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And I want him to say, “I have fallen in love with you because I know you watch me. Hold me. Kiss me. Make love to me. Hard. Hard. Hard. Come inside me. Pump your load into me. Because you deserve me. I am yours. Only yours. We need to be together for a very, very long time. Just the two of us. Man with man. What do you say?” But he’s a Beefster, and straight, and we will never be lovers, and the PFA keeps us apart. Always. Forever. From two different worlds. And I will continue to see my shrink twice a week. And I will watch Beefster from afar. Because Beefster is dreamy, beautiful, and chiseled from head to toes. Mine. Mine. Mine. * * * * Putnam’s still at his book signing. Time is on my side and I decide to read the next story in his journal. It’s titled Gusher. A short piece. I’m no