Protect Me From Myself

ChapterTwo

Enzo

Agony. Sheer fu.cking agony is all I feel throughout my body right now.

How in God's name didn't I see that damn truck?

I certainly fu.cking felt the force of it slamming into the side of my car, that's for sure. The force of the impact knocked me clean out. My head hit the steering wheel because the damn airbag didn't inflate! I could have ended up with brain damage! Luckily for me, I just have a couple of sore ribs, a bump on the head, and a broken ankle.

Okay, I'm not so lucky when you do the jobs I do.

But here I am, stuck in the damn hospital, and all I want to do is go home. I can't bear hospitals. Ever since I lost my mother and... Well, let's just say I've been in better places.

My little brother pacing the floor is making me feel uncomfortable. I guess I gave him a good scare. He's all I have in this world. He has his wife and kids, but other than them, I'm all he has, too. I don't want him worrying about me, though; I'm fine now.

“Go home, Sonny. For God's sake, I'm not dead. You don't need to be here.”

“You're my brother. I'm worried about you.” The emotion in my little brother's voice is not lost on me. He came straight to the hospital with his wife when he was called to say what had happened. I was out of it when he came in, but I swear, I heard his wife comforting him through his tears. Sonny doesn't cry. Or at least not in front of people.

Sonny is my baby brother, three years my junior. A remarkable man, one I helped raise after my mother left my abusive father. She then went on to marry someone else, someone who loved her more than anything. Someone who cared for her until the day she died of ovarian cancer over six years ago. Someone neither Sonny nor I see much of anymore. He hides away in his house like no one else matters. He hasn't gotten over the loss of my mother, and I'm not expecting him to anytime soon. Although he should by now, or at least try.

Sonny married his childhood sweetheart last year, just a month before I lost my ex-girlfriend and my child. Autumn was in no way the love of my life, but I promised to stand by her when she found out she was pregnant with my child. Never once in my life have I slept with any woman without using a condom, not even her, yet she ended up pregnant with my child.

Or so she said, it was mine. I had my doubts; in fact, I knew the baby wasn't mine, but still, I stood by her. She was already ten weeks gone when she found out, which is how I knew the baby wasn't mine. We'd been seeing each other for eight weeks. Not that I told anybody. I didn't want her mother to find out.

I found out later that Autumn had an affair with a married man from a different town.

Was she wrong to pin the child on me?

Of course, but I couldn't turn my back on her when she needed help. She was afraid of what her mother would think of her should she discover the truth. I didn't love Autumn, but I was willing to try and make a go of things.

What else did I have?

Work?

Yeah, that's about all I had.

I found out Autumn was cheating on me with the baby's actual father, and I left her. I will not be made a fool of! But in doing so, Autumn went into premature labor. At twenty-two weeks gestation, baby Charlie Ryker was born sleeping. Autumn gave the baby my name because she never told the man she was sleeping with, Charlie's biological father, that he was her father. It didn't sit well with me, but it was Autumn's choice. God, the baby wasn't mine, but it hurt like hell that she had died nonetheless. Autumn couldn't cope, and she took the easy way out.

Did it hurt when she took her own life?

Hell, yes, it did. I felt like it was all my fault. We'd argued the day before she gave birth to our daughter. I knew she'd been cheating, and I told her that I couldn't be with her any longer. Not just because she'd cheated but because my heart lay elsewhere. But I would always be there for Charlie, and Autumn's mother would never find out the truth from me.

She yelled and screamed how she always knew I didn't want to be with her, and why would I make her promises I couldn't keep. And how she would never allow me to see Charlie once she was born because I wasn't her father.

Of course, I yelled back and told her that just because I didn't love her didn't mean I didn't love my daughter. She smirked and told me to take her to court for a DNA test, then she walked out. Autumn knew I would never ask for a DNA test because I knew she wasn't mine. I yelled after her, screaming that I would call her ex and tell him the truth. Autumn didn't reply; she kept going.

The whole thing was wrong of me, to begin with, and I should have helped her in a different way. I should have made her see she didn't need me. But I didn't and made huge mistakes that ruined a young woman's life. I was cruel to her, unnecessarily so.

The next thing I heard, Autumn had been rushed to the hospital because she was losing blood. Apparently, she'd fallen down her mother's stairs. Charlie was stillborn. It broke my heart into a million pieces. Autumn said not one word. We both got to hold our baby, but still, she said nothing to me, or anyone else for that matter. I sat with Autumn all night. The doctors had sedated her, but I didn't want to leave her alone. I'd done enough to hurt her; I'd caused her all of that pain.

Over the following few days, Autumn was kept in hospital because her body had been through a lot with the birth. I wanted to take her home and take care of her. She had other ideas and went home with her mother. She wanted nothing to do with me. Even though her mother told me to give her time, I knew I'd never see her again. I don't know how I knew; I just did.

Needless to say, her mother called me the next day to say that Autumn had taken her own life. I cried; of course, she was my friend, and I loved her in my own way. I'd ruined the beautiful girl she once was, and she ended her own life because of me.

I never did find Autumn's ex. He will never know he had a daughter or that she passed away. I kept the secret from Autumn's mother because I didn't think she could take any more heartache. However, I noticed a guy standing near an oak tree at Autumn's funeral, watching. I knew without asking that he was Autumn's ex. He never approached or said anything to anyone. He tipped his head at me and then walked away. I never saw him again.

Charlie was buried with her mommy. Autumn would have wanted that. I wanted them to be together because I wanted neither of them to be alone.

“Hudson is just worried about you, Enzo.”

“I know that, Callie. But can't you see I'm fine?” I wince in pain while trying to sit up straighter just as the door opens.

“So, how's the patient?”

Sh.it!

I close my eyes for a second. God, that voice. That heavenly voice does something to me every time I hear it. When I open my eyes, she'll be gone.

Nope, she's still there. Paige Monroe. The little sister of my best friend, best friend to his wife. So, of course, that's a no-no before it even begins. Even thinking about her should be illegal. But she's so fu.cking beautiful.

The beautiful green-eyed brunette before me is the kind of woman a man would give his right arm to spend one night with. The gorgeous pinup with the tattoos and piercings. I have fought so damn hard for the past six years not to react to her. But she's grown into the most beautiful woman I have ever seen over those six years. She's never made any secret of the fact she wants me, but I could never subject such an innocent creature to a man like me.

“He's being difficult.”

“I am not being difficult!”

My brother snickers.

Pric.k!

Paige raises her eyebrow with a smirk on her face. “Well, I'm here to take your vitals.”

The second her fingertips touched my wrist, my whole body went cold. Shi.t. Every inch of my body aches, and not just because I've been in a car accident. I know she felt it, too, because her lips parted, and a slight, almost silent gasp escaped her perfect pink lips.

“Do you know what day it is?” She's still holding onto my wrist, even though she doesn't technically need to. Not that I want her to let go. I shouldn't, but I can't stop myself from stroking her wrist with my thumb. She swallows hard before asking me the same question again. She's just as affected by me as I am by her.

I shouldn't be touching her in any way at all. I shouldn't let her see how badly she affects me, my body, my mind, and my senses. Everything. Nothing could ever come from her and me. I'm not the kind of man for a woman as perfect as Paige. I am nothing but a walking disaster.

So why am I allowing her to think I want her?

Because you do want her, dickhead.

“It's Thursday.”

“Good. What month is it?”

“November. A week before Thanksgiving. My brother and his beautiful wife are hosting their first Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone is invited. But I believe not everyone can make it. Shall I give you a list of those attending?” Yeah, that was totally sarcastic, and there was absolutely no need for it.

“There's no need for that, Enzo. She's just doing her job.” Sonny snaps.

Paige looks into my eyes, irritation flashing in hers. She pulls her hand from mine harshly. “It's fine, Sonny. He's not the first patient to be a sarcastic ass. He won't be the last. Just put it down to the bang to his head. But,” She turns her eyes back to me, “I am only doing my job. If you'd rather a different...”

“No,” Oh, hell no, I don't want a different nurse. I should ask for another nurse because I need to stay away from Paige.

But why does the thought of not being near this girl while I'm stuck in this place fill me with dread?

I can never have her, but I know that I need her. She's always been there for me when I've needed her the most, and all I have ever done is treat her like my enemy.

“It's fine. I'm sorry.”

She nods with a smile on her face.

Oh, that smile, it does things to me. Everything about Paige does something to me.

Why did I only notice how badly I wanted her when she got into a relationship with someone else?

For years, she followed me around. Years she wanted me. For years, she didn't even try to hide it from me. Then she met Kyle, and it all changed. Only then did I realize I wanted her for my own.

Every fu.cking day, I drive by her house, hoping to get a glimpse of her. I've even parked across from Paige's house once or twice and noticed her silhouette in the upstairs window. God, the images I had inside of my head. Images of her beautiful body, the body of a classic pinup girl, the tattoos that I'd love to take a closer look at while licking her perfect curves and... Stop it!

Getting hard right now is not going to help me in any way. She's with someone else. Someone I fu.cking hate because I know he cheats on her. I swear to God, one of these days, I'll fu.cking kill that son-of-a-b***h! I've only to see one tear in Paige's beautiful eyes, and he's a dead man.

Fuc.k, my eyes are so heavy.

What the hell did she just give me?

Whatever it is has turned my body to mush. Everything feels numb yet tingly at the same time.

“That's right, close your eyes.” I can hear Paige's sweet voice in my head.

I hadn't even realized my eyes had closed. But I can feel my eyes trying to force themselves open. I want to keep looking at her. I want to see those beautiful green eyes looking into mine. I feel something so special inside of me when I look into her eyes. All doesn't seem lost.

“No, sweetheart, close your eyes.” Her voice is so damn soothing. I can feel her stroking my hair back from my forehead. I suddenly feel at peace. I haven't felt at peace in a long time. “The pain medication will make you feel better. All you have to do is sleep.”

“Don't leave me.” It came as a whisper. I didn't even mean to say it, but in my drug-induced state, I couldn't stop it.

“I will never leave you.” Her breath against my ear soothes something inside of me. Something I thought would never be calm again. My heart.