Betrayed (The Secret World Of Atlantis 3)

Chapter 12 - Close To The Heart

No one dares to mention my birthday after breakfast, even if I can see how tempted they all are to make me feel special. But I don’t want any special treatment. I already have everything … No, I have more than I could ever possibly need.

That’s what I keep telling myself, as I long for the embrace I know I can’t get. And the lips, that I know can’t brush against mine. There’s no need denying it, I am completely obsessed with finding Eros. And this is the type of obsession, that grows even stronger with time.

As Elena and I rise from the table, I send my father a meaningful gaze, but he shakes his head. “Sorry, darling. I’ll have to join you a bit later. I have some urgent business to run in the city. But I promise I’ll come as soon as possible,” he assures me. I offer him a small smile in response. I get it. I truly do. The Kingdom comes first, no matter what. I just wish that would help us get Eros back.

I’m spending so much time in the library lately, that I already know its every corner. I am familiar with almost every book title, every scroll marking and where it needs to be placed. I could almost run it as the librarian. If it wasn’t enchanted, of course. The books are all drenched in a special concoction, as they’re put into their place, so they always return back, when no one needs them anymore.

I find my fingers brushing against the backs of dozens of books, that we’ve already checked, as I walk down one of the aisles. How is it possible, that we still didn’t find anything worth testing out? Was it truly impossible to track Eros down, when he’s this far away? Or are we simply looking in the wrong place?

But as I walk towards the table, where Elena is already stacking books, I suddenly forget what I meant to do. I stand there, utterly confused at my own mind. I was just thinking about this, how did I forget it so quickly? I shake my head, like I’m trying to pull the idea back into my head, but it doesn’t work, of course.

I groan in frustration, plopping myself down opposite my best friend and burying my head in my hand. She looks at me with her eyebrows raised before her gaze starts studying me worriedly. “What’s the matter now? Didn’t find anything?” she asks.

I shake my head in frustration, biting my lower lip for a few moments, before opening my mouth. “I got this bright idea, when I was searching for another book, but my brain seemed to freeze on my way here and I forgot completely what I was thinking about.”

Elena’s eyes soften at my explanation, and she lets out a heavy sigh. She then watches me with an expression, that I just can’t seem to read. Before I’m able to ask what’s going through her mind, she already speaks up. “I know what you said, but … I can’t keep this for myself any longer.”

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, soon forming a frown as I see her pulling an elongated box out of a neatly hidden pocket in her dress. It takes me quite some self-control not to roll my eyes at her. I thought I made myself clear about gifts. “You know I’m not going to take this,” I turn her down, but she doesn’t give up.

She pushes the emerald green, package my way, her expression determined as she opens her mouth. “I am not taking this back home. I’ve been keeping it for too long. It’s time it finds its owner.” Her words confuse me. Exactly how long did she have this gift stored at home? And why?

“I truly can’t take this. I already have more than I need, so I’m sorry, but …” I trail off, my eyes glancing at the package. I hesitate for a moment, before pushing it back towards her side of the table. “It’s not appropriate to accept gifts in a time like this,” I continue in an apologetic tone. My best friend seems to run out of patience, as she rolls her eyes and pushes the gift back to me.

“For the love of Olympus, just take it! Why are you making this so difficult? It’s not from me anyway, I kept the word I gave you and didn’t get you anything,” she explains, crossing her arms across her chest. I blink a few times, trying to comprehend what she just said.

“Then whose is it?” I finally ask, my curiosity getting the best of me. Elena’s expression shifts, her eyes suddenly saddening. Before she even opens her mouth, I begin shaking my head.

“It’s from him,” she confirms my suspicions, awakening a whole palette of emotions inside me. Excitement, sadness, anger, longing, hit me all at once. But Elena isn’t finished there. She keeps explaining, even if I would rather not hear about the gift anymore. “He gave it to me the night before he left for the mission. He instructed me to give it to you on your birthday, if he doesn’t come back yet.”

I stare at her with my eyes wide open and my lips squeezed tightly together, as I’m trying to prevent the tears from forming. My best friend stops speaking as soon as she sees the look on my face. She then motions towards the package, her curiosity probably gnawing at her already. She must have been insanely patient not to open the gift and see what’s inside.

I wish I could say the same for myself. As soon as I realized who it’s from, I got pulled back. I want to tear it apart badly and at the same time just leave it there, watching it until I decide that it’s too painful, and put it away.

My curiosity then gets the better of me and I grab the box with my trembling hands, softly opening it. But all I see inside is a scroll. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. It’s not that I’m disappointed, I only find it unusual, that he didn’t simply give Elena the letter. Why bother packing it?

However, the moment I take the scroll out, something glistens inside, taking my breath away. I stare at the object for a moment, admiring the fine craft. I can spot Elena almost bursting opposite me and that’s when I take the delicate silver chain, raising the necklace up in the air.

My best friend gasps as it catches the light of day and I find myself breathing out in awe. At the bottom of a thin silver chain, there is a diamond pendant hanging, shaped like a heart. But it doesn’t end there. As I turn it around in my hands, I notice its backside is covered in silver and in it, is engraved his name. I clutch the pendant tightly in my palm, furiously blinking away the tears. Now is not the time to cry.

My gaze immediately falls to the scroll, and I find myself torn between reading it and burning it. Because I already know that it won’t bring me anything good. And it for sure won’t get Eros back to me. After a moment of hesitation, I draw in a shaky breath, before slowly extending my shaking fingers towards it.

As I begin unrolling it, my heart is already thumping against my chest like it’s racing with time. But the moment I begin reading, my breath hitches somewhere in my throat.

My dearest Arya,

If you’re reading this, it means the mission is taking longer, than I expected it to … Or that I’m already watching over you from the Underworld.

Firstly, I would like to apologize for not making it to your birthday. This is a day I was truly looking forward to and I am truly sorry for missing it. If the fate allows, we are going to meet again. If not elsewhere, I’ll be forever waiting for you in the Underworld. There won’t be any risks for you. I won’t be craving your blood any longer. I’m so sorry about hurting you, love. Even if it awakened our bond, I truly regret it.

I know how deeply you upset you were when your amulet got stolen. It was your deepest connection to your mother and I’m truly sorry I couldn’t get it back for you. But I hope you like the one I got made. The diamond is from Gunguru, so I only deemed it suitable, if I engraved my name on it. I hope you’re not mad about that, I was trying to think of a way to make you always remember me. And this way you can always carry a piece of me with you. Right by your heart.

This whole letter doesn’t sound really optimistic and I’m really sorry about that. But I couldn’t leave without knowing, that I’ll be able to give you some sort of closure, if not a proper goodbye. Things really didn’t work out for us, did they? It all seemed so easy at first. So exciting and new. I should’ve known the Gods wouldn’t let me live such a happy life after what I’ve done.

I regret every moment I spent away from you in the past year. I regret every time I didn’t dare to touch you, and I regret every moment I wanted to feel your lips on mine, but held myself back, because I tried to act the right way. And you can see where being proper led me. But my biggest regret is not being able to save you from your betrothal. I hate that I left you back there, suffering and waiting. I truly wish things would have turned out better for us.

Enough about me. Happy birthday, love. Today is your day. I want you to forget about all your troubles, I even want you to forget about me. Nothing can stand in the way of your happiness now. Fight for your freedom, you’re strong. You’ll find a way to get away from Daniel. And you’ll find out what is happening to your father, no matter how hard it might be. I believe in you. Always have, always will. Until my very last breath.

I love you.

Eros

I’m not going to lie. Before I even finished the first sentence, tears were already streaming down my face. By the time I read the last one, I was already sobbing like crazy, almost running out of air from the anxiety, that is still squeezing my chest.

Elena is by my side, she jumped from her chair the moment the first sob escaped my mouth. Her hand is running up and down my back, trying to comfort me, but it isn’t working. I keep gasping for air, before letting out a pained moan and letting the scroll fall from my trembling hands.

In that moment she holds me tightly against her and I bury my head into her shoulder, sobs shaking my whole body. No matter how hard I try to get the words from the letter out of my head, they are still fresh enough, that they keep echoing around my mind. I truly wish things would have turned out better for us. I grind my teeth together, almost biting my tongue in the process.

If not elsewhere, I’ll be forever waiting for you in the Underworld. This time a desperate cry escapes my mouth and I find myself clinging at Elena’s dress, suddenly feeling the urge to bang my fists somewhere. Anything but this torturing. Anything.

“Shh, it’s alright,” Elena whispers as she realizes I’m not going to calm down anytime soon. I know Guardians are standing outside the library and are probably able to hear my pained screams, but I don’t care. I don’t care about anything, but him right now.

I believe in you. Always have, always will. How different these words would feel, if I heard them out of his mouth, instead of reading them on papyrus, written by his hand. The worst part is, that he was writing this, when he didn’t know I would come after him. He was writing this with his death in mind, and not even I could change that!

“Would you like me to put it on for you?” my best friend asks as my sobs begin toning down a little. My eyes feel so small from all the crying, that it’s a wonder I’m still able to see anything. Her words make me feel the need to let out another howl, but I supress it and almost nod my head off.

I give the pendant, that I was clutching in my palm this whole time into her hand, watching mine tremble as I do so. Elena is dead serious as she takes it, brushes my curls to one side and puts the necklace on my neck with a few swift movements.

The moment the cold silver touches my skin and rests right above my heart, I find myself bursting into tears once again. How am I supposed to go on after something like this? He’s not dead. I know he’s not. But the way things are now, isn’t any better than if he truly wasn’t with us anymore.

My best friend wraps her arms around me in comfort once again, while I stare down at the pendant, that is gleaming in the light of the day. I love you. I close my eyes, as I remember the last sentence he wrote, touching the diamond with a shaking hand. I imagine he’s sitting right across me, and that I’m answering him through the bond. I love you too, Eros. And I’ll get you back. I promise.