Needing Seth

Chapter 1-2

“You’re hardly recognizable,” Ruby declared. She was sitting next to me at the eye doctor while I tried on different frames.

We’d already visited one of the cheaper, chain haircut places. They’d chopped off the majority of my hair, spiked it like an anime character, which I kind of liked, and died it dark chocolate brown. I had to admit, she was right. I didn’t look at all like Seth Landers anymore. Ruby had paid for the hair.

“The hair’s nice,” I admitted. “But I still think my old glasses are suitable.”

She made a sort of tsking noise and removed the frames I had been trying on and replaced them with a new pair that had thin gold wire frames and the shape of the lenses were sort of oblong round.

“You know, Landers, you’re not half bad,” she said, smiling like she’d just given me the most stupendous compliment.

“Sure, sure, don’t think I’m going to call you Professor Higgins or anything,” I said, referring to Rex Harrison’s character in My Fair Lady. Which we’d watched the night before at Ruby’s insistence.

“You’re no fun at all. Hmm, now that I think about it, we could work on your speech, too.”

“What? There is nothing wrong with the way I talk.”

She waved her hand. “No, but we could make you sound more sophisticated.”

“Forget it.”

“Spoilsport.” She tilted her head this way and that and then grabbed my chin and turned my face to the mirror. “What do you think of these?”

“Well, what I can see of them, they look all right. But without my real glasses I can hardly see.”

“I think they look the best. Let’s tell them we’ll go with these.”

I stopped her when she went to stand. “Wait a minute, sister. How much are those?”

Ruby peered at the frames. “One twenty five.”

I huffed. “This is going to cost me a fortune.”

“Beauty is expensive.”

“I’m not trying to be beautiful, just get a date.”

“Shut up and come here,” Ruby said, reaching down to yank me out of the chair.

Our next stop was a department store where I tried on more jeans than I cared to count while she decided if they hugged my ass enough. Kind of creepy. She also made me get a few plain shirts. By the time the ordeal was over I was exhausted and couldn’t wait for her to drop me off at my apartment.

When I got inside I made the mistake of walking past my land line’s answering machine instead of going straight to the Murphy bed I’d left unmade this morning when I’d been running a little late. The message light blinked and even without pressing the button I knew who left it. The only person I knew who ever called my regular phone was my mother. Everyone else called my cell phone.

“Seth, call your mother.”

I could have ignored it but knowing my luck she would call me again just as I drifted off to sleep. It was hard to ignore the woman for long.

I punched in her number and waited through four rings before she finally picked up.

“Hello.”

“It’s me.”

“Oh, so you remembered my existence.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, your message kind of forced me to remember.”

“That’s not very nice, Seth,” she said sharply. “Children are supposed to revere their mother.”

“Right.” I turned on the electric teakettle in my tiny kitchen and then went to the cabinet for a green teabag. “I don’t actually qualify as a child, though.”

“You are my child.”

“That much is true.” I couldn’t deny it. I was her spitting image.

She sniffed. “What are you doing?”

“I just got home and am fixing myself a cup of tea,” I said.

“Oh, you didn’t go on a date, did you? What’s her name?”

I took a mug out from the cabinet and put the teabag inside. “Mother, we’ve been through this. I am gay.”

“I keep hoping you’ll come to your senses.”

“I came to them when I came out as gay.”

“How do you know though? You’ve never actually tried a girl.”

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I held on to my patience with a gigantic amount of effort as I poured the boiled water into the mug.

“I’ve never tried cyanide either, yet I still know it’s poison.”

She made some sort of shrill noise. “I hardly think girls can be compared to poison.”

“The point is you don’t have to try something to know it isn’t for you. Boys make me hard, girls don’t.”

“Don’t be so crude.”

I sighed.

“All right, have it your way. What’s his name?”

Frowning, I discarded the teabag and took a sip. “Who?”

“Your date.”

“I didn’t go on a date. I went out with Ruby.”

That got me a long heavy silence. I walked out of the little kitchenette area toward the bed.

“I don’t know what you see in that girl,” she finally said. “Her and that boyfriend of hers are nothing but trouble.”

“They’re my friends.” We’d had this conversation before. She thought they were a terrible influence over me and encouraged my gayness or some such thing.

“One day I’m going to see them on Dateline for some murder spree, mark my words.”

I gritted my teeth and set my tea down so I could get into my pajamas. I generally wore pajama bottoms and a tank top to bed.

“You know what I think?” she asked.

“No.”

“You should move back home and stop paying for that apartment. It’s a sty anyway.”

“I’m not moving back there to live with Ira.”

She huffed. “He is your father, you should call him that. Calling him by his name is disrespectful. I didn’t raise you to be like that.”

“Why should I respect him? He doesn’t respect me. He’s a hateful bigot and I’m not living under his roof anymore.” I was paying for my own college with scholarships, money I’d saved, and my job. Sure things were tight and I sometimes ate nothing but peanut butter sandwiches, but it was better than the alternative. I didn’t need anything from them.

“You’re impossible to talk to when you’re like this.”

I agreed. “Yes, so I’ll say goodnight. I want to go to bed anyway.”

“Seth—”

I hung up the phone.