Acting Out

Chapter 1-4

“Give me an intelligent reason why we can’t make this film.” Maybe that was not the best gambit, but Alex had to fill the silence with something.

Nick took a moment to swim up from whatever depths his mind had sunk and gave a little shake of his head, saying nothing. Alex had expected a lame excuse. Nick took time but eventually found one.

“It’s not the role. It’s me. I’m just not suited to it. I’ll never pull it off. Neither will you.”

“Yes, we will. You can argue all you want, but we both know we’re perfect for this. Alana agrees.” He didn’t know whether he’d said the wrong thing when Nick visibly shrank back into his seat, but Alex had to push him a little or they’d get nowhere. “You’ve always trusted Alana’s judgement before, and you’ve always trusted mine. Why not in this?”

Nick didn’t reply. He set his jaw, staring out at the view, unblinking. His expression wasn’t entirely blank, but looked resolved, unreadable to most people. Alex would have given anything to know precisely what was going on in his friend’s mind, although he could take a wild and likely accurate guess. Bullied at school—though not at drama school—and the way Nick often referred to geeks and being nerdy; Alex had filled in the rest. He’d seen photos of a much younger Nick, but even if he hadn’t, the man’s overall appearance when they first met had told Alex enough.

Nicholas Sandford came from an average background, but something about his demeanour suggested an Oxford or Cambridge education. Nick didn’t have or need the education; he was that intelligent. He could have been a solicitor or a banker, even an excellent con artist if he so desired. Something about him, maybe his aura, gave Nick an instant and believable presence, which was partly why he was such a fine actor. Unfortunately, those traits probably hadn’t served a geeky school kid who struggled to find his place in the world very well. Where adults responded to Nick favourably, children perceived his cool intellect as unfriendly, even arrogant. That any bullying Nick had suffered ceased immediately at drama school was down to the strict code maintained by the establishment and owing to his and Alex’s friendship. Alex wasn’t boasting; Nick wouldn’t acknowledge it, but being friends with Alex had always been an instant barrier to ridicule. Back then, Alex was very aware Nick resented that simple fact more than a little. As an adult, Nick should have grown out of such childish bitterness.

No one doubted Nick but Nick. There was a good chance Nick feared taking the role because, although many straight actors took gay roles, there was always the homophobe contingent to deal with. Nick had gone to school with a fair few of them; Alex had heard the stories. Nick claimed he’d been bullied because he was thin, but Alex had considered there were other reasons, although Nick’s nerd status was part of his insecurities.

The main trouble had been that Nick saw himself as geeky. What was the old adage about loving oneself? Alex had loved watching Nick’s confidence grow along with his acting ability. Tall and thin as a teenager, he’d become trim and lean as an adult. Maybe Nick didn’t see things that way. That would be a pity; even more so if Nick denied himself this role because he feared what others would think.

Truth was, Nick longed for success in a never-ending pursuit of needing to prove himself. He struggled with finding acceptance, and even when he did, he disbelieved it. If he ever won an Academy Award, the first words he’d speak into the microphone would probably be, “Are you sure?”

The meal arrived, but the interruption did nothing to break the silence. The waiter left discreetly, continuing to give no indication that he’d noticed anything amiss. The atmosphere, chilly just a few moments before, became claustrophobic, the entire room stuffy and warm. Strange how silence could be such a heated exchange. Alex stared at the little curls of butter presented in a white porcelain serving dish, waiting to see whether the yellow-buttery creaminess liquefied before his very eyes.

“We’ve gone over dozens of scripts,” Nick finally muttered.

“That’s the point.”

Nick shot him a look. “I mean we can go over dozens more.”

Alex sighed and picked up his fork. Neither had touched his meal. The white fish lay in a glistening creamy sea of herbs, speckled with finely chopped prawns, a decoration of pink freckles. He wasn’t about to let such a culinary delight go to waste. “Fine. We’ll go over dozens more.”

The silence this time was short-lived and eloquently expressed Nick’s surprise. “You…mean it?”

Alex shrugged, deliberately taking the time to chew, although the fish was so succulent it could have slipped down his throat, coating his tongue with rich juices, flaking apart on the way. “If you refuse, there’s nothing I can do to force you.”

“No. You can’t.” Nick didn’t sound at all certain.

Alex gestured with his fork to Nick’s plate. “Eat your fish.”

Nick just sat there. Aware of Nick’s calculating stare, Alex bided his time and ate. Nick would figure things out.

“Damn. You really wanted this part, didn’t you?”

Alex ignored that Nick spoke using past tense, as if matters were all decided. “I wasn’t going to say no.”

“Y-You were going to take it?”

Setting down his fork and reaching for his glass, Alex gritted his teeth. “Eat.”

Frowning, Nick reached for his cutlery. Alex remained silent, giving Nick a chance to attack his food. He couldn’t help wondering whether Nick appreciated the fine meal. Did he even taste the fish? Unfortunately, Nick’s mind no doubt churned over so much, one could forgive him not relishing the flavour.

A couple of minutes later, Alex said, “Yes, I really want this part, and no, I won’t refuse it.” He deliberately stressed the applicable words. “The trouble is…the studio wants both of us or neither. On top of that, I can’t imagine making this film with anyone but you. I can’t see the story working with anyone else. The film is perfect for us; we’re perfect for it. The studio is desperate to get us, which means they’re willing to negotiate.”

“How can you know that? We’ve only just seen the script.”

Alex could hardly blame Nick for the suspicious look on his face. He had one option left, and that was to tell him the truth. “Let’s finish the meal and then take a walk.”

They finished eating in silence and then left.