Seven
1498 Words
Don’t be afraid to move forward in life. Do not insist on holding onto the past and the pain that comes along with it just to keep his memories on the surface of your heart. You’re just leading yourself into a bigger agony.
I know you are happy and very thankful you were able to make those beautiful and indelible memories but it’s time for you to move on and grow. It’s not an abandonment, you’re not forgetting the past. You're just choosing what’s still worth saving for the journey, and the rest of it, you keep it somewhere in your heart — somewhere unreachable at the moment. You need to acknowledge that just like the seasons, people change and so does what their heart wants.
What does your heart say now? Have you ever wondered about what it is like to start all over again the right way? Think about all of the possibilities of you having a lazy weekends, you meeting new company and finding new hobbies just like how your younger self would you want to be. The possibility is almost endless, all you need to do is remove that anchor and let the current wash you from your destined place.
Napaangat ang mukha ni Kissy mula sa pagbabasa ng libro na ang title ay "MOVING ON" ng mapansin nyang may umupo sa kaharap nyang upuan. Nakataas ang kilay nyang tiningnan si Griffin na seryoso ang mukha na nakipagtitigan sa kanya.
"Can we talk? Please!"
"About what? hmmm."
"About us."
"Hmmm.. Ok!"
Relax ang mood ngayon ni Kissy dahil yan sa pagbabasa nya ng mga libro marami syang nalaman at natutunan. Isa na dyan ang makinig at mag analisa ng sitwasyon at mga bagay bagay. Si Kissy ang unang nag salita habang nakatitig at nakikinig naman sa kanya si Griffin.
"Reading through our old chats, yes I know I should leave the past alone and deleting those chats is probably for the best. But I guess I'm just a sucker for pain. Anyway I used the search function on those texts and what I searched for was the sentence I love you. We said it so many times to each other in so many different scenarios, so what I'm wondering is did you even mean it when you said it? How could you leave so easily? I fought so hard for you because it is said never give up on something you truly care about, but it all meant nothing because you still walked away."
Matagal bago nakasagot si Griffin. Nagdalawang isip pa sya pero ito ng pinakahihintay nyang pagkakataon para magkaliwanagan sila ni Kissy. Para makahingi sya ng tawad sa mga nagawa nyang kasalanan.
"I'm so sorry for being selfish and mean to you. I'm sorry for playing with your feelings and your heart. I’m genuinely sorry and I never had ill intentions toward you. I broke your trust one too many times.. I truly apologize. I never meant for this to happen...I love you so much.. Ireally do. I cant stop thinking about you.. I try to sleep to get away from my constant pain but you plague my dreams as well. laughing at me as you hold your new partner close to you. I just want to show you l’m better now and I've truly learned from my mistakes. all I can say is I'm sorry for ever thinking about such a thing, let alone actually doing it.. you’ve helped me, even if you don’t realize it. I don’t plan to pick up another cigarette again. I miss you.. I didn’t realize saying that to you would hurt you more. I really truly wanna talk to you and I’m close to actually praying for you to forgive me.. I wanna make it up to you.. I’m sorry.."
Kaagad na yumuko si Griffin para ikubli ang namamasang mga mata. Masyado syang emosyonal na hindi nya na kayang kontrolin ang umaapaw na emosyong bumabalot na ngayon sa buo nyang pagkatao. Kahit na narinig nyang magsalita si Kissy hindi na nya magawang tumingin ulit sa mga mata nito.
"I forgive people but that doesn’t mean I accept their behavior or trust them again. I forgive them for me, so I can let go and move on with my life."
Dun na pumatak ang mga luhang pilit na pinipigilan ni Griffin, pero tuloy tuloy na dumaloy yun sa kanyang pisngi. Nakangiting inabutan sya ni Kissy ng tissue na nakaipit sa Starbucks coffee nito.
"My life was shattered when you left. Devastated, lost, almost killed myself —that’s what I was. It took me a while to realize that He has different plan for us because I always thought that no matter what happened, we’ll end up together. I lose you, but I found myself. I realized how strong I really am. I realized that I was made to be a conqueror and it includes overcoming the past including ours. I’ve asked Him to bring you back into my life, thinking that having you again would make me feel better. They say if you really love someone, your heart won’t get tired but I think, He allows the heart to give up, sometimes. He allows the heart to stop longing for the person who forgot your part in his life. He allows the heart to get tired too because He wants your heart to find rest in His presence alone. I got tired on waiting, on questioning myself why I was not good enough? I felt giving up and that’s what I was most grateful for —me stepping out of my faith to give you up and allow myself to be happy again without you, without the thought of us. I am now healed through His grace. Honestly, I never thought that I can be this genuinely happy again even apart from you. I realized my worth. Looking back, I didn’t mind losing myself worth while I kneel down and beg for you to come back even when you were already pushing me away. You were so rude and still chose to go away and hurt me. I came to my senses and I realized, I don’t deserve your rejection. I am not mad at you, I was never mad at you. A little bit hurt maybe that's why I did stupid stuff to get even in you. I am still grateful for the things I have learned from us. I don’t regret knowing you, you are indeed an amazing man. You’re maybe one of my mistakes but I will always be glad you came in my life. Our story taught me a lot, from the start until its last chapter."
Tahimik pa rin si Griffin kahit tapos ng magsalita si Kissy. Nagpakiramdaman na lang ang dalawa hanggang sa nagsalita ulit si Kissy.
"You were my first love, so even after we broke up you still hold a place in my heart."
Dahil sa narinig biglang napaangat ang mukha ni Griffin at napatingin sa dalagang nakangiti na ngayon sa kanya.
"To be honest with you, I don’t have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a heart; a heart that’s aching to see you smile again. A genuine smile not a fake one."
"Thank you Kissy."
Inilahad ng dalaga ang kamay kay Griffin. Na ipinagtaka naman nito.
"Friends?"
Napasimangot bigla si Griffin.
"Diba pwedeng Lovers?"
Pinitik ni Kissy ang tungki ng ilong ni Griffin saka pinandilatan nya ito ng mga mata.
"Kakabati lang natin gugulangan mo na'ko agad? Hmp bahala kana nga sa buhay mo!"
Hinagilap ni Kissy ang lahat ng gamit nya saka tumayo na sa pagkakaupo. Akmang lalabas na sya sa Starbucks ng pigilan sya sa kamay ni Griffin. Saka ito tumayo at kinuha sa kamay nyang mga gamit nya at ito ng nagdala.
"Sige na nga! friends na kung friends!"
Sabay hila nito sa kanya palabas ng Cafe. Natatawa na lang si Kissy sa asal ng Baby Butiki nya. Masaya sya dahil nagkaayos na silang dalawa. Pinag papasalamat nya rin na hindi sumuko ang binata sa kanya. Alam nyang magmula sa araw na ito magbabago na ulit ang takbo ng buhay nya, dahil bumalik na si Griffin sa piling nya.
'Everybody gets hurt. Sometimes a big hurt, sometimes a little hurt. But the person who’s suffered a lot isn’t especially strong. And the person who’s been hurt a little isn’t especially weak. What’s important is being able to get over it. Getting over and over again.'
?MahikaNiAyana
- Writer
