7
1491 Words
Seina
I hate the way my brothers treat Gian, he is the youngest of us all.
I am the only daughter of Aubrey and Layla Tanner - Moretti. I am Gian's only older sister.
I have grown up knowing that I have speech and language problems and I have learning difficulties. I grew up not understanding simple maths equations or English lit.
I find it hard to keep things in my head and understand what they all mean. I have been told that I have a kind of mental block, a wall, a barrier that stops me from consuming a lot of information. My brain only acknowledges so much and pushes the rest away. I also find it hard to understand the questions people throw at me. Most of my lecturers think I'm incompetent and shouldn't be in uni at all. My dad had a ballistic and almost pulled a gun on the Dean and my lecturers for not knowing how to do their job properly like when I was at college for three years.
So I know exactly how Gian is feeling that he's letting our parents down. But, he's not. He's doing so well at school despite having autism he's so brave he's battling it all by himself though Jay, me and his best friends were always there for him he locks himself in his room away from our family to avoid any conflict. I know what conflict brings him more cuts on his scarred body. He doesn't think I know he still self-harms, but I do. I've tried so many times to tell him he has me and Jay and things will get better but what I've witnessed tonight I am beginning to think t ngs ill never change and our older brothers will bully him till the day he dies or takes his own life to satisfy them and their hatefulness towards him.
I don't understand them. Mom and dad both knew the risks of having us late in life but they still chose to but Gian got the brunt of it. Mom tries really hard to keep the peace between all of them but fails and she blames herself for the way they are treating Gian, dad just simply doesn't give two f***s about Gian and how he is treated cause he treats him the same as an outcast that isn't worthy to be even called a Moretti. They all piss me off. I hate lying to Gian about how his dad feels about him. I've seen it in his eyes many times, they hold disappointment and regret. I am the only int who sees Gian as an equal we both have disabilities, though different I treat him as my equal and not as an outcast. I know he wants out of this life and I'm begging him not to give up and prove them all wrong and show the whole f*****g world just cause he has a disability he can do anything he wants and have any job he desires. I plan to be a fashion consultant and I'm damn sure I will reach my goal and get the hell away from this poisonous family.
Together
I walked into school feeling like crap. last night's fiasco just gone to prove that I was truly hated by everyone except my older sister; Seina. If it wasn't for her I don't know where I'd be right now, probably dead in a ditch somewhere cause no one would care if I lived or died that's how depressing my life is right now.
I have lost count of the scars held all over my body that I have conflicted through the loveless years that my so-called family gave me. My mom tries hard, I know she loves me, but that is just not enough dad never seems interested in me just my brothers because they have all been brought up business orientated and are very successful and here's me the runt of the pack that he never seems to give a s**t about.
There are only two people in my life that truly gave a s**t about me Seina and Jay. They have been my rock since I turned eleven and everyone else I thought loved me turned their backs on me and love turned into pure hatred for me just because of my disability.
I have been self-harming since the first time my older brother began bullying me and saying all those hurtful words that made me begin to think I was useless, worthless and I should never have been born. With every cut I was closer to death closer to them getting what they wanted, me dead, so they didn't have to look at my face with pure disgust and hatred.
Seina was the first to find me the first day I tried to take my life. She had called Jay because she was too hysterical to call my parents. He rushed over and helped her stop the bleeding he'd brought his father with him who had patched me up and promised not to say a word if I promised never to do something like this again and talk to someone about what I was feeling it would help.
I did, Seina and Jay. They promised things would get better and they never did.
I continued self-harming myself through all the difficult times but not close to the vein as I had done the first time because of the fear in their eyes that I wouldn't be so lucky next time and they would lose me for good if I did it again. It began with my arms then went to my chest, thighs, legs and anywhere I could find room to drag the blade of the knife across my flesh to release the pain that I was feeling from my unloving family.
I promised Seina that I would never do it again. But promises are meant to be broken with the family I have.
Seina stayed all night with me. I could tell she was angry with our brothers and hated thee as they treated me when she had a disability too, but according to them, hers didn't stop her from making something of her life whereas mine did.
I seriously wish I could prove them wrong, but I can't see how right now. I received a letter from the City college saying that I had got a place. I was truly ecstatic and I was going to tell my parents the good news but I wasn't sure where to start I was doing a level so I could go to uni and do law. I wasn't interested in dad's business. I was also going to tell them I wanted to move out. I couldn't stand living here anymore.
I wanted out of here as soon as possible and once I was I wasn't looking back. I was going to ask Jay to move in with me. I just hoped it wasn’t too soon though we were already friends, this relationship between the both of us was all new to me. I had to tread carefully and make sure we both wanted this and we were both on the same page; if not this could all go wrong. f****d and damn doomed if I was going to lose my best friend if we weren't compatible.
"Hey." He said landing a soft kiss on my cheek. "What are you thinking about G?"
"Not much."
He laced our fingers together. "You look like s**t G. Is everything okay?'
"Not really." I sighed.
"Your brother's again?"
"Yeah, they were having dinner with us again. Just say it didn't go too well."
"It will get better, G." He said, squeezing my hand.
"I doubt that will happen. I'm doomed to be the autistic kid that everyone hates. Seina stopped with me all of last night." I said, heaving a sigh.
She shouldn't waste her time and energy on me. She has university to consider if she wants to reach her goal of owning the biggest fashion company here in the UK. She's yet another one of the Moretti - Tanner's to decide against being forced to work at one of my dad's many companies.
"She cares for you G, sand o do I. She's the best sister you could wish for, I wish I had a sister like her."
I smiled. Jay's sister was a b***h, class a and he couldn’t wait till he was away from her toxicity and at uni so he didn't have to see her face ever again.
"Come on G we best be getting in or we'll be late.
I smiled and we made our way into school hand in hand.
Our friends whistled. "So you finally grew a pair and confessed how bad you wanted out boy G?"
"Yeah."
"So are you two? you know?"
"Together yes. We're seeing where it all leads."
"Cool."
- Writer
