SECRETS THAT WE KEEP

1. Bella-3

The turd didn’t let me go, though. He merely repositioned us until I could turn my face enough to the side to suck in huge gulps of air.

“Just relax, will you? You’re like hugging a cactus.”

I poked him in the ribs with my finger. “Not helping.”

He chuckled, and the sound reverberated through me, causing things to shudder and stir to life inside me. I went completely still, wondering why I kept having this intense reaction.

To him.

The alcohol. Had to be the alcohol. Or the seed Teagan had planted earlier with her s*x-praising. Because nothing—and I mean, nothing—had made me crave intimacy lately. At least, not s****l intimacy with a real, live man.

“Just give me a chance here, Bella. I’ll keep you company and help distract you from your bad night if you help distract me and keep me from doing something epically stupid in return. ’Kay?”

I paused.

Huh, you know, he had a point there. We could team up and help each other out.

And maybe, together, we could somehow manage to bounce back from our exes tonight.

Just like Haven was doing with her hot new boy roommate.

My eyes widened. Suddenly, my mind was coming up with all kinds of creative ways we could keep each other company. Oh yeah, this could work.

Relaxing into his arms, I sank my cheek more heavily against his heartbeat, appreciating the steady thump against my jaw.

Breathing in his sturdy presence, I set a hand along his side. He murmured a sound of reassurance, and I closed my eyes, going completely boneless as I let him support my weight.

Maybe he wasn’t such a bad hugger after all. He was really warm. And solid.

And so freaking male.

But the best thing about him: I knew I could trust him to never, ever hurt me.

He was safe. He was solid. He was reliable. He was practically family.

There was a level of familiarity between us I’d never had with anyone I’d dated before. And right now, that felt so very alluring.

It felt dependable. Almost like coming home.

Yes. Home.

My eyelids fluttered open as I peeked up at the strong column of his throat. He did feel like home. Plus, damn, he’d grown up nice.

It’d been too long since I’d felt this feminine and comfortable and safe in the arms of a sexy, capable man. I snuggled even deeper into his intoxicating masculinity and sighed. I bet he could take care of me perfectly, in all kinds of different, delicious ways.

“There you go,” he murmured appreciatively in my ear as he stroked my hair. His low voice caused the muscles deep in my belly to clench. “You’re finally relaxing. See, this isn’t so bad now, is it?”

No. No, it wasn’t.

Would it be too creepy to tell him that it felt like his voice was making love to me? Because, I swear, I legit sensed an echo of him stroking inside me whenever he talked. His exact pitch vibrated against my clit and made my cervix contract.

Yeah, you’re right. Probably best not to mention that super strange detail.

“You smell good,” I did admit, though, as I rubbed my cheek against his shirt like a cat in heat.

With another chuckle, he kissed my temple. “Yeah, I showered today. I do that sometimes.”

Oh, so we were putting our mouths on each other now, were we? Following his lead, I lifted my lips to his throat. “You should shower every day.”

With me.

Humming in delight, I pressed my mouth to the pulse beat on the side of his neck before letting my tongue flick across his flesh.

Mmm. He tasted good, too.

Against me, he went still. His muscles tensed.

I nipped him with my teeth. Not hard, just enough to get his attention.

“Whoa!” Jerking back, he gaped at me a moment, just staring.

Oh yeah. I had his attention now.

“Uh…” he started but nothing else came out until he furrowed his brow and said, “Bella?”

“Yes?” I murmured, biting my lip as I eyed his thick, muscled chest before lifting my hand and running my fingers over his shirt where it molded perfectly to his defined pecs. Damn, but he was built to perfection.

He grasped my wrist as if to stop me, only to halt himself and pull away again. “Um…” he said instead, looking extremely uncertain. “Whatcha doing?” he finally asked.

I lifted my gaze to his. His brown eyes were wide with shock and fear and maybe a little interest.

“What?” I asked playfully, smiling big. “You said we could distract each other.”

“But I didn’t mean—that is—” He frowned in confusion. “What did you think I meant?”

Since he seemed to be having problems reading my intentions, I reached down and gripped him between the legs.

“Holy s**t!” he shrieked.

“I meant…” Stepping close until my face was inches from his, I began to massage him boldly, learning the feel of him through his jeans. “You’re not leaving here tonight until we each have the orgasms we both obviously need.”

“f**k, Bells,” he breathed.

His lashes fluttered shut as the bulge under my fingers began to grow and harden. His lips parted and his head fell back slightly, as if all he could do for a moment was simply enjoy my touch and let the sensations draw him under.

“You…” he started, sounding drugged, but then he opened his eyes and focused on my face. “Damn it.” Jerking out of my grip, he lifted his hands to show the world he wasn’t touching me as he accused, “You’ve been drinking.”

I gave him a shrug and glassy smile. “Maybe a little.”

“Or a lot,” he argued, turning to the side away from me and reaching down to readjust himself in his pants. “Christ, I can’t believe I—hey!”

When I reached forward to slip my hand over his taut ass, he leaped farther away, then faced me head-on, legs slightly braced as if encountering a threat.

“No.” Holding up a finger, he shook it in reprimand. “We are not—you’re drunk.”

“Not that drunk,” I argued.

“Bella,” he warned, backing away again when I stepped forward. “Stay back. I’m serious.”

“Ooh,” I murmured with a shiver and grinned broadly as I moved even closer, causing him to back into the wall of the hall, where he had nowhere to escape. “You’re serious? That sounds intense. And so damn hot. Now, why don’t you seriously get inside me?”

His eyes swirled with heat before he gulped, shook his head, and lifted his hands higher, refusing to partake. Sweat misted his brow. “I said no, Bella. You and I are not having s*x. Not now. Not ever. You got that?”

Well.

Wow.

Not ever, huh? That was pretty damn definite. And rude, if you wanted my drunk opinion.

I slowed to a halt and swallowed, trying to taste something other than acute rejection.

With a scowl, he dropped his hands and eased forward. “Hey, no,” he warned. “Don’t look at me like I’m rejecting you.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Except that’s exactly what you just did.”

“No, no,” he started, coming closer as he shook his head emphatically. “I didn’t. I swear.”

I plopped my hands on my hips and leveled him with a glare. “So this is your way of accepting my invitation, by saying no, we’re not ever having s*x together?”

“No. Jesus.” Grinding his teeth, he pulled on his hat, tugging it lower. “I just—you and I—we—f*****g hell, Bells. Don’t do this to me right now. You’re going to make me wish I’d just answered Angie’s call to begin with.”

My mouth dropped open. Lifting my eyebrows, I hissed, “Excuse me?”

“What?” He met my gaze as if confused by my offended tone. But as soon as he saw the hurt in my expression, he rolled his eyes. “Come on. She’s a mistake I could handle making. You are not.”

That really didn’t help.

“Wow.” Tears watered my eyes, and I had to blink rapidly to dry them. Then, I took a step back and glanced up at the ceiling because the blinking wasn’t working so well. “So I’m an even bigger mistake than psycho Angie? Always lovely to hear.”

“What? No. Whoa.” His fingers caught my elbow. “That is not what I meant.”

I sniffed and met his eyes, only to discover he sincerely looked concerned about me. Wiping at my face, I tried to calm myself as I asked, “What did you mean, then? Huh?”

“I mean, you’re a f**k of a lot more important to me than she ever was. And you’re loaded right now. So I know exactly how this would play out if you and I—well—you know. You’d regret it in the morning and start avoiding me until we never talked to each other again. Which would kill me. So, no. This isn’t happening. I’m not losing you like that. Angie, I could lose. Not you.”

“Well, too late,” I announced, giving him a tear-stained smile. “I’ve already messed that up. Because if we don’t do this, I’ll be too embarrassed about the way I shamelessly threw myself at you, and you rejected me, that I’ll never be able to look you in the eye again, anyway.”

His mouth fell open as an immensely shattered expression crossed his features. “Are you serious?” he asked quietly. “I’m f****d either way?”

“Sorry,” I said without a hint of apology. “But yeah, I’d say so.”

“Well, shit.” He ripped off his hat and ran a hand over his head. “Don’t tell me that. I don’t want to be f****d. I don’t want to lose you. I like you. You’re one of the cooler chicks in the group. Who the hell am I supposed to steal push pops from if s**t gets awkward between us?”

“Let me ask you this…” I said, sniffing away the last of my almost-tears. “Would you still be turning me down right now if I didn’t have any alcohol in me?”

“I…” He blew out a long breath, stumped by the question, and then he slowly shook his head. “Honestly, I don’t know. But probably...not.”

While he winced as if afraid he’d answered wrong, I breathed out a relieved breath. “Really?” That must mean he was at least in some way attracted to me.

Good. I could work with that.

He shrugged, blushing slightly. “I mean, yeah. Just because we’ve never explored that path before doesn’t mean I haven’t wondered what it’d be like with you. Because I have. More than once. But—”

I set a finger against his lips, having heard enough. “Then you shouldn’t turn me down now.”

“Bells,” he rasped, removing my finger from his lips and squeezing my whole hand. His eyes searched mine desperately. “You have no idea what you’re saying. If we do this, it changes everything. Like every-f*****g-thing. You get that, right?”

I opened my mouth, not even sure how I was going to answer—probably by blowing off his concerns—but he shook his head, knowing me too well. “No, this is a huge deal. We could never do some one-night stand or casual, on-and-off hooking up. Not with how close our families are. It would have to be pretty damn permanent, right from the get-go. And sorry, but you’re not capable of making that kind of decision right now. Hell…” He let go of me to grip the bill of his hat with both hands and search my eyes. “I’m not in a stable enough position to make that kind of decision sober. So we can’t…” He dropped his arms heavily at his sides and stepped back, putting space between us. Space that hurt. “We just can’t. Okay?”

Realizing he was right—we couldn’t treat anything between us carelessly or hastily—I nodded and hugged myself, feeling suddenly gross for even having brought it up.