Arcane Awakenings Books One and Two

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I stumbled out of Daniel’s room and retreated to my own, unable to tear my eyes away from the proof I had a twin sister.

Where was she?

Why had no one told me she existed?

How could I have forgotten my own twin?

Hands shaking, I sat on my bed, tears falling on the photo. I hadn’t forgotten, not completely. My recurring dreams had shown me what I’d lost.

Angela was Angel.

Anger swamped me, burning away my tears. My aunt and uncle had dragged me to countless psychiatric sessions, forced me to take medication I didn’t need, all of it designed to wipe away any memory of my twin.

I clapped a hand over my mouth.

The fire.

That must have been how Angel died. That was what my dreams had been trying to tell me, to make me remember. She had been trapped in a burning room, screaming for me to save her, and I’d left her there to die.

Pain tore through me and I gasped for air, hunched over, sobbing for everything I had lost.

An eternity passed before I managed to stifle my sobs. I lay curled up on the bed, staring at the photo, running my fingers over the smiling faces of Angel and me. Why couldn’t I remember her and our time together? Why had Daniel kept it from me, robbing me of the chance to mourn her?

As horrible as it was, I could understand why Joyce had never said anything. It was just like her to pretend Angel never existed. Bad enough that she’d had her seemingly perfect life turned around when our parents died and caring for us had fallen to Bill and her. To have another tragedy linked to the family name would be something she would prefer to keep quiet about.

But Daniel?

He was my brother.

Our brother.

For him to have stood by all these years and not told me about Angel, was wrong on so many levels it twisted my stomach just thinking about it.

When I heard him get out of bed and stumble into the bathroom, I stood. It was time for answers. I marched down the hall and waited outside the bathroom door, tapping my feet as I waited for him to emerge. As soon as he opened the door I thrust the photo in front of his bloodshot eyes.

‘Why didn’t you tell me I had a twin sister?’

The colour leached from his face. ‘Where did you get that? Have you been going through my things?’

‘As if that matters. I had a twin sister, and no one told me. How could you do that? How could you pretend you didn’t know what was going on, why I was having the same dream night after night? She died in a fire, didn’t she?’

He nodded, holding on to the door jamb, a queasy look on his face. ‘I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but everyone said it was best not to.’

‘Everyone, or just Bill and Joyce?’

His brow creased, and he straightened up. ‘I wish you wouldn’t call them that. You know they don’t like it.’

I stifled a snort, and shook my head. ‘Unbelievable. They’ve had you lying to me for fifteen years, and you’re still defending them.’

‘They took us in when Mum and Dad died, gave us a home. They were just trying to do the right thing.’

‘By turning me into a freak show? Shoving pills down my throat?’ I turned away, disgusted by the hurt in his eyes.

‘Andie, wait. Let me explain.’ He grabbed my arm and spun me around. ‘It wasn’t like that. After the fire, you were confused. You’d blocked out the memories. It was the experts who advised Mum and Dad to let you continue to forget Angel.’

‘They are not our parents. They only agreed to adopt us because there was nowhere else for us to go after Mum and Dad died in the car accident.’ He dropped his eyes and my stomach churned. ‘Please don’t tell me that was a lie.’

He gave a sigh. ‘They died in the fire, with Angel. Mum and … Uncle Bill and Aunt Joyce said it would be better if you thought they’d died in a car accident, in case the mention of a fire triggered memories of what really happened.’

I sank to the floor, back against the wall, eyes wide and unseeing. ‘This can’t be happening. This can’t be real.’ Horror choked off my voice. This was worse than any nightmare.

Daniel crouched in front of me, reaching out to pull me into his arms.

‘No.’ I pushed his hands away and scrambled to my feet, breath coming in gasps. ‘You do not get to touch me.’ Hands clenched into fists, I backed away from him.

‘Andie, please, I feel bad enough as it is. Don’t shut me out.’

He did look wretched, but I was beyond feeling pity for him. ‘What else haven’t you told me? What other lies have I been fed?’

His expression became even more pitiful. ‘It was my fault Angel died.’

My mouth fell open. ‘You set the fire?’

‘No, it was caused by an electrical fault. By the time the smoke alarms went off, half the house was in flames. Mum and Dad were trapped in their bedroom and they yelled at me to get you and Angel out of the house. But I could only carry one of you at a time. I grabbed you first. I swear I was going to go straight back for Angel, but the roof collapsed, and I couldn’t get back in the house. But if I’d been stronger, faster, I could have saved her.’ Anguish filled his eyes and tears streamed down his cheeks. ‘It’s my fault she died. I should have been able to save her.’

My anger evaporated, shoulders slumping as I leaned into the wall for support. ‘You were a little boy. You can’t blame yourself for what happened.’

He shook his head, wiping his eyes with the back of one hand. Then he held it up in front of him, staring at the dressing in confusion.

‘You broke a glass, and got a piece of it stuck in your palm,’ I said. ‘Don’t you remember?’

He shrugged. ‘I’m not sure. It’s all a bit fuzzy. Guess I drank too much.’

‘I thought you must have broken up with a girl called Angel. You were crying and saying her name over and over again.’

His strange behaviour had been the trigger for the latest dream. Was it the ghost of Angel’s memory, hidden in my subconscious, which made me think I’d heard her voice? I looked at my hand, to see the nail marks had vanished. Had I dreamed them too?

‘Yesterday was the anniversary of the fire,’ said Daniel, the anguish in his voice dragging my gaze back up to his.

Tears glistened in his eyes. ‘I got carried away trying to block out the memories. I envied you, being able to forget. I’ll always remember the look on her face as I carried you away, leaving her to die. I know most people didn’t think she understood what was going on, but she knew. I could see it in her eyes.’

‘What do you mean?’

He wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. ‘Angel was different. She was always doing weird stuff, freaking people out, and she was mute.’

‘Mute?’

‘She couldn’t talk or make any sounds. The doctors never knew why. Mum and Dad said it was because she was special, and started calling her Angel instead of Angela.’ His mouth formed a crooked smile. ‘You used to do all the talking for her, act as her translator, although you always insisted she could talk. You said you could hear her voice in your head and couldn’t understand why we couldn’t hear it too.’

I sucked in a breath. In every one of my dreams I’d heard Angel’s voice, but her lips hadn’t moved. Fifteen years of dreams, in which my subconscious had fought so hard to make me remember her. The job made harder by the medication I’d been forced to take.

All for nothing.

The pills that turned me into a robot, the countless hours spent having my head examined and my dream dissected, none of it made any difference because it had all been based on lies. Had any of the shrinks Bill and Joyce took me to known the truth or had they been lied to as well?

A bitter taste flooded my mouth, not unlike the aftertaste of the pills I’d been forced to swallow for all the wrong reasons.

I bolted into my bedroom, wrenched open the top drawer of my bedside table and pulled out the packet of pills I’d kept hidden away as a safety net.

Daniel followed me, and I thrust the packet into his hand, forcing him to take it.

‘Fifteen years these stupid things have ruled my life, making me feel like a failure, that there was something wrong with me, and you knew it was all a lie.’ Eyes stinging, I glared at him. ‘Why didn’t you tell me the truth? How could you stand back and let them do this to me when you knew I wasn’t crazy?’

He ran a hand through his hair, sorrow in his eyes. ‘I’m so sorry, Andie. They said it was for the best, that it was what the doctors recommended.’

I shook my head, cheeks wet with tears. ‘How could letting me forget Angel ever existed be for the best? She was my identical twin. She deserved so much more than to be cast aside and forgotten because her memory didn’t fit with Joyce’s stupid pursuit of perfection.’

He reached for me and I stepped back. I couldn’t bear it if he touched me. He’d known the truth all these years. He’d watched me suffer, and said nothing. He treated Bill and Joyce as if they really were our parents. I’d counted on him to always be there for me, supporting me, to be the one person I could trust. But it had all been an illusion based on a lifetime of lies.

I spun around and bolted down the hall. Ignoring Daniel’s cries for me to stop, I yanked open the front door and ran outside, not caring that I was in my pyjamas and barefoot. I ran down the driveway and onto the empty road, and kept on running, trying to outdistance the pain welling up inside me.

As my feet pounded the bitumen, Angel’s image filled my head, the feelings of horror inspired by the dreams magnified tenfold now I knew it was a memory. She had died in the most horrible way, alone and terrified.

A cramp ripped into my side and I stumbled to the side of the road and collapsed on my back on the grassy footpath, gasping in oxygen.

I stared up at the clouds in the sky. What kind of person was I, to forget something like that had happened, to not remember leaving Angel to die?

‘Are you okay?’

I shielded my eyes with one hand and stared up at the young guy leaning over me, concern in his rich brown eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat and gave a nod, not trusting my voice.

‘Are you sure? You don’t look okay.’ He crouched beside me. ‘In fact, you look terrible. Your pyjamas are cute though.’ He smiled, a dimple appearing in each cheek.

My face heated up as I pushed myself up on one elbow, waving him away when he moved to help. I dragged myself to my feet and peered down at him, arms crossed over the print of a kitten hanging upside down from a branch on my pyjama top.

‘So, do you always go for a morning run in your pyjamas or is today a special occasion?’ He stood up, and I had to crane my neck to meet his eyes. He had to be well over six feet tall. He brushed dark-brown hair out of his eyes and frowned at me.

‘Earth to Andie.’

Eyes wide, I took a step back. ‘How do you know my name?’ I edged sideways, ready to bolt. I scanned the street, biting my bottom lip when I didn’t spot anyone else.

‘I met you a couple of months ago, when Dan picked you up from a party for some girl you go to university with. Not surprised you don’t remember me, though. You were pretty out of it that night.’ His dimples reappeared when he chuckled at the memory.

I tilted my head, thinking back to when I’d attended Maddie’s eighteenth birthday party. I’d just started weaning myself off the pills and the dreams had begun once more. Desperate to silence them, I’d made the mistake of thinking alcohol might help me sleep dream-free.

Three drinks later, head reeling, I’d called Daniel and asked him to come and get me. Once he’d got me home I’d slept for twelve hours, unable to wake each time the dream reset. I hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol since and cringed to think of this guy seeing me when I’d been so out of it. I hadn’t even realised someone else was in the car with Daniel until the other person had helped him get me into the flat.

‘So,’ he said, ‘are you going to tell me what has you running down the road, with no shoes on, or do I have to guess?’

‘What are you doing here?’ I frowned at him, every muscle in my body tense.

‘We had a work function last night and Dan was drinking more than usual. It seemed he had something heavy on his mind, so I thought I’d check on him. I was just pulling up in front of your place when you came flying out the door and tore off down the road.’ He tilted his head. ‘Want to talk about it?’

I dropped my eyes, the weight constricting my chest increasing. No way was I going to talk about what I’d just discovered to a stranger. He might be Daniel’s friend, but he was nothing to me. And seriously, since when did Daniel like being called Dan? He hated it when people shortened his name, or at least he used to.

Maybe I didn’t know him as well as I’d thought.

He’d kept the truth about Angel from me, so maybe I didn’t know him at all.