cell phone with the cops on speed dial, etc.

It took a lot to convince Jenna that I’d be fine, that I would pepper spray the guy and run for my life if he so much as touched my hand without me saying it would be okay to do so.

I think Jenna’s lack of love life has gone on so long she’s turning into a prude and a half. I’ve only ever known Jenna to go on two dates since I’ve known her, and one of those was with a male friend of hers, and he was gay! Each time, she’s home by ten o’clock.

I sometimes wish she’d give a guy a chance, but she just throws back that I am exactly the same.

Be that as it may, I have a damn good reason for not falling into any kind of relationship with a man.

What’s Jenna’s excuse?

Everyone has one, I guess, but she has never said why she won’t so much as kiss a guy.

But she must feel those urges sometimes?

No one can be contented with their hand or vibrator forever.

I take a deep breath as I walk inside the restaurant Benton asked me to meet him at, and I make my way towards him.

God, I’m nervous as hell. I’m not kidding when I say that I’ve never done this before. I’ve had dates with my ex, but most of them, I didn’t want to go on; I was coerced.

God, please don’t let Benton be a madman. I don’t fancy being killed tonight, or any other night for that matter.

I noticed Benton sitting at a small candlelit table next to the window, looking as cool as a cucumber, wearing a gray suit, white shirt, and gray silk necktie as soon as I stepped out of the taxi.

I could have driven here, but I figured I’d drink too much tonight and wouldn’t be able to see straight enough to drive anywhere. Not that I plan to get drunk; I’m not stupid; that would make it too easy for the man to get into my panties. I know myself; I’ll get all flustered around Benton because he’s gorgeous, and, God, he dressed that way deliberately!

I can tell just by looking at Benton that he’s the kind of man who always gets what he wants, and it seems he wants me tonight.

It’s not the best idea I’ve ever had, but he can have me. Benton can literally do anything he wants with my body tonight.

This is a stupid idea, especially after everything I’ve been through. But the truth is that with Benton, I can control what happens to me. I’m not going to hold anything back, nothing at all. Of course, if I get weird vibes from the man, I’ll walk away and never look back. Besides, it’s not like I have to see Benton after tonight. I’ve been scared long enough, and I need to start living my life again.

Where better to start than under the hottest man I have literally ever seen?