When Trust is Gone - The Quarterback's Regret

All Alone Now

Chapter 7

Addison’s POV

I was glad I was sitting down now as my mind was frozen. Principal Carson knew that it was just my mother and me. Who could I possibly call? I was now alone in the world. My body felt heavy, and I allowed myself to slump forward in the chair. Mrs. Middleton handed me a water bottle and told me to drink it. I think that they thought I was going to pass out. Apparently, I wasn’t lucky enough for that to happen.

I cannot process any thoughts other than a feeling of extreme sadness. It was me and her against the world, and now she is gone. I don’t know anything about our finances or what I need to do next. I feel like a ship with no power out on the ocean. Existing but having no real destination. Being tossed around at the will of the waves, unable to stop a wave from coming down and driving me under the water

Mrs. Middleton held my hand and tried to keep my attention on her, but I didn’t know what to say or do. I felt the first tear slide down my face before the dam broke. My sobs filled the room as I cried out in pain. If I had known I would never see her again, I would have hugged her harder. I would have told her I loved her more often. I know she knew I loved her, but it doesn't take the pain that I am feeling right now away.

My mother was my rock. She was always there for me. I feel like my heart is being crushed into pieces, and it is hard to catch my breath. I managed to ask, “How?”

The Trooper said, “A semi coming off the on-ramp didn’t see your mother's vehicle. He pushed her vehicle into another Semi, pinning her vehicle between them. I am sorry for your loss, Ms. Vilario.” The trooper stepped back next to the man in the suit. They looked upset for me and stood there watching me. I could see that they felt terrible, but that wouldn’t bring my mother back.

I had a question burning in my mind which slipped out before I could stop it, but I needed to know. “Did she suffer?”

The man in the suit stepped up and said, “I spoke to the medical examiner at the scene. I asked the same question as I knew we were coming here to notify you. I would want to know the same thing if it had been my mother. He said it would have been sudden due to the speed and what happened to the vehicle. Her death would have been very sudden.”

I knew that there was something else, something that they didn’t want to tell me. I also knew that it was going to be bad. I didn’t want to know what it was right now. It must be pretty bad if they are refraining from telling me. If she had just been pinned, common sense told me that it would not have been a sudden death. I will find out later. I just can’t deal with it today. I need to go home. I need to be close to my mother again. I don’t even know what I am going to do. My mind just isn’t working correctly anymore.

“Addison, is it OK if I call Tandy Pearson to come and pick you up? She is still on your emergency contact list. I know you and Garrett had a falling out, but your mother and Tandy were still good friends. You will need someone to help you navigate this,” Principal Carson asked.

I nodded, as I just didn’t want to speak anymore; I was numb. The tears kept falling, one after the other. My mind is a mess right now. Getting news like this is devastating. My mind refuses to accept it. I keep thinking that when I get home, she will be there, finishing my birthday cake with a smile on her face. I leaned down and covered my face with my hands. I allowed myself to grieve. I heard the door open and shut several times, but I just kept crying. There was nothing else that I could do.

I didn’t want to think about anything else. What was the point? I could barely remember when my father passed away. I didn’t understand what it meant at the time. Mom had told me at the time that he wouldn’t be returning home again. That was what a three-year-old could understand. But I knew exactly what it meant now. The heavy weight of my pain made me want to scream out in pain and anger at the top of my lungs, but I wasn’t going to do that here. I would wait until I got home. I needed to be alone to get through this. The only person I wanted to be there to comfort me was gone. My sobs filled the room, and when I finally lifted my head, only Principal Carson and Mrs. Middleton were in the room with me.

“I will not tell you that it gets better, Addison. I lost my mother, too, and it doesn’t. You just learn to slowly move forward each day. My advice to you is to hold on to the precious memories you have of her. Your mother, Ana, was a lovely woman; I know she loved you very much. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know. I know you have two more finals this afternoon. You can take a zero on those two tests, or come in later this week to take them in my office. Just let me know what you want to do. Here is my card, just give me a call, and come straight to my office. I know that you have been bullied before. Mr. Collins sent me a text about what happened this morning. You won’t have to deal with being bullied again in my office,” Principal Carson advised.

“I will take the tests, Principal Carson. I will come in tomorrow and take them in the morning. I think studying will help distract me. I don’t want to take a zero on them. My parents wanted me to be successful. They encouraged me to never give up, no matter the situation. Mom and I were a team, and I will not disappoint her. This is something that I can do to honor her wishes. I will finish them tomorrow. I will ask Mrs. Pearson to bring me here to get them over with,” I said in a dull tone.

Please, don’t think I am heartless. I loved my mother more than anything in this life. Education was my parent's priority for me from a young age. They have instilled it in me since I was two years old. My father mentioned me doing my best in school in every birthday video he made for me. I knew that I needed to push myself to become the best version of myself that I could be, and that started with hard work. My father was a great man, and it hurts me that I didn’t get to know him better. But each year, I see who he was. His love for us shone like a beacon of light into the night.

He always reminded me to love and appreciate my mother. He knew she would never replace him. That seemed to be a given now. He told me to respect and assist her around the house in his videos. He would also remind me that leaving us was not his choice. That he would always love and miss us. He had filmed my videos over a week, so his clothes changed about every three years. It was hard for me to see him at his very end, as he was frail and tired. The cancer took the once strong man to his knees.

Each video gave me a greater understanding of who my father had been. He started with short videos. The one for me, turning five years old, was about six minutes long. In the last three videos from fifteen on, he spoke of following my dreams, whatever they may be. He wanted me to find a job that brought me joy, not just go through the motions. He didn’t necessarily like his career, but it was his family's business, and he greatly respected his family. He was happy to provide for Mom and me, but his message was clear. He just wanted me to be happy. That, along with telling me how much he loved me, was the basis of all his videos. I wanted to make my parents proud. I know this was as much for them as it is for me. So, I will finish the school year strong to honor them.

No matter my grade on those tests, it will still be better than receiving a zero, especially with it being finals. Despite my heartbreak, my mother raised me to adapt and overcome. I would be in a great deal of pain regardless of whether I took them or not. I might as well study to take my mind off this and focus on something else. I might go mad if I didn’t distract myself.

The jarring fact is that I am all alone now. I do have grandparents and two uncles on my paternal side. Unfortunately for my mother and I, after my father died, they didn't want anything to do with us. They bought my shares that my father willed to her, away from my mother. They didn’t want her to have any say in how they ran their company. None of them have reached out to us in the last fifteen years. I don’t even know if my paternal grandparents are still alive anymore.

My uncle, my father’s younger brother, is now running the company as the CEO. They took the district branch back to Dallas. It had initially been there in the first place, but my father didn’t want an hour’s commute each way to work. He wanted to spend his time with me and Mom, especially there towards the end. I get even more hurt realizing that with Mom gone, I don’t know if I will even get to see my birthday video. The discs are usually locked up in the safe in her closet.

I am so mired in heartache that I didn’t even realize when Mrs. Pearson arrived. I allowed her to lead me to her vehicle. I knew how bad I looked. My face gets red when I cry, it always had. I know I look a mess. I was glad that she didn’t speak to me. I just wanted to be left alone to try to process everything. It wasn't just her. I didn’t want anyone around me right now to tell the truth. I just didn’t care to speak to anyone. Mr. Pearson was there to open my car door and carry my backpack into the house. I don’t have the strength to do it myself.

“Addison, do you want someone to stay with you, or would you like some time alone? You know you are always welcome to come to our house if you would be more comfortable,” Mrs. Pearson asked carefully.

“No. Thank you. I would rather just take a nap. I'm exhausted,” I replied as I grabbed a throw off the back of my mother’s chair and kicked my shoes off. The throw smelled like Mom, and that comforted me as I heard them set the alarm and leave the house, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I guess I'd better get used to it. I'm going to be alone from now on.