choosing my freedom

"I am almost there, just a a bit more, I have to tell everyone before they catch up to me!" Those were the last word I said before I found myself falling towards the ground with a sharp pain on my back and stomach. I then saw the moon being reflected on a red surface, then I realized that I was dying. Then I heard footsteps walking towards me from behind, I knew that person would be the cause of my death. They then removed their mask and I saw the face of my maid  in front of me. She was my only friend and now my killer. My eyes were getting heavy and it was becoming difficult to keep my focus. then the words "I could have done better," echoed in my mind as I blacked out. I then woke up to be greeted by an unfamiliar celling. I knew I was neither at a hospital or back at home in my room. I thought that maybe I was kidnapped and smuggled into another country. I tried moving my body around in order to look around but I struggled to do so. I could only see that I was surrounded by wooden bars and that the furniture nearby was very old fashioned compared to what I was used to. I lifted my hand and I noticed it was smaller than usual. Then it dawned on me that I was in a baby's body no I had become a baby. "Could it be that I had reincarnated into a different time period!?" The idea intrigued me more than it shocked me. I did not know which type of being was responsible for this but all I knew was that reincarnation was real. I had kept the memories I had from my previous life which I was not too fond of. I was the first princess of a small country called Pileile which meant I was next in line to the throne after its previous rulers. However I was not born from the queen of the country instead I was the daughter of a woman the king once fancied before he met the queen and Most people did not like this about me. They always called me unbecoming or that I was tainting the royal bloodline and these were just among 'flaws'. My entire existence felt criticized and controlled by others. Because of this I came to dislike being the next in line and not wanting it, but birthright was most important in order to succeed. My siblings always treated me like the trash of the family but they would never show their feelings of contempt in public the king never really cared as long I was able to fulfil my birthright. This made my childhood not a very happy one but I was grateful that my siblings had not made any attempts to end my life so that someone else could succeed. The only one who seemed to care about me in the family was the queen and because of this I could never fully hate my siblings or the king . Out of everyone I always thought that she would hate me the most because I am not her child but she always treated me kindly like the way a mother should. It felt comforting to know that she was always there for me but I could never call her mother because I felt as if I never had the right to do so.  Public gatherings in the palace always felt suffocating and unbearable with eyes always on me, as if they were waiting for me to make a mistake. Whenever I felt down I would often bury myself in books or my maid whom I was close to would  sometimes sneak us out of the palace to have some fun in the city. Even though the time was short I would forget my problems. It felt like she knew what I needed and I was very grateful to her for being by my side. Soon after I had turned twenty two the queen's death followed after it. She was a Kind and gentle person to all but I felt as if I felt her kindness the most. Her death was hard on all of us especially the king and I. I had lost the person who treated me like family and never criticized me for my birth and helped me get through most of my life but it had affected the king more than I. She must have meant more to him but I never knew why. The king grieved more than I did. He began neglecting his duties. Everyone thought that he just needed some more time to overcome her death and everything would be normal again but it was not the case. He ended up spiraling towards depression. He was soon declared retired and I ended up taking over sooner than expected. Even though I knew I would have to do this someday it was still one of the toughest things I had to do. Six months of just being left in charge and I felt like I had ruined the country. There were often complaints about being over worked or over taxed. I had felt overwhelmed. At that moment I saw the queen's face flash before my eyes, it was as if she was telling me not to give up. I realized that I was being selfish towards innocent people. Even though I did not want to succeed the throne but I should have taken care of the people so they do not suffer while I worry about nothing.  I let others make the decisions while I only appear publicly. My selfishness was what lead people to suffer and I could not bear being responsible for that. So I decided to make things right. I looked over all the problems and I realized they were all related to money. I looked over the kingdom's financial records for over the past months and I noticed that money was being embezzled and it started from when the queen died. All of this was done by the officials that I had let run the kingdom for me. I felt as if all of it was my fault for being oblivious, lacking the confidence to take over my responsibilities as well as neglecting them. Though it did not seem like a coincidence that this happened immediately after the queen's death. I decided to look into it more and I found out more than what I expected. The one who was behind it all was the prime minister- the queen's death and all the problems occurring in the country- and to add insult to injury he was planning to get rid of the entire royal bloodline. I did not know who to trust apart from my maid and so I told her everything before I told my own family, only to realize that I had dug my own grave. It did not take long for the prime minister to find out that I knew of his plans. So what did he decide to do, fix the leak before all the water spills- he decided to get rid of me-. My maid then told me to meet her at the spot where we would meet before going to the city. I then found myself surrounded by people who hid their faces and wore black. My maid was nowhere in sight because I did not realize that she was among those people. I decided to run as fast as I could, away from them but she caught up to me and then killed me. The last person I thought was my friend became my undoing. She stabbed me in the back literally.  I could do nothing about my family or the country. I regretted not taking action when I knew I could have done something. I then began to cry. Then a woman with long scarlet- red hair, eyes as clear and as blue as the ocean and a dainty demeanor, came rushing through the door. She seemed shocked to see me in tears. She then picked me up and held me in her slender yet slightly masculine arms. She then began to cry as well then lifted me close to her and kissed my forehead and then smiled at me. I began to feel safe and warm in her embrace. I could tell she was my mother. I continued to cry even more. I became comfortable in her arms and without realizing it I had cried myself to sleep and for the first time I had felt peaceful in both of my lives.