101 Ways to Get Stuffed

Intro

Hi!

I aim to write 101 episodes for this book but as this is a side, side project - mostly for when I get stuck or need a break from everything else I'm writing, there will not be regular updates.

Dear Diary,

Today I broke up with Carlos. I know. I know! I was shocked too. Four years and we had just slumped into this comfortable existence and I hadn’t even noticed. I guess everyone gets like that sometimes; just going through the motions, letting time slip by. I hadn’t even noticed that I was just settling, that I was bored and playing safe.

Guess you wanna know how it happened, huh? It’s not a long story but a story nonetheless. I could just say someone at work made me hold a mirror up to my life and I was shocked to see myself in that way but that wouldn’t really do it justice because the mirror is up now and I just can’t stop looking.

So Diary… hold on to your pages - this is the story of how I, Nell Lausanda Glassine, had my life changed by a pornstar!

- - -

“Nell, my darling,” Svetlana purred, “what is with that face?”

I stopped, confused and looked into her neon green and yellow eyes.

“I dunno what you mean?” I replied in a weird half statement half question, trying not to be offended. Her glossy black painted lips curled into a cheeky seductive smile as she looked at me through her thick false lashes.

“Is it the contact lenses? Are they freaking you out… or maybe turning you on?” She laughed. “No, really my darling, what is up? You are painting silver glitter on a pornstar and you look miserable. I’m gorgeous.” She rolled her entirely naked body. “You should be drooling… at least a little…” Svetlana touched the corner of my lip and my whole body heated up. I’d always been a bit of a blusher but this was a super blush; face, chest and I swear even blushing between my legs (ok, ok maybe that was less of a blush more of being a bit turned on).

“Oh, I’m - it’s not, I mean you are gorgeous but…” I bumbled.

“Darling, darling, you stress too much. I just mean it's exciting, no?” She gestured around the room to the cameras, the green screen, the other naked or almost naked actors getting their make-up done or looking over the ‘script’ (the storyline was pretty weak tbf).

“I suppose, it’s just work though.” I shrugged and painted more glitter onto her enviously flat belly.

“Darling no!” She cried. “This is life!” Svetlana grabbed my face making my lips pout out. Her long gel nails scraped gently against my skin. “Grab it by the balls and f**k it ‘til it make you happy.” She winked with her weird cat eye contact lenses.

“I can barely manage to, ehem, get that from my boyfriend, I’m not sure how I’m meant to get life to do that!” I laughed nervously.

“Take opportunities, make adventures, search always for joy and, darling, dump that lame boyfriend!” She rubbed the bare skin above the V of my t-shirt. I took an involuntary breath. Svetlana gave me a sly smile.

“Do you want to put my tail in Nell?”

I swallowed hard as she held up a bottle of lube and the butt plug that had a long silver cat tail attached. Her words were pounding in my head and my heart was pounding in my chest as I put down the pot of glitter and the brush to take the ‘opportunity’ Svetlana was presenting me.

Grinning wildly she turned over and offered her silver asshole, waxed and bleached to perfection. The whole universe slowed down as I lubed up the butt plug and slowly pushed it in. Svetlana held still and was silent as I took this moment.

Tail in, she stood up and brought her face right up to mine. Her breath was soft and minty. Her confidence made me feel inadequate.

“Ha, see now you drool a little, life should be tasty. Make you wet!” She blew me a little kiss and prowled onto set.

I spent all afternoon watching Svetlana get pounded as a giant alien silver cat, pondering her words and occasionally touching up her makeup.

When I got back to my apartment Carlos was chilling on the couch playing video games. Nothing had changed since I left this morning, well, except for the dirty plates and cups on the coffee table. Oh and the candy wrappers on the floor.

"Carlos, I want to break up. The lease is in my name so I want you to move out at the end of the month." I told him calmly.

"Sure sure, where do you want to order in from?" Carlos replied, not listening. I reached over and pressed pause on his controller.

"I want to break up. The lease is in my name so I want you to move out at the end of the month." I said with more conviction. His actions compounded my decision. We were just two people living in the same place. Carlos looked kinda blank for a sec.

"Alright babe, end of the month, I'm gone. Still, you wanna order in?" He took his game off pause.

"Do you even care that we just broke up?" I couldn't help but demand. He paused the game and looked back at me with a shrug.

"Do you?" Carlos asked.

"I suppose not." I sighed, not really feeling anything except relief.

"Pizza?"

"Pizza." I nodded in agreement.

And that was the beginning of everything.