SUSAN
Pretending to be happy is an art that disguises pain, and this is what I have gotten used to over the years.
At a young age, I was at the peak of my career, I had risen to become one of the most respected professors at Hive University in the heart of New York City. To everyone, I was an embodiment of discipline and dedication, my colleagues and students adored me, not only for my academic prowess but also for my warm and nurturing personality.
To the outside world, I had a perfect life. I had a stylish car, a cozy house, and a substantial amount of money stashed away in my bank account. I wouldn’t blame anyone for assuming that I had a perfect life, anyone would kill to be in my shoes. Yet, my life was far more complex than it appeared. I harbored for something that all of my achievements couldn’t provide - Love.
My heart and body belonged to Henry Forbes, my boyfriend, a man who was as driven by his career as I was by mine. Our relationship had seen better days and the depth between us had grown with time. The countless hours Henry spent at his job left me yearning for his affection and attention. Within me, I knew that our relationship was hanging by a thread, but my hopes of spending forever with him had made it too impossible for me to let go.
The day had dawned with a special meaning for me; it was my birthday. As I opened my eyes, there was a glimmer of hope that this day would be different from other times, that Henry would remember what today was and make me feel cherished. However, reality set in as minutes turned into hours, and my phone remained silent.
I continued with my day, going through classes and meetings with a smile on my face as I always did. Colleagues and friends congratulated me on my birthday, unaware of the turmoil I was enduring. This was something I was good at, I was known for my unwavering professionalism even when my personal life felt like a turbulent sea.
My eyes were fixed on my phone in the faculty lounge, as I made a silent prayer for Henry to make that call, my fellow professor and friend, Lisa, approached me. She had a knowing look as if she could sense the restlessness beneath my composed exterior.
“Happy birthday, Susan,” Lisa said with a warm smile, handing a small gift that was wrapped in colored paper.
“Thank you, Lisa,” I responded. I was grateful and genuinely touched by her kind gesture. I unwrapped the gift to find a book inside.
“It’s the first edition of that novel you’ve been meaning to read,” Lisa explained. “I thought it would be a good birthday present, something to help keep your mind off things.”
My eyes welled up with gratitude as I tried to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks. “Thank you. You know how to always make my day, Lisa.”
As the day went on, I couldn’t help but overhear conversations of students and other colleagues about their plans for the weekend. I felt a sense of isolation, a reminder that my own relationship was far from the vibrant and connected lives of those around me.
After the classes had concluded for the day, I retreated to my office. I gazed at the picture of myself and Henry, taken during our happier moments. The love we once shared was now a distant one, buried beneath layers of career-driven chaos.
Frustration and disappointment welled up inside me. How could he forget such an important day? Unable to contain my emotions any longer, I summoned the courage and decided to make the call I dreaded. I dialed the number again, hoping to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him about the state of our relationship.
As I waited for Henry to answer the call, my anxiety grew. I knew that this conversation was long overdue, and I couldn’t continue to live in a state of uncertainty and neglect.
After a long wait, Henry’s voice came through the phone. “Hey, Susan,” he said in a tone that had a mixture of fatigue and distraction.
“Hi,” I replied, my voice steady but tinged with sadness. “I guess you’ve forgotten what today is. It’s my birthday, Henry.”
There was a brief pause and I could feel the wheels turning in his mind. “Oh s**t! I can’t believe I forgot. I’m sorry, babe,” he apologized. And I could tell from his voice that he was sincere.
“It’s okay, Henry,” I said, swallowing my disappointment. “I just thought we could spend some time together today.”
Henry hesitated for a moment before responding. “I wish I could, Susan, but I have lots of work to do and there is this important meeting at work. It has been scheduled for weeks, I can’t get out of it.”
I sighed, my heart sinking further but I tried to be understanding. “I see… it’s just that I was hoping we could do something special for my birthday. It’s been a while since we spent time together,” I said.
“I know, but I promise you this, as soon as this meeting is over, I’ll make it up to you,” he assured me.
My disappointment lingered as I gave out a long sigh. “Henry, this is not just about my birthday. I feel like our relationship is struggling now, we hardly see each other. I miss us, I miss you.”
There was a long silence at the other end of the line. I could sense that Henry was reluctant to address the issue at hand.
“Susan, I’m working so hard to give us a better future, to make you the happy woman that you deserve to be. I thought you understood that,” he finally spoke.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to reply. “I do understand, Henry, but I also need to feel like a priority in your life. I need to be loved, I need to be happy now, not just financially secure.”
“Can we talk about this later? I’m swamped with work right now,” he said, his tone laced with frustration.
I knew that later might never come again so I stood my ground, and my resolve solidified. “Henry, we need to have this conversation now. I can’t keep pretending that everything is fine when it’s not. I deserve more, I can’t ignore that any longer.”
The conversation ended with an awkward silence as I hung up the phone. My heart felt heavy, knowing that the reality of my relationship was far from the ideal I had envisioned.
I was so deep in thought that the sound from my phone jolted me. It was a text from Henry.
“I’m so sorry I missed your birthday! You know how special you are to me and it pains me that I missed your day. I hope you have a wonderful time full of birthday fun. Happy birthday, love. I made a reservation for us tomorrow night to celebrate your day. I love you.”
I read his text over and over again and a smile glistened on my face. This gave me hope again that maybe our relationship would blossom like it used to.