Chapter Four: I’d Rather Be Dead
1488 Words
Emma
“Kill this child. '' James says very slowly, but this time more calmly. He lets go of my wrists and I cover my chest, embarrassed.
The cold air is dancing on my naked skin and I take a step away from him. At this moment there’s a knock on the door and James takes his coat off.
He wraps it around me and says “Come in. “
I hug myself in the cloth and the fabric smells like James. A man stands at the door. It’s the blond man from earlier, the one who shot the bullet.
“Sir, “ he says, “you need to leave for the meeting with Levi this afternoon. “
“Right. Thank you. '' James says, coldly, then issues the order without even looking at me.
“Take her to the clinic immediately. “
“Yes, Sir. “
the man nods and James pushes past him, then exits the room. Right before James leaves he pauses, but doesn't turn around to look at me.
“And put something on. You look inappropriately. “
James slams the door shut and the man smiles at me.
“I will be waiting for you in the car, Miss Emma. “
I am alone and my heart sinks. James never fails to remind me that I have to get rid of the baby. This child is the constant reminder I am unworthy. I am the one who stains the whole family. James can’t raise a child that’s not his.
A bastard child cannot inherit the Miller empire. We all know this can’t happen. I find a shirt to put on, take a deep breath and head to the car.
The blind man keeps his eyes on the road, not talking to me. I hug my belly, the scent of James still lingering around me.
This is the last time I will be with my baby. I press my palms over my belly and the tears begin flowing unstoppable.
***
“Are you sure you want to do this?” the doctor asks, his eyes roaming the documents. “You must be aware that an abortion in your state is not recommended. “
“I... I am sure, “ I manage. “I want to do it today. “
Then the doctor looks up from the papers and says more affectionately.
“Miss Emma. If you abort the child now, you may never have other children. “
“What? No…” I whisper, “This can't be right. I …” I run my hand through my hair, processing what the doctor just said.
“There must be a mistake. “ I argue. “I can have other children!”
“No, “he shakes his head, “We ran all the tests, and there’s no mistake. That's why I advise you. Think this over. “
The doctor gets up from his seat and comes to me.
“Discuss this with your husband and …”
“I can’t speak to him. “ I admit. Then I sober up to the reality of what I have to do and why I came here.
“Please, pass me the pen. “ I am determined.
The doctor looks at me, frowning and hesitates. But then he passes me the papers and I don’t even read them.
I prepare myself and approach the tip of the pen to the paper when suddenly I am overwhelmed with the realization - I will never be a mother if I sign this. Never.
I will never hear someone calling me “mom, “ while smiling at me, wrapping its tiny arms around me. No birthdays, no first steps, no hugging my baby in a soft blanket.
My vision blurs and what’s more painful is the knowledge that this innocent baby did nothing wrong to deserve this. I don’t have the right to take its life away and never give it a chance in this world.
James has no right to do this either.
“No. “ I declare and put down the papers. “You were right, Doctor. I won’t do it. “
I get up from my seat and the doctor tips his head.
“I think you did the right thing, Miss Miller. “
Once I'm out of the clinic I walk confidently towards the black jeep. The blond man opens the door for me as I get in.
“Is everything okay, miss?”
He asks and I lean back in my seat.
“Take me to my husband. “
The man hesitates.
“Miss Emma, the boss is …”
“What’s your name?”I cut in and the man looked at me in the rearview mirrors.
“Uh… My name is Reid, Miss. “
“Okay, Reid, “ I try to sound demanding and hope I won't fail. “I want you to drive me to James immediately. I don’t care if he’s busy or not. “
“The boss is having a meeting, and…”
“I am sure it can wait. Take me there. “
The man hesitates but drives me to where James is.
The place is a big manor not too far from the city centre. A servant greets us at the entrance and takes me to where James is.
Reid is walking right behind me as we walk into the house.
What is this place… I think as we pass the hall. It’s not one of the Miller houses and it definitely looks suspicious.
The servant takes us to the backyard where I see James, sitting around a table with four other men I’ve never met. My eyes land on the girls.
A woman is sitting in one of the men's lap and another young woman is half naked, massaging the shoulders of the older man.
As soon as I appear at the doorstep, they all turn to look at me.
“She insisted on being brought here, “ Reid explains quickly. One of the girls smiles and gets up. She is wearing high heels and fishnets. James doesn’t spare a single glance at the girls, though.
“I didn’t know you spent your time in the company of w****s. “
I grit out the words. Then I lift my chin and James shrugs.
“You’re the one f*****g around other men. “
I step from one foot to the other, nervously. James is dressed in black and he looks more formal than usual.
“You must have a good reason to interrupt a business meeting. “ he says and my eyes flicker to the girls.
“Is this how you do business? In the company of shady men and female companions?”
I ask and James eyes me.
“Why are you here?”
“I need to speak to you. “ I say.
“Well, as you can see - I am busy. “ Then James takes a cigarette out and lights it. “Or if it’s really that urgent, you can speak here. “
“We can leave you alone if…”
the man says but James lifts a hand.
“No need. I am sure my wife has no secrets from us. Right honey?”
My hands close around the handles of my bag. I can’t believe he is doing this. James is humiliating me like this in front of his men. I know none of these people and the more I get to know James, the more I realize I know nothing about him either.
“So?”
he asks and lifts an eyebrow. He is really doing this. But I won’t relent, despite my fear. He wants me to speak, so I will speak and show all his men what a tyrant he is. Fine by me.
“I can't have children if I get rid of this one. “ I say, “If I kill the baby, I will never be a mother. not biologically. You can’t do this to me. No woman deserves this. Even a monster like you should know this is…”
But my voice catches and I can't continue.
I expect a reaction, someone to say something to support me but James only takes a drag and shrugs.
“I don’t see how this concerns me. “
Then he gets up and finishes his drink.
“Now, if you don’t mind, “ James says, “Leave because I have actual business here. I am tired of this nonsense. “
“How dare you, “ I hissed and walked towards him. “I hate you!”
I yell. I lift my hand and prepare myself to slap James when I hear movement behind me. One of James’ men is standing next to me and I hear the clinking sound of a gun.
I freeze, horrified and look to my side to see the man, holding a gun against me.
- Writer
