101 Ways to Get Stuffed

Number 7, a Little 37...

Dear Diary… so it turns out with Ewan a little social lubricant goes a long way. That man got loose fast and boy did we have some fun. I’m telling you Diary it was the shiznit, or it might be the copious amount of wine we consumed tinting my memory but who cares!

Ewan drove me back to my car in silence. A pensive silence. Me, on the other hand, I was wondering if the vibe in the trunk of my car had enough charge to fix me up after not quite crossing the finish line. When you buy tech with an internal battery it almost always has a bit of charge, right? Gawd, I hope so.

“Nell?” Ewan said, pulling up next to my car. “Do you like red wine?”

“I’m partial to the odd glass of vino as long as it’s not too dry.” I shrugged, watching Ewan from the corner of my eye.

“I can work with that, there’s a bottle or two of Spanish Garnacha that I’ve been looking for an excuse to open if you want to join me?” He cleared his throat a little and glanced nervously at his lap.

“A bottle or two?” I grinned, my hootchy-kootchy was doing a little dance. “Good job I don't have work in the morning.” Subtly I told Ewan I could stay the night.

“Me neither.” Ewan rubbed the back of his neck.

“Cool, can I take your address so I don’t have to try an’ follow?” I pulled out my almost dead phone, there was a charger in my car so I wasn’t worried. “Just safer I think, that way I won’t worry about losing you at a junction or missing a turn.”

“Sure.” Ewan typed in his address and then we temporarily parted ways. It wasn’t a long drive but it gave me a chance to put some juice in my phone and touch up my hair. Pulling up to his house I wasn’t surprised by its mansion vibes. Afterall Ewan was filthy rich. After last time I'd been caught short in the clothing department I’d made sure to keep an overnight bag in the trunk. As I grabbed it I also grabbed my new bag of toys.

“What’s this?” Mr Coke-can in his pants looked confused.

“This,” I wiggled my shopping bag, “is my s*x toy haul from going shopping with a porn star today and this,” there was a dirty smile on my lips, “is my over night bag - which I’ll tell you why I have once there is a rather large glass of wine in my hand.”

Ah, Diary if only you could have seen his face when I told him about my ‘naked in mink’ experience. He choked on his wine when I told him the secretary caught us and just carried on like it wasn’t happening!

Regarding my wild threesome at Eric’s place I kept my lips locked. Dude was already feeling intimidated, and anyway, that was really none of his business. Instead, I altered the tale a little, made it out like my friend house had been closer than my apartment and so I’d swung by to use their restroom but before remembering that I was wearing just a coat and underwear it was too late! Hence the night bag for just encase.

Everyone twists the truth a little, turns it in their favour. Seemed no harm in it on this occasion, just made my story a little funnier.

“So…” Ewan’s eyebrows knitted together and he swished the wine in his glass in a gentle circle, “you’re planning on finding yourself in those kind of circumstances often?”

I tried not to let the question put me on edge; afterall I couldn’t be 100% sure what he meant by it. So I asked… Yeh, yeh Diary, I said it exactly how you’re thinking… passive aggressive. 90% hold on the passive.

“What do you mean by that?” My whole body shifted. If his answer had even a lick of some backward, small minded view that women shouldn’t be promiscuous then I was out. I was gonna be just like Tinker Bell, you stop believing in me - I disappear. Might not be able to drive due to the wine I’d consumed but I could certainly hail a cab.

“It’s just so ballsy!” Ewan threw his hand through his hair, a quick, rough, run through. “I dunno how you did that, let alone that you’re actively planning for more of these encounters. Sometimes, ah heck how do I put this? Someday’s even an encounter with myself in the mirror is too much.” He took a big swig of wine. I sipped mine thoughtfully. Totally not what I thought he was going to say. Certainly it was honest. Kinda more upsetting than if he had called me a slut. Well, the way Ewan talks he would have inferred it most likely.

“Totally thought you were gonna say I was a slut.” I said with a cheeky smile just as Ewan took another mouthful of wine. The result of my honesty was that mouthful getting sprayed everywhere. Oh, and then I spilled my wine because I was laughing so hard.

“Nell! I would never…” He flapped about, trying to find some words while I just cackled.

“St-op, stop.” I laughed, breathlessly. “It’s all cool. Alexa?” I gambled, looking into Ewan’s eyes “Play, Red Red Wine.” The music rolled over both of us.

It was an old song, well, to me it was. My Dad liked it, played it a lot when I was a kid, would dance with my mother in the kitchen when it played. Now it was my turn to dance. Dance with this handsome and slightly awkward man.

When the song ended Ewan put on a playlist, easy listening, a little romantic. We danced some more and when the first bottle of wine was empty I opened the second and we took it to the bedroom, along with my bag of tricks.

The bottle went on a table; the bag dumped on the floor. Ewan’s hands were hot and firm around my waist as he captured my lips and pushed me back towards the bed.

The wine was definitely going to my head. There was a lot of giggling coming from me, especially when Ewan started randomly kissing all over my face. My eyebrows, my temple, the tip of my nose, the corner of my mouth.

“Mmmm, the things I want to do to you…” Ewan whispered, kissing just below my ear.

“What things would that be, baby?” I breathed back, claiming that nuisance word before he did.

“I wanna eat your pussy.” He nudged me with his whole body, my calves were against the cool bed frame. Ewan moaned and nuzzled my neck. “Blair would never let me taste her…” He froze. Talking about his Ex-fiance in front of a hot ass woman he was about to f**k really wan’t the smoothest of moves but no harm no foul. This was casual, and I was unfazed.

“Blair was a b***h. I’ll be your snack.” My eager hips rolled forward. Ewan went to take the wine glass from my hand. “Oh no you don’t. I want both.” I moved the glass away, sitting on the edge of the bed as I did. Bringing the fancy crystal glass to my lips I told him, “My mouth goes here… and your’s go here.” I rubbed my free hand over my crotch. Ewan was practically drooling.

“You’re a Goddess.” He murmured, going down onto his knees. My sensible flats came off with ease and Ewan placed them neatly next to the bed before removing my socks. He tucked each sock into the corresponding shoe. Gauwd, I was gonna die of anticipation. Good job I’d clung to my glass of wine. I was haemorrhaging fluids… needed something to ‘rehydrate’ with.

“Mmm, oah yeh.” I’d expected Ewan to go straight for the ‘kill’ but instead he was massaging my feet. His thumb pressed hard into the arch of my foot causing a ripple of tingling deliciousness to run up my legs and pulse right in the middle.

“Hmmm, you like that? Is it good Nell?” He dug his thumb deeper.

“f**k,” I took a big swallow of wine, “it’s glorious.” He grinned and it was so f*****g sexy. Those magic hands left my feet and grabbed at my waistband. I lifted up a smidgen so he could slide off my pants, he took my panites at the same time. His fingers skimming my legs had me sucking my own lip.

Ewan’s pretty eyes were seductive, pupils huge tunnels that allowed me to peer right into his lust. Clothing removed from my lower half, he kissed up my leg. Hands on my knees he pushed them apart, sliding each hand simultaneously over the inside of my thigh. He pressed either side of my s*x and pushed his hands apart, spredding my flesh so he could look.

Damn, he had a hunger for me. Ewan’s tongue swished over his bottom lip, eyes pinned to what was sure to be a dripping flower. As his lips met my lip, the soft, wet ones between my legs, Ewan moaned. A low sigh of contentment. I took another mouthful of wine, emptying the glass, enjoying the bouquet that was in both our mouths.

His tongue sought that precious bundle of nerves. At first he was clumsy, but Ewan was a fast learner and a good listener. With each moan and movement I made he adjusted until his tongue had stoked my little coal into a roaring fire.

“Oh, gawd, Ewan.” I flopped back onto the bed, writhing on the cusp of an orgasm as his tongue rolled over my clit. He swished it up and down, then side to side a quick circle round… a slow circle back. My mind was a silk ribbon, all soft and smooth. A single flowing thought of the need for completion. My hips rolled, my back arched, I panted for breath as his hot hands slipped up my sides, under my blouse. “More, more, I’m sooo close.”

He sucked on my clit making me grip the sheets. It was good but I needed the rhythm. My hips wiggled searching for that friction and a little whimper left me involuntarily. The orgasm was just there; waiting for me.

My heart was raging, a pulse powering through every limb. Coiled between my legs was a heat ready to spring free.

Suddenly Ewan’s tongue started motoring. Yes.

“Yes, yes, heh, oah, I’m, don’t, OH GOD.” My whole body clenched, shaking, as heat poured between my trembling legs.

“Yes!” Ewan practically shouted, clearly impressed with work. “I knew I could do it.”

Both my eyebrows went up. Honestly Diary, what a reaction! I think he wants a trophy for my orgasm. Well, I did until he clarified.

“Blair always blamed me, said I just didn’t know what to do with a woman.” He rose, leaning over me and kissed my mouth. Yummy, I could taste myself. “Wait, you didn’t fake it, did you?”

“No, Ewan, that was all real.” My kiss was ferocious, demanding. “I’m still hungry…” Playfully I pulled at his shirt.

“We still get to…?”

“Yu-huh.” I nodded, smiling at how sweet he was. “Let’s have some more wine though and, err, how do you feel about playing with some of my toys?” The image of me putting that big butt plug into Svetlana hovered in my mind.

“As long as there is wine first…” He laughed nervously, pinching the empty glass from where it rested in my relaxed hand. Ewan poured the wine, the Garnacha or whatever he had called it. It was pretty good. I was betting it was expensive. With that floaty post orgasm feeling making me feel like I was a little immune to gravity, I made my way to where my bag of goodies was patiently sitting on the lush carpet.

“Ewan?”

“Yeh?” He had the wine bottle tipped, the red liquid slowly filling the second glass.

“You ever heard of safe words before?” My brain was a little foggy from both the wine and my endorphin infused blood. Looking at the reasonably low key assortment in the bag safe words didn’t seem to be necessary but just because I was down and comfortable didn’t mean my partner for the night would be.

“Umm, yeh, why?” He blushed and handed me my glass.

“Cool, well I use the traffic light system so…” I sipped my wine, my head getting cloudier by the second, “if you need them,” I walked my fingers up the centre of his shirt, “you can use them. Same for me.”

“Nell, you’re making me nervous! What the hell have you got in that bag?” He chuckled and swallowed a mouth full of wine. I smiled, wickedly, downed my wine and pulled a box of butt plugs out of the bag.

“You up for this?” He was up, of that I was certain. I could see the bulge in his pants, but was he going to stay up for this?

“For you or me…?”He breathed over the top of the wine glass.

“I was thinking both…” I was eager to know what it would be like to be so full. His thick coke-can d**k plunging my sweet hole while the plug was snug in my backside sounded like heaven.

“Can I look at one first?” He swallowed, eyes fixed on the box in my hand. Wordlessly I handed it over. “So it just goes in the, err, back door as it were?” He held up the biggest one.

“With a big helping of lube, yeh. But maybe start smaller.” I held up one that wasn’t much more than a finger's width. He looked a little relieved. I was thinking Ewan could have the diddy one and I would take the next size up. The mighty 3 and 4 could stay in the box for next time. “You wanna play??” There was a little sway to my body. Wine induced, I was sure. My tongue was running along the roof of my mouth. Lust induced. My throbbing, bare p***y that he had just been eating like the world's most devine vag flavoured sucker, was testifying.

Ewan swirled the wine in his glass, looking thoughtfully at the butt plug I was holding up (bright pink I might add). He nipped at his lip. That plump bottom lip, that was coated in my special sauce.

“Can I touch it first?” He scratched the side of his face. I held it out for him, a huge grin plastered on my excited face.

“Silicone.” I told Ewan as he pinched the tip.

“It’s squishier than I expected. Ok, I’m game.” He nodded and finished his glass.

“One more?” I tapped the crystal. Ewan obliged, we drank, we danced some more. We kissed as I ground my p***y on his leg. I felt giddy and wild. Then Lil Wayne’s Lollipop randomly began to play. “Is that a hint, Ewan?” I handed him my empty wine glass and slid down his body.

“I have no idea how this got on my playlist, I must have thought it was a difffere… ooh.” My drunk fingers had undone the belt with an ease that I hadn’t found in the cramped car and now my mouth was around his girth. The tip was salty, the flesh hot and velvety. My jaw was already aching from being so wide. “Damn Nell, ahhhh yeh.”

Shoving the pants all the way down I had him pull his feet out while I sucked his c**k. Now we were dressed the same. Hands on his hips I pulled him around a little and pushed him onto the bed. Time for things to get spicey! Ewan sat with an ‘oomph’. I grabbed the little plug and the bottle of lube. I squirted some in my hand to let it warm up. The bright pink silicone butt plug was warming up in the other.

“Knees to your chest, Ewan.” Let me see all of you, I thought to myself.

“Be gentle.” He chuckled, pulling his legs up. “It’s my first time.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you.” Mmmmm, Gawuuud he had some nice balls. I nosed them and Ewan squeaked. Then I nuzzled his gooch, kissed it, licked it. I nipped his thigh as I pushed the plug into my lube filled hand. His chocolate starfish was hairy. Au Natural. Excitement pounded in my chest and between my legs while my hand, the one coated with excess lube, trepidatiously reached between his cheeks.

Ewan moaned as I rubbed the lube around his pucker. Nervousness fluttered through my veins. I was really going to do this! Penetration time. Oh Diary if I could draw a decent winky face one would go right here.

“Mmm, oah, that’s nice.” Ewan wrapped his hand around his own coke can, gently tugging on it as I pushed the last bit in. “Is that it?”

“Why? You want some more?” Teasingly, I pulled on the base of the butt plug.

“Oooo, maybe next time. I just meant that it wasn’t as I thought it was going to be!”

“I’m glad. My turn.” Standing, I pulled off my blouse in one hopefully smooth motion. The alcohol was starting to get to me now so it probably looked like a racoon getting out of a trash bag rather than sexy.

"Ahh!" I exclaimed in surprise and delight as Ewan grabbed my freshly naked body and tossed me on the bed.

"Your turn buttercup." He kissed my nose.

"I like buttercup, that's cute." I giggled, helplessly as he climbed off the bed.

"I'm gonna butter it up and cup your butt! Lol." He chortled to himself. Damn we were drunk.

"Did you say 'lol'?" I giggled more.

"Lol, lol, lol." He acted all goofy, even sticking out his tongue at the end. "Lube- ie, lube-ie." Ewan rubbed the gel all over the butt plug. We were hammered. Seems the red wine had suddenly hit us both quite hard.

I brought my legs up so Ewan could get a good look at my back door. He went quiet with concentration, eyes focusing and unfocusing. A cool breath plunged deep into my lungs, my muscles rippled with a soft heat and my fingers pressed into the back of my thighs in pure delight at the pleasurable sensation of the pink silicone sliding inside me.

“Looks good in you, like a pacifier for your ass!” Ewan lined himself up. My ass was on the edge of the bed and he was standing over me. “Um, wait, wait, swimming cap…” He slurred.

Swimming cap? What? Oh…

Ewan had fished around in my bag of goodies and pulled out one of the assorted condoms.

“Tingly.” He whispered, looking at the pack. My anticipation was churning. Blurry eyed I watched him suit up. “Here we go, buttercup.”

“Oh, f*****g hell!” It was just the tip but everything felt so… alive.

“Sweet baby Jesus, oah, yes, Nell you’re so f*****g tight.” Ewan exclaimed loudly as he took his time squeezing his thick d**k into my soaked hole.

He started slow. Grunting, groaning, moaning his pleasure, he dipped in and out. My heart pounded, the sound filling my ears. Gawd, it was everything I dreamed and more. Then it stopped.

Peeved, I opened my eyes and apparently my ears… to find Ewan’s phone ringing and he was fiddling with it.

“Damn it! Decline, fuckin’ delcine.” He stabbed at the phone until the noise stopped and then tossed it onto the mattress. “Sorry buttercup.” He popped the ‘p’ and thrust the other ‘P’ (tots deserves a capital).

“Holy f**k!” It hit something. I clawed at the sheets, writhing, screaming to the point that I thought my lungs might explode from the pressure. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” I shouted over and over as Ewan f****d me hard and fast. Flesh slapped flesh, his balls crashed into my ass hitting the butt plug over and over, and my pleasure filled, loud ramblings, overshadowed the wet sucking sounds of my super happy mouth in the south eating up his sausage.

The wine had made me feel hot all over. There were beads of sweat dripping… everywhere. Cold against my hot skin. Every sensation was soaking into me.

“Ewan! Ewan!” I screamed. I was ready to pop. “FFfffffffff-uuuuuuuuu-ck…” My legs shook violently, my eyes were rolling back in my head. The orgasm was exploding through me. As my cunt chomped on his d**k, my ass squeezed the butt plug. Mother of all that was holy, it was an orgasm and a half. Ewan pounded furiously before slamming to a stop.

We were both just breathing and looking at each other.

That was when we heard it… muffled shouting. In tandem we looked across the bed to where Ewan’s phone was resting face down.

The realisation dawned all at once… he hadn’t declined the call. Whoops…

‘Who is that?’ I mouthed pointing at the phone. It appeared we had both suddenly sobered up.

‘Blair…’ He mouthed back in horror, blushing scarlet. He reached for it, accidently catching speaker at the same time.

“-ard, pick up the Goddamn phone! I don’t give a s**t that you’re f*****g some two-bit dirty w***e, I want my money!.” She yelled. Diary… if I could reach through the phone and slap that woman I would.

“W-what money Blair?” Ewan looked a little pale.

“From the venue, I called to get the deposit back and they said you had already received it. What the actual f**k, Ewan? Did I mean nothing to you? Do you not want me to be able to take care of myself?” Her shrill, cutting voice was getting on my last nerve. He looked to me for support.

I pointed at the phone and then gave it the finger.

“Blair, it was my money. You were the one who showed me we meant nothing. YOU f****d Luke in our bed. Christ, Blair.” How he was keeping his voice level I did not know.

“I wouldn’t have had to f**k him if you had a normal d**k! I heard you f*****g that low end hussy. Afterall the only cunt that would scream like that for you is a paid one!” She sneered. “Bet you picked her up off the side of the road.”

“Nu-huh honey.” I piped up. “I knew Ewan here, from back in the day. I was driving past, saw his sweet ass and said to myself ‘I gotta have a piece of that sweet ass’. I pulled over, leaned outta my car window and called out ‘Come here, lover boy’. I told him to make me his dessert and he didn’t disappoint. He made me a creampie… in the car and twice on the bed. And that’s just today. Your dry cunt just doesn’t know how to take dick.” The b***h was enraged and screaming. Ewan hung up.

“Thank you.”

“You gonna make me an honest woman, Ewan?” His jaw moved up and down but nothing came out. “I told that b***h that I came three times… we both know I didn’t in the car, so… got one more in you stud? Make Nell an honest woman?” I teased. A smile lit his face.

“Can I get out more toys? Maybe a bigger butt plug, buttercup?”

“Oh Ewan, I thought you’d never ask…”

Diary… I got to say, Ewan did make a liar of me… he got me to four before we went to sleep and once more in the morning (on the breakfast counter of all places!). I popped him in my phone as Ewan Coke-can. Number 37 is mint… and gawud, I love some girthy man meat!