Dear Ex-Wife, Please Love Me Again

2. We are going to divorce

2. We're Getting a Divorce

Amelia

How do you explain to two almost teenagers that their father has left home to start a new life with someone else, when your own heart hasn't even understood it yet?

That night, when I got home, I started to destroy everything I had prepared for our celebration. I didn't care about getting rid of the "valuable" tableware that JuanLu's mother gave us a few years ago. That woman doesn't deserve my consideration. She never saw me as her son's wife, but she did accept his lover. Wow!

Here, the only stupid one was me. Now I realize that those meetings he was coming home from very late lately were about her. Or when he had to leave suddenly without specifying where he was going. It was all because now he had someone else to please. I was so stupid and trusting. I never expected him to fall in love with someone else, when I always only had eyes for him and our children.

I decide to call my mother to ask her not to bring the children over.

"Mom?" I try not to sound so affected, but I don't think I can help it. She's sure to notice and ask me, and I'm not ready to tell her yet. Not yet, and I don't know when I will be.

"Hi, honey! Did you have a good celebration? ... Although you sound sick."

If she knew how I felt, she wouldn't try to joke with me, but it's not her fault I'm unhappy.

"No, Mom, I think I'm getting a cold. Please, let the kids stay at your house today. I'll pick them up tomorrow, or you can bring them later." I need to cut this short. She's very intuitive and knows I'm hiding something.

"Amelia Fuentes. Something's wrong and you don't want to tell me. Am I wrong?"

As if her words were a switch being turned on, tears and sobs begin to flow uncontrollably. It didn't take much for my pain to appear this way.

"Did you fight with JuanLu?"

"Please, Mom, I'm not ready to talk about this. Don't ask me any more questions. When I'm ready to tell you, I will. But I can't now."

The sobs almost prevent me from speaking, leaving my voice choked. I know I'm scaring her, but I really can't say it out loud. My heart hurts so much that I think it will stop from so much suffering at any moment.

"It's okay, honey, I won't pressure you. When you're ready, you know Mom will always be there for you."

I sit down, although I can't see myself. But if they see me like this, they'll worry, and my father will probably look for JuanLu to complain. I don't want any confrontation between them.

After all, he's my father and Juanlu, the father of my children.

"Thanks, Mom, and please, don't say anything about this to my father or the kids."

I don't say any more, so she'll hang up and let me continue to vent my pain. When the call ends, I throw myself on the bed and curl up in a fetal position. Today I will drain my pain. But tomorrow I must recover. I can't make my children suffer by seeing their mother like this, when they will be struggling with their own sorrows. I don't realize if it's day or night. I'm so tired of crying that I suddenly fall asleep.

Amy, promise you'll always love me.

Promise.

Because if you stop loving me, I could die, and I don't think you want to be responsible for my death. I promise you'll always be the owner of my heart.

Silly, you shouldn't make those promises. What if you meet someone else and fall in love? Will you be able to take responsibility for my heart dying?

Never, Amy, I'll never stop loving you. I repeat, you'll always be the only owner of my heart, my soul, and my life. Only you, darling.

I wake up, and I realize I'm still crying. How long will I be like this? No, I can't let myself be defeated. If he's already moved on to someone else, I can't stay stuck. I decide that I won't let his betrayal destroy me.

Without strength, I get out of bed and head for the shower. I have to get dressed and go get my children. I'm not the only one who will suffer from this situation. I have to think about them. Although JuanLu will always be their father, they are used to his constant presence. I have to talk to them as soon as possible, or JuanLu's mother will get ahead of me. I know her. I know she must be very happy, but I won't give her the pleasure of seeing me defeated.

When I finish showering, I put on comfortable clothes and head to my parents' house. They will be very sad because, unlike my now almost ex-husband's parents, mine love JuanLu very much. He made them believe that I would always be happy and well by his side. But it was just cheap talk.

I take the car keys and go to pick up my children. When I arrive, I park but don't get out immediately. I still have to think about how to say things so they won't be as traumatic for everyone as they were for me. I take a deep breath to work up my courage and then get out of the car. I open the house with my own key, and I can see that everyone is in the dining room, having lunch.

"Mommy, Mommy!"

My children run towards me. They hug me, and the warmth I feel comforts me a little.

"Hello, my loves. Keep eating your breakfast."

After giving me a kiss, they go back to the table. My father doesn't say anything, but my mother can't keep quiet, so she calls me by my name without caring about anything.

"Amelia, come with me to the living room."

I get up and follow my mother. It's not easy what I have to tell her, so I take a breath before speaking, before she starts asking questions.

"Mom... Yesterday I found out that Juan Luis is cheating on me. He has another woman, and his mother knew. They had a car accident, and they called me from the hospital because he was unconscious. He didn't bother to deny it. We're getting a divorce, and as you can understand, this is killing me. And I have to tell the kids, and I don't know how."

I say the last sentence almost unable to speak. The tears come back to my eyes. The pain contorts my face into a grimace. My mother takes me in her arms as she did when I was little. She strokes my hair, and I can vent my sadness.

"Are you sure your marriage can't be fixed?" she asks me while I'm still in her arms.

I shake my head, so she just sighs deeply.

"I really thought what you two had was forever. When he talked to us when you got pregnant, he promised us he would always love you, that's why we agreed to you getting married so young. But apparently, his 'forever' had an expiration date. But you must not let yourself be defeated. Cry all you have to cry and then, stop. Your children don't deserve to see their mother broken and their father happy with another woman. In the future, you will be Lily's example."

My mother is right. I have to recover as soon as possible. I don't want my children to suffer because of their father. She hands me a napkin, and I wipe my eyes.

We go out to join my family at the table, although I only drink coffee. I'm not in the mood to eat. I wait for the kids to finish and let their food settle. After noon, I decide it's time to talk to them.

"Mom, do you have a cold? Your eyes are red."

My little Antonio. He's so kind and handsome. I'm sure when he grows up, he'll break many hearts. It's in my hands to make him a good man, to respect the girl who will be his partner. Meanwhile, my Lily is quiet. She's very perceptive; she probably already knows that something serious is going on in our family.

"No, son, I don't have a cold. The truth is, something happened. Something very important."

I wait a second to catch my breath.

"Your father and I are getting a divorce."

I see their faces turn pale with the impact.

"Mom, are you kidding?" My daughter, who adores her father, jumps up as if propelled by a spring.

"Does my face look like I'm kidding?" She shakes her head, visibly affected.

"You're old enough so I'm not going to hide anything from you. Your father met someone else. He's decided to give that woman a chance, and I'm not going to interfere with his happiness. We've been married for twelve years, but that doesn't mean what we have is forever. At least that was the idea at first, but apparently, fate has other plans for us. Please, I ask you to understand. He'll never stop being your father; he'll just stop being my husband. Once everything is official, we'll see how the arrangements for you two will work. For now, he won't be living with us anymore. Do you understand?" The traitorous tears return to my eyes.

I know it hurts them as much as it hurts me, and it will mean a change in their lives, but at some point, they'll get over it.

We'll get over it.