Star s*x-5
1164 Words
"Come one, come all!" Blakey stood on the table of the Team Earth booth and used his best carnival barker voice. "Experience the wonders of Earth's greatest treasure--love!"
Dinah and Strayhorn still sat behind the table, kissing...and the crowd of aliens watching them had grown into a mob. The aliens fanned out in all directions, hooting and babbling and jostling for a better view of the action.
Mahalia, meanwhile, acted as security, backing off any onlookers who got too close or made a grab for a body part. "The natives are restless," she said as she batted away an encroaching tentacle. "We'd better make a deal soon, or they're liable to rush the booth."
Strayhorn broke the kiss. "How do we market this? Earth as an interplanetary brothel?" His voice was heavy with sarcasm.
"If it saves humanity, I'll turn tricks!" Blakey said from above.
"Maybe they just like to watch," said Mahalia. "Performances, that is."
"Earth. Porno capital of the galaxy," said Blakey.
Mahalia shooed away a trio of flying yellow eyeballs. "Maybe we won't have to go that far. Maybe kissing's exciting enough for them."
Dinah kept pecking Strayhorn on the lips so they wouldn't lose the crowd. (Also because she was making the most of the situation.) "What about a kind of singles resort?" she said between kisses. "Humans could teach aliens about the concept of love and then match them up to experience it."
"I like it better than the brothel idea," said Mahalia.
"I say stick with the porno," said Blakey.
Strayhorn finished another kiss and nodded. "Try any and all of the above," he said. "Whatever it takes to trade for reverse global warming services--but start low and make the best deal you can."
"Roger that." Blakey winked at Mahalia. "Play something romantic, wouldja?"
"Will do." While wrestling with an alien's twitching feelers, Mahalia switched the fast bebop coming out of her music player to a slow number with a lot of sultry sax.
Ben raised his arms and beamed at the alien mob. "Are you lonely, my friends? Do you want to be like them?" He gestured at Dinah and Strayhorn, who were locked in another kiss. "Would you give anything to discover the wonders of love?
"Then step right up!" Ben pumped his fists in the air. "This is your lucky day--if you have the technology to reduce carbon dioxide emissions in a planetary atmosphere, that is!"
* * * *
"Hey," whispered Strayhorn. "Easy on the tongue."
Dinah leaned back and stared at him. They'd been kissing for at least two hours straight, mouth to mouth in front of an audience of gaping aliens.
So why was Strayhorn sounding shy all of a sudden?
Maybe, thought Dinah, he felt self-conscious with all the aliens watching him. Maybe he was getting tired. Maybe he was just stressed out about this being his last chance for a deal to save humanity.
Whatever the reason, Strayhorn didn't elaborate.
"Okay," said Dinah.
"Thanks," said Strayhorn, and then he licked his lips and leaned back in to resume kissing.
Dinah gladly rejoined him, though the moment had sapped a little of her fun. Even as she savored the warmth and pressure of Strayhorn's mouth, she couldn't help worrying in the back of her mind about why he'd nixed her French kiss.
* * * *
"Thiiis being wants love," said Heavy, inflating his bald human face to speak to Team Earth. "He wants all the love he can get."
Heavy twisted his eggplant body and wriggled his cilia at the alien who had just pushed out of the crowd behind him. The new alien, who was seven feet tall, looked like an inside-out centaur covered in rough, blood-red crust and black bristles.
"His name iiis Ogog Lugofarloff," said Heavy. "Ogog wiiill buy the riights to all human love."
"Let's talk price then," said Blakey. "Can Ogog reverse global warming on our homeworld?"
Heavy rattled off a chain of rapid clacks and dings that sounded like an old manual typewriter in action. Ogog made the same kind of sounds back at him, mixed with the clomping of one black hoof on the floor.
"No," Heavy said when it was over. "But he could reengiiineer your species to surviive the new cliimate."
Ogog clattered and clomped again, ending with a decisive belch.
"Here iiis an example of hiiis work." Heavy fluttered his head-capped cilia in Ogog's direction. "Ogog has reengiiineered hiiimself multiiiiple tiimes."
Strayhorn broke the latest kiss and shot Blakey a glare that said it all.
Blakey nodded and winked, then turned back to Heavy and Ogog. "Give us your contact information, Ogog buddy. We'll have to get back to you on that."
* * * *
After another hour of kissing while Blakey wheeled and dealed, Strayhorn pulled his lips back just enough to talk to Dinah. "I wonder what would happen if we switched with the others?"
Dinah looked out at the crowd of gaping aliens. "Do you want to take the chance?"
"No," said Strayhorn. "Not yet, anyway."
Dinah smiled and touched his cheek. "Just relax, Alec. Relax and enjoy."
Strayhorn scanned the babbling alien mob, then met Dinah's gaze and held it. He stared deep into her eyes, searching for something...and then his frown darkened.
"Why did you kiss me the first time?" he said.
Dinah shrugged. "To make you feel better."
"That's it?" said Strayhorn. "That's the only reason?"
Dinah hesitated, then decided to show her cards. "I wanted to," she said. "I've wanted to kiss you for a while now."
"I see." Strayhorn's frown smoothed out into his standard unreadable stare.
"Aren't you glad I did?" Dinah chuckled and rubbed noses with him. "Nobody came to our booth until I kissed you."
"Sure," said Strayhorn.
"In fact," said Dinah, "it might turn out to be the kiss that saves humanity, right?"
"Right," said Strayhorn.
"I'll bet they'll even make a movie about it someday." Dinah leaned close, brushing her lips against his. "A real love story."
And then she kissed him again, heart soaring with heat and delight like a butterfly or a dream.
* * * *
"III have another customer for you," said Heavy. "She assures me she has the technical capabiiiliiitiies to reverse your homeworld's global warmiiing."
Dinah looked up in mid-kiss to see the gray blob from the silver bowl in the booth next-door bobbing in midair beside Heavy.
"Her name iiis Melliiicloriiis Myopa Quozahnna Non Zadacta." Heavy flicked his cilia in the blob's direction and made his human face smile. "She iiis empress of the Zlatyr Realm. The green fluiiid she iiis secreting means she iiis about to giiive biiirth."
"Tell her highness congratulations," Blakey told Heavy. "Ask her how we can be of service."
"Ask her yourself," said Heavy. "She iiis quiite capable of understandiiing your language."
Blakey smiled at the gray blob as it hovered and dripped green fluid. "That's great. So how can we help you?"
"Melliiicloriiis wiiishes to buy all love," said Heavy, "and destroy iiit."
"Destroy it?" said Blakey.
"So she can market a cheaper, inferior substiiitute," said Heavy.
"Of course." Blakey glanced at Strayhorn but didn't seem to feel the need to wait for his advice. "Contact information, please. We'll have to get back to you on that."
- Writer
