Mind of a Lycan

Dear Journal, Today I am 13, which means I can finally meet my wolf/Lycan, Lynn.  She has told me to make sure that no one is around when I shift into full Lycan until I meet my mate.  I am curious why, but she is adamant on this point, so I am going into my bathroom and shifting alone.  Chris is getting ready to shift in front of our family so everyone can see, Topher, for the first time. Mom is upset that I refuse to shift in front of anyone else.  She even tried to use her Alpha voice on me, but it didn’t work, Lynn 2.0 won’t budge.  I went into my normal wolf form for them, but not into my Lycan.  I had to plant an “ancestral memory” into Grandma Celeste’s mind to get them to back off.  She doesn’t know that I added this nugget of knowledge to her brain, but I had to make it look realistic of Mom would have seen through it.  No one knows I can make memories that aren’t there feel real and true to the person I give them to.  Anyway, I had to make them believe that if the White Lycan gives birth to a daughter Lycan, then that daughter can only reveal her Lycan form after she has found her mate and he has marked her.  Something to do with the fact only her mate can protect her crap like Mom has with Daddy.  The truth of the matter is anyone who sees me in Lycan form before I am mated and marked will die, I won’t kill them but something inside me will cause their death.  See I did shift in the bathroom earlier and I don’t even know what I am.  I have searched all of Mom’s memories for any mention on my Lycan color and there is nothing.  I can’t even write it here, for fear someone might read this and be hurt by the knowledge. Daddy sat down and had a long talk with me about Grandma Celeste’s “memories” and told me I was wise beyond my years not to fully shift.  He said our pack warriors will always be close to protect me, even though he knows I have the same fighting skills as Mom.  See Chris and I have been sparring with each other even before birth.  That little jerk pushed me out of the way so he could be born first.  My head was moving to the canal and he pulled me back.  Since my sac was drained of fluid, I let loose my canines – Yes, I could make my canines appear briefly before I got my teeth – and bit his left ankle.  Even though Daddy shifted and licked Chris’ wound the scar stayed to this day.  He thought Topher would be able to remove the scar but he was wrong.  You see, any wound I inflict with my mouth can’t be completely healed.  It’s one of my gifts so that I can permanently mark my enemies in case we meet again in the future.  As soon as we could stand and walk, Chris and I have been learning our fighting skills.  Yesterday, I threw him through a window when he came up behind me and tried to grab me.  It was on the first floor of the packhouse and Mom says we both have to pay for it to be repaired.  Because there is “No rough-housing inside the packhouse.  If we want to practice we have to go outside.”  She has to tell us that at least once a week.  Everyone else is asleep and I was dying to go for a run.  I slipped past the guards by masking my scent and using my ‘ninja’ skills, jumped up in a tree and took off to a safe area.  There I made sure no one was around and let Lynn 2.0 free.  Man is she fast.  Mom always talks about what her top speed was, but I think we have her beat.  It was wonderful, feeling the wind whip around my fur for the first time.  I get why everyone talks about how freeing it is to just run without a care in the world.  Only, I had to be careful that no one sees me, but still, no one would have known it’s me.  I need to get Mom to let me spend my summer with Gampa, he loves it when I call him that, Carlos.  I have to see if the Night Howlers library which is freaking HUGE compared to any other has reference anywhere to my Lycan color.  I know there are books there that are so old no one can touch them or they fall apart.  Aunt Charlie has been working on getting the entire collection digitized so it can be read online or downloaded to a tablet.  She is a firm believer in technology, and in the last 13 years, she has helped get about 15% scanned into a database.  The only thing is you have to be at the library to access it, we don’t want to chance a human getting their hands on it and using the information against us.