GRAY

three

Roman

I hang the pink balloons on the wall.

Alex is standing on a stool, setting up the pink lights in the far corner. He glances at me and smiles.

"Good job, Gray." He says. "Maybe you should stop killing people and start hanging balloons for a living."

"Unfortunately, hanging balloons pays peanuts. Sometimes, it even pays nothing. Look at me now. Working for free."

Alex chuckles and continues setting the lights. As I watch him, I can't help but feel proud of the man that he's grown into. Thirteen years ago, I met a skinny and bald boy who annoyed the fùck out of me. Now he's taller. His biceps are big. His chest is broad. His hair is long. The part that I'm most proud about is that he's been able to build a happy home for his little family. He and his pregnant wife. He's always wanted a family. It warms my heart to see that dream come true for my best friend.

"Roman!" Anna calls. "You look like you're done with the balloons. Can you lend a hand in the kitchen?"

That's Alex's pregnant wife, Anna. She's probably the shortest woman I know. From a distance, she looks like a child with a big belly. Something that I like to joke about. Apart from being a delightful dwarf, she's also one of my closest friends. Infact, Alex and Anna are my only friends. And I like to keep it that way.

I jump off the stool and follow Anna to the kitchen, her yellow dress sweeping the floor.

The kitchen is sparkling clean. Everything is in place thanks to Alex. He does all the cleaning. She does all the cooking. But now that she's pregnant, he almost does everything in the house. She only cooks when she wants to.

I shove my hands in the pockets of my jeans and wear a smile.

"I'm all yours, ma'am."

"You won't be very happy about this." She says, looking up at me. "But I need you to set the table. My guests are going to be here in a few minutes. I need to go get ready. And as you can see, Alex is busy with the lights."

"How will I be able to-"

"You can do this, Roman." She says sharply. "I believe in you."

"Why can't you just hire people to do this stuff?" I growl.

"Because we have you." She chuckles and scampers out of the kitchen.

I look around the kitchen, wondering where to start. What should I pick and what should I leave out? Which cutlery should I pick and how should I arrange them? Which plates are perfect for the occasion?

"Oh and by the way!" Anna pokes her head into the kitchen. "Jess is coming today. And she's crazy about you. Please be nice to her."

"Who's Jess?"

"Jessica Bay!" She scowls at me. "My friend from church! You met her at the barbecue party last week, àsshole!"

***

From the roof, we can hear the loud laughter from the living room.

Anna and her friends are having a blast at her babyshower. She was super stressed about it but it turned out to be a success. She also loved my table setting although she changed a few things like the flower vase and serviettes. Nothing major.

Alex passes the blunt as he blows smoke in the air.

"I'll stop smoking when the baby comes." He says. "I want to be the best father possible for that child."

"You think a stupid blunt will stop you from that?" I scoff. "Dude, you're already dad of the year and the kid is not even here."

This man cooks and cleans for his pregnant wife. Marks the calendar for doctor appointments and never misses a date. Runs to the grocery store at weird hours to buy things that his wife craves. He goes baby shopping with her. He kisses and cuddles her a thousand times a day. He's already built a crib for the baby. He talks and listens to the baby constantly by pressing his ear to the belly - his favourite hobby. Ofcourse he'll be the best dad.

Sitting on the roof, Alex stares at the full moon for a long moment before he turns to look at me.

"I'm not just talking about weed." He says. "I'm talking about everything. I want to stop everything."

"What do you mean?"

"Killing people." He mutters. "I want to stop doing that shìt for a living. It doesn't sit right with my soul."

I turn to look at him, shocked and confused.

"You can't just quit." I scoff. "You know that's impossible."

"It's actually possible."

"Yeah, when you're six feet under."

"I just don't want to raise my child with that blood money!"

"Alex, we kill terrible people."

"And what does that make us?" He snorts. "Murderers, right? No, wait. We are also pretenders. Pretenders pretending to be making the world a better place by killing terrible people. And the thing about pretenders, they are worse than murderers. So that also makes us terrible terrible people. Even worse."

"Where's all this coming from?"

"Aren't you tired?" He sighs. "Aren't you tired of killing people? Of the blood in your hands? Of the endless nightmares? Of the families you ruin?"

"I'm tired of terrible people getting away with terrible things." I say coldly. "I don't feel sorry for their families. They should've thought about their dear families before deciding to be terrible people."

"Do you plan to do this shìt forever?"

"Ofcourse. I'm a trained assassin."

"Don't you plan to have a family of your own some day?" He pauses. "Kids of your own? A wife of your own? A little happy home of your own?"

"You know the answer to that." I smirk.

"I feel sorry for you, Roman..."

The look of sympathy on his face makes me sick. People are different. He wants a family. And I don't want a family. Why should he feel sorry for me?

"Boys!" Anna calls from the living room.

I dump the blunt on the roof and dash to the living room. Alex is close behind me.

The living room is packed with twenty people. All of them are Anna's friends and family. Alex doesn't have any friends and family except me. I feel sorry for him.

"Dessert time!" Anna says.

"Thanks but I'll have to skip." I say in a hurry.

"Why?" She frowns.

"Got a flight to catch." I hug her briefly. "Business."

I grab my leather jacket and shove my phone into the pocket. I step out of the house, Anna still following me.

"Roman." She whispers. "You haven't talked to Jessica Bay. She's been waiting all night for you to approach her and make a move."

"Anna." I sigh. "If you want the best for your friend, you'll keep her far far far away from me."

"Why?"

"Because she's a nice church girl who deserves a nice church boy who goes to church on Sundays. Not someone like me."

"Maybe she wants a bad boy."

"Not a bad boy who kills people!" I hiss. "Plus, I don't do relationships. You know that."

****