Her revengeful Bastard

Her doubts

*Anna*

“Oh my dear, we could not be happier”. The Luna says as she envelopes me in a warm hug.

The Alpha and Luna waited for us when we returned from the ball. I had barely handed my wrap over to a servant before Kyle declared that he had proposed and I had accepted. It is an announcement I have been expecting for a long time, and yet it seems odd having it associated with me.

“This calls for a drink”. The Alpha says, and I find myself whisked into the parlor where a decanter of brandy and four snifters are waiting on a low table.

They knew the proposal was coming tonight. I shouldn’t be surprised, as Kyle had told me he had spoken with the Alpha, and yet I can’t help but feel as though everything is moving far too quickly.

“Your parents would be delighted”. The Luna says while the Alpha pours the brandy.

“I’m sure they would”. Although I am not sure at all. My memories of them are faint and distant, and recently I found myself mourning their absence as much as I have ever mourned the loss of my parents. I take the snifter the Alpha offers me.

He lifts his. “If you love each other half as much as Bella and I love each other, then you’ll be richer than most. To a long, happy and fruitful marriage”.

I feel my cheeks warming with the reference to fruitful … children. We will have lots of children.

“Hear, hear !” Kyle says, before tossing back a good portion of his drink, while I rather wish he’d claimed to love me more than his parents love each other. I am

horrid to want some reassurance regarding the strength of his feelings for me.

I take a sip, not understanding all these doubts suddenly plaguing me.

The Luna sits on the sofa and pats the cushion beside her. “Sit, tell me everything. Where did it happen?”

I ease myself down. “In the gardens”.

“How romantic”. She sighs.

It should have been, yes, but in retrospect it wasn’t, not really. “I was quite taken by surprise”.

“Surely you knew my intentions”. Kyle says.

“Yes, but I wasn’t certain when you might ask”. I admit.

“Now we have a wedding to plan”. The Luna says. “I suppose we should have an engagement ball. Here, in the mansion”.

I can see the anxiety in my guardian’s face, so I quickly suggest. “Perhaps a dinner. A small one. Intimate”.

“I like that idea” Kyle says, smiling warmly at me as though he recognizes I am striving to spare his mother's worry.

“Yes”. The Luna says with relief. “We’ll discuss the particulars tomorrow. When would you like the wedding to take place ?”

“We haven’t really discussed it”. I say.

“I’ll leave it to you ladies to work out the details”. Kyle says. “And I must really go now”.

In disbelief, disappointment and ire, I stare at him. “You’re leaving ?”

“I must make the most of the bachelor days that remain to me”. He grins.

“You can stay longer”. The Alpha says.

“No”. I say, suddenly in want of time alone, to ponder my feelings, to think of what I have agreed to, to wonder why there is not a livelier air of celebration. Because it had all been expected ? Because there was no anticipation ? “It’s quite alright. I’m actually rather exhausted from all the excitement and merrymaking that took place at the ball once Miss Summer announced my good fortune. However, I shall walk you out”. And have a word in private. Setting aside my snifter, I raise and take the arm he offers.

Once we are outside on the steps, with the door closed behind us, I take a deep breath, release it slowly. “Do you really wish to marry me ?”

“I would have not proposed otherwise”. He responds.

I study the face I have loved for years, searching for the truth, for something more. “You haven’t even kissed me”.

“I suppose I have spent so many years keeping my desire for you tamped down and on a short leash that it’s become a habit”. He gives me a small smile.

I hate that his words give me such hope, that words are needed to give me any hope at all. Shouldn’t love communicate in other ways ? “You desire me ?”

“Without a doubt”. He cradles my cheek with one hand. His skin is smooth, his palm without calluses. Warmth radiates from his fingertips, but no heat. “Anna, I intend to do right by you”.

“Would a kiss be wrong, then ?” I ask.

He grins, glances back over his shoulder to the windows. “I don’t think anyone is watching”.

But if they were, what would it matter now ? We are betrothed. He can compromise me all he wants, and the outcome for our futures would not change.

He lowers his lips to mine. My eyes slide closed at the warmth, the gentleness, the way his mouth moves softly over mine. Slowly he draws back. “I shan’t sleep tonight, thinking of you.”

“You shan’t sleep because you’ll be up to no good”. I point out.

He flashes a grin. “I have an appointment with cards. Not another woman. Know this, Anna, for me there is no other she-wolf”.

My heart tightens, tears prick my eyes. “You’ve always been the one for me, Kyle”.

“Don’t set a date that’s too far off”. With that he tweaks my nose, before dashing down the steps.

The man certainly knows how to ruin a romantic moment, but then he has tweaked my nose ever since I was a little girl. There is a familiarity and a loving feel to it. But I fear the gesture is more appropriately directed toward a younger sister, not a wife, not a she-wolf a man wishes to bed.

We are to marry, and yet I feel like a child playing pretend, not a woman anticipating the days … and nights … to come with relish. I have been brought up to always feel calm and steady, but at that moment I desire only to feel more.